Ghost leads the Night's Watch Rangers to the dead bodies of two other Rangers.
Ser Jaremy Rykker: Hrm, these are the bodies of Othor and Jafer Flowers. I can recognize them easily on account of their pale skin and bright, blue, shining eyes. No... wait a minute... odd... I don't remember them having blue, shining, zombie-like eyes before. Whatever. Anyway, they went out with Benjen and never came back. Ah, those were good memories. The fact that Benjen never came back is how I got promoted to become First Ranger myself.
Jon: Dude, that's my uncle you're talking about and I'm standing right here.
Jaremy: Sorry.
Lord Commander Jeor Mormont: Yet this is only two of the men that Benjen took with him. Where are the rest?
Everyone else just shrugs because what the fuck are they...psychics or something?
Mormont: And how the hell did these men of the Night's Watch die so close to the Wall without us knowing? Look... Othor is even wearing his hunting horn to sound an alarm if he was in trouble. Don't any of your shitty Rangers patrol and listen for horns anymore?
Jaremy: Hey now, Lord Commander. Thanks for giving me shit and calling my men incompetent. I really appreciate it. But maybe you should think about the fact that we're completely understaffed and you yourself gave an order to stay close to the Wall and not go out ranging.
Dywen, another Ranger: Ho ho! Good one, Ser Jaremy! High five!
Mormont: *grumble*grumble* Okay, so how did these idiots die anyway?
Jaremy: Well, looks like Jafer took an axe to the neck. And as for Othor. Shit man, it's rough. It seems to me as though like both his hands and his feet were bound to a chair with barbed wire. He was then forced to eat can after can of shitty canned spaghetti at a table until he passed out. And after he passed out, it looks like he was kicked in the stomach until he had an internal hemorrhage. And this note was left by him that says "Long is the way, and hard, that out of Hell leads up to light."
Jon: Dude, that's the "gluttony" murder from Se7en, stop fucking around.
Jaremy: It's just a theory of how he might have died, Lord Snow. Back off.
Dywen: Othor was known to carry an axe. And Jafer took an axe to the neck. Odd.
Jaremy: Hahaha... what a dumb suggestion, Dywen. What? You're saying Othor died and then came back as a blue-eyed zombie to turn on Jafer and kill him? Dumb!
Dywen: I actually didn't say all that, but now that you mention it--
Jaremy: --You know who else has axes other than Othor? EVERY SINGLE Wildling ever. And do you know where Wildlings live? Here, north of the Wall. If you ask me, this is the work of Mance Rayder, the King Beyond the Wall. Either that or perhaps some sadistic "John Doe" serial killer who wants revenge on all the Night's Watch by executing them in a manner consistent with the sins he deems them guilty of.
Mormont: I doubt it could be Mance Rayder's men. They would never come this close to the wall.
Jon: And for the last time, Jaremy... it's NOT that Se7en stuff, cut it out. I think there is a better explanation for who could have done this. It could have been... THE OTHERS!
Mormont: Which others?
Jon: You know... THE Others!
Dywen: I'm confused.
Jaremy: Me too.
Mormont: Yes, nobody is following you, Jon.
Jon: Ugh. See? This is why the TV show just called them "White Walkers" rather than "the Others." I'm speaking of the legendary undead zombie people from the Lands of Always Winter. Eight thousand years ago they marched down and created "The Long Night," a Winter that lasted for an entire generation, spreading fear and famine throughout Westeros. They were finally defeated and to prevent them from ever coming back we built this Wall and created the Night's Watch. You know.
Mormont: Oh yeah, right. Those Others. The very reason the Night's Watch was created. Yeah, I don't believe in them.
Jaremy: Yeah, nobody actually believes in the Others.
Jon: WHAT?! How can nobody in the Night's Watch actually believe in the Others? Our whole purpose is to defend the realm against them.
