The high priestess of the Ghiscari Temple of the Graces, Galazza “The Green Grace” Galare, comes to meet with Dany.
Dany: Oh hi. What do you want to talk with me about, old priestess lady?
Green Grace: Oh, you know, I’m just here to council you on how to run the city, because you’re pretty terrible at it and everything you’ve touched is falling apart.
Dany: Ouch. A little harsh.
Green Grace: Let’s talk external affairs first. Qarth, New Ghis and Tolos are now blockading the river and the bay. Astapor is in the middle of a horrendous civil war. The envoys you sent out to make peace with other cities have been murdered by the rulers of those cities.
Dany: Yeah, so I’m guessing that’s a “no” as an answer, huh?
Green Grace: That’s not the worst of it. Internally here in Meereen things are no better. Obviously the Sons of the Harpy have been killing your soldiers. In retaliation, you have taken children of many of the families to be hostages. I know this all too well, because some of my own family members are your hostages.
Dany: Bringing that up is sort of awkward, and I was hoping you wouldn’t.
Green Grace: Yet the killings have continued, despite the hostages. Hypothetically, you should retaliate by killing your hostages in respond to their killing of your men. Look, I’m glad you haven’t. Like I said, my own family are hostages and I don’t want them to be killed.
Dany: I am no butcher queen! Murdering children is not what I do.
Green Grace: Yeah, I get that and I support that. It’s totally cool with me. But it’s doing nothing to stop the killings. You can be noble like that, but that won’t win the old houses of Meereen over to your side. You’re not of Ghiscari blood like they are. They’ll always think of you as an outsider. An invader. A conqueror.
Dany: Well, I’ll always be that because I am from the outside. How could I ever win them over? I can’t change who I am and where I come from.
Green Grace: But you can do this… marry a local! Marry a man of pure Ghiscari blood. A nobleman from one of the families. Someone like Hizdar zo Loraq. Then the people who rebel against you will see you as one of them, because Hizdar is one of them.
Dany: Hrm. Hizdar? You mean the guy who I have already thought about as being somewhat attractive? It’s pretty convenient that you mention him specifically. However, I must point out to you that Hizdar is the SUPER ANNOYING GUY WHO KEEPS COMING BEFORE ME, ASKING TO REOPEN THE FIGHTING PITS. I’m getting super tired of hearing it.
Green Grace: Get over it, honey. The people would love you if you reopen the fighting pits.
Dany: Hrm. I’ll think about it. Shavepate Skahaz mo Kandaq won’t like that idea.
Green Grace: Well, the Shavepate also wants to use every minor incident to execute a hostage. He’s out of toothpaste? Harpies must have used it all up… so execute a hostage! He stubbed his toe on a brick? Must be the fault of the Sons of the Harpies… execute a hostage?
Dany: This is true.
Later, Dany meets with Hizdar.
Dany: Hey boy.
Hizdar: Uhh… so why did you ask to summon me here? Is it to chastise me about the fighting pits again? Because we usually only do that on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. But this is a Tuesday.
Dany: No, I was going to ask you if you wanted to get married or some shit like that.
Hizdar: How romantic.
Dany: I mean I’ll be thinking about Daario when I’m with you, but… you know… political alliance and whatnot.
Hizdar: Well, this is not entirely surprising. I have spoken with the Green Grace about this matter. It could end the violence and bring peace to Meereen.
Dany: Yes, I am aware of that. I mean I find you moderately good looking enough and everything, but this is all business.
Hizdar: We would also be able to end our wars if you make peace with Yunkai.
Dany: Make peace with Yunkai? But the only peace terms they’d accept are ones where they get to reopen their slave trade.
Hizdar: True.
Dany: No. Fucking. Way. But on the domestic side… okay, Hizdar… this is my proposal. 90 days. If you can find a way to have peace in this city for 90 days with no killings… then I will marry you.
Hizdar: That seems sort of backwards. The very problem is that the people of Meereen don’t trust you and you need an alliance with a Ghiscari-blooded person for them to trust you, then there will be peace. Yet you say you want peace and then you marry a Ghiscari-blooded person. I mean… it’s sort of… you know… odd. If you have peace, when why bother marrying—
Dany: —Shut up and kiss me now!
Hizdar: Uhh, okay.
He kisses her.
Dany: I felt nothing.
Hizdar: Yeah, well I’m sort of into black girls myself, but I wouldn’t kick you out of bed for eating crackers. If it is your wish to marry me in 90 days, I will do the best I can to ensure that there is no bloodshed.
Dany: I mean it's not really my WISH to marry you. I sort of have to. My wish is for a magical sword that I could use to defeat all my enemies. You don't happen to have one of those, do you?
