Dany is dreaming. She remembers her annoying brother.
Viserys: DON'T WAKE THE DRAGON!
She walks down a hall in her dream. She leaves bloody footprints. Then she is suddenly out in the open, with her beloved Drogo.
Drogo: Yo. I'm Drogo. Have you seen the latest numbers from the S&P 500? Crazy, huh? Now let's have sex.
This is a dream, so Drogo is allowed to talk like that. They start to have sex. The stars vanish from the sky and the world sets itself on fire. This is a pretty metal dream.
Jorah: I'm sorry, Khalessi. The last dragon was Rhaegar. You can not microwave these eggs and make dragons come out.
Dany: Eww. Why does Jorah have to show up in my sexy world on fire dream? Nasty. Even in dreamworld he won't even accept the "friend zone" limitations I put on him.
Viserys: THE DRAGON WILL BE CROWNED! CROWNED! AHAHAHEEHEHEHE!
Viserys then pinches her nipples.
Dany: Wow. That is even worse than Jorah.
Dany runs to a red door.
Dany: And I want it painted black. No colors anymore, I want them to turn black.
Indeed everything is black now. Total darkness. But then her son, Rhaego, emerges. Only Rhaego is not a child in her womb... but a man fully grown. He is a warrior, proud and tall.
Rhaego: Hey mom! I wanted to know if I could--- OH GOD! OH GOD! THE BURNING! THE BURNING! AGHHHH!!!!
Flames consume him. He is dead. Ghosts of dead kings fly around and haunt her. She continues running to the red door. She opens the door and sees her cool brother, Rhaegar, in his suit of armor.
She lifts up the visor on his helmet. But it's not Rhaegar. It's her own face.
Dany: Oh shit. Super weird. My own face under that mask? It's just like the last episode of The Prisoner. Is someone going to start singing "Dem Bones" for no reason at all?
Dany wakes up and tastes ashes. Which is super odd.
Jhiqui: Yay! You finally woke up from your nightmare. I knew my secret recipe of "ash soup" would wake you up at last!
Dany: Oh, Jhiqui! It's you, thank goodness. I was having the weirdest dream. Hey! Why is my body so sore?
Jhiqui: Uhh...
Jhiqui then leaves, because she doesn't want to tell Dany the bad news. Dany then crawls over towards her eggs when Jorah and Mirri Maz Duur show up.
Mirri Maz Duur: Here, take this.
She hands Dany something in a cup. Dany drinks it. She falls right back asleep again. This time with no dreams.
This happens several more times. Dany wakes up. They give Dany something that makes her fall asleep again.
Dany: Will you a-holes stop giving me roofies and just let me stay awake?
Jhiqui: You need your rest, Khaleesi. You are very weak.
Dany: NO! What I need is a bath, a pack of M&Ms, some light reading, Jorah, Mirri Maz Duur, my husband, and my child.
Jhiqui: Okay then, I will go fetch you some water for a bath, a pack of M&Ms, some light reading, Jorah, and Mirri Maz Duur.
Dany: And those other things I asked for!
Jhiqui: Uhhhh... well this is awkward. You see--
Jorah and Mirri Maz Duur then walk into the scene.
Mirri Maz Duur: --Your son is dead. Oh, did you think you were trading the life of a horse for Drogo? Nope. You traded a horse, your son, Quaro, Qotho, Haggo, and Cohollo. That was probably the most lopsided trade in history. Maybe with the exception of the 1983 NFL Draft when the Colts traded No. 1 pick John Elway to the Broncos in exchange for quarterback Mark Hermann, the rights to offensive tackle Chris Hinton, and a first-round pick in the 1984 draft.
Jorah: Which ended up being guard Ron Solt.
Mirri Maz Duur: Yes, Ron Solt. I believe that is correct.
Jorah: Although you can't COMPLETELY blame the Colts. It's not like they didn't see the value of Elway. Elway had publicly made statements saying that he didn't want the Colts to pick him, and that he would refuse to play for them.
Irri: It is known. What were the Colts supposed to do? Not pick him? No, it was much better to pick him anyway rather than settle for drafting an inferior player.
Doreah: I agree as well. Conceptually, getting Hermann, Hinton and a future first round pick was a great trade. Hermann was a great college football player whose accolades included being Big Ten Conference's Most Valuable Player, being the MVP in three straight bowl games, and winning the Sammy Baugh Trophy.
Jorah: And Chris Hinton was the overall fourth pick in the draft. So it's not like he was too shabby either.
Irri: It is known. So, as you can see, Mirri Maz Duur, while it seems very lopsided in hindsight -- who could have known at the time that Elway would go on to win two Super Bowls, be selected as a Pro Bowler nine times, and be inducted into Hall of Fame?