Mormont: I figured we were just some type of organization that gave everyone a false sense of security so they felt better... while not actually protecting anyone from anything. Meanwhile, our ranks are made up of the worst and shittiest members of society. You know, we're essentially Westeros's TSA.
HAHAHA, ZIIIIING! FUCK YOU, TSA!!!!
Mormont: Anyway, if Benjen had been attacked this close to the wall, he would have come back to the castle to get more men.
Jaremy: Benjen has been gone for six months, sir. These bodies don't look like they've been dead for six months, do they? They only look like they've been dead a day or so! And don't tell me that it's been too cold for the bodies to rot. Just feel how surprisingly warm it is up here right now. They should have rotten by now. Most likely Benjen and his Rangers got into a fight far, far away from here. These two were the only survivors and were making their way back to the Wall.
Samwell Tarley, who was around the whole entire time but didn't want to talk until now, speaks up. He stutters when he speaks because he's a nervous, scared little punk.
Sam: Actually, uhhh, l-look at the blood in their v-veins. It's all old and c-crusty like they've been d-dead for a l-long time.
Mormont: Hrm, good detective work. Glad to see that you're just fat and not also stupid. And yet they don't have maggots all over them like you'd expect for bodies that have been dead for a while. In fact, no animal will come near them. I mean just looks what happens when we try to make the hounds sniff them! Chett, send the hounds in!
Chett: Awww, gollllley geeeee! Come on now, ol' Velvet Ears! Go get'em!
Chett sends the hounds in, but they run away and refuse to get near the bodies.
Hound: *bark* [Translation: No way, man. Those bodies are cursed!]
Ghost: *bark* [Translation: What a bunch of wusses you Hounds are. Not only did I go near the body, but I tore a hand off and brought it back to my master so that we could play fetch with it and I could chew on it like delicious, delicious human jerky.]
Sam: Also, you'll s-see that there is no b-blood here. So they c-couldn't have d-died here. They must have been m-moved by someone.
Jon: Yes, moved by someone or MOVED ON THEIR OWN BECAUSE THEY ARE OTHERS.
Dywen: Okay man, this is freaky. This makes no sense. And these guys totally did not have blue eyes before. Let's just burn these bodies and go home now.
Mormont: No. We need to investigate further. Bring the bodies back to Castle Black and let's get a good look at them there.
They try to tie up the bodies on slings that the horses can carry back to the wall, but the horses will have none of that shit.
Horse: *NEIGH* [Translation: Nay].
Mormont: Well, okay, I guess you Rangers will just have to drag these slings back. Ser Jaremy, have your men search these woods up and down. Left and right. Perpendicular. If any more of Benjen's Ranger party is to be found... you must find them!
They begin to head back to the wall, with the bodies being dragged behind them.
Jon: Man, all things considered, it's surprisingly warm today. You know, just like Ser Jaremy alluded to earlier. Look at the wall, it's weeping water out of it because it's so warm.
Mormont: Ah yes, that's called the "Spirit Summer," young Snow. Unseasonably warm temperatures at the end of summer. It's a famous indication that... WINTER IS COMING.
Jon: Oh shit, you REALLY ARE trying to take the place of my dad and be my new father figure, huh? Speaking of which, I wonder how my dad is doing right now. Probably must be pretty good, right? I mean he is the Hand of the King and all.
They arrive back to Castle Black where Bowen Marsh, the Lord Steward, comes up.
Bowen: Ah, Mormont. Finally back I see? A raven has arrived. Better come read this message.
Mormont: Yeah, if you say so. Come on, lads. Lock up these bodies in the storage room while I go read our mail. Probably just bills and shit.
Yet Jon notices that all the men of the Night's Watch are looking at him all crazy. Some turn away, shuffle their shoes in the dust, and whistle when Jon makes eye contact with them.
Jon: What the hell? Do I have a booger or something? Someone tell me what's happening!
But nobody does. Apparently everybody has read the letter that arrived. Bowen just shared it with everyone like a punk.