Hizdar: Uhh... no.
Dany: Okay, then we'll do the marriage thing. But if you find a magic sword, I'd like one of those too.
Hizdar then bows and exits. Dany looks over to Barristan, who is passive-aggressively shaking his head.
Dany: What? WHAT? I see you being all judgmental. You don’t approve?
Barristan: A marriage alliance with Hizdar helps you rule Meereen, it’s true. But Meereen is not your goal. Westeros is your goal. A marriage to Hizdar will do absolutely NOTHING to secure your place on the Iron Throne. In fact, it actively works against your chances of getting it. If you go over to Westeros unmarried, then a marriage pact with one of the great houses of Westeros will suit you well. The promise of marriage and children with some Westerosi Lord will—
Dany: —Hahaha, children! That’s funny. My womb has got fucking spiderwebs in it ever since that goddamn Lhazareen Witch.
Barristan: You also do not love this. Man. Your father did not love your mother, and you can see how that relationship turned out.
Dany: Why did they even get married?
Barristan: Because a woods witch said that the prince was promised would be born from their line.
Dany: You mean The Prince THAT Was Promised?
Barristan: Actually, on page 329 of the mass paperback edition I simply say "prince was promised."
Dany: Geez, you'd think that with how popular these books are, the editors would have caught something like that.
Barristan: Anyway, you just need to think about it. Securing victories here is not your ultimate goal. Who cares if Daario just returned from meeting with the Lamb Men after making a trade deal? In the big picture, minor stuff like that doesn’t mat—
Dany: —WHAT?! DAARIO IS BACK?! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THIS BEFORE?!
Barristan: I… uh… erm…
Dany: *touching herself* SEND HIM TO ME AT ONCE!
Barristan: *grumble*
Hence, Daario Naharis is brought forward to the throne.
Daario: Hey babe. *smiles and his golden tooth shimmers*
Dany: Hi. Pretend to not notice me swooning. Why did you not immediately come to me upon your return?
Daario: Because I was not summoned, my Queen.
Dany: You look malnourished. When was the last time you ate?
Daario: I have not had a bite in two days, but now all I need is to feast on your beauty.
Dany: *blushes* Aww, that's sweet. Yet my beauty provides no nutritional value.
Daario: Some fruit would be fine. Perhaps a peach. And just to make it clear, by "peach" I am referring to the slang term for vagina.
Dany: Maybe later.
Daario: Anyway, I have good news. The Lamb Men have agreed to trade with us.
Dany: Yeah, that’s awesome and all. Too bad all of our trade routes have been cut off now, so that the deal no longer has any meaning. Now come over here so I can sit on your face.
Daario: If you ask me, you can easily re-open those trade routes… just use your dragons!
Dany: Grr. I wish you wouldn’t have mentioned them. Drogon is still missing, and Viserion and Rhaegal grow increasingly brutal every day.
Daario: Why have dragons if you don’t use them?
Dany’s mood flips.
Dany: Listen… asshole… I have news for you. I plan to marry Hizdar in 90 days.
Daario: Uhh… why?
Dany: To make peace. Marrying into the Ghiscari blood might end the murders being carried out by the Sons of the Harpy.
Daario: That’s a stupid way to deal with that issue. There is a much easier way. Simply KILL THEM ALL.
Dany: Oh really? And how do you propose we do that when we don’t even know who they are? They wear those Harpy masks and everything.
Daario: Oh, you know who they are. They are the heads of the great old houses. Maybe even Hizdar himself.
Dany: What evidence do you have of this?
Daario: Evidence, shmevidence. They are the only ones with motives to kill you and your Unsullied. They were in power before and now they are not. Murder them all in their sleep and be done with them.
Dany: You would have be become a butcher queen?
Daario: In this world… you are either the butcher or you are the meat. Which do you plan to be, my lovely Queen?
Dany: I shall be neither. I am different.
Daario: Yes, you are different. You are a warrior. You are a ruler. Most queens simply exist to be the property of a king. They lay in beds and pop out babies. I did not think that was your destiny. However, if you choose to marry Hizdar… that is what you will become.
Dany: GGGRRRR! HOW DARE YOU! GET OUT OF MY SITE! I order you and the Stormcrows out of the city! Go… uhh… guard the Khyzai Pass or something like that. Far away. I HATE YOU!
Later that night in bed, she cries regretting sending Daario away. Has she made a mistake?
Dany: What Daario proposed is monstrous. But then again, I am the mother of dragons… a mother of monsters! Yet I keep my babies locked away beneath the pyramid. Maybe I should use the dragons. Maybe I should be a monster.
