Arya rides north with her best friends, Gendry and Hot Pie.
Arya: Actually, I don’t like Hot Pie that much. He’s just here for the ride.
Hot Pie: HEY!
Arya: I do like Gendry though. *licks lips*
Gendry: *looks back nervously*
Arya: Anyway, if Roose Bolton catches us… we’re DEAD! But you know what? I don’t even care no more. Forget that guy.
As the three ride, they come upon a group of wolves eating a dead stag.
Arya: I bet that’s not supposed to be symbolic at all.
They back away slowly, since while she might be a Stark “wolf” she’s not actually a wolf wolf and wolves don’t really take kindly to people interfering with their meals.
They continue on and find an apple tree.
Arya: I’m so hungry! I’m going to eat one of these apples. YUM!
Hot Pie: Gross Arya! There are dead people hanging from this tree.
Gendry: Yeah, it’s a bit disturbing that you would eat an apple from a tree with lynched people.
Arya: If anything, it makes the apple even tastier.
The two guys look at each other and then look at Arya’s cold, dead eyes and know she’s probably telling the truth. Gendry tries to break up the nervous tension.
Gendry: So where are we heading for again?
Arya: North! Towards Riverrun. We’ll be safe there.
Hot Pie: Why? Why would we be safe at Riverrun?
Gendry: Duh. Because her mom is there. This girl is Ar—
Arya hits him.
Gendry: Ouch! Oh. Is your identity still supposed to be a secret? Damnit. I keep forgetting. Why is it that we haven’t told Hot Pie yet?
Arya: For dramatic effect with a later reveal!
Gendry: How do you know this way is north?
Arya: Duh, you handsome dipshit. Moss grows on the trees on the south side. So the opposite side is north.
Hot Pie: Oh good. I thought for a minute you were about to say we were following some dumb comet in the sky.
And so they keep heading in the direction of Riverrun. Or at least in what Arya HOPES is the direction of Riverrun. That map she stole from Roose Bolton is helpful… but Arya isn’t exactly fucking Magellan here.
Arya: Ugh. So frustrating. We’re going too slow. If we go any slower, Bolton’s men will catch us. You two need to speed up.
Hot Pie: Oh, well I’m sorry that a blacksmith apprentice and a fat boy who makes pies aren’t exactly expert horse-riders and can’t go as fast as you on Barbaro over there.
Arya: RIP Barbaro.
Despite Arya’s urge to ride ahead and leave these slow-pokes behind, she knows she can’t because she needs them to stay safe. Also, she likes gawking at Gendry.
Finally, they reach a river.
Hot Pie: This must be the Trident! Horray! We’re almost there.
Arya: No way. It will take us DAYS to reach the Trident. This is just one of the little tributaries that connects to it. See? Look! On the map. It’s one of these. We need to cross it to get to the Trident.
Gendry: Yeah… but WHICH one of the rivers is it? If it’s THIS one, then we need to go up the river. But if it’s THAT one, then we need to go down the river.
Arya: Whatever. We’ll figure it out. I’m going to ford the river.
Gendry: Surely we should caulk the wagon and float it across.
Hot Pie: Maybe we should take a ferry across. Or hire an Indian guide. Or wait for conditions to improve.
Arya: Wait… didn’t we already make these jokes earlier?
Everyone shrugs. It’s been a long time since they were last out in the wilderness, trying to cross rivers and shit. Harrenhal was mentally and physically exhausting. Who can blame them for recycling jokes? Besides, if you recycle a joke… you can just claim it’s a witty and intentional running joke. Rather than admitting you’re a lazy writer.
Arya fords the river. The other two follow. They lose 206 bullets and a wagon axle, so all things considered… a pretty good job with no deaths.
They ford another river after that, and Arya just won’t stop.
Gendry: Dude, I’m exhausted! We need to stop and rest!
Arya: No way! Resting is for giant losers who want to be killed by Lord Bolton. We need to keep going! I refuse to rest!
Arya then immediately falls asleep on her horse. The horse, without anyone to steer it, starts to walk in circles.
Minutes later, Arya wakes up.
Arya: AGH! I wasn’t sleeping! Wasn’t sleeping! No… just… resting my eyes. That’s all.
Gendry: Bitch, your horse was going in circles.
Arya: No it wasn’t!
Gendry: The narrator says it was.
Arya: Damnit. Okay. Maybe we can stop for a LITTLE bit and sleep.
They halt the horses and lay down to rest for a while. Arya falls asleep.
In her dream, she is a wolf.
Wolf Arya: HELL YEAH! I have wolf dreams in the book… just like Bran! Jon Snow does too! All us Starks are wargs in the books. Or at least semi-wargs. I can’t believe they left that out of the show. I wonder if I’m inside of Nymeria right now. No… wait… that came out wrong.
Nymeria/Arya hunts the Bloody Mummers with her pack of wolves. The Bloody Mummers think that they are the ones hunting the wolves. But it’s actually quite the opposite.
Iggo, a Blood Mummer / Brave Companion: Man… Lord Bolton wants us to hunt these wolves, but I don’t see any around here anywh—
Nymeria/Arya jumps onto Iggo and tears his arm clean off.
Iggo: AGGHH!!! AGHHH!!!!!!
Nymeria/Arya: THIS FLESH IS SO DELICIOUS!
