When last we saw, Dany had boarded three ships in Qarth, with an intended destination of meeting up back with Illyrio in Pentos.
Dany: Hrm. The narrator said "intended destination." Odd word choice.
Aboard the ship with her is her khalasar. And as you might remember, the Dothraki don't exactly like or trust water.
Jhogo: *vomits off side of ship*
Aggo: *vomits right on the deck so that everyone will slip on it*
Rakharo: *insane vomiting like you would have never imagined before*
Dany: Yeah, well... they might not like it. But I love this trip. It's so fun! Fun for everyone.
Sailor: Uhmm... excuse me? What do you mean fun for EVERYONE?
The Sailor then grabs ANOTHER bucket of water to put out a fire started by Dany's dragons. Pretty much the entire sail has just been puking Dothraki and sailors trying to prevent the ships from burning down in the middle of the sea from the uncontrolled fire-breathing of Dany's three adolescent dragons. Her dragons, now about dog-sized, are are hitting those awkward "I want to burn everything down for fun" years of dragon childhood development.
Dany: Man. How big are these dragons going to get?
Jorah: Oh, I'm sure they get pretty big. Probably big enough to kill a kraken.
"Not Barristan:" Actually, they get MUCH bigger than that. Dragons NEVER stop growing, so long as they have food and aren't kept chained down anywhere like the Dragonpit in Kings Landing or... HINT HINT... a basement in Meereen.
Jorah looks angrily at this new "Not Barristan" guy. This white-bearded asshat is always trying to contradict him. Fuck this guy. What is he doing here and why is he trying to mack into his thing with Dany?
Dany: Oh Not Barristan, you seem so knowledgeable about everything related to the Seven Kingdoms! You're so smart!
Jorah: What!? I'm knowledgeable too!
Not Barristan: Thank you, Dany.
Dany: Did you know my father?
Not Barristan: Sure I did.
Dany: Tell me about him!
Not Barristan: Well, he was a sick, murderous fuck.
Dany: Oh... wow. Okay then.
Not Barristan: Your brother, Rhaegar, though. That was a man's man. I knew him as well. He would go to tourneys and play his harp. He and Ser Arthur Dayne, the Sword in the Morning, were heroic fighters without their peer.
Jorah: Whatever. This dude is pretending like he knew Aerys and Rhaegar. Big deal. He saw them at some tourneys once. It's not like he's an important character like Barristan Selmy in disguise or anything.
Not Barristan: Speaking of seeing guys at tourneys, I seem to recall someone else winning a tourney once. And falling in love with a younger woman who looked a lot like Dany. And then she drove him completely broke and miserable and he got involved in the slave trade to pay off his debt, but she left him anyway.
Jorah: Well that guy sounds like a bit of an assho---HEEEEEEEEYYY! WAIT A MINUTE!
Not Barristan: Anyway, back to Rhaegar. I remember him as a child. All he wanted to do was read books. He didn't even want to fight. He was an intellectual. Until something changed inside of him and he wanted to become a warrior.
Jorah: Yeah, it's called his BALLS DROPPING.
Not Barristan: Uh, whatever dude. If you'll excuse me, I need to go make sure Strong Belwas is okay and not being weird and shit.
Not Barristan leaves to go check on a useless character that I agree it was a completely good decision to leave out of the TV show.
Jorah: We can't trust those two, Dany. That old man pretending to be a squire... he knows more than he's telling. And that other guy is a eunuch, and you know you can't trust them.
Dany: Yeah, you've told me a million times not to trust them. It's pretty much all you talk about.
Anyway, so the conversation ends and we move on.
Now it's later at night. Dany is back in her cabin and she's feeding her dragons. He's also teaching them how to shoot out fire on her command.
Dany: Dracarys!
Drogon: *breaths fire*
Dany: Hahaha, sweet.
Jorah then invited himself into Dany's bedchamber.