Dany: Oh hi. What do you want to talk with me about, old priestess lady?
Green Grace: Oh, you know, I’m just here to council you on how to run the city, because you’re pretty terrible at it and everything you’ve touched is falling apart.
Dany: Ouch. A little harsh.
Green Grace: Let’s talk external affairs first. Qarth, New Ghis and Tolos are now blockading the river and the bay. Astapor is in the middle of a horrendous civil war. The envoys you sent out to make peace with other cities have been murdered by the rulers of those cities.
Dany: Yeah, so I’m guessing that’s a “no” as an answer, huh?
Green Grace: That’s not the worst of it. Internally here in Meereen things are no better. Obviously the Sons of the Harpy have been killing your soldiers. In retaliation, you have taken children of many of the families to be hostages. I know this all too well, because some of my own family members are your hostages.
Dany: Bringing that up is sort of awkward, and I was hoping you wouldn’t.
Green Grace: Yet the killings have continued, despite the hostages. Hypothetically, you should retaliate by killing your hostages in respond to their killing of your men. Look, I’m glad you haven’t. Like I said, my own family are hostages and I don’t want them to be killed.
Dany: I am no butcher queen! Murdering children is not what I do.
Green Grace: Yeah, I get that and I support that. It’s totally cool with me. But it’s doing nothing to stop the killings. You can be noble like that, but that won’t win the old houses of Meereen over to your side. You’re not of Ghiscari blood like they are. They’ll always think of you as an outsider. An invader. A conqueror.
Dany: Well, I’ll always be that because I am from the outside. How could I ever win them over? I can’t change who I am and where I come from.
Green Grace: But you can do this… marry a local! Marry a man of pure Ghiscari blood. A nobleman from one of the families. Someone like Hizdar zo Loraq. Then the people who rebel against you will see you as one of them, because Hizdar is one of them.
Dany: Hrm. Hizdar? You mean the guy who I have already thought about as being somewhat attractive? It’s pretty convenient that you mention him specifically. However, I must point out to you that Hizdar is the SUPER ANNOYING GUY WHO KEEPS COMING BEFORE ME, ASKING TO REOPEN THE FIGHTING PITS. I’m getting super tired of hearing it.
Green Grace: Get over it, honey. The people would love you if you reopen the fighting pits.
Dany: Hrm. I’ll think about it. Shavepate Skahaz mo Kandaq won’t like that idea.
Green Grace: Well, the Shavepate also wants to use every minor incident to execute a hostage. He’s out of toothpaste? Harpies must have used it all up… so execute a hostage! He stubbed his toe on a brick? Must be the fault of the Sons of the Harpies… execute a hostage?
Dany: This is true.
Later, Dany meets with Hizdar.
Dany: Hey boy.
Hizdar: Uhh… so why did you ask to summon me here? Is it to chastise me about the fighting pits again? Because we usually only do that on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. But this is a Tuesday.
Dany: No, I was going to ask you if you wanted to get married or some shit like that.
Hizdar: How romantic.
Dany: I mean I’ll be thinking about Daario when I’m with you, but… you know… political alliance and whatnot.
Hizdar: Well, this is not entirely surprising. I have spoken with the Green Grace about this matter. It could end the violence and bring peace to Meereen.
Dany: Yes, I am aware of that. I mean I find you moderately good looking enough and everything, but this is all business.
Hizdar: We would also be able to end our wars if you make peace with Yunkai.
Dany: Make peace with Yunkai? But the only peace terms they’d accept are ones where they get to reopen their slave trade.
Hizdar: True.
Dany: No. Fucking. Way. But on the domestic side… okay, Hizdar… this is my proposal. 90 days. If you can find a way to have peace in this city for 90 days with no killings… then I will marry you.
Hizdar: That seems sort of backwards. The very problem is that the people of Meereen don’t trust you and you need an alliance with a Ghiscari-blooded person for them to trust you, then there will be peace. Yet you say you want peace and then you marry a Ghiscari-blooded person. I mean… it’s sort of… you know… odd. If you have peace, when why bother marrying—
Dany: —Shut up and kiss me now!
Hizdar: Uhh, okay.
He kisses her.
Dany: I felt nothing.
Hizdar: Yeah, well I’m sort of into black girls myself, but I wouldn’t kick you out of bed for eating crackers. If it is your wish to marry me in 90 days, I will do the best I can to ensure that there is no bloodshed.
Dany: I mean it's not really my WISH to marry you. I sort of have to. My wish is for a magical sword that I could use to defeat all my enemies. You don't happen to have one of those, do you?