Doreah: Another excellent point, Irri. The No. 1 pick the year before, defensive end Kenneth Sims, was a bit of a wash. He never even got to a single Pro Bowl. It just proves that you can never tell how a number one pick will do, or what your trade is worth.
Mirri Maz Duur: Well, fair enough.
Dany: OKAY, EVERYONE STOP TALKING ABOUT THE 1983 NFL DRAFT! Are you all just trying to distract me from the fact that my SON IS DEAD?!
Mirri Maz Duur: Oh, not just DEAD. More like NEVER BORN. That thing popped out as a stillbirth. And it had lizard skin. There were worms crawling in it. It smelled like it had been dead forever. It was SUPER GROSS. Nasty.
Dany: Well, I guess that trade sucked. But I asked to see my husband, Drogo. I traded my son for his life. At least let me see him.
Mirri Maz Duur: Ho ho ho! Oh man, I got another doozy for you coming up with that one!
Dany tries to stand up but gets dizzy. Jorah helps her to her feet.
Dany: What are you talking about, you crazy witch? Let me see my husband!
Mirri Maz Duur: Well... follow me!
And so she leads Dany to her husband. As Dany limps along - she sees what is left of her camp. Very little. It looks like all of the Dothraki have abandoned the place and Dany has barely anyone left with the exception of her servants and a few loyal members of her Khas, such as Jhogo.
Dany: Oh, what the hell happened here?
Jhogo: Ah, well first Ko Pono declared himself as the new khal. But then after that Jhaqo said HE was the new Khal. The two of them took most of the riders, the herds, and the slaves. After that, pretty much everyone who was left snuck out at night. Oh... and remember that girl Eroeh that Mago was trying to rape? Then you stopped Mago. Well, Mago declared himself a bloodrider to Khal Jhaqo, took Eroeh, and raped and murdered her. So a fat lot of good you "saving" her did. Jhaqo probably has like 20,000 riders.
Dany: Awesome. And I'm saying that sarcastically. Now where is my husband?
Mirri Maz Duur: Here you go!
Drogo is laying on the ground with flies all over him. His eyes are open and he is breathing. But that's pretty much it. He can't talk or stand or make any facial expressions. If you try to feed him he'll eat. His eyes follow the sun as it moves through the sky. But other than that... nothing.
Dany: WHAT THE HELL?! This isn't alive!
Mirri Maz Duur: Technically it's alive. You said that you were willing to trade for him to be alive. Well here he is. Breathing. Eating. Heart beating. That counts.
Dany: YOU TRICKY BITCH! He's, like, brain dead!
Mirri Maz Duur: Sort of, sure. But you should have read the fine print on the whole "life" deal.
Dany: When will he be back to the way he was?
Mirri Maz Duur: When the sun rises in the west and sets in the east. When the seas go dry and mountains blow in the wind like leaves. When Microsoft Bing becomes the most popular internet browser and when "fetch" finally happens. When your womb quickens again, and you bear a living child. Then he will return, and not before.
Dany: So... what... is that like next Thursday or something? I mean the Cubs finally won a freaking World Series, so I wouldn't count out the possibility of the sun turning around either.
Jorah: Khalessi, she's being metaphorical. I believe she's naming things that will never occur in a way so as to indicate that Drogo will never get better.
Dany: What do you mean things that will never occur? It's not like my womb will never quicken aga--oh... oh... I see what she did there. I see. So I'm barren now too? My son is dead. My husband is brain dead. And I can never have another child?
Mirri Maz Duur: YEP! Hahaha... guess that whole "Stallion that Mounts the World" thing is never going to happen now, eh? Your son will burn no temples and conquer no nations.
Dany: BITCH! I SAVED YOUR LIFE!
Mirri Maz Duur: Yes... you saved my life after my home and entire village was burned down. After I had been raped several times and after every single person I know was murdered before my eyes. After everything was taken away from me. You now see what life if worth when all except life itself is taken away?
Dany: What?
Jorah: Khaleesi, she's being metaphorical again. You see, this time it's a metaphor about Drogo. Everything was taken away from her... and yet she still lives. Now, everything that was meaningful about Drogo is taken away from him... and yet he still lives. He is but a shell now, and she is trying to say that she is just a shell too.
Dany: Oh, I see. Well, I guess we should ready up a big bonfire to throw this fucking shell on. Oh, and someone also get me a pillow.
Doreah gets her a pillow. Dany goes over to Drogo and props his body up to stare at a beautiful, blossoming grove.
Dany: Look at the flowers, Drogo. Look at the flowers.