Jon: What? WHAT?! Hey! Pyp! Tell me!
Pyp: Uhh... the letter said that King Robert was dead. And it mentioned some other things too. Maybe you should just go with the Lord Commander and figure the rest out yourself.
Jon: OH BOY! King Robert is dead? That means my dad probably won't be the Hand of the King anymore. I bet he'll get sent back to Winterfell. He'll be so close to me now! I bet he'll come up and visit all the time. And then we can finally have that conversation about who my mom is.
Pyp: Yeah, uhh, so not to change the subject or anything... but what's up with those freaky dead bodies you brought back?
Jon: Ah yes, they were queer.
Pyp: What?! Jon, that's very bigoted. Look now, it gets lonely up here on the wall. Othor and Jafer might have messed around and had some fun... but we shouldn't judge them for it.
Jon: No, no... I mean "queer" as in unusual. Strange. Odd. There was something odd about the bodies.
Jon then leaves and goes to the Lord Commander's tower. Everyone is still looking at him funny.
Jon: WHAT?! Okay... spill the beans!
Mormont: Sit boy, and have a drink.
Jon: Top shelf? I could go for a Johnny Walker Blue.
Mormont: Fuck no. You'll have a Dewar's and you'll like it.
Jon pours himself a drink.
Mormont: Look, your dad has been arrested and proclaimed a traitor. They say he plotted with Robert's brothers to take the throne away from Joffrey. But look man, I got friends in King's Landing. And you know that I sent Yoren down there to get some new men to take the Black. I think I can work a deal so that your dad can come here to the Wall rather than be executed.
Jon: What?! NOOOOOOOOO!!!! No way my father is a traitor! He's an honorable man and would never do anything dishonorable.
Mormont: You mean like father a bastard?
Raven: CORN!
Jon: That's cold, man. Cold. I can't believe my father will have to give up his lands and claim to Winterfell. such bullshit! Still, I guess that's better than death. You think Joffrey will agree to pardon my dad?
Mormont: He'll do what his ho mom says. It's a shame that his Uncle Tyrion isn't down there. Now that's a sensible guy who would know what to do and how to reign in that boy king. Shame your mom kidnapped him.
Jon: Uh, that bitch Cat Stark is not my mom. So does the letter say anything about my sisters? Are they doing okay?
Mormont: No. But when I reply back, I'll ask about them. Now I don't want you to do anything stupid now that you've gotten this news. Those sisters aren't your real sisters anymore. You only have brothers. Your family is here at the Wall. You took the oath. And you know what happens to oath breakers?
Jon: Depending on their connections, family and social status their oath breaking is generally overlooked and they continue to succeed in life and even get promotions? Like Jamie Lannister when he broke is oath and killed the king.
Mormont: Fuck, I was going to say "they get executed," but your answer is actually more accurate. You're a bastard though and your father committed treason, so don't count on that for yourself then. Okay boy, you're dismissed. Like I said. Don't do anything stupid.
Jon: Of course not!
Mormont: And by that I mean like hold a knife to someone's throat if they make fun of your dad. Or to try to ride south to help out your brother Robb or anything.
Jon: I would never do either of those things.
Mormont: Okay, good then. WAIT... why was your left hand hidden behind your back? Were you crossing your fingers?
Jon: Uhh.... no?
Raven: YES HE WAS. CORN.
Jon goes to dinner that night and he realizes that everyone knows. Many at the tables offer him condolences. But not this one guy, you can probably guess who...
Alliser Thorne: Hahaha! Oh man! Look at weepy little Lord Snow, the bastard boy with the traitor father!
Jon jumps over a table and pulls out a knife, he holds it to Alliser's throat and is about to slit his neck when the other crows of the Night's Watch pull him off. Jon is then sent right back to the Principal's office.
Mormont: WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT NOT DOING ANYTHING STUPID?!
