Sansa is in her bed when she feels something under her pillow.
Sansa: Oh crap! It's a note that tells me to have s secret meeting in the godswood tonight if I want to go home. I wonder if some true and noble knight like the ones from the songs will save me. Or maybe this is some elaborate trap by Joffrey to try to catch me, just to prove my disloyalty so that he can execute me too.
Suddenly, her maid walks in and Sansa hides the note. She doesn't trust any of these people, knowing that they are Lannister spies that likely report back on her.
Maid: Time for your bath!
Sansa: Man, these books are oddly obsessed with bathing underage girls.
When the maid leaves, Sansa takes the note to the fireplace and burns it. Then she wishes she had all her old Stark "friends" back again like Septa Mordane, Jeyne Poole, and Arya. I say "friends" in quotation marks because Sansa didn't actually like any of them because she's a shallow, self-serving bitch.
Sansa: HEY!
Sansa thinks about sneaking out to go to the godswood, but she knows she's being watched. Out the window, she sees Kingsguard member Preston Greenfield, who just might be the least memorable and important of all the Kingsguard.
But then all of a sudden there is shouting. Sansa looks out the window again and sees Greenfield and all the other guards running away.
Sansa: A distraction! Now is my chance!
Surprisingly, rather than sitting around to mope and do nothing, Sansa actually slides a knife under her dress and runs out of her room and goes to the godswood.
The godswood is quiet and spooky. Sansa doesn't even like these Stark tree gods. She likes her mom's boring seven gods more interesting because it's all vapid shit about incense, gems and rainbows.
Dontos Hollard: Ah, I feared you wouldn't come, Lady Sansa.
Sansa: What the hell?! DONTOS? The ugly, drunk knight whose life I saved from Joffrey by saying that you should become his fool rather than be executed?
Dontos: Yes, it is me! I am the one saving you!
Sansa: Gross. Are you drunk? I smell it on your breath.
Dontos: Yes. I'm pretty much always drunk.
Sansa pulls out her knife and points it at him.
Sansa: Who sent you? Is this another trick by Joffrey?
Dontos: Nobody sent me! I want to help you, just like Florian saved Jonquil.
Sansa: Hrm. I am a vapid girl who loves those old stories and poems. And one of my favorites is about Florian, a nobleman who was both a knight and a homely fool. He spotted Jonquil bathing nude and fell in love with her. Again... pretty creepy. But then he did heroic acts to win her over. The parallels between this tale and our own current situation - an unattractive knight that is also a fool who is offering to perform brave deeds to save a beautiful girl - are uncanny.
Dontos: Wow, you just called yourself beautiful? Full of yourself, are you?
Sansa: Huh?
Dontos: What I'm trying to say is... let me be your Florian! Let me save you!
Sansa: How?!
Dontos: Getting you out of the castle will be the hardest part. After that, it's pretty easy. I'll have a ship ready to take you home. Look, I can't share specifics about the plan with you now. But rest assured, there is a plan. I didn't have the courage to save your father, but I swear to these old gods that I will save you!
Sansa: Okay. So are you going to send me another note to give me an update on your plan?
Dontos: No, that will be too dangerous. Simply meet me here.
Sansa: When?
Dontos: Just come here all the time and eventually you'll run into me again. Nowhere else is safe.
Sansa: Uh... sounds like a crappy plan. But sure.
Dontos: Now kiss me on the cheek as we depart.
Sansa: Nasty.
Sansa leaves and tries to sneak back to her lodging undetected. But she's not very good at that.
The Hound: Hey there, pretty bird! What are you doing?
Sansa: Uh. Nothing. I was just out at the godswood, praying for my father's soul and for the king's health.
Hound: Hahaha, oh man. I am not drunk enough to believe that story. Tell me a better story. Tell me one of those old stories about maids and knights. Do you like knights, little girl?
Sansa: Are you coming on to me, burnface? Just how drunk are you?
Hound: Why don't I take you back to your bedchamber and you see how drunk I am?
The Hound then stumbles over though. So he was obviously pretty drunk. Sansa goes back to her bedchamber, with the Hound escorting her. They run into Boros Blount, another fairly useless member of the Kingsguard.
Boros: HEY! Why are you not in your bedchamber?
Sansa: I was praying in the godswood.
Boros: Okay, I'll buy it. Go to bed!
Hound: Please, how can anyone sleep with all this racket going on? What's that noise?
Boros: Some people having a loud wedding feast. It's okay, King Joffrey ordered us all to go brutally murder them for being commoners.
Hound: Wow, what a brave boy. I wonder if he'll be that brave when he has to fight this girl's brother, Robb.
And so they go back to Sansa's chamber and there is more bullshit about why the Hound lets people call him that name, and the Hound continuing to demand the girl sing a pretty song to him. Whatever. I'm not going to spend that much time describing a Sansa chapter.
