Arya is being a total badass ninja, doing all the stuff that Syrio taught her. Her ultimate lesson: catching a cat. Oh, she can catch cats easily now. It took a while to gain this skill. Even fat cats used to me a problem for her. But now... oh, now there is only one cat who still alludes her... this one asshole cat in King's Landing that is totally uncatchable. They say it's old as sin and twice as mean. It once even jumped onto Lord Tywin's table and stole his food and scratched up his hands.
Now Arya has finally chased the cat down and trapped it in the corner of an alley. It's too bad that she had been chasing it around for so long that now she has NO CLUE where the hell she actually is.
Arya: HAHA, GOTCHA!!!
She grabs it and starts celebrating. She is now the cat queen and ruler of all the cats. Which is something her dad warned her about becoming after all those times she said boys were gross and that she'd never marry.
But her victory is short-lived, as she suddenly hears some people talking close-by.
Princess Myrcella: What is that ragged boy doing with that cat?
Prince Tommen: Yeah, definitely a boy. Like me! Durrrr.
Guard: Hey you! Peasant, get out of here!
Septa: Yes, peasants like you aren't allowed in this part of the castle. What are you doing here?
But Arya is too scared to respond. Myrcella and Tommen will certainly recognize her if she speaks up. They think she's a boy because she's hiding her face and is wearing rags.
Septa: Answer me, boy! Guards! Bring him here!
But Arya says "nope" to that (metaphorically, she's still not talking) and runs away. She knocks Tommen down in her escape. She's swift enough to catch cats now, so running away from stupid guards in armor is no problem. She parkours all over the place and eventually winds up hiding inside of this dark tunnel.
She crawls inside deeper and deeper and winds up in a cellar. She tells herself that she'll count to 10,000 and then leave again. They'll have definitely given up by then!
She only gets to 87 when her eyes adjust to the darkness and she suddenly sees a giant dragon skull emerge in front of her.
Arya: HOLY SHIT, that is scary!
She runs around more, panicking and freaking out. Then she remembers her training. She must be calm and see without her eyes. She heads down another hallway with her eyes closes, feeling the wall. Until suddenly she hears some voices and opens her eyes to see a flickering light. She listens as they come closer.
Guy 1: Oh man, that Ned Stark guy.
Guy 2: Yeah... what is the Hand going to do when he finds out the truth?
Guy 1: I don't know. He's not the type to forgive anyone coming after his son. Soon the wolf and the lion will be at war. It's going to be crazy.
Guy 2: A war would do no good! We are not ready yet!
Arya hides and gets a look at them as they come near. One of them looks sort of familiar. The other she knows she's never seen before. He has a foreign accent. And for the sake of you reading this, I'll just go ahead and tell you that they are Varys and Illyrio Mopatis because how the hell are you supposed to remember who these two are after the introduction of seven million different characters?
Varys: Well, the khal needs to hurry up and get his army over here. Because there are new players in this game. Stannis and Lysa Arryn have both fled and are probably building up their power. And Renly is plotting for Robert to remarry his own fiance, Margary Tyrell, in the hopes of replacing Cersei. He keeps going around saying how much she looks like Lyanna Stark even though she doesn't. And that's not to mention Littlefinger. Who knows what the hell that dude is up to. But who I worry about the most is Ned. He has the book and he knows about the bastard. Soon he will figure it all out.
Illyrio: Meh, If one Hand can die... so can another.
Varys: And Ned's wife has gone and kidnapped Tyrion. Lord Twyin and Jaime will not react kindly to this. Even with my skill I cannot prevent outright war for much longer. I need more birds to whisper to me. Perhaps 50 more.
Illyrio: Wow, 50? That's a lot. And they all have to have their tongues cut out and learn sign language or writing because "whispering" is a euphemism. That's pretty hardcore. Aren't people supposed to sympathize with your character? You're asking for me to find 50 educated boys and cut their tongues out.
Varys: Yes, I'm a pretty messed up person in the books, although I seem nice enough in the show.
Arya slowly follows them for a while but eventually loses them. She stumbles around in the darkness for a long time after and eventually comes out the end of a stinky sewer. She looks out and it's nighttime. The Red Keep is miles away.
She walks back to the Keep and tries to gain entry.
Arya: Lemme in, I'm Arya Stark. The daughter of the Hand.
Gold Cloak: Yeah, yeah. And I'm Lady Dianna. Get lost, kiddo.
Arya: I want to get in!
Gold Cloak: And I want a free pass to doggystyle Queen Cersei every Wednesday morning and twice on Thursdays. We don't all get our wishes.