Jon: *shrug*
Mormont: Go to your room! You're grounded. No visitors and no cell phone!
Jon: Aww, damnit!
Jon goes to his room and not allowed to leave. To make sure of that, there is a guard placed at the door.
Guard: This is my last night on the job! Oh man, I've been looking forward to retirement for so long. I finally get to spend time with my family and my grandchildren.
Hrm. Odd. Anyway, fortunately Ghost is still allowed to be locked in with Jon though. Jon goes to sleep that night, and is awoken in the middle of the night by Ghost scratching at the door.
Jon: What is it, Ghost? What is it? Is something wrong?
Ghost: *woof* [Translation: No, I just need to pee!]
Jon: I wish I could understand Direwolf. Something must be wrong! Let's go investigate!
Jon walks out. The guard is dead.
Jon: NOOOOOOO!!!! WHYYYY???!!! It was his last day on the job!
Jon then hears a commotion coming from the Lord Commander's rooms nearby. He takes the dead guard's sword and runs over. Inside, he hears a raven squawking.
Raven: Corn! [Translation: Corn!]
In front of Jon stands a shadowy figure, a man in black but with blue, glowing eyes. He's walking for Lord Mormont's chamber.
Jon: Hey, get the hell away from there!
Jon and Ghost attack the man, with Ghost biting at him and Jon slicing him with the sword. Jon gets a good look.
Jon: Oh shit! Othor? You're supposed to be dead!
Othor: BRAINSSSSS!!!!
Jon: AGH!!! ZOMBIE! ZOMBIE! WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO BE RIGHT!?
He swings a sword at dead Othor and slices a hand off. But the hand keeps coming at him.
Mormont comes out from his bed, butt naked and holding an oil lamp to see better.
Mormont: Just what the hell is going on h--OH SHIT, ZOMBIE OTHOR!!!
Jon: BURN IT! BURN IT WITH FIRE!
Jon throws a curtain on Othor, and then grabs the oil lamp from Mormont. He throws the lamp on the curtains and it is set aflame.
Ser Jaremy Rykker: Hrm, these are the bodies of Othor and Jafer Flowers. I can recognize them easily on account of their pale skin and bright, blue, shining eyes. No... wait a minute... odd... I don't remember them having blue, shining, zombie-like eyes before. Whatever. Anyway, they went out with Benjen and never came back. Ah, those were good memories. The fact that Benjen never came back is how I got promoted to become First Ranger myself.
Jon: Dude, that's my uncle you're talking about and I'm standing right here.
Jaremy: Sorry.
Lord Commander Jeor Mormont: Yet this is only two of the men that Benjen took with him. Where are the rest?
Everyone else just shrugs because what the fuck are they...psychics or something?
Mormont: And how the hell did these men of the Night's Watch die so close to the Wall without us knowing? Look... Othor is even wearing his hunting horn to sound an alarm if he was in trouble. Don't any of your shitty Rangers patrol and listen for horns anymore?
Jaremy: Hey now, Lord Commander. Thanks for giving me shit and calling my men incompetent. I really appreciate it. But maybe you should think about the fact that we're completely understaffed and you yourself gave an order to stay close to the Wall and not go out ranging.
Dywen, another Ranger: Ho ho! Good one, Ser Jaremy! High five!
Mormont: *grumble*grumble* Okay, so how did these idiots die anyway?
Jaremy: Well, looks like Jafer took an axe to the neck. And as for Othor. Shit man, it's rough. It seems to me as though like both his hands and his feet were bound to a chair with barbed wire. He was then forced to eat can after can of shitty canned spaghetti at a table until he passed out. And after he passed out, it looks like he was kicked in the stomach until he had an internal hemorrhage. And this note was left by him that says "Long is the way, and hard, that out of Hell leads up to light."
Jon: Dude, that's the "gluttony" murder from Se7en, stop fucking around.
Jaremy: It's just a theory of how he might have died, Lord Snow. Back off.