Arya: Actually, I don’t like Hot Pie that much. He’s just here for the ride.
Hot Pie: HEY!
Arya: I do like Gendry though. *licks lips*
Gendry: *looks back nervously*
Arya: Anyway, if Roose Bolton catches us… we’re DEAD! But you know what? I don’t even care no more. Forget that guy.
As the three ride, they come upon a group of wolves eating a dead stag.
Arya: I bet that’s not supposed to be symbolic at all.
They back away slowly, since while she might be a Stark “wolf” she’s not actually a wolf wolf and wolves don’t really take kindly to people interfering with their meals.
They continue on and find an apple tree.
Arya: I’m so hungry! I’m going to eat one of these apples. YUM!
Hot Pie: Gross Arya! There are dead people hanging from this tree.
Gendry: Yeah, it’s a bit disturbing that you would eat an apple from a tree with lynched people.
Arya: If anything, it makes the apple even tastier.
The two guys look at each other and then look at Arya’s cold, dead eyes and know she’s probably telling the truth. Gendry tries to break up the nervous tension.
Gendry: So where are we heading for again?
Arya: North! Towards Riverrun. We’ll be safe there.
Hot Pie: Why? Why would we be safe at Riverrun?
Gendry: Duh. Because her mom is there. This girl is Ar—
Arya hits him.
Gendry: Ouch! Oh. Is your identity still supposed to be a secret? Damnit. I keep forgetting. Why is it that we haven’t told Hot Pie yet?
Arya: For dramatic effect with a later reveal!
Gendry: How do you know this way is north?
Arya: Duh, you handsome dipshit. Moss grows on the trees on the south side. So the opposite side is north.
Hot Pie: Oh good. I thought for a minute you were about to say we were following some dumb comet in the sky.
And so they keep heading in the direction of Riverrun. Or at least in what Arya HOPES is the direction of Riverrun. That map she stole from Roose Bolton is helpful… but Arya isn’t exactly fucking Magellan here.
Arya: Ugh. So frustrating. We’re going too slow. If we go any slower, Bolton’s men will catch us. You two need to speed up.
Hot Pie: Oh, well I’m sorry that a blacksmith apprentice and a fat boy who makes pies aren’t exactly expert horse-riders and can’t go as fast as you on Barbaro over there.
Arya: RIP Barbaro.
Despite Arya’s urge to ride ahead and leave these slow-pokes behind, she knows she can’t because she needs them to stay safe. Also, she likes gawking at Gendry.
Finally, they reach a river.
Hot Pie: This must be the Trident! Horray! We’re almost there.
Arya: No way. It will take us DAYS to reach the Trident. This is just one of the little tributaries that connects to it. See? Look! On the map. It’s one of these. We need to cross it to get to the Trident.
Gendry: Yeah… but WHICH one of the rivers is it? If it’s THIS one, then we need to go up the river. But if it’s THAT one, then we need to go down the river.
Arya: Whatever. We’ll figure it out. I’m going to ford the river.
Gendry: Surely we should caulk the wagon and float it across.
Hot Pie: Maybe we should take a ferry across. Or hire an Indian guide. Or wait for conditions to improve.
Arya: Wait… didn’t we already make these jokes earlier?
Everyone shrugs. It’s been a long time since they were last out in the wilderness, trying to cross rivers and shit. Harrenhal was mentally and physically exhausting. Who can blame them for recycling jokes? Besides, if you recycle a joke… you can just claim it’s a witty and intentional running joke. Rather than admitting you’re a lazy writer.
Arya fords the river. The other two follow. They lose 206 bullets and a wagon axle, so all things considered… a pretty good job with no deaths.
They ford another river after that, and Arya just won’t stop.
Gendry: Dude, I’m exhausted! We need to stop and rest!
Arya: No way! Resting is for giant losers who want to be killed by Lord Bolton. We need to keep going! I refuse to rest!
Arya then immediately falls asleep on her horse. The horse, without anyone to steer it, starts to walk in circles.
Minutes later, Arya wakes up.
Arya: AGH! I wasn’t sleeping! Wasn’t sleeping! No… just… resting my eyes. That’s all.
Gendry: Bitch, your horse was going in circles.
Arya: No it wasn’t!
Gendry: The narrator says it was.
Arya: Damnit. Okay. Maybe we can stop for a LITTLE bit and sleep.
They halt the horses and lay down to rest for a while. Arya falls asleep.
In her dream, she is a wolf.
Wolf Arya: HELL YEAH! I have wolf dreams in the book… just like Bran! Jon Snow does too! All us Starks are wargs in the books. Or at least semi-wargs. I can’t believe they left that out of the show. I wonder if I’m inside of Nymeria right now. No… wait… that came out wrong.
Nymeria/Arya hunts the Bloody Mummers with her pack of wolves. The Bloody Mummers think that they are the ones hunting the wolves. But it’s actually quite the opposite.
Iggo, a Blood Mummer / Brave Companion: Man… Lord Bolton wants us to hunt these wolves, but I don’t see any around here anywh—
Nymeria/Arya jumps onto Iggo and tears his arm clean off.
Iggo: AGGHH!!! AGHHH!!!!!!
Nymeria/Arya: THIS FLESH IS SO DELICIOUS!
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