Viserys: DON'T WAKE THE DRAGON!
She walks down a hall in her dream. She leaves bloody footprints. Then she is suddenly out in the open, with her beloved Drogo.
Drogo: Yo. I'm Drogo. Have you seen the latest numbers from the S&P 500? Crazy, huh? Now let's have sex.
This is a dream, so Drogo is allowed to talk like that. They start to have sex. The stars vanish from the sky and the world sets itself on fire. This is a pretty metal dream.
Jorah: I'm sorry, Khalessi. The last dragon was Rhaegar. You can not microwave these eggs and make dragons come out.
Dany: Eww. Why does Jorah have to show up in my sexy world on fire dream? Nasty. Even in dreamworld he won't even accept the "friend zone" limitations I put on him.
Viserys: THE DRAGON WILL BE CROWNED! CROWNED! AHAHAHEEHEHEHE!
Viserys then pinches her nipples.
Dany: Wow. That is even worse than Jorah.
Dany runs to a red door.
Dany: And I want it painted black. No colors anymore, I want them to turn black.
Indeed everything is black now. Total darkness. But then her son, Rhaego, emerges. Only Rhaego is not a child in her womb... but a man fully grown. He is a warrior, proud and tall.
Rhaego: Hey mom! I wanted to know if I could--- OH GOD! OH GOD! THE BURNING! THE BURNING! AGHHHH!!!!
Flames consume him. He is dead. Ghosts of dead kings fly around and haunt her. She continues running to the red door. She opens the door and sees her cool brother, Rhaegar, in his suit of armor.
She lifts up the visor on his helmet. But it's not Rhaegar. It's her own face.
Dany: Oh shit. Super weird. My own face under that mask? It's just like the last episode of The Prisoner. Is someone going to start singing "Dem Bones" for no reason at all?
Dany wakes up and tastes ashes. Which is super odd.
Jhiqui: Yay! You finally woke up from your nightmare. I knew my secret recipe of "ash soup" would wake you up at last!
Dany: Oh, Jhiqui! It's you, thank goodness. I was having the weirdest dream. Hey! Why is my body so sore?
Jhiqui: Uhh...
Jhiqui then leaves, because she doesn't want to tell Dany the bad news. Dany then crawls over towards her eggs when Jorah and Mirri Maz Duur show up.
Mirri Maz Duur: Here, take this.
She hands Dany something in a cup. Dany drinks it. She falls right back asleep again. This time with no dreams.
This happens several more times. Dany wakes up. They give Dany something that makes her fall asleep again.
Dany: Will you a-holes stop giving me roofies and just let me stay awake?
Jhiqui: You need your rest, Khaleesi. You are very weak.
Dany: NO! What I need is a bath, a pack of M&Ms, some light reading, Jorah, Mirri Maz Duur, my husband, and my child.
Jhiqui: Okay then, I will go fetch you some water for a bath, a pack of M&Ms, some light reading, Jorah, and Mirri Maz Duur.
Dany: And those other things I asked for!
Jhiqui: Uhhhh... well this is awkward. You see--
Jorah and Mirri Maz Duur then walk into the scene.
Mirri Maz Duur: --Your son is dead. Oh, did you think you were trading the life of a horse for Drogo? Nope. You traded a horse, your son, Quaro, Qotho, Haggo, and Cohollo. That was probably the most lopsided trade in history. Maybe with the exception of the 1983 NFL Draft when the Colts traded No. 1 pick John Elway to the Broncos in exchange for quarterback Mark Hermann, the rights to offensive tackle Chris Hinton, and a first-round pick in the 1984 draft.
Jorah: Which ended up being guard Ron Solt.
Mirri Maz Duur: Yes, Ron Solt. I believe that is correct.
Jorah: Although you can't COMPLETELY blame the Colts. It's not like they didn't see the value of Elway. Elway had publicly made statements saying that he didn't want the Colts to pick him, and that he would refuse to play for them.
Irri: It is known. What were the Colts supposed to do? Not pick him? No, it was much better to pick him anyway rather than settle for drafting an inferior player.
Doreah: I agree as well. Conceptually, getting Hermann, Hinton and a future first round pick was a great trade. Hermann was a great college football player whose accolades included being Big Ten Conference's Most Valuable Player, being the MVP in three straight bowl games, and winning the Sammy Baugh Trophy.
Jorah: And Chris Hinton was the overall fourth pick in the draft. So it's not like he was too shabby either.
Irri: It is known. So, as you can see, Mirri Maz Duur, while it seems very lopsided in hindsight -- who could have known at the time that Elway would go on to win two Super Bowls, be selected as a Pro Bowler nine times, and be inducted into Hall of Fame?