Sansa: Oh crap! It's a note that tells me to have s secret meeting in the godswood tonight if I want to go home. I wonder if some true and noble knight like the ones from the songs will save me. Or maybe this is some elaborate trap by Joffrey to try to catch me, just to prove my disloyalty so that he can execute me too.
Suddenly, her maid walks in and Sansa hides the note. She doesn't trust any of these people, knowing that they are Lannister spies that likely report back on her.
Maid: Time for your bath!
Sansa: Man, these books are oddly obsessed with bathing underage girls.
When the maid leaves, Sansa takes the note to the fireplace and burns it. Then she wishes she had all her old Stark "friends" back again like Septa Mordane, Jeyne Poole, and Arya. I say "friends" in quotation marks because Sansa didn't actually like any of them because she's a shallow, self-serving bitch.
Sansa: HEY!
Sansa thinks about sneaking out to go to the godswood, but she knows she's being watched. Out the window, she sees Kingsguard member Preston Greenfield, who just might be the least memorable and important of all the Kingsguard.
But then all of a sudden there is shouting. Sansa looks out the window again and sees Greenfield and all the other guards running away.
Sansa: A distraction! Now is my chance!
Surprisingly, rather than sitting around to mope and do nothing, Sansa actually slides a knife under her dress and runs out of her room and goes to the godswood.
The godswood is quiet and spooky. Sansa doesn't even like these Stark tree gods. She likes her mom's boring seven gods more interesting because it's all vapid shit about incense, gems and rainbows.
Dontos Hollard: Ah, I feared you wouldn't come, Lady Sansa.
Sansa: What the hell?! DONTOS? The ugly, drunk knight whose life I saved from Joffrey by saying that you should become his fool rather than be executed?
Dontos: Yes, it is me! I am the one saving you!
Sansa: Gross. Are you drunk? I smell it on your breath.
Dontos: Yes. I'm pretty much always drunk.
Sansa pulls out her knife and points it at him.
Sansa: Who sent you? Is this another trick by Joffrey?
Dontos: Nobody sent me! I want to help you, just like Florian saved Jonquil.
Sansa: Hrm. I am a vapid girl who loves those old stories and poems. And one of my favorites is about Florian, a nobleman who was both a knight and a homely fool. He spotted Jonquil bathing nude and fell in love with her. Again... pretty creepy. But then he did heroic acts to win her over. The parallels between this tale and our own current situation - an unattractive knight that is also a fool who is offering to perform brave deeds to save a beautiful girl - are uncanny.
Dontos: Wow, you just called yourself beautiful? Full of yourself, are you?
Sansa: Huh?
Dontos: What I'm trying to say is... let me be your Florian! Let me save you!
Sansa: How?!
Dontos: Getting you out of the castle will be the hardest part. After that, it's pretty easy. I'll have a ship ready to take you home. Look, I can't share specifics about the plan with you now. But rest assured, there is a plan. I didn't have the courage to save your father, but I swear to these old gods that I will save you!
Sansa: Okay. So are you going to send me another note to give me an update on your plan?
Dontos: No, that will be too dangerous. Simply meet me here.
Sansa: When?
Dontos: Just come here all the time and eventually you'll run into me again. Nowhere else is safe.
Sansa: Uh... sounds like a crappy plan. But sure.
Dontos: Now kiss me on the cheek as we depart.
Sansa: Nasty.
Sansa leaves and tries to sneak back to her lodging undetected. But she's not very good at that.
The Hound: Hey there, pretty bird! What are you doing?
Sansa: Uh. Nothing. I was just out at the godswood, praying for my father's soul and for the king's health.
Hound: Hahaha, oh man. I am not drunk enough to believe that story. Tell me a better story. Tell me one of those old stories about maids and knights. Do you like knights, little girl?
Sansa: Are you coming on to me, burnface? Just how drunk are you?
Hound: Why don't I take you back to your bedchamber and you see how drunk I am?
The Hound then stumbles over though. So he was obviously pretty drunk. Sansa goes back to her bedchamber, with the Hound escorting her. They run into Boros Blount, another fairly useless member of the Kingsguard.
Boros: HEY! Why are you not in your bedchamber?
Sansa: I was praying in the godswood.
Boros: Okay, I'll buy it. Go to bed!
Hound: Please, how can anyone sleep with all this racket going on? What's that noise?
Boros: Some people having a loud wedding feast. It's okay, King Joffrey ordered us all to go brutally murder them for being commoners.
Hound: Wow, what a brave boy. I wonder if he'll be that brave when he has to fight this girl's brother, Robb.
And so they go back to Sansa's chamber and there is more bullshit about why the Hound lets people call him that name, and the Hound continuing to demand the girl sing a pretty song to him. Whatever. I'm not going to spend that much time describing a Sansa chapter.
No comments:
Post a Comment