Meera Reed is dumb enough to try to take on Bran's direwolf, Summer, in the Winterfell godswood. She is armed with this awesome frog-hunting trident thing with a net. Summer is armed with the fact that he's a giant wolf with fangs and claws.
Yet somehow, Meera is able to catch Summer in the net and win the fight.
Summer: *woof* [Translation: What the hell? When I get out of here, I am going to eat this bitch!]
Jojen: Whooaaa, man! That was some choice fighting there, Meera. But fighting is never the answer. We should all just get along and become one. Man. Woman. Direwolf. All the animals. All the flowers. Together.
Bran: Come here, Summer! Come!
Summer breaks free and goes over to Bran, instead of killing Meera. He's a good boy.
Bran: Wow that was cool, Meera. I can't believe you did that! You two are super awesome. Much better than those Frey kids. I wish you two were living with me rather than these shitty Freys. Did your master at arms teach you how to fight?
Meera: No. Our father did. We don't have any master at arms, nor knights, nor ravens. We just live the swamp life at mobile Greywater Watch.
Bran: It sounds awesome. When the war is over, I want to come down and hang out with you.
Jojen: Haha, because you, like, totally think that my sister is a foxy mama. I get it, man.
Bran: WHAT?! Uhh... no I don't!
Jojen: It's cool, man. It's cool. Peace and love. Let's just smoke some grass and become one with our animals.
Bran: No. I swear! It's just... I really want to leave Winterfell. This place sucks. Just let me give you a quick flashback about something that happened to prove my point...
Meera: I hate to break this to you, but you can't run anywhere. You're crippled.
Bran: I meant metaphorically, you bitch.
Jojen: WHOA! Heavy, man! Heavy. Let's all be as one. I'll pass this joint around and we can all have the greensight.
Bran: What the hell is this greensight shit that Jojen keeps talking about?
Meera: Oh, when he gets high he can see things that have happened. And sometimes... he sees things that haven't happened yet. And then later they do!
Bran: Really?
Jojen: Yes, it's true, man. One day I saw a vision of Mama Cass choking on a ham sandwich. Then, like, a month later... it happened!
Bran: No it didn't.
Meera: What?
Bran: Common urban myth. Cass Elliot died in her sleep. A coroner did an autopsy and determined the cause of death was "fatty myocardial degeneration due to obesity." There was no ham sandwich.
Jojen: Whoah. Maybe I just made up that rumor then. Maybe that urban myth is my fault!
Meera: Are you sure, Bran? Because I was pretty sure that ham sandwich thing was real.
Bran: Yeah, I'm sure. She died at 9 Curzon Square. It's the same place where Keith Moon died four years later.
Meera: WHAT?! Curzon Square?! HOLY SHIT! I stayed at the London Hilton on Park Lane a few years ago. That was just around the corner. I wish I had known that then! I good have done some sightseeing!
Jojen: We don't need to fly to London to see it, Meera. Let's all smoke a doobie and we can float there in our minds and greensee it... without paying those corporate pigs who run the airlines and hotels all that moolah.
Bran: Hey Meera, that's not all you missed when you were in Mayfair, London! You could have also checked out the places where Disraeli, Florence Nightingale, and P.G. Wodehouse lived. Not to mention, you could have gone to the Pine Bar at the Millennium Hotel Mayfair. That's where Alexander Litvinenko was poisoned with Polonium-210 back in 2006!
Meera: WOW! Mayfair sounds like it's great! And with Oxford Street being the northern border of Mayfair and with Soho directly to the east, you know that great shopping and dining is just moments away!
Jojen: WHOA, MAN! STOP THIS CORPORATE ADVERTISEMENT! This feels groady, man.
Bran: Anyway, that greensight shit sounds cool, Jojen. What else do you see in your dreams?
Jojen: Oh, I'll tell you all about my dreams, Brando. But only after you tell me about yours!
Bran: What?! What dreams!? I don't have any crazy dreams. Especially not about turning into animals and stuff.
Jojen: Haha, I knew it! Those aren't dreams, man! It's the greensight. And you don't even need to smoke to have it. It's like your body is naturally high, man. That's so groovy!
Bran: What?
Jojen: I know you! I see you in my dreams, daddy-o! You're the winged wolf, man. But the winged wolf is held down by chains. The chains of "the man." But that's okay, man. Because you're friends with the crow that pecks at those chains. And the crow can set you free, buddy.
Bran: That is some REAL hippy shit there, Jojen. I don't kno---Wait... did you just say... crow?
Jojen: Yeah, man.
