Dany is chilling in a town of the Lamb Men, aka the Lhazareen. And by "chilling," I mean watching wanton rape, murder and destruction. That's kind of what the Dothraki do. They go to villages of rivals and rape and murder everyone.
Technically it wasn't even Khal Drogo who started it. A rival Khal, Ogo, attacked the town first. And even though Ogo was just at the feast for Drogo and Dany in Vaes Dothrak - what happens in Las Vaes Dothrak stays in Las Vaes Dothrak. So Drogo just attacked the forces of Ogo and started killing them all. This made the Lamb Men happy, because they thought they were being saved by Drogo. But really, Drogo's army just wanted to do all the raping and plundering itself, rather than let Ogo's men have all the fun.
And thus here we are with the survivors of Ogo's men and the Lhazareen being bound up and chained into slavery.
Jorah: See Dany... this whole slavery thing isn't that bad. Take it from me and several officials in the Trump administration.
Dany: You're messed up, man. Any news from my husband?
Jorah: Oh yeah, he's captured Ogo and his son. He killed them.
Dany: Brutal. We were just having a meal with them the other day. They watched me eat horse heart.
Jorah: Most of Ogo's men have run away, but we've still got a lot of captives. Like 10,000 or something. We should probably head south to Mereen and sell them there. Slaves fetch a better price in the South, as one would expect because the South is pretty much fucked up in every country that has a South. Drogo also received some minor wounds in the battle. Probably nothing to worry about though.
Dany: Nothing to worry about? What the hell?! This is olden times. We don't even have antiseptics!
Jorah: Nah, I'm sure it's nothing. I wouldn't quite go building a pyre to burn yourself on quite yet. He'll be fine.
Dany is then treated to the wonderful sight of a brutal gang rape like 15 feet away from her.
Dany: HEY! HEY! CUT THAT OUT! STOP IT! I COMMAND YOU AS YOUR KHALEESI!
The Dothraki are totally shocked. Raping is part of their culture. Just one of many things the Dothraki has in common with fraternities on college campuses. So they just ignore Dany and keep on going.
Dany: Jorah! Jhogo! Quaro! Stop them!
Jhogo: Why? It is an honor for a lamb woman to be mounted by a Dothraki.
Quaro: Yes! An honor! Just like it was an honor for that girl with Kobe.
Irri: It is known.
Dany: JORAH, DO SOMETHING!
Jorah: Geez, you really are your brother's sister, huh? And by that I mean Rhaegar. Not shitty Dragon Lad.
Jorah goes over and breaks it up. Which requires killing the two rapists because, hey, that seems like something you should probably do to rapists. Dany then tells Doreah to tend to the wounds of the rape victim which seems like a sensible job for someone who's occupation is "sex teacher."
Dany rides along through the carnage and saves more girls from rape. The whole thing is SUPER messed up and I'm incredibly uncomfortable even writing this chapter. Jorah tells her she can't save them all, but she doesn't listen.
Dany eventually finds her husband and sees the "minor" wound that Jorah had mentioned.
Dany: WHAT THE HELL?! You have an entire nipple sliced off! That was my favorite one too!
Drogo: This? But merely a flesh wound. Give Dro Go character. Make Dro Go look distinguished.
Dany: And with your nipple cut off I didn't even notice that YOU ALSO HAVE AN ARROW STICKING OUT OF YOUR ARM!!!!
Drogo: Arrow? No. That Dro Go's new jewelry. He get shot in arm but like it. Very fashionable. All Dothraki will wear soon.
One of the Dothraki, Mago, then rides up to Drogo and begins to speak to his Khal in the Dothraki language. He's angry and tells Drogo about all the women that Dany was saving from rape and murder.
Drogo: Is this true, Dan Ares Wife?
Dany: Yeah.
Drogo: Rape what we Dothraki do. Did you no get memo?
Dany: It's just not right! At least have the raped girls marry the rapists after it's done! You know... like it says in Deuteronomy. By the way everyone, the bible is fucked up.
