Hey, last chapter Jon Snow was talking about the chapters in these books catching up. Well, for sure they are now because... LOOK WHO IT IS...
Arya wakes up after a night of dreaming that she was Nymeria.
Arya: Oh wow, that was so cool feasting on the flesh of animals and humans. I’m really starting to enjoy the taste of human flesh that I, Arya Stark, am technically not eating in physical form but which I can taste through my psychic link to my direwolf.
Waif: Did you just say you were Arya Stark?
Arya: Uhh… no. I said “No One.” I am No One. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go to breakfast.
She gets up and walks into a wall.
Arya: OW! It sure it dark in here. Oh wait, I’m blind. I forgot. Damn it!
She finally stumbles her way to breakfast. As she’s eating, she smells the Kindly Old Man enter.
Arya: Hey Old Man.
Kindly Old Man: How did a girl know it was me?
Arya: Oh please, I smell that old man Ben Gay ointment smell.
Kindly Old Man: Hrm. A girl is getting good at using her other senses now that she cannot see. Tell me who you are.
Arya: No One.
Kindly Old Man: A girl is a liar. You are “Blind Beth.” Do you want your eyes back?
Arya: Nah, not today. I’m good.
Kindly Old Man: Tell me three things you have learned today.
Arya: The Sealord is sick and dying and everyone is like this cat named Tormo is going to replace him. Some ho named S’vrone is pregnant, probably with the child of a Tyroshi sellsword who she murdered. And something else about a new mermaid lady. Who cares?
Kindly Old Man: …
Arya: …
Kindly Old Man: …
Arya: WHAT?!
Kindly Old Man: I don’t think you’re taking this seriously. Now get off to your duties!
She does her duties for the day. As she does, she thinks about the potion that she has to drink to keep her blind. It’s crazy to keep doing that, but if she gives up on the blind thing she knows that she’ll be booted from the House of Black & White and won’t get to be a super cool assassin. And she totes wants to be a super cool assassin.
Next she plays the lying game with the Waif.
Arya: The Crying Game? You mean she’s a transvestite?
Waif: No. The LYING game. Where I say a bunch of statements and you figure out what one is a lie.
Arya: This is hard. Especially now that I’m blind.
Waif: The trick is to listen to the tone of my voice.
She does other chores too. All of them are a bit tedious and slow now that she’s blind, but she figures out ways to do them, slowly improving her other senses. One time when she’s doing her chores, she’s suddenly attacked by someone who beats her up with a stick. This actually happens a few times. She has some serial stalker who likes to beat the shit out of her with a stick. Not cool.
Arya: OW! Damnit! I’d beat your ass if I could see you.
Then Arya goes to meet with the Kindly Old Man again.
Kindly Old Man: To be honest, we would have made you blind anyway. It’s part of the standard training curriculum here. But we accelerated the process after you killed that guy in the Night’s Watch. You’re not supposed to give the gift of death to people. You’re only supposed to kill who you’re supposed to kill. You can’t just be the grim reaper and decides who live and dies. All men must die. We kill men, but we do not judge them though. You understand that, right?
Arya, Internally: No.
Arya, Speaking: Yes!
Kindly Old Man: You lie. You’re really not learning this lying game thing that well.
That night, Arya puts on her Blind Beth costume. The Waif helps her out by doing makeup that gives her nasty-ass pox scars and everything. She goes to the city to learn three more things that she can tell the Kindly Old Man the next day. She goes to a really skeezy inn. A cat comes up to her and sits in her lap.
Arya: Oh wow, hey cat. You must remember me from when I was the girl who sold shellfish. You can see right through my clever blind pox victim disguise. Don’t narc on me and blow my cover, okay?
Cat: Meow?
Not long after, a bunch of Lyseni sailors from a ship come in to drink and gossip. But they take a seat near the fireplace and talk quietly so that NO ONE can overhear them.
Arya: Hahahaha, oh man. That’s a really great line, GRRM. “No One” can overhear them. Thought you’d slip that by most readers, didn’t you? Classic!
Sailor: Oh yeah, we were forced to put in here at slave-free Braavos and then the port seized our ship for all of our human trafficking. This sucks, man.
