Literally the worst human being in the world, Sansa Stark, is locked up in a room with Jeyne Poole.
Jeyne: This is the worst! I hate this! Is my dad Vayon okay? I haven't heard form him in days! I hope he's still alive. The Lannisters are killing everyone. I can't imagine anything worse than this ever happening to me ever again in my life.
Sansa: Ugh, you are so stupid and annoying, Jeyne. I'm sure you're dad is okay. What you should really be sad about is me. I'm suffering the worst. After all, I have to listen to you whine and cry the entire time.
Jeyne: But for the entire first day you were locked in here with me, you were also crying. Now you're criticizing me for doing the same?
Sansa is intellectually unable to discern any logical contradiction to her words and her actions because she's the fucking worst. So she instead just sits there silently, thinking about how she hopes Joffrey is doing okay.
The door opens and the hideously ugly Ser Boros Blount of the Kingsguard walks in.
Ser Boros: Okay Sansa, the Queen wants to see you now.
Sansa: Oh good! I love the Queen. She's such a nice lady. And maybe Joffrey will be there too with her. I love Joffrey so much. There was this crazy misunderstanding with my dad that I hope will get resolved soon. But they're such nice and smart people, I'm sure it will all get figured out amicably.
Boros takes her. As they walk out of Maegor’s Holdfast, they casally walk by a bunch of Stark men who are impaled on spikes around a moat. Sansa probably grew up with all these people but she avoids looking at them or thinking that Cersei and Joffrey might be horrible people for murdering them. Why? Because she's a fucking self-absorbed cunt.
Instead of going to the Queen's apartments, they head into the chamber of the Small Council. Joffrey isn't there, so Sansa gets all sad.
Cersei: Oh, sweet little Sansa. Have they treated you well?
Sansa: Oh yes! Very well. Although nobody has told us what has happened.
Cersei: Us? Is someone with you?
Sansa: Yeah, Jeyne Poole. I hate her. She's so annoying. All she does is cry about her father. What a loser.
Cersei: Well, hen we must get rid of her so that you can not be annoyed. Littlefinger - find something to do with this other girl!
Littlefinger: It shall be done, my queen.
Varys: Wait - does anyone other than me think it's odd that Cersei's first choice of a person to turn to to relocate a young teenage girl is the guy who runs brothels?
Littlefinger: What?! No! No! It's all fine. All I'm going to do is send her to go be with her very much alive and not murdered father.
Sansa: Oh yes! That's good! Say... where exactly is Vayon?
Cersei: HEY, changing the subject!!!! You know, Sansa... Joffrey really loves you. So much. But your father is a traitor.
Sansa: WHAT?!
Varys: Alas, it's true. Your father had sworn to protect King Robert's children. And yet as soon as he became Regent the first thing he did was disobey his oath and plot to make Stannis the king.
Pycelle: Treason, yes! Terrible, terrible treason!
Cersei: And no matter how much Joffrey loves you and I love you, my little one, we simply can't allow the daughter of a traitor to marry the king.
Sansa: WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOO! That's not fair! I shouldn't be punished for something my dad did! I'm innocent.
Varys: They say that the children of traitors have traitor's blood.
Pycelle: Yes, traitor's blood indeed. This girl is destined to become a traitor too.
Sansa: NO, I'm not a traitor! I don't have traitor's blood! Remember how my father was plotting to sneak me and Arya out of town... but then I came to you, Queen Cersei, and told you all about it like a little snitch bitch?
Cersei: Yes, I know you're innocent, my little one. For now. But will you stay that way? Just look at your sister Arya, who turned his wolf on my dear sweet Joffrey. Perhaps Varys and Pycelle are right. Treason is in your blood.
Sansa: No! I don't have traitor blood like Arya! I'm nothing like Arya! She has my dad's traitor blood!
Pycelle: Wow, this bitch will just turn a dime on her family that she claims to love in a heartbeat, won't she?