Arya: Ask Jory Cassel or Vayon Poole. They'll tell you. What will happen if you DON'T let me in and I am Arya? Then tomorrow my dad will hear about it. Then you know what happens next? You'll probably lose your jobs or get your heads bashed in. That's what. So you might as well go ahead.
Gold Cloak: Fuuuuuuuuuuuck, I hate you girl.
Eventually, she's let in and brought up to her dad.
Ned: What the HELL, Arya? We were worried sick about you! And you look awful. You smell even worse though. You know you're not allowed to go beyond the gates!
Arya: I didn't! I mean, I sort of did but I didn't know I was. I got lost in the dungeons! After chasing the cat that would make me the cat lady queen. And then the dungeons turned to tunnels, but I couldn't go back because the monsters there. And there were these two guys down there and they were talking about killing you. They said the wolf and the lion would eat each other and that if one hand could die, so could another. I think one of them was a wizard.
Ned: Did Syrio give you some LSD or something?
Arya: I'm not making this up, dad! I swear! They were going to kill you.
Ned: Surrreeeeee. The wizards were going to kill me in the dungeons with the monsters. Riiiiiight, Arya. What you saw were mummers. You know, actors and mimes and crazy circus folk. They were probably in town for the tournament. Don't worry yourself with any of that.
Arya: They weren't mummers, I swear!
Ned: This has gone on long enough. Look at these scratches all over you. I'm going to have a stern talking to Syrio tomorrow.
And then, there is a knock at the door.
Yoren: Hey yo, it's Yoren from Castle Black! I have some news, but I need to discuss it with you in private.
Ned opens the door and lets him in.
Ned: Okay Arya, Desmond here will get you cleaned up and take you to bed.
Arya: What?! No! Desmond is the smart one! He's not even dumb enough to let me escape from him so I can lean against your door and listen to everything.
Ned: Don't worry, my POV chapter is next. The readers will get the gist of things.
Desmond: Come on now, Arya. Let's get you out of here.
Arya: No! I want to know why this guy from the Night's Watch is here! Are Jon and Uncle Benjen okay?
Yoren: Uhhhhh... let me answer that question simply by saying that Jon is okay.
But Ned slams the door in her face.
Arya: Desmond, promise me you won't let them kill my dad!
Desmond: Sure, that's easy. There are like 50 Stark guards here. No way is anyone going to hurt your dad. No way. Besides, every Stark solider was as good as ten southern soldiers.
That reassures Arya. After all... how could Desmond possibly be wrong about something like that?
Now Arya has finally chased the cat down and trapped it in the corner of an alley. It's too bad that she had been chasing it around for so long that now she has NO CLUE where the hell she actually is.
Arya: HAHA, GOTCHA!!!
She grabs it and starts celebrating. She is now the cat queen and ruler of all the cats. Which is something her dad warned her about becoming after all those times she said boys were gross and that she'd never marry.
But her victory is short-lived, as she suddenly hears some people talking close-by.
Princess Myrcella: What is that ragged boy doing with that cat?
Prince Tommen: Yeah, definitely a boy. Like me! Durrrr.
Guard: Hey you! Peasant, get out of here!
Septa: Yes, peasants like you aren't allowed in this part of the castle. What are you doing here?
But Arya is too scared to respond. Myrcella and Tommen will certainly recognize her if she speaks up. They think she's a boy because she's hiding her face and is wearing rags.
Septa: Answer me, boy! Guards! Bring him here!
But Arya says "nope" to that (metaphorically, she's still not talking) and runs away. She knocks Tommen down in her escape. She's swift enough to catch cats now, so running away from stupid guards in armor is no problem. She parkours all over the place and eventually winds up hiding inside of this dark tunnel.
She crawls inside deeper and deeper and winds up in a cellar. She tells herself that she'll count to 10,000 and then leave again. They'll have definitely given up by then!
She only gets to 87 when her eyes adjust to the darkness and she suddenly sees a giant dragon skull emerge in front of her.
Arya: HOLY SHIT, that is scary!
She runs around more, panicking and freaking out. Then she remembers her training. She must be calm and see without her eyes. She heads down another hallway with her eyes closes, feeling the wall. Until suddenly she hears some voices and opens her eyes to see a flickering light. She listens as they come closer.
Guy 1: Oh man, that Ned Stark guy.
Guy 2: Yeah... what is the Hand going to do when he finds out the truth?
Guy 1: I don't know. He's not the type to forgive anyone coming after his son. Soon the wolf and the lion will be at war. It's going to be crazy.
Guy 2: A war would do no good! We are not ready yet!