Sailor #2: Yeah, we were collecting up all these super sweet slaves from a place called HARDHOME. All these Wildlings just begging to be taken aboard our ships. Apparently they had some Witch who prophesized that ships were coming to save them. Hahaha. Good stuff. Too bad these assholes took all of our sweet, sweet, slaves away.
The next morning, Arya is again questioned by the Kindly Old Man.
Kindly Old Man: Tell me three new things that you learned.
Arya: #1… Some ships from Lys are engaging in the slave trade. They kidnapped a bunch of people from Hardhome and were smuggling them. But a storm diverted them here to Braavos and their ship and slaves were confiscated.
Kindly Old Man: This is a good thing to know. Tell me another thing.
Arya: #2: …Not all of the ships were caught by the storm. At least one of them escaped and made it back to Lys. It’s probably going to go back to Hardhome again to get more slaves.
Kindly Old Man: This seems more like just a continuation of the first new thing you learned, but I’ll go ahead and count it as being a second thing because I’m in a generous mood. Now, tell me one more new thing you know. And it can’t be about the slave ships again.
Arya: #3… I know who has been beating my ass in the hallway with that stick. It was you, asshole.
Kindly Old Man: *GASP* How does a girl know such a thing? It couldn't have been the old man Ben Gay ointment smell because I specifically don't use it when I beat you.
Arya: Hahaha, like I’m going to tell your ass.
Kindly Old Man: Ah. Fair enough. Well can you at least explain it so that the readers know how you were able to figure it out?
Arya: Oh right. I totally have sweet-ass warg powers. Remember that cat who was sitting in my lap? He’s like my best friend now and he totally follows me around. I can warg into him now and see through his eyes. So I’m not really blind at all.
Kindly Old Man: So you're blind... but with the power to see?
Arya: Yes.
Kindly Old Man: Like fucking Daredevil?
Arya: I suppose. When you put it like that, it does sound kind of lame. Daredevil, I mean. Not me.
That evening Arya is served another potion, just like she always takes to make herself blind another day. But this time it tastes different and burns her throat.
The next morning she opens her eyes and she can see again. She sees an obsidian candle burning.
Arya: Oh, cool. I guess. But then again redundant because, as stated, I’m already totally able to warg into animals and see stuff anyway.
Arya wakes up after a night of dreaming that she was Nymeria.
Arya: Oh wow, that was so cool feasting on the flesh of animals and humans. I’m really starting to enjoy the taste of human flesh that I, Arya Stark, am technically not eating in physical form but which I can taste through my psychic link to my direwolf.
Waif: Did you just say you were Arya Stark?
Arya: Uhh… no. I said “No One.” I am No One. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go to breakfast.
She gets up and walks into a wall.
Arya: OW! It sure it dark in here. Oh wait, I’m blind. I forgot. Damn it!
She finally stumbles her way to breakfast. As she’s eating, she smells the Kindly Old Man enter.
Arya: Hey Old Man.
Kindly Old Man: How did a girl know it was me?
Arya: Oh please, I smell that old man Ben Gay ointment smell.
Kindly Old Man: Hrm. A girl is getting good at using her other senses now that she cannot see. Tell me who you are.
Arya: No One.
Kindly Old Man: A girl is a liar. You are “Blind Beth.” Do you want your eyes back?
Arya: Nah, not today. I’m good.
Kindly Old Man: Tell me three things you have learned today.
Arya: The Sealord is sick and dying and everyone is like this cat named Tormo is going to replace him. Some ho named S’vrone is pregnant, probably with the child of a Tyroshi sellsword who she murdered. And something else about a new mermaid lady. Who cares?
Kindly Old Man: …
Arya: …
Kindly Old Man: …
Arya: WHAT?!
Kindly Old Man: I don’t think you’re taking this seriously. Now get off to your duties!
She does her duties for the day. As she does, she thinks about the potion that she has to drink to keep her blind. It’s crazy to keep doing that, but if she gives up on the blind thing she knows that she’ll be booted from the House of Black & White and won’t get to be a super cool assassin. And she totes wants to be a super cool assassin.
Next she plays the lying game with the Waif.
Arya: The Crying Game? You mean she’s a transvestite?
Waif: No. The LYING game. Where I say a bunch of statements and you figure out what one is a lie.
Arya: This is hard. Especially now that I’m blind.