Littlefinger: Queen Cersei, if I might... I think what Sansa says rings true. That girl Arya is indeed much like her father and has the same black Stark hair. Sansa seems to take after her mother much more. Her hot, hot, hot mother Catelyn who is sexy as hell. She has her mother's beautiful red Tully hair. It probably smells like strawberries. Man, I just want to bang this little Sansa girl as much as I want to bang her mom. Both at the same time, maybe. Anyway, what I'm getting at is... maybe she DOESN'T have the Stark traitor blood.
Sansa: Uhh... thank you for defending me Littlefinger. But... also... gross.
Cersei: Okay, first of all Littlefinger - are we still talking about this hair color shit? Because now that Ned and his CSI: Melanin investigations are over I thought we'd be done with that. Second... way too graphic on the Cat thing and I'm not sure why you're trying to convince me that taking after her mother is a good thing considering that Cat kidnapped my brother and started this whole Stark versus Lannister war thing. And lastly... I have an idea to test your theory, Baelish. I have a way to prove whether Sansa is loyal or a traitor.
Sansa: Oh yes! Yes! Anything! I will prove it! All I want to do is be with my beloved Joffrey.
Cersei: All you have to do is write these four letters that will go to your mother, brother Robb, Aunt Lysa, and Hoster Tully... explaining how your father is a complete and total traitor who betrayed the King and plotted against my innocent son. Then tell them that you're beating treated well, that you aren't at all a hostage, and that they must also come down to King's Landing completely undefended and kneel to King Joffrey where they too will also not become hostages.
Sansa: Sounds sensible. Could you repeat all that again?
Cersei: It's okay, we've already written the whole thing out for you. All you have to do is copy it and put it in your own handwriting.
Sansa: And after that can I see my dad?
Cersei: WHAT?! Why would you want to see a TRAITOR? Sounds like something that some girl with traitor's blood would want to do.
Sansa: NO! NO! Never mind! I was just kidding. Forget my father! I don't want to see him anyway!
She quickly gets to copying the letters that were written for her and forgets about her dad. After all, everything will probably be fine with him anyway. Joffrey is so wonderful and noble. He'll probably just pardon her dad anyway if she asks. Because he loves her so much.
Jeyne: This is the worst! I hate this! Is my dad Vayon okay? I haven't heard form him in days! I hope he's still alive. The Lannisters are killing everyone. I can't imagine anything worse than this ever happening to me ever again in my life.
Sansa: Ugh, you are so stupid and annoying, Jeyne. I'm sure you're dad is okay. What you should really be sad about is me. I'm suffering the worst. After all, I have to listen to you whine and cry the entire time.
Jeyne: But for the entire first day you were locked in here with me, you were also crying. Now you're criticizing me for doing the same?
Sansa is intellectually unable to discern any logical contradiction to her words and her actions because she's the fucking worst. So she instead just sits there silently, thinking about how she hopes Joffrey is doing okay.
The door opens and the hideously ugly Ser Boros Blount of the Kingsguard walks in.
Ser Boros: Okay Sansa, the Queen wants to see you now.
Sansa: Oh good! I love the Queen. She's such a nice lady. And maybe Joffrey will be there too with her. I love Joffrey so much. There was this crazy misunderstanding with my dad that I hope will get resolved soon. But they're such nice and smart people, I'm sure it will all get figured out amicably.
Boros takes her. As they walk out of Maegor’s Holdfast, they casally walk by a bunch of Stark men who are impaled on spikes around a moat. Sansa probably grew up with all these people but she avoids looking at them or thinking that Cersei and Joffrey might be horrible people for murdering them. Why? Because she's a fucking self-absorbed cunt.
Instead of going to the Queen's apartments, they head into the chamber of the Small Council. Joffrey isn't there, so Sansa gets all sad.
Cersei: Oh, sweet little Sansa. Have they treated you well?
Sansa: Oh yes! Very well. Although nobody has told us what has happened.
Cersei: Us? Is someone with you?
Sansa: Yeah, Jeyne Poole. I hate her. She's so annoying. All she does is cry about her father. What a loser.
Cersei: Well, hen we must get rid of her so that you can not be annoyed. Littlefinger - find something to do with this other girl!