Dywen: Othor was known to carry an axe. And Jafer took an axe to the neck. Odd.
Jaremy: Hahaha... what a dumb suggestion, Dywen. What? You're saying Othor died and then came back as a blue-eyed zombie to turn on Jafer and kill him? Dumb!
Dywen: I actually didn't say all that, but now that you mention it--
Jaremy: --You know who else has axes other than Othor? EVERY SINGLE Wildling ever. And do you know where Wildlings live? Here, north of the Wall. If you ask me, this is the work of Mance Rayder, the King Beyond the Wall. Either that or perhaps some sadistic "John Doe" serial killer who wants revenge on all the Night's Watch by executing them in a manner consistent with the sins he deems them guilty of.
Mormont: I doubt it could be Mance Rayder's men. They would never come this close to the wall.
Jon: And for the last time, Jaremy... it's NOT that Se7en stuff, cut it out. I think there is a better explanation for who could have done this. It could have been... THE OTHERS!
Mormont: Which others?
Jon: You know... THE Others!
Dywen: I'm confused.
Jaremy: Me too.
Mormont: Yes, nobody is following you, Jon.
Jon: Ugh. See? This is why the TV show just called them "White Walkers" rather than "the Others." I'm speaking of the legendary undead zombie people from the Lands of Always Winter. Eight thousand years ago they marched down and created "The Long Night," a Winter that lasted for an entire generation, spreading fear and famine throughout Westeros. They were finally defeated and to prevent them from ever coming back we built this Wall and created the Night's Watch. You know.
Mormont: Oh yeah, right. Those Others. The very reason the Night's Watch was created. Yeah, I don't believe in them.
Jaremy: Yeah, nobody actually believes in the Others.
Jon: WHAT?! How can nobody in the Night's Watch actually believe in the Others? Our whole purpose is to defend the realm against them.
Mormont: I figured we were just some type of organization that gave everyone a false sense of security so they felt better... while not actually protecting anyone from anything. Meanwhile, our ranks are made up of the worst and shittiest members of society. You know, we're essentially Westeros's TSA.
HAHAHA, ZIIIIING! FUCK YOU, TSA!!!!
Mormont: Anyway, if Benjen had been attacked this close to the wall, he would have come back to the castle to get more men.
Jaremy: Benjen has been gone for six months, sir. These bodies don't look like they've been dead for six months, do they? They only look like they've been dead a day or so! And don't tell me that it's been too cold for the bodies to rot. Just feel how surprisingly warm it is up here right now. They should have rotten by now. Most likely Benjen and his Rangers got into a fight far, far away from here. These two were the only survivors and were making their way back to the Wall.
Samwell Tarley, who was around the whole entire time but didn't want to talk until now, speaks up. He stutters when he speaks because he's a nervous, scared little punk.
Sam: Actually, uhhh, l-look at the blood in their v-veins. It's all old and c-crusty like they've been d-dead for a l-long time.
Mormont: Hrm, good detective work. Glad to see that you're just fat and not also stupid. And yet they don't have maggots all over them like you'd expect for bodies that have been dead for a while. In fact, no animal will come near them. I mean just looks what happens when we try to make the hounds sniff them! Chett, send the hounds in!
Chett: Awww, gollllley geeeee! Come on now, ol' Velvet Ears! Go get'em!
Chett sends the hounds in, but they run away and refuse to get near the bodies.
Hound: *bark* [Translation: No way, man. Those bodies are cursed!]
Ghost: *bark* [Translation: What a bunch of wusses you Hounds are. Not only did I go near the body, but I tore a hand off and brought it back to my master so that we could play fetch with it and I could chew on it like delicious, delicious human jerky.]
Sam: Also, you'll s-see that there is no b-blood here. So they c-couldn't have d-died here. They must have been m-moved by someone.
Jon: Yes, moved by someone or MOVED ON THEIR OWN BECAUSE THEY ARE OTHERS.