Waif: The trick is to listen to the tone of my voice.
She does other chores too. All of them are a bit tedious and slow now that she’s blind, but she figures out ways to do them, slowly improving her other senses. One time when she’s doing her chores, she’s suddenly attacked by someone who beats her up with a stick. This actually happens a few times. She has some serial stalker who likes to beat the shit out of her with a stick. Not cool.
Arya: OW! Damnit! I’d beat your ass if I could see you.
Then Arya goes to meet with the Kindly Old Man again.
Kindly Old Man: To be honest, we would have made you blind anyway. It’s part of the standard training curriculum here. But we accelerated the process after you killed that guy in the Night’s Watch. You’re not supposed to give the gift of death to people. You’re only supposed to kill who you’re supposed to kill. You can’t just be the grim reaper and decides who live and dies. All men must die. We kill men, but we do not judge them though. You understand that, right?
Arya, Internally: No.
Arya, Speaking: Yes!
Kindly Old Man: You lie. You’re really not learning this lying game thing that well.
That night, Arya puts on her Blind Beth costume. The Waif helps her out by doing makeup that gives her nasty-ass pox scars and everything. She goes to the city to learn three more things that she can tell the Kindly Old Man the next day. She goes to a really skeezy inn. A cat comes up to her and sits in her lap.
Arya: Oh wow, hey cat. You must remember me from when I was the girl who sold shellfish. You can see right through my clever blind pox victim disguise. Don’t narc on me and blow my cover, okay?
Cat: Meow?
Not long after, a bunch of Lyseni sailors from a ship come in to drink and gossip. But they take a seat near the fireplace and talk quietly so that NO ONE can overhear them.
Arya: Hahahaha, oh man. That’s a really great line, GRRM. “No One” can overhear them. Thought you’d slip that by most readers, didn’t you? Classic!
Sailor: Oh yeah, we were forced to put in here at slave-free Braavos and then the port seized our ship for all of our human trafficking. This sucks, man.
Sailor #2: Yeah, we were collecting up all these super sweet slaves from a place called HARDHOME. All these Wildlings just begging to be taken aboard our ships. Apparently they had some Witch who prophesized that ships were coming to save them. Hahaha. Good stuff. Too bad these assholes took all of our sweet, sweet, slaves away.
The next morning, Arya is again questioned by the Kindly Old Man.
Kindly Old Man: Tell me three new things that you learned.
Arya: #1… Some ships from Lys are engaging in the slave trade. They kidnapped a bunch of people from Hardhome and were smuggling them. But a storm diverted them here to Braavos and their ship and slaves were confiscated.
Kindly Old Man: This is a good thing to know. Tell me another thing.
Arya: #2: …Not all of the ships were caught by the storm. At least one of them escaped and made it back to Lys. It’s probably going to go back to Hardhome again to get more slaves.
Kindly Old Man: This seems more like just a continuation of the first new thing you learned, but I’ll go ahead and count it as being a second thing because I’m in a generous mood. Now, tell me one more new thing you know. And it can’t be about the slave ships again.
Arya: #3… I know who has been beating my ass in the hallway with that stick. It was you, asshole.
Kindly Old Man: *GASP* How does a girl know such a thing? It couldn't have been the old man Ben Gay ointment smell because I specifically don't use it when I beat you.
Arya: Hahaha, like I’m going to tell your ass.
Kindly Old Man: Ah. Fair enough. Well can you at least explain it so that the readers know how you were able to figure it out?
Arya: Oh right. I totally have sweet-ass warg powers. Remember that cat who was sitting in my lap? He’s like my best friend now and he totally follows me around. I can warg into him now and see through his eyes. So I’m not really blind at all.
Kindly Old Man: So you're blind... but with the power to see?
Arya: Yes.
Kindly Old Man: Like fucking Daredevil?
Arya: I suppose. When you put it like that, it does sound kind of lame. Daredevil, I mean. Not me.
That evening Arya is served another potion, just like she always takes to make herself blind another day. But this time it tastes different and burns her throat.
The next morning she opens her eyes and she can see again. She sees an obsidian candle burning.
Arya: Oh, cool. I guess. But then again redundant because, as stated, I’m already totally able to warg into animals and see stuff anyway.
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