Littlefinger: It shall be done, my queen.
Varys: Wait - does anyone other than me think it's odd that Cersei's first choice of a person to turn to to relocate a young teenage girl is the guy who runs brothels?
Littlefinger: What?! No! No! It's all fine. All I'm going to do is send her to go be with her very much alive and not murdered father.
Sansa: Oh yes! That's good! Say... where exactly is Vayon?
Cersei: HEY, changing the subject!!!! You know, Sansa... Joffrey really loves you. So much. But your father is a traitor.
Sansa: WHAT?!
Varys: Alas, it's true. Your father had sworn to protect King Robert's children. And yet as soon as he became Regent the first thing he did was disobey his oath and plot to make Stannis the king.
Pycelle: Treason, yes! Terrible, terrible treason!
Cersei: And no matter how much Joffrey loves you and I love you, my little one, we simply can't allow the daughter of a traitor to marry the king.
Sansa: WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOO! That's not fair! I shouldn't be punished for something my dad did! I'm innocent.
Varys: They say that the children of traitors have traitor's blood.
Pycelle: Yes, traitor's blood indeed. This girl is destined to become a traitor too.
Sansa: NO, I'm not a traitor! I don't have traitor's blood! Remember how my father was plotting to sneak me and Arya out of town... but then I came to you, Queen Cersei, and told you all about it like a little snitch bitch?
Cersei: Yes, I know you're innocent, my little one. For now. But will you stay that way? Just look at your sister Arya, who turned his wolf on my dear sweet Joffrey. Perhaps Varys and Pycelle are right. Treason is in your blood.
Sansa: No! I don't have traitor blood like Arya! I'm nothing like Arya! She has my dad's traitor blood!
Pycelle: Wow, this bitch will just turn a dime on her family that she claims to love in a heartbeat, won't she?
Littlefinger: Queen Cersei, if I might... I think what Sansa says rings true. That girl Arya is indeed much like her father and has the same black Stark hair. Sansa seems to take after her mother much more. Her hot, hot, hot mother Catelyn who is sexy as hell. She has her mother's beautiful red Tully hair. It probably smells like strawberries. Man, I just want to bang this little Sansa girl as much as I want to bang her mom. Both at the same time, maybe. Anyway, what I'm getting at is... maybe she DOESN'T have the Stark traitor blood.
Sansa: Uhh... thank you for defending me Littlefinger. But... also... gross.
Cersei: Okay, first of all Littlefinger - are we still talking about this hair color shit? Because now that Ned and his CSI: Melanin investigations are over I thought we'd be done with that. Second... way too graphic on the Cat thing and I'm not sure why you're trying to convince me that taking after her mother is a good thing considering that Cat kidnapped my brother and started this whole Stark versus Lannister war thing. And lastly... I have an idea to test your theory, Baelish. I have a way to prove whether Sansa is loyal or a traitor.
Sansa: Oh yes! Yes! Anything! I will prove it! All I want to do is be with my beloved Joffrey.
Cersei: All you have to do is write these four letters that will go to your mother, brother Robb, Aunt Lysa, and Hoster Tully... explaining how your father is a complete and total traitor who betrayed the King and plotted against my innocent son. Then tell them that you're beating treated well, that you aren't at all a hostage, and that they must also come down to King's Landing completely undefended and kneel to King Joffrey where they too will also not become hostages.
Sansa: Sounds sensible. Could you repeat all that again?
Cersei: It's okay, we've already written the whole thing out for you. All you have to do is copy it and put it in your own handwriting.
Sansa: And after that can I see my dad?
Cersei: WHAT?! Why would you want to see a TRAITOR? Sounds like something that some girl with traitor's blood would want to do.
Sansa: NO! NO! Never mind! I was just kidding. Forget my father! I don't want to see him anyway!
She quickly gets to copying the letters that were written for her and forgets about her dad. After all, everything will probably be fine with him anyway. Joffrey is so wonderful and noble. He'll probably just pardon her dad anyway if she asks. Because he loves her so much.
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