Bran: How many eyes does this crow have?
Jojen: Three eyes, daddy-o! Everybody knows that.
Bran: HOLY SHIT! YOU KNOW ABOUT THE THREE-EYED CROW TOO?!
Jojen: Right on, buddy. Everybody who tokes the Mary Jane knows about the Three-Eyed Crow. That hep cat is always trying to bum some corn off everyone he meets.
Bran: Yeah. He does talk about corn a lot. I gotta meet this crow from my dreams!
Jojen: Cool, man. Cool. But if you want to do that then you can't come to Greywater Watch. You have to go north. That's where the crow lives. Beyond the wall. And when the crow opens his third eye... he can see the whole world, man. Just like you can see stuff. Like that night of the Harvest Festival. I knew you were inside of Summer, and I don't mean in a way where you'll get arrested by the pigs for animal abuse. I mean in a way where you and Summer became one. Just like I was one with all my buddies at Woodstock. I even felt you fall in your dream, Bran.
Bran: I'm getting a little uncomfortable with your ability to see my dreams, Jojen. Can we talk about something else?
Jojen: Do you always fall, man? Every time you dream?
Bran: I SAID I'M UNCOMFORTABLE, JOJEN!!!
Bran starts to get angry. And then the direwolves start to get angry. Shaggydog and Summer start to circle Meera and Jojen.
Meera: HOLY SHIT, JOJEN! Stop! Can't you see? Bran is warging into those dogs! His anger is making them angry. They're all connected. He's going to kill us! We need to climb up these trees and escape!
Jojen: No way, Meera. Today is not the day I die, man!
Meera: Again, stop saying that. That's another character's line.
Bran: Whoa, man. Sorry.
Bran starts to calm down. Does his anger really make the direwolves angry? Can he really warg into Summer? Are his dreams real? Is the three-eyed crow real?
Bran: This is so embarrassing. You know what, I'm just going to call Hodor and have him take me away.
And so he does.
Later, Bran finds himself with Maester Luwin.
Bran: Dude, I was totally with Meera and Jojen and they said I had the greensight.
Luwin: Ah, greensight. An old story. They say the Children of the Forest could see the world through the eyes of the weirwood trees. Which is why the First Men cut them all down in the south. They say that the greenseers could control animals and fish and shit.
Bran: It's real, Luwin! Jojen is one. He can see things. Sometimes things in the future and then they come true. Just like when me and Rickon had that dream the same night that dad died. And then it wound up that it was true.
Luwin: *sigh* You know, Bran. There are many mysteries in this world. Do you see my chain? Every link on a Maester's chain represents mastery of a different area of knowledge. The black iron represents knowledge about ravens, gold represents math and economics, brass represents elite breakdancing skills, platinum represents winning every rap battle you've ever participated in. Very few Maesters have ever earned that link, including myself and Maester P of the No Limit Soldiers. But even rarer still these days are those Maesters who earn the link of Valyrian Steel. That represents magic and the higher mysteries of the world. So I'm sort of an expert in things like greensight. But I can tell you this, Bran... the days of magic are gone. There are no more dragons or giants or Children of the Forest. Neither you nor Jojen Reed are greenseers. If you dreamt of something that happened then it was merely a coincidence.
Later that night, Meera comes to Bran's bedroom.
Bran: Sweet! YESSS!!!
To talk.
Bran: Oh. BOOOOOO!!!
Meera: Why the hell was your direwolf trying to kill me and Jojen earlier? Not cool.
Bran: Sorry. Jojen shouldn't have made me angry by asking me all those questions about my dreams. Summer could tell that I was angry and so he got angry at Jojen. But you're both wrong. Maester Luwin said that we're not greenseers. And he's an expert and has a chain about that kind of shit.
Meera: Did you ever consider that your Maester could be wrong?
Bran: Nope.
Meera: Then let me leave you with this cryptic message then... I bring you another dream from Jojen. You will dine and have the best cut of meat. And the Freys will have a shitty cut of meat. And yet the Freys will enjoy your meal more than you yours.
Bran: Really? That's your cryptic dream? Is that supposed to be some sort of crazy riddle or something? It sounds really lame. Plus I was planning on ordering pizza anyway.
Yet somehow, Meera is able to catch Summer in the net and win the fight.
Summer: *woof* [Translation: What the hell? When I get out of here, I am going to eat this bitch!]
Jojen: Whooaaa, man! That was some choice fighting there, Meera. But fighting is never the answer. We should all just get along and become one. Man. Woman. Direwolf. All the animals. All the flowers. Together.