Dany: Dude, what the fuck? I'm in here in my bedchamber, almost totally naked in my PJs. Also, Jhiqui and Irri are in here too, also pretty naked and keeping me company in bed.
Irri: And doing lesbian stuff.
Jhiqui: It is known.
Jorah: That's so hot. But that's not why I came. I came to complain about Not Barristan and Strong Belwas again.
Dany: Ugh. I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT.
Jorah: But remember? The prophesy! It said you would be betrayed THREE TIMES! Once for blood, once for gold, and once for love. Mirri Maz Duur was the first.
Dany: Yes. That was the blood one. And you think Not Barristan and Belwas will be the next to betray me?
Jorah: Indeed. They are working for Illyrio. Not for you. Remember what the next betrayal will be? For gold! Illyrio would sell you out in a second for some gold.
Dany: What? NO WAY! Illyrio would never sell me for gold!
Jorah: Uh. He already did.
Dany: Huh?
Jorah: He literally sold you to the Dothraki once before.
Dany: Oh yeah, right. I kind of forgot about him selling me as an underage sex slave to a barbarian warlord to rape. But all is forgotten since I wound up falling in love with that barbarian warlord rapist! So it's all okay now!
Jorah: It is really, really not.
Dany: Well, if you don't think we can trust Illyrio... what do we do? We're on his ships that he sent for us... heading back to Pentos!
Jorah: I say we DON'T go to Pentos. Instead we go to Astapor, in the Slaver's Bay. Then we buy some Unsullied eunuch slave warriors.
Dany: Wow, again with you and the slavery.
Jorah: No, hear me out here! They are world renowned for their strength and invincibility! Have you ever heard the story of the Three Thousand of Qohor? Three thousand Unsullied held off a force of twenty thousand Dothraki attackers!
Dany: This just sounds like a recycled version of "300" with another zero added.
Jorah: Maybe. But with all those troops - we could simply sail to the Seven Kingdoms and take it back! Besides, all these soldiers will help to protect you. Remember that the false King in Westeros put a bounty out on your head. You're not invincible. Even dragons die.
Dany: Cryptic. Why would you say that to me? And no, I obviously haven't forgotten that there is a contract out on my head. Grrrr! It makes me so angry! All that money to kill me? How rude! I bet there are tons of people out there who could be tempted into betraying me for that kind of moolah. If I ever figure out that any people working for me are presently or EVER HAVE BEEN employed by the false kings of Westeros to betray me... why... I don't know what I'd do! Something nasty though.
Jorah: *sweats nervously*
Dany: And where am I going to get money to buy a bunch of slaves anyway?
Jorah: From here... all the riches on board Illyrio's three ships!
Dany: So Jorah, let me get this straight. I'm stuck at the end of the fucking earth in horrible Qarth were everyone in the city is trying to murder me. I'm almost killed by some scorpion thing when these two guys show up to save my life. The two guys work for Illyrio, who sent three ships to save me and take me back to Pentos. Illyrio who helped raise me for several years and protect me. And your plan is to STEAL EVERYTHING FROM HIM?
Jorah: Well, if he is truly loyal to you and your cause, then it's not stealing. He will be GLAD that you are buying an army to attack the Seven Kingdoms.
Dany: That's still a really messed up plan, but I kind of like it.
Jorah: I knew you'd see things my way. Now let's have sex!
Jorah pretty much jumps on top of her and starts kissing her against her will.
Dany kicks him in the balls.
Dany: Whoa now, Donald Trump. I am your queen. You should not have done that.
Jorah: No, I should have done it long ago!
Dany: Gross.
Jorah: Surely must remember the prophesy that "The Dragon Has Three Heads," right? When these three dragons are grown, you will need two others to help you ride them.
Dany: That's a bit of a non sequitur, but okay. I had two brothers but they are both dead.
Jorah: So why not take up a husband? Drogo is dead too. You need to get over him and marry again. I can be one of your Dragon riders! Marry me! No man in the world will be half as loyal to me as you!