Doreah: Another excellent point, Irri. The No. 1 pick the year before, defensive end Kenneth Sims, was a bit of a wash. He never even got to a single Pro Bowl. It just proves that you can never tell how a number one pick will do, or what your trade is worth.
Mirri Maz Duur: Well, fair enough.
Dany: OKAY, EVERYONE STOP TALKING ABOUT THE 1983 NFL DRAFT! Are you all just trying to distract me from the fact that my SON IS DEAD?!
Mirri Maz Duur: Oh, not just DEAD. More like NEVER BORN. That thing popped out as a stillbirth. And it had lizard skin. There were worms crawling in it. It smelled like it had been dead forever. It was SUPER GROSS. Nasty.
Dany: Well, I guess that trade sucked. But I asked to see my husband, Drogo. I traded my son for his life. At least let me see him.
Mirri Maz Duur: Ho ho ho! Oh man, I got another doozy for you coming up with that one!
Dany tries to stand up but gets dizzy. Jorah helps her to her feet.
Dany: What are you talking about, you crazy witch? Let me see my husband!
Mirri Maz Duur: Well... follow me!
And so she leads Dany to her husband. As Dany limps along - she sees what is left of her camp. Very little. It looks like all of the Dothraki have abandoned the place and Dany has barely anyone left with the exception of her servants and a few loyal members of her Khas, such as Jhogo.
Dany: Oh, what the hell happened here?
Jhogo: Ah, well first Ko Pono declared himself as the new khal. But then after that Jhaqo said HE was the new Khal. The two of them took most of the riders, the herds, and the slaves. After that, pretty much everyone who was left snuck out at night. Oh... and remember that girl Eroeh that Mago was trying to rape? Then you stopped Mago. Well, Mago declared himself a bloodrider to Khal Jhaqo, took Eroeh, and raped and murdered her. So a fat lot of good you "saving" her did. Jhaqo probably has like 20,000 riders.
Dany: Awesome. And I'm saying that sarcastically. Now where is my husband?
Mirri Maz Duur: Here you go!
Drogo is laying on the ground with flies all over him. His eyes are open and he is breathing. But that's pretty much it. He can't talk or stand or make any facial expressions. If you try to feed him he'll eat. His eyes follow the sun as it moves through the sky. But other than that... nothing.
Dany: WHAT THE HELL?! This isn't alive!
Mirri Maz Duur: Technically it's alive. You said that you were willing to trade for him to be alive. Well here he is. Breathing. Eating. Heart beating. That counts.
Dany: YOU TRICKY BITCH! He's, like, brain dead!
Mirri Maz Duur: Sort of, sure. But you should have read the fine print on the whole "life" deal.
Dany: When will he be back to the way he was?
Mirri Maz Duur: When the sun rises in the west and sets in the east. When the seas go dry and mountains blow in the wind like leaves. When Microsoft Bing becomes the most popular internet browser and when "fetch" finally happens. When your womb quickens again, and you bear a living child. Then he will return, and not before.
Dany: So... what... is that like next Thursday or something? I mean the Cubs finally won a freaking World Series, so I wouldn't count out the possibility of the sun turning around either.
Jorah: Khalessi, she's being metaphorical. I believe she's naming things that will never occur in a way so as to indicate that Drogo will never get better.
Dany: What do you mean things that will never occur? It's not like my womb will never quicken aga--oh... oh... I see what she did there. I see. So I'm barren now too? My son is dead. My husband is brain dead. And I can never have another child?
Mirri Maz Duur: YEP! Hahaha... guess that whole "Stallion that Mounts the World" thing is never going to happen now, eh? Your son will burn no temples and conquer no nations.
Dany: BITCH! I SAVED YOUR LIFE!
Mirri Maz Duur: Yes... you saved my life after my home and entire village was burned down. After I had been raped several times and after every single person I know was murdered before my eyes. After everything was taken away from me. You now see what life if worth when all except life itself is taken away?
Dany: What?
Jorah: Khaleesi, she's being metaphorical again. You see, this time it's a metaphor about Drogo. Everything was taken away from her... and yet she still lives. Now, everything that was meaningful about Drogo is taken away from him... and yet he still lives. He is but a shell now, and she is trying to say that she is just a shell too.
Dany: Oh, I see. Well, I guess we should ready up a big bonfire to throw this fucking shell on. Oh, and someone also get me a pillow.
Doreah gets her a pillow. Dany goes over to Drogo and props his body up to stare at a beautiful, blossoming grove.
Dany: Look at the flowers, Drogo. Look at the flowers.
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