Jorah: Whoa now Dany, we're getting into some rough territory there. Maybe you should have mentioned General Hospital instead. Like with Luke and Laura.
Qotho: Qotho no marry lamb woman! Horse no breed with sheep!
Dany: That analogy doesn't even make sense, since you were LITERALLY just mounting and having sexual activity with that lamb lady. If you want to talk analogies... DRAGONS eat both horse and sheep. So shut your mouth down before I shut it for you.
Drogo: Ha ha ha! OW!!! Dan Ares Wife so funny and know how to give shit to Dro Go's men. I would laugh more, but it causes much pain to lungs with cut off nipple.
Dany: Ohmygod honey, are you okay? It really looks like you're wincing there! Is there a doctor anywhere here? Anywhere? Hello? A doctor? Please!
Mirri Maz Duur: I'm sort of a doctor. More like a "healer," really. Can I help?
Dany: Who the hell are you?
Mirri Maz Duur: I am Mirri Maz Duur, one of the Lamb Ladies that you just saved from being raped.
Aggo: No listen to Lamb Lady! I cut her throat! She no doctor! She crazy lamb witch!
Dany: NO! STOP! Don't cut her throat. Surely we can trust this crazy lamb witch who just saw her entire village burned to the ground and everyone she knows be raped and murdered. Surely she's so grateful that I stopped her from being raped that she'll now immediately side with us and help heal the very leader who commanded her to be raped and killed everyone she knows.
Mirri Maz Duur: Yes. Of course you can trust me. MWAHAHAHAHA.
Aggo: See? You hear that? EVIL LAUGH! EVIL LAUGH!
Dany: I didn't hear any evil laugh. So how did you come to be a healer, Mirri Maz Duur?
Mirri Maz Duur: Well, it's a long story. But generally I just follow all the medical advise provided by Gweneth Paltrow on Goop.
Dany: Seems legit.
Mirri Maz Duur: Bring Khal Drogo into my temple. My healing powers are better there.
Drogo rises to stand up, but falls down in pain.
Dany: Here honey, let me help you.
She helps him to the temple. Everyone else follows.
Mirri Maz Duur: Uhh... some privacy, please? I don't need everyone standing around and watching me as Ikill curse heal him.
But the rest won't go. They don't trust her blindly, like Dany does. They stay there and hold Drogo down as Mirri Maz Duur pulls out the arrow and pours boiling wine onto his wounds. Needless to say, it hurts and Drogo is screaming in pain. It takes every single person in the room to hold Drogo down so he doesn't jump up and begin punching everyone in their face.
Mirri Maz Duur: Next, we will need to put a plaster on Drogo to keep his wounds clean. Ahh.. let's see... let's see... plaster... plaster... AH! this should do!
Mirri throws some fucking leaves that were laying around on the floor on the wounds. That's right, the awesome healing power of LEAVES. Remember that time you broke your arm riding a bike and the doctor recommended you put a cast of maple leaves around it? Yeah, I don't either.
Mirri Maz Duur: Do not drink wine or milk of the poppy for ten days. And do not pull this plaster off, no matter how much it itches. And do not go into the pool within one hour after eating. And please... please... please, Drogo -- DO NOT FEED THE MOGWAI AFTER MIDNIGHT!
Drogo: Dro Go thank witch lady but now Dro Go feel itch.
Drogo begins ripping leaves off and starts scratching his wound.
Drogo: Ahhhhhh! Scratch itch good.
Mirri Maz Duur: STOP IT! I JUST TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT.
Dany: Wow Mirri Maz Duur, you seem like a really good doctor. You know, when I have my baby I'd like for you to be there and help deliver my child.
Drogo: Wife Dan Ares no ask slave woman. Wife Dan Ares TELL slave woman.
Mirri Maz Duur: Oh, it would be an honor, Dany. Such an honor. MWAHAHAHAHA!