Dywen: Okay man, this is freaky. This makes no sense. And these guys totally did not have blue eyes before. Let's just burn these bodies and go home now.
Mormont: No. We need to investigate further. Bring the bodies back to Castle Black and let's get a good look at them there.
They try to tie up the bodies on slings that the horses can carry back to the wall, but the horses will have none of that shit.
Horse: *NEIGH* [Translation: Nay].
Mormont: Well, okay, I guess you Rangers will just have to drag these slings back. Ser Jaremy, have your men search these woods up and down. Left and right. Perpendicular. If any more of Benjen's Ranger party is to be found... you must find them!
They begin to head back to the wall, with the bodies being dragged behind them.
Jon: Man, all things considered, it's surprisingly warm today. You know, just like Ser Jaremy alluded to earlier. Look at the wall, it's weeping water out of it because it's so warm.
Mormont: Ah yes, that's called the "Spirit Summer," young Snow. Unseasonably warm temperatures at the end of summer. It's a famous indication that... WINTER IS COMING.
Jon: Oh shit, you REALLY ARE trying to take the place of my dad and be my new father figure, huh? Speaking of which, I wonder how my dad is doing right now. Probably must be pretty good, right? I mean he is the Hand of the King and all.
They arrive back to Castle Black where Bowen Marsh, the Lord Steward, comes up.
Bowen: Ah, Mormont. Finally back I see? A raven has arrived. Better come read this message.
Mormont: Yeah, if you say so. Come on, lads. Lock up these bodies in the storage room while I go read our mail. Probably just bills and shit.
Yet Jon notices that all the men of the Night's Watch are looking at him all crazy. Some turn away, shuffle their shoes in the dust, and whistle when Jon makes eye contact with them.
Jon: What the hell? Do I have a booger or something? Someone tell me what's happening!
But nobody does. Apparently everybody has read the letter that arrived. Bowen just shared it with everyone like a punk.
Jon: What? WHAT?! Hey! Pyp! Tell me!
Pyp: Uhh... the letter said that King Robert was dead. And it mentioned some other things too. Maybe you should just go with the Lord Commander and figure the rest out yourself.
Jon: OH BOY! King Robert is dead? That means my dad probably won't be the Hand of the King anymore. I bet he'll get sent back to Winterfell. He'll be so close to me now! I bet he'll come up and visit all the time. And then we can finally have that conversation about who my mom is.
Pyp: Yeah, uhh, so not to change the subject or anything... but what's up with those freaky dead bodies you brought back?
Jon: Ah yes, they were queer.
Pyp: What?! Jon, that's very bigoted. Look now, it gets lonely up here on the wall. Othor and Jafer might have messed around and had some fun... but we shouldn't judge them for it.
Jon: No, no... I mean "queer" as in unusual. Strange. Odd. There was something odd about the bodies.
Jon then leaves and goes to the Lord Commander's tower. Everyone is still looking at him funny.
Jon: WHAT?! Okay... spill the beans!
Mormont: Sit boy, and have a drink.
Jon: Top shelf? I could go for a Johnny Walker Blue.
Mormont: Fuck no. You'll have a Dewar's and you'll like it.
Jon pours himself a drink.
Mormont: Look, your dad has been arrested and proclaimed a traitor. They say he plotted with Robert's brothers to take the throne away from Joffrey. But look man, I got friends in King's Landing. And you know that I sent Yoren down there to get some new men to take the Black. I think I can work a deal so that your dad can come here to the Wall rather than be executed.
Jon: What?! NOOOOOOOOO!!!! No way my father is a traitor! He's an honorable man and would never do anything dishonorable.
Mormont: You mean like father a bastard?
Raven: CORN!
Jon: That's cold, man. Cold. I can't believe my father will have to give up his lands and claim to Winterfell. such bullshit! Still, I guess that's better than death. You think Joffrey will agree to pardon my dad?