Bran: Come here, Summer! Come!
Summer breaks free and goes over to Bran, instead of killing Meera. He's a good boy.
Bran: Wow that was cool, Meera. I can't believe you did that! You two are super awesome. Much better than those Frey kids. I wish you two were living with me rather than these shitty Freys. Did your master at arms teach you how to fight?
Meera: No. Our father did. We don't have any master at arms, nor knights, nor ravens. We just live the swamp life at mobile Greywater Watch.
Bran: It sounds awesome. When the war is over, I want to come down and hang out with you.
Jojen: Haha, because you, like, totally think that my sister is a foxy mama. I get it, man.
Bran: WHAT?! Uhh... no I don't!
Jojen: It's cool, man. It's cool. Peace and love. Let's just smoke some grass and become one with our animals.
Bran: No. I swear! It's just... I really want to leave Winterfell. This place sucks. Just let me give you a quick flashback about something that happened to prove my point...
Earlier... Bran finds himself with Ser Rodrick.Bran: See the shit I gotta put up with as Lord of Winterfell? I just want to run away.
Rodrick: Oh shit, Bran! I got to give you the latest gossip on this Lady Hornwood shit!
Bran: Whaaaaat? Nobody cares about Lady Hornwood. Those chapters about Lady Hornwood's dating situation were so boring.
Rodrick: Nah, this is some cool shit here. Remember when we talked about that bastard son of Lord Bolton, Ramsay? Well... this dude just KIDNAPPED Lady Hornwood and claimed her as his wife. He said the lands were now his. And then Wyman Manderly marched his men to Hornwood Castle to lay claim to it instead. It's like there is this total civil war here in the north while Robb is down south, fighting.
Bran: WOW! That is crazy. This is a pretty precarious situation up here then, huh?
Rodrick: I know. Would be a shame if someone realised how vulnerable we were up here and attacked us, wouldn't it?
Meera: I hate to break this to you, but you can't run anywhere. You're crippled.
Bran: I meant metaphorically, you bitch.
Jojen: WHOA! Heavy, man! Heavy. Let's all be as one. I'll pass this joint around and we can all have the greensight.
Bran: What the hell is this greensight shit that Jojen keeps talking about?
Meera: Oh, when he gets high he can see things that have happened. And sometimes... he sees things that haven't happened yet. And then later they do!
Bran: Really?
Jojen: Yes, it's true, man. One day I saw a vision of Mama Cass choking on a ham sandwich. Then, like, a month later... it happened!
Bran: No it didn't.
Meera: What?
Bran: Common urban myth. Cass Elliot died in her sleep. A coroner did an autopsy and determined the cause of death was "fatty myocardial degeneration due to obesity." There was no ham sandwich.
Jojen: Whoah. Maybe I just made up that rumor then. Maybe that urban myth is my fault!
Meera: Are you sure, Bran? Because I was pretty sure that ham sandwich thing was real.
Bran: Yeah, I'm sure. She died at 9 Curzon Square. It's the same place where Keith Moon died four years later.
Meera: WHAT?! Curzon Square?! HOLY SHIT! I stayed at the London Hilton on Park Lane a few years ago. That was just around the corner. I wish I had known that then! I good have done some sightseeing!
Jojen: We don't need to fly to London to see it, Meera. Let's all smoke a doobie and we can float there in our minds and greensee it... without paying those corporate pigs who run the airlines and hotels all that moolah.
Bran: Hey Meera, that's not all you missed when you were in Mayfair, London! You could have also checked out the places where Disraeli, Florence Nightingale, and P.G. Wodehouse lived. Not to mention, you could have gone to the Pine Bar at the Millennium Hotel Mayfair. That's where Alexander Litvinenko was poisoned with Polonium-210 back in 2006!
Meera: WOW! Mayfair sounds like it's great! And with Oxford Street being the northern border of Mayfair and with Soho directly to the east, you know that great shopping and dining is just moments away!
Jojen: WHOA, MAN! STOP THIS CORPORATE ADVERTISEMENT! This feels groady, man.
Bran: Anyway, that greensight shit sounds cool, Jojen. What else do you see in your dreams?
Jojen: Oh, I'll tell you all about my dreams, Brando. But only after you tell me about yours!
Bran: What?! What dreams!? I don't have any crazy dreams. Especially not about turning into animals and stuff.
Jojen: Haha, I knew it! Those aren't dreams, man! It's the greensight. And you don't even need to smoke to have it. It's like your body is naturally high, man. That's so groovy!
Bran: What?