Aggo: See? There it goes again, Dany! You CANNOT tell me that you didn't hear that!
Dany: Hear what, Aggo?
Technically it wasn't even Khal Drogo who started it. A rival Khal, Ogo, attacked the town first. And even though Ogo was just at the feast for Drogo and Dany in Vaes Dothrak - what happens in Las Vaes Dothrak stays in Las Vaes Dothrak. So Drogo just attacked the forces of Ogo and started killing them all. This made the Lamb Men happy, because they thought they were being saved by Drogo. But really, Drogo's army just wanted to do all the raping and plundering itself, rather than let Ogo's men have all the fun.
And thus here we are with the survivors of Ogo's men and the Lhazareen being bound up and chained into slavery.
Jorah: See Dany... this whole slavery thing isn't that bad. Take it from me and several officials in the Trump administration.
Dany: You're messed up, man. Any news from my husband?
Jorah: Oh yeah, he's captured Ogo and his son. He killed them.
Dany: Brutal. We were just having a meal with them the other day. They watched me eat horse heart.
Jorah: Most of Ogo's men have run away, but we've still got a lot of captives. Like 10,000 or something. We should probably head south to Mereen and sell them there. Slaves fetch a better price in the South, as one would expect because the South is pretty much fucked up in every country that has a South. Drogo also received some minor wounds in the battle. Probably nothing to worry about though.
Dany: Nothing to worry about? What the hell?! This is olden times. We don't even have antiseptics!
Jorah: Nah, I'm sure it's nothing. I wouldn't quite go building a pyre to burn yourself on quite yet. He'll be fine.
Dany is then treated to the wonderful sight of a brutal gang rape like 15 feet away from her.
Dany: HEY! HEY! CUT THAT OUT! STOP IT! I COMMAND YOU AS YOUR KHALEESI!
The Dothraki are totally shocked. Raping is part of their culture. Just one of many things the Dothraki has in common with fraternities on college campuses. So they just ignore Dany and keep on going.
Dany: Jorah! Jhogo! Quaro! Stop them!
Jhogo: Why? It is an honor for a lamb woman to be mounted by a Dothraki.
Quaro: Yes! An honor! Just like it was an honor for that girl with Kobe.
Irri: It is known.
Dany: JORAH, DO SOMETHING!
Jorah: Geez, you really are your brother's sister, huh? And by that I mean Rhaegar. Not shitty Dragon Lad.
Jorah goes over and breaks it up. Which requires killing the two rapists because, hey, that seems like something you should probably do to rapists. Dany then tells Doreah to tend to the wounds of the rape victim which seems like a sensible job for someone who's occupation is "sex teacher."
Dany rides along through the carnage and saves more girls from rape. The whole thing is SUPER messed up and I'm incredibly uncomfortable even writing this chapter. Jorah tells her she can't save them all, but she doesn't listen.
Dany eventually finds her husband and sees the "minor" wound that Jorah had mentioned.
Dany: WHAT THE HELL?! You have an entire nipple sliced off! That was my favorite one too!
Drogo: This? But merely a flesh wound. Give Dro Go character. Make Dro Go look distinguished.
Dany: And with your nipple cut off I didn't even notice that YOU ALSO HAVE AN ARROW STICKING OUT OF YOUR ARM!!!!
Drogo: Arrow? No. That Dro Go's new jewelry. He get shot in arm but like it. Very fashionable. All Dothraki will wear soon.
One of the Dothraki, Mago, then rides up to Drogo and begins to speak to his Khal in the Dothraki language. He's angry and tells Drogo about all the women that Dany was saving from rape and murder.
Drogo: Is this true, Dan Ares Wife?
Dany: Yeah.
Drogo: Rape what we Dothraki do. Did you no get memo?
Dany: It's just not right! At least have the raped girls marry the rapists after it's done! You know... like it says in Deuteronomy. By the way everyone, the bible is fucked up.