Dany: Geez, you just do NOT get the friend zone, do you?
Dany: Hrm. The narrator said "intended destination." Odd word choice.
Aboard the ship with her is her khalasar. And as you might remember, the Dothraki don't exactly like or trust water.
Jhogo: *vomits off side of ship*
Aggo: *vomits right on the deck so that everyone will slip on it*
Rakharo: *insane vomiting like you would have never imagined before*
Dany: Yeah, well... they might not like it. But I love this trip. It's so fun! Fun for everyone.
Sailor: Uhmm... excuse me? What do you mean fun for EVERYONE?
The Sailor then grabs ANOTHER bucket of water to put out a fire started by Dany's dragons. Pretty much the entire sail has just been puking Dothraki and sailors trying to prevent the ships from burning down in the middle of the sea from the uncontrolled fire-breathing of Dany's three adolescent dragons. Her dragons, now about dog-sized, are are hitting those awkward "I want to burn everything down for fun" years of dragon childhood development.
Dany: Man. How big are these dragons going to get?
Jorah: Oh, I'm sure they get pretty big. Probably big enough to kill a kraken.
"Not Barristan:" Actually, they get MUCH bigger than that. Dragons NEVER stop growing, so long as they have food and aren't kept chained down anywhere like the Dragonpit in Kings Landing or... HINT HINT... a basement in Meereen.
Jorah looks angrily at this new "Not Barristan" guy. This white-bearded asshat is always trying to contradict him. Fuck this guy. What is he doing here and why is he trying to mack into his thing with Dany?
Dany: Oh Not Barristan, you seem so knowledgeable about everything related to the Seven Kingdoms! You're so smart!
Jorah: What!? I'm knowledgeable too!
Not Barristan: Thank you, Dany.
Dany: Did you know my father?
Not Barristan: Sure I did.
Dany: Tell me about him!
Not Barristan: Well, he was a sick, murderous fuck.
Dany: Oh... wow. Okay then.
Not Barristan: Your brother, Rhaegar, though. That was a man's man. I knew him as well. He would go to tourneys and play his harp. He and Ser Arthur Dayne, the Sword in the Morning, were heroic fighters without their peer.
Jorah: Whatever. This dude is pretending like he knew Aerys and Rhaegar. Big deal. He saw them at some tourneys once. It's not like he's an important character like Barristan Selmy in disguise or anything.
Not Barristan: Speaking of seeing guys at tourneys, I seem to recall someone else winning a tourney once. And falling in love with a younger woman who looked a lot like Dany. And then she drove him completely broke and miserable and he got involved in the slave trade to pay off his debt, but she left him anyway.
Jorah: Well that guy sounds like a bit of an assho---HEEEEEEEEYYY! WAIT A MINUTE!
Not Barristan: Anyway, back to Rhaegar. I remember him as a child. All he wanted to do was read books. He didn't even want to fight. He was an intellectual. Until something changed inside of him and he wanted to become a warrior.
Jorah: Yeah, it's called his BALLS DROPPING.
Not Barristan: Uh, whatever dude. If you'll excuse me, I need to go make sure Strong Belwas is okay and not being weird and shit.
Not Barristan leaves to go check on a useless character that I agree it was a completely good decision to leave out of the TV show.
Jorah: We can't trust those two, Dany. That old man pretending to be a squire... he knows more than he's telling. And that other guy is a eunuch, and you know you can't trust them.
Dany: Yeah, you've told me a million times not to trust them. It's pretty much all you talk about.
Anyway, so the conversation ends and we move on.
Now it's later at night. Dany is back in her cabin and she's feeding her dragons. He's also teaching them how to shoot out fire on her command.
Dany: Dracarys!
Drogon: *breaths fire*
Dany: Hahaha, sweet.
Jorah then invited himself into Dany's bedchamber.
Dany: Dude, what the fuck? I'm in here in my bedchamber, almost totally naked in my PJs. Also, Jhiqui and Irri are in here too, also pretty naked and keeping me company in bed.