Jojen: I know you! I see you in my dreams, daddy-o! You're the winged wolf, man. But the winged wolf is held down by chains. The chains of "the man." But that's okay, man. Because you're friends with the crow that pecks at those chains. And the crow can set you free, buddy.
Bran: That is some REAL hippy shit there, Jojen. I don't kno---Wait... did you just say... crow?
Jojen: Yeah, man.
Bran: How many eyes does this crow have?
Jojen: Three eyes, daddy-o! Everybody knows that.
Bran: HOLY SHIT! YOU KNOW ABOUT THE THREE-EYED CROW TOO?!
Jojen: Right on, buddy. Everybody who tokes the Mary Jane knows about the Three-Eyed Crow. That hep cat is always trying to bum some corn off everyone he meets.
Bran: Yeah. He does talk about corn a lot. I gotta meet this crow from my dreams!
Jojen: Cool, man. Cool. But if you want to do that then you can't come to Greywater Watch. You have to go north. That's where the crow lives. Beyond the wall. And when the crow opens his third eye... he can see the whole world, man. Just like you can see stuff. Like that night of the Harvest Festival. I knew you were inside of Summer, and I don't mean in a way where you'll get arrested by the pigs for animal abuse. I mean in a way where you and Summer became one. Just like I was one with all my buddies at Woodstock. I even felt you fall in your dream, Bran.
Bran: I'm getting a little uncomfortable with your ability to see my dreams, Jojen. Can we talk about something else?
Jojen: Do you always fall, man? Every time you dream?
Bran: I SAID I'M UNCOMFORTABLE, JOJEN!!!
Bran starts to get angry. And then the direwolves start to get angry. Shaggydog and Summer start to circle Meera and Jojen.
Meera: HOLY SHIT, JOJEN! Stop! Can't you see? Bran is warging into those dogs! His anger is making them angry. They're all connected. He's going to kill us! We need to climb up these trees and escape!
Jojen: No way, Meera. Today is not the day I die, man!
Meera: Again, stop saying that. That's another character's line.
Bran: Whoa, man. Sorry.
Bran starts to calm down. Does his anger really make the direwolves angry? Can he really warg into Summer? Are his dreams real? Is the three-eyed crow real?
Bran: This is so embarrassing. You know what, I'm just going to call Hodor and have him take me away.
And so he does.
Later, Bran finds himself with Maester Luwin.
Bran: Dude, I was totally with Meera and Jojen and they said I had the greensight.
Luwin: Ah, greensight. An old story. They say the Children of the Forest could see the world through the eyes of the weirwood trees. Which is why the First Men cut them all down in the south. They say that the greenseers could control animals and fish and shit.
Bran: It's real, Luwin! Jojen is one. He can see things. Sometimes things in the future and then they come true. Just like when me and Rickon had that dream the same night that dad died. And then it wound up that it was true.
Luwin: *sigh* You know, Bran. There are many mysteries in this world. Do you see my chain? Every link on a Maester's chain represents mastery of a different area of knowledge. The black iron represents knowledge about ravens, gold represents math and economics, brass represents elite breakdancing skills, platinum represents winning every rap battle you've ever participated in. Very few Maesters have ever earned that link, including myself and Maester P of the No Limit Soldiers. But even rarer still these days are those Maesters who earn the link of Valyrian Steel. That represents magic and the higher mysteries of the world. So I'm sort of an expert in things like greensight. But I can tell you this, Bran... the days of magic are gone. There are no more dragons or giants or Children of the Forest. Neither you nor Jojen Reed are greenseers. If you dreamt of something that happened then it was merely a coincidence.
Later that night, Meera comes to Bran's bedroom.
Bran: Sweet! YESSS!!!
To talk.
Bran: Oh. BOOOOOO!!!
Meera: Why the hell was your direwolf trying to kill me and Jojen earlier? Not cool.
Bran: Sorry. Jojen shouldn't have made me angry by asking me all those questions about my dreams. Summer could tell that I was angry and so he got angry at Jojen. But you're both wrong. Maester Luwin said that we're not greenseers. And he's an expert and has a chain about that kind of shit.
Meera: Did you ever consider that your Maester could be wrong?
Bran: Nope.
Meera: Then let me leave you with this cryptic message then... I bring you another dream from Jojen. You will dine and have the best cut of meat. And the Freys will have a shitty cut of meat. And yet the Freys will enjoy your meal more than you yours.
Bran: Really? That's your cryptic dream? Is that supposed to be some sort of crazy riddle or something? It sounds really lame. Plus I was planning on ordering pizza anyway.
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