Gared: Oh man where are these damn Wildlings at? We've been tracking them forever. It's so cold!
Waymar Royce: Stop being a pussy. I'm from the Vale and I'm doing just fine. Yep, just fine in my fancy rich people clothes that will in no way protect me from the harsh cold. Because I'm rich and arrogant.
Will: Hey guys. I found the Wildlings. They're all dead now. So we can go back to the Wall and get warm.
Gared: Great, these woods are creepy AF. They're called the "Haunted Woods," after all.
Waymar: Nah, the Night's Watch will never believe that. I'm in command here. I need some more details than just that.
Will: Uh, well they were all on the ground. Covered in snow. Their camp fire was out.
Waymar: You see blood?
Will: Nah. But they had to be dead. You know, because it's so cold.
Waymar: It's not THAT cold yet. Those ginger caveman Wildling bastards are used to that kind of cold.
Gared: Yeah, I'll show you what REAL cold looks like. Check this out!
Will: Oh gross man! You just removed your hood to show you no longer have ears and also you have a missing finger and stuff. Probably all from frostbite. Why would you do that? It seems hardly necessary for you to do any of that. We all know that already and live with you on the Wall. It's almost like you're setting up some kind of Chekhov's gun shit that will play out later.
Waymar: Okay guys, it's getting dark. Let's go check this Wildling campfire out just to make sure.
Gared: I have a bad feeling about this. And I'm cold. Let me start a fire.
Waymar: Don't do that dickface, it will attract the Wildlings!
Will: No it won't. They're dead. Just look over h-- OH SHIT. Where did they go?!
Waymar: Will, you moron.
Will: Seriously. The bodies were right here!
Waymar: Yeah, with no blood. What do you call a bunch of people laying on the ground who aren't dead? Oh yeah. SLEEPING.
Gared: You know, someone needs to watch these horses. I think you two should investigate this missing Wildlings thing further while I, ya know, do that. *runs away*
Waymar: Yes, come on Will - let's find these Wildling scum before they get away! Go climb up that tree over there and look for some smoke from a fire or something.
Will: Yeah, sure. Up a tree. Whatever.
Waymar: Let me know if you see any- OH HOLY FUCKING SHIT. HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT!
Will: OH SHIT! There is a crazy dead, white, gaunt, shimmering man with some sparkly ice sword attacking Waymar. I am going to just close my eyes and hide forever up here.
Waymar: AGHHHHH!!!!
Hours Later...
Will: Oh man, that was scary as hell. But those living dead a-holes seem to be finally gone. Let me just climb down this tree and... ah... here we go. Oh geez, look at Waymar's dead body. Gross. And his sword. Look at that! Nobody will believe me if I just tell them this happened. I need to bring his twisted, mangled sword back to the Lord Commander as proof.
Dead Waymar: Hey bitch, I'm back!
Will: AGHHHH! OH GOD! You're choking me! Your hands are cold as shit, bro!
Dead Waymar: Well yeah. I am dead.
Waymar Royce: Stop being a pussy. I'm from the Vale and I'm doing just fine. Yep, just fine in my fancy rich people clothes that will in no way protect me from the harsh cold. Because I'm rich and arrogant.
Will: Hey guys. I found the Wildlings. They're all dead now. So we can go back to the Wall and get warm.
Gared: Great, these woods are creepy AF. They're called the "Haunted Woods," after all.
Waymar: Nah, the Night's Watch will never believe that. I'm in command here. I need some more details than just that.
Will: Uh, well they were all on the ground. Covered in snow. Their camp fire was out.
Waymar: You see blood?
Will: Nah. But they had to be dead. You know, because it's so cold.
Waymar: It's not THAT cold yet. Those ginger caveman Wildling bastards are used to that kind of cold.
Gared: Yeah, I'll show you what REAL cold looks like. Check this out!
Will: Oh gross man! You just removed your hood to show you no longer have ears and also you have a missing finger and stuff. Probably all from frostbite. Why would you do that? It seems hardly necessary for you to do any of that. We all know that already and live with you on the Wall. It's almost like you're setting up some kind of Chekhov's gun shit that will play out later.
Waymar: Okay guys, it's getting dark. Let's go check this Wildling campfire out just to make sure.
Gared: I have a bad feeling about this. And I'm cold. Let me start a fire.
Waymar: Don't do that dickface, it will attract the Wildlings!
Will: No it won't. They're dead. Just look over h-- OH SHIT. Where did they go?!
Waymar: Will, you moron.
Will: Seriously. The bodies were right here!
Waymar: Yeah, with no blood. What do you call a bunch of people laying on the ground who aren't dead? Oh yeah. SLEEPING.
Gared: You know, someone needs to watch these horses. I think you two should investigate this missing Wildlings thing further while I, ya know, do that. *runs away*
Waymar: Yes, come on Will - let's find these Wildling scum before they get away! Go climb up that tree over there and look for some smoke from a fire or something.
Will: Yeah, sure. Up a tree. Whatever.
Waymar: Let me know if you see any- OH HOLY FUCKING SHIT. HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT!
Will: OH SHIT! There is a crazy dead, white, gaunt, shimmering man with some sparkly ice sword attacking Waymar. I am going to just close my eyes and hide forever up here.
Waymar: AGHHHHH!!!!
Hours Later...
Will: Oh man, that was scary as hell. But those living dead a-holes seem to be finally gone. Let me just climb down this tree and... ah... here we go. Oh geez, look at Waymar's dead body. Gross. And his sword. Look at that! Nobody will believe me if I just tell them this happened. I need to bring his twisted, mangled sword back to the Lord Commander as proof.
Dead Waymar: Hey bitch, I'm back!
Will: AGHHHH! OH GOD! You're choking me! Your hands are cold as shit, bro!
Dead Waymar: Well yeah. I am dead.
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