Irri: And doing lesbian stuff.
Jhiqui: It is known.
Jorah: That's so hot. But that's not why I came. I came to complain about Not Barristan and Strong Belwas again.
Dany: Ugh. I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT.
Jorah: But remember? The prophesy! It said you would be betrayed THREE TIMES! Once for blood, once for gold, and once for love. Mirri Maz Duur was the first.
Dany: Yes. That was the blood one. And you think Not Barristan and Belwas will be the next to betray me?
Jorah: Indeed. They are working for Illyrio. Not for you. Remember what the next betrayal will be? For gold! Illyrio would sell you out in a second for some gold.
Dany: What? NO WAY! Illyrio would never sell me for gold!
Jorah: Uh. He already did.
Dany: Huh?
Jorah: He literally sold you to the Dothraki once before.
Dany: Oh yeah, right. I kind of forgot about him selling me as an underage sex slave to a barbarian warlord to rape. But all is forgotten since I wound up falling in love with that barbarian warlord rapist! So it's all okay now!
Jorah: It is really, really not.
Dany: Well, if you don't think we can trust Illyrio... what do we do? We're on his ships that he sent for us... heading back to Pentos!
Jorah: I say we DON'T go to Pentos. Instead we go to Astapor, in the Slaver's Bay. Then we buy some Unsullied eunuch slave warriors.
Dany: Wow, again with you and the slavery.
Jorah: No, hear me out here! They are world renowned for their strength and invincibility! Have you ever heard the story of the Three Thousand of Qohor? Three thousand Unsullied held off a force of twenty thousand Dothraki attackers!
Dany: This just sounds like a recycled version of "300" with another zero added.
Jorah: Maybe. But with all those troops - we could simply sail to the Seven Kingdoms and take it back! Besides, all these soldiers will help to protect you. Remember that the false King in Westeros put a bounty out on your head. You're not invincible. Even dragons die.
Dany: Cryptic. Why would you say that to me? And no, I obviously haven't forgotten that there is a contract out on my head. Grrrr! It makes me so angry! All that money to kill me? How rude! I bet there are tons of people out there who could be tempted into betraying me for that kind of moolah. If I ever figure out that any people working for me are presently or EVER HAVE BEEN employed by the false kings of Westeros to betray me... why... I don't know what I'd do! Something nasty though.
Jorah: *sweats nervously*
Dany: And where am I going to get money to buy a bunch of slaves anyway?
Jorah: From here... all the riches on board Illyrio's three ships!
Dany: So Jorah, let me get this straight. I'm stuck at the end of the fucking earth in horrible Qarth were everyone in the city is trying to murder me. I'm almost killed by some scorpion thing when these two guys show up to save my life. The two guys work for Illyrio, who sent three ships to save me and take me back to Pentos. Illyrio who helped raise me for several years and protect me. And your plan is to STEAL EVERYTHING FROM HIM?
Jorah: Well, if he is truly loyal to you and your cause, then it's not stealing. He will be GLAD that you are buying an army to attack the Seven Kingdoms.
Dany: That's still a really messed up plan, but I kind of like it.
Jorah: I knew you'd see things my way. Now let's have sex!
Jorah pretty much jumps on top of her and starts kissing her against her will.
Dany kicks him in the balls.
Dany: Whoa now, Donald Trump. I am your queen. You should not have done that.
Jorah: No, I should have done it long ago!
Dany: Gross.
Jorah: Surely must remember the prophesy that "The Dragon Has Three Heads," right? When these three dragons are grown, you will need two others to help you ride them.
Dany: That's a bit of a non sequitur, but okay. I had two brothers but they are both dead.
Jorah: So why not take up a husband? Drogo is dead too. You need to get over him and marry again. I can be one of your Dragon riders! Marry me! No man in the world will be half as loyal to me as you!
Dany: Geez, you just do NOT get the friend zone, do you?
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