Mormont: He'll do what his ho mom says. It's a shame that his Uncle Tyrion isn't down there. Now that's a sensible guy who would know what to do and how to reign in that boy king. Shame your mom kidnapped him.
Jon: Uh, that bitch Cat Stark is not my mom. So does the letter say anything about my sisters? Are they doing okay?
Mormont: No. But when I reply back, I'll ask about them. Now I don't want you to do anything stupid now that you've gotten this news. Those sisters aren't your real sisters anymore. You only have brothers. Your family is here at the Wall. You took the oath. And you know what happens to oath breakers?
Jon: Depending on their connections, family and social status their oath breaking is generally overlooked and they continue to succeed in life and even get promotions? Like Jamie Lannister when he broke is oath and killed the king.
Mormont: Fuck, I was going to say "they get executed," but your answer is actually more accurate. You're a bastard though and your father committed treason, so don't count on that for yourself then. Okay boy, you're dismissed. Like I said. Don't do anything stupid.
Jon: Of course not!
Mormont: And by that I mean like hold a knife to someone's throat if they make fun of your dad. Or to try to ride south to help out your brother Robb or anything.
Jon: I would never do either of those things.
Mormont: Okay, good then. WAIT... why was your left hand hidden behind your back? Were you crossing your fingers?
Jon: Uhh.... no?
Raven: YES HE WAS. CORN.
Jon goes to dinner that night and he realizes that everyone knows. Many at the tables offer him condolences. But not this one guy, you can probably guess who...
Alliser Thorne: Hahaha! Oh man! Look at weepy little Lord Snow, the bastard boy with the traitor father!
Jon jumps over a table and pulls out a knife, he holds it to Alliser's throat and is about to slit his neck when the other crows of the Night's Watch pull him off. Jon is then sent right back to the Principal's office.
Mormont: WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT NOT DOING ANYTHING STUPID?!
Jon: *shrug*
Mormont: Go to your room! You're grounded. No visitors and no cell phone!
Jon: Aww, damnit!
Jon goes to his room and not allowed to leave. To make sure of that, there is a guard placed at the door.
Guard: This is my last night on the job! Oh man, I've been looking forward to retirement for so long. I finally get to spend time with my family and my grandchildren.
Hrm. Odd. Anyway, fortunately Ghost is still allowed to be locked in with Jon though. Jon goes to sleep that night, and is awoken in the middle of the night by Ghost scratching at the door.
Jon: What is it, Ghost? What is it? Is something wrong?
Ghost: *woof* [Translation: No, I just need to pee!]
Jon: I wish I could understand Direwolf. Something must be wrong! Let's go investigate!
Jon walks out. The guard is dead.
Jon: NOOOOOOO!!!! WHYYYY???!!! It was his last day on the job!
Jon then hears a commotion coming from the Lord Commander's rooms nearby. He takes the dead guard's sword and runs over. Inside, he hears a raven squawking.
Raven: Corn! [Translation: Corn!]
In front of Jon stands a shadowy figure, a man in black but with blue, glowing eyes. He's walking for Lord Mormont's chamber.
Jon: Hey, get the hell away from there!
Jon and Ghost attack the man, with Ghost biting at him and Jon slicing him with the sword. Jon gets a good look.
Jon: Oh shit! Othor? You're supposed to be dead!
Othor: BRAINSSSSS!!!!
Jon: AGH!!! ZOMBIE! ZOMBIE! WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO BE RIGHT!?
He swings a sword at dead Othor and slices a hand off. But the hand keeps coming at him.
Mormont comes out from his bed, butt naked and holding an oil lamp to see better.
Mormont: Just what the hell is going on h--OH SHIT, ZOMBIE OTHOR!!!
Jon: BURN IT! BURN IT WITH FIRE!
Jon throws a curtain on Othor, and then grabs the oil lamp from Mormont. He throws the lamp on the curtains and it is set aflame.
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