Arya hides and gets a look at them as they come near. One of them looks sort of familiar. The other she knows she's never seen before. He has a foreign accent. And for the sake of you reading this, I'll just go ahead and tell you that they are Varys and Illyrio Mopatis because how the hell are you supposed to remember who these two are after the introduction of seven million different characters?
Varys: Well, the khal needs to hurry up and get his army over here. Because there are new players in this game. Stannis and Lysa Arryn have both fled and are probably building up their power. And Renly is plotting for Robert to remarry his own fiance, Margary Tyrell, in the hopes of replacing Cersei. He keeps going around saying how much she looks like Lyanna Stark even though she doesn't. And that's not to mention Littlefinger. Who knows what the hell that dude is up to. But who I worry about the most is Ned. He has the book and he knows about the bastard. Soon he will figure it all out.
Illyrio: Meh, If one Hand can die... so can another.
Varys: And Ned's wife has gone and kidnapped Tyrion. Lord Twyin and Jaime will not react kindly to this. Even with my skill I cannot prevent outright war for much longer. I need more birds to whisper to me. Perhaps 50 more.
Illyrio: Wow, 50? That's a lot. And they all have to have their tongues cut out and learn sign language or writing because "whispering" is a euphemism. That's pretty hardcore. Aren't people supposed to sympathize with your character? You're asking for me to find 50 educated boys and cut their tongues out.
Varys: Yes, I'm a pretty messed up person in the books, although I seem nice enough in the show.
Arya slowly follows them for a while but eventually loses them. She stumbles around in the darkness for a long time after and eventually comes out the end of a stinky sewer. She looks out and it's nighttime. The Red Keep is miles away.
She walks back to the Keep and tries to gain entry.
Arya: Lemme in, I'm Arya Stark. The daughter of the Hand.
Gold Cloak: Yeah, yeah. And I'm Lady Dianna. Get lost, kiddo.
Arya: I want to get in!
Gold Cloak: And I want a free pass to doggystyle Queen Cersei every Wednesday morning and twice on Thursdays. We don't all get our wishes.
Arya: Ask Jory Cassel or Vayon Poole. They'll tell you. What will happen if you DON'T let me in and I am Arya? Then tomorrow my dad will hear about it. Then you know what happens next? You'll probably lose your jobs or get your heads bashed in. That's what. So you might as well go ahead.
Gold Cloak: Fuuuuuuuuuuuck, I hate you girl.
Eventually, she's let in and brought up to her dad.
Ned: What the HELL, Arya? We were worried sick about you! And you look awful. You smell even worse though. You know you're not allowed to go beyond the gates!
Arya: I didn't! I mean, I sort of did but I didn't know I was. I got lost in the dungeons! After chasing the cat that would make me the cat lady queen. And then the dungeons turned to tunnels, but I couldn't go back because the monsters there. And there were these two guys down there and they were talking about killing you. They said the wolf and the lion would eat each other and that if one hand could die, so could another. I think one of them was a wizard.
Ned: Did Syrio give you some LSD or something?
Arya: I'm not making this up, dad! I swear! They were going to kill you.
Ned: Surrreeeeee. The wizards were going to kill me in the dungeons with the monsters. Riiiiiight, Arya. What you saw were mummers. You know, actors and mimes and crazy circus folk. They were probably in town for the tournament. Don't worry yourself with any of that.
Arya: They weren't mummers, I swear!
Ned: This has gone on long enough. Look at these scratches all over you. I'm going to have a stern talking to Syrio tomorrow.
And then, there is a knock at the door.
Yoren: Hey yo, it's Yoren from Castle Black! I have some news, but I need to discuss it with you in private.
Ned opens the door and lets him in.
Ned: Okay Arya, Desmond here will get you cleaned up and take you to bed.
Arya: What?! No! Desmond is the smart one! He's not even dumb enough to let me escape from him so I can lean against your door and listen to everything.
Ned: Don't worry, my POV chapter is next. The readers will get the gist of things.
Desmond: Come on now, Arya. Let's get you out of here.
Arya: No! I want to know why this guy from the Night's Watch is here! Are Jon and Uncle Benjen okay?
Yoren: Uhhhhh... let me answer that question simply by saying that Jon is okay.
But Ned slams the door in her face.
Arya: Desmond, promise me you won't let them kill my dad!
Desmond: Sure, that's easy. There are like 50 Stark guards here. No way is anyone going to hurt your dad. No way. Besides, every Stark solider was as good as ten southern soldiers.
That reassures Arya. After all... how could Desmond possibly be wrong about something like that?
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