Jorah: Whoa now Dany, we're getting into some rough territory there. Maybe you should have mentioned General Hospital instead. Like with Luke and Laura.
Qotho: Qotho no marry lamb woman! Horse no breed with sheep!
Dany: That analogy doesn't even make sense, since you were LITERALLY just mounting and having sexual activity with that lamb lady. If you want to talk analogies... DRAGONS eat both horse and sheep. So shut your mouth down before I shut it for you.
Drogo: Ha ha ha! OW!!! Dan Ares Wife so funny and know how to give shit to Dro Go's men. I would laugh more, but it causes much pain to lungs with cut off nipple.
Dany: Ohmygod honey, are you okay? It really looks like you're wincing there! Is there a doctor anywhere here? Anywhere? Hello? A doctor? Please!
Mirri Maz Duur: I'm sort of a doctor. More like a "healer," really. Can I help?
Dany: Who the hell are you?
Mirri Maz Duur: I am Mirri Maz Duur, one of the Lamb Ladies that you just saved from being raped.
Aggo: No listen to Lamb Lady! I cut her throat! She no doctor! She crazy lamb witch!
Dany: NO! STOP! Don't cut her throat. Surely we can trust this crazy lamb witch who just saw her entire village burned to the ground and everyone she knows be raped and murdered. Surely she's so grateful that I stopped her from being raped that she'll now immediately side with us and help heal the very leader who commanded her to be raped and killed everyone she knows.
Mirri Maz Duur: Yes. Of course you can trust me. MWAHAHAHAHA.
Aggo: See? You hear that? EVIL LAUGH! EVIL LAUGH!
Dany: I didn't hear any evil laugh. So how did you come to be a healer, Mirri Maz Duur?
Mirri Maz Duur: Well, it's a long story. But generally I just follow all the medical advise provided by Gweneth Paltrow on Goop.
Dany: Seems legit.
Mirri Maz Duur: Bring Khal Drogo into my temple. My healing powers are better there.
Drogo rises to stand up, but falls down in pain.
Dany: Here honey, let me help you.
She helps him to the temple. Everyone else follows.
Mirri Maz Duur: Uhh... some privacy, please? I don't need everyone standing around and watching me as I
But the rest won't go. They don't trust her blindly, like Dany does. They stay there and hold Drogo down as Mirri Maz Duur pulls out the arrow and pours boiling wine onto his wounds. Needless to say, it hurts and Drogo is screaming in pain. It takes every single person in the room to hold Drogo down so he doesn't jump up and begin punching everyone in their face.
Mirri Maz Duur: Next, we will need to put a plaster on Drogo to keep his wounds clean. Ahh.. let's see... let's see... plaster... plaster... AH! this should do!
Mirri throws some fucking leaves that were laying around on the floor on the wounds. That's right, the awesome healing power of LEAVES. Remember that time you broke your arm riding a bike and the doctor recommended you put a cast of maple leaves around it? Yeah, I don't either.
Mirri Maz Duur: Do not drink wine or milk of the poppy for ten days. And do not pull this plaster off, no matter how much it itches. And do not go into the pool within one hour after eating. And please... please... please, Drogo -- DO NOT FEED THE MOGWAI AFTER MIDNIGHT!
Drogo: Dro Go thank witch lady but now Dro Go feel itch.
Drogo begins ripping leaves off and starts scratching his wound.
Drogo: Ahhhhhh! Scratch itch good.
Mirri Maz Duur: STOP IT! I JUST TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT.
Dany: Wow Mirri Maz Duur, you seem like a really good doctor. You know, when I have my baby I'd like for you to be there and help deliver my child.
Drogo: Wife Dan Ares no ask slave woman. Wife Dan Ares TELL slave woman.
Mirri Maz Duur: Oh, it would be an honor, Dany. Such an honor. MWAHAHAHAHA!
Aggo: See? There it goes again, Dany! You CANNOT tell me that you didn't hear that!
Dany: Hear what, Aggo?
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