Hizdar: Uhh... no.
Dany: Okay, then we'll do the marriage thing. But if you find a magic sword, I'd like one of those too.
Hizdar then bows and exits. Dany looks over to Barristan, who is passive-aggressively shaking his head.
Dany: What? WHAT? I see you being all judgmental. You don’t approve?
Barristan: A marriage alliance with Hizdar helps you rule Meereen, it’s true. But Meereen is not your goal. Westeros is your goal. A marriage to Hizdar will do absolutely NOTHING to secure your place on the Iron Throne. In fact, it actively works against your chances of getting it. If you go over to Westeros unmarried, then a marriage pact with one of the great houses of Westeros will suit you well. The promise of marriage and children with some Westerosi Lord will—
Dany: —Hahaha, children! That’s funny. My womb has got fucking spiderwebs in it ever since that goddamn Lhazareen Witch.
Barristan: You also do not love this. Man. Your father did not love your mother, and you can see how that relationship turned out.
Dany: Why did they even get married?
Barristan: Because a woods witch said that the prince was promised would be born from their line.
Dany: You mean The Prince THAT Was Promised?
Barristan: Actually, on page 329 of the mass paperback edition I simply say "prince was promised."
Dany: Geez, you'd think that with how popular these books are, the editors would have caught something like that.
Barristan: Anyway, you just need to think about it. Securing victories here is not your ultimate goal. Who cares if Daario just returned from meeting with the Lamb Men after making a trade deal? In the big picture, minor stuff like that doesn’t mat—
Dany: —WHAT?! DAARIO IS BACK?! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THIS BEFORE?!
Barristan: I… uh… erm…
Dany: *touching herself* SEND HIM TO ME AT ONCE!
Barristan: *grumble*
Hence, Daario Naharis is brought forward to the throne.
Daario: Hey babe. *smiles and his golden tooth shimmers*
Dany: Hi. Pretend to not notice me swooning. Why did you not immediately come to me upon your return?
Daario: Because I was not summoned, my Queen.
Dany: You look malnourished. When was the last time you ate?
Daario: I have not had a bite in two days, but now all I need is to feast on your beauty.
Dany: *blushes* Aww, that's sweet. Yet my beauty provides no nutritional value.
Daario: Some fruit would be fine. Perhaps a peach. And just to make it clear, by "peach" I am referring to the slang term for vagina.
Dany: Maybe later.
Daario: Anyway, I have good news. The Lamb Men have agreed to trade with us.
Dany: Yeah, that’s awesome and all. Too bad all of our trade routes have been cut off now, so that the deal no longer has any meaning. Now come over here so I can sit on your face.
Daario: If you ask me, you can easily re-open those trade routes… just use your dragons!
Dany: Grr. I wish you wouldn’t have mentioned them. Drogon is still missing, and Viserion and Rhaegal grow increasingly brutal every day.
Daario: Why have dragons if you don’t use them?
Dany’s mood flips.
Dany: Listen… asshole… I have news for you. I plan to marry Hizdar in 90 days.
Daario: Uhh… why?
Dany: To make peace. Marrying into the Ghiscari blood might end the murders being carried out by the Sons of the Harpy.
Daario: That’s a stupid way to deal with that issue. There is a much easier way. Simply KILL THEM ALL.
Dany: Oh really? And how do you propose we do that when we don’t even know who they are? They wear those Harpy masks and everything.
Daario: Oh, you know who they are. They are the heads of the great old houses. Maybe even Hizdar himself.
Dany: What evidence do you have of this?
Daario: Evidence, shmevidence. They are the only ones with motives to kill you and your Unsullied. They were in power before and now they are not. Murder them all in their sleep and be done with them.
Dany: You would have be become a butcher queen?
Daario: In this world… you are either the butcher or you are the meat. Which do you plan to be, my lovely Queen?
Dany: I shall be neither. I am different.
Daario: Yes, you are different. You are a warrior. You are a ruler. Most queens simply exist to be the property of a king. They lay in beds and pop out babies. I did not think that was your destiny. However, if you choose to marry Hizdar… that is what you will become.
Dany: GGGRRRR! HOW DARE YOU! GET OUT OF MY SITE! I order you and the Stormcrows out of the city! Go… uhh… guard the Khyzai Pass or something like that. Far away. I HATE YOU!
Later that night in bed, she cries regretting sending Daario away. Has she made a mistake?
Dany: What Daario proposed is monstrous. But then again, I am the mother of dragons… a mother of monsters! Yet I keep my babies locked away beneath the pyramid. Maybe I should use the dragons. Maybe I should be a monster.
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