Sunday, December 24, 2017

ACoK 5: Arya II

Day after day. Every day. Arya and her crew travel from dawn til dusk, heading north on the way to Castle Black (via Winterfell).  And every night they eat with only the light of the red comet.

Hot Pie: What do you think the comet represent?

Lommy: Well Hot Pie, that's a good question. I hear that maybe it represents blood and fire, or perhaps a giant sword in the sky that ends summer, or perhaps the death of Ned Stark, or the beginning of the reign of King Joffrey, or--

Arya: --NO! NO! STOP! NO! STOP THIS NOW.

When they pass people, they are all heading South, towards Kings Landing.

Arya: Hrm, I wonder why nobody is going North like us.

Passing Merchant: There is a war up there, boy. Don't go north. There is nothing up there but death. You'd be better off selling all your possessions to me rather than going on and having them stolen from you by bandits and rogue armies.

Arya: Oh yeah, right. I guess that makes sense.

Yoren: No thanks, Merchant. We're with the Night's Watch. We're neutral in this war and nobody will touch us.

Passing Merchant: Hahahaha.... oh... that's a good one, dude. Pretty good. It's even more hilarious if you really believe that. Good luck!

As they keep heading north they pass a shallow grave. But it's really small.

Arya: Oh shit... a child's grave! That's pretty messed up. That's the type of thing which would usually shock and upset a little girl my age. But then again I've already killed another human being, so I'm way beyond that now.

Yoren: What do you mean little girl... you mean little boy, right BOY?

Arya: Oh right. Yeah. That.

Praed, A Sellsword: *cough*cough* It's not just one grave. There are a ton of graves for children. Look over there.

Arya: Odd. I wonder why we're pointing out that Praed is coughing.

Yoren: It's called a "Chekhov's gun," Arya. It means sometime later in the story, Praed will di--

--Praed drops dead right there.

Yoren: Oh, that usually takes a bit longer to happen. Usually it's more of a "mentioned early and then pays off later" kind of thing. Here, Bull, take Praed's sword.

Gendry: Yeah, we can stop "The Bull" stuff now and just call me "Gendry."

That evening they stop by an inn. They can't afford rooms, but they can get a hot meal and the innkeeper agrees that they can use the water hose out back to bathe down their stinky selves.

Arya: Well, I probably stink worse than Yoren, so I'll go wash myself down now--

Yoren: --Not so fast, BOY!

Arya: Oh right. DAMNIT. They'll see I don't have a wiener. So I guess I have to stay smelly then, huh?

Inkeeper: How about a free round of beer for you all? The Night's Watch are good people and I respect you. Ya know, my brother Lync was sent to the Wall for stealing pepper from our Lord. It was just a little pepper, you know!

Arya: Oh wow. Interesting! They revealed the specific name of a character named Lync who is up at the Wall. I bet that's some sort of Chekhov's gun that will pay off later too, right? He will be some sort of supporting character that has adventures with Jon?

Yoren: No. Lync will never be mentioned again. Drink this beer.

Arya: YAY! ... I love beer! Dad used to let me drink beer back in Winterfell. Since, you know, Starks are essentially white trash.

They all drink and talk with people in the inn. Everyone else agrees that their plan to go north is stupid.

Inkeeper: The fields have been burned, wild moon clan people from the Vale screaming about "Slim Jims" have been raiding. That young Robb Stark kid has come South to war.

Arya: OH HEY! My brother!!!

Yoren shoots her a dirty look.

Arya: I mean... ahh... my brother... uhm... is some other person. Completely unrelated to Robb Stark.

Refugee: You know, I hear up by the God's Eye there is this pack of wolves running around and killing people. They are super fierce! And they're lead by some kind of raging she-wolf. She's HUGE! Like a giant. Like some sort of direwolf.

Arya: Wait... what?

Refugee: A female direwolf. Leading a pack of wolves near the God's Eye.

Arya: OH SHIT! I wonder if that's Nymeria!

Yoren quietly pulls out a map of Westeros.

Yoren: *whispers to Arya* Hrm. Interesting theory. Where exactly did you abandon Nymeria?

Arya: Uhh... near the Trident River.

Yoren: Yes, yes. But the Trident River is big. In fact, it splits into three Rivers, hence "Trident." Do you have any more specific info about where on the Trident?

Arya: Uhm. Oh, I remember earlier that day me and Micah the Buthcer's boy were looking for rubies because we had heard that we were near some place where King Robert killed Rhaegar Targaryen. And Robert killed him with this big warhammer that smashed all the rubies in from the red dragon in his armor into the river.

Yoren: Ah yes, the famous "ruby ford" not that far south from the Inn at the Crossroads. Here is the approximate location you would have abandoned Nymeria back between AGoT Chapters 15 and 16.  And further south down here is the God's Eye. It's called that because it's a big lake with an island in the middle. So the island looks a little bit like a pupil. Technically the isle is called "the Isle of Faces."  Have you ever heard stories about it?

Arya: Nah. Hearing stories about old islands sounds like some Bran shit.

Yoren: Hrm, good point. Well, as you can see - the Ruby Ford and the God's Eye are not that far apart. If you abandoned Nymeria around the Ruby Ford, it would be highly probably that any siting of a female direwolf near the God's Eye would indeed by Nymeria. Especially since the God's Eye is a little south. Presumable the heart-broken Nymeria would have tried to keep following you after you abandoned her. And you were heading south from Winterfell to Kings Landing at the time. So if Nymeria went in any direction, south would be a good bet.

Arya: So can we just go ahead and call it canon that this wolf near the God's Eye is Nymeria?

Yoren: Yes. Let's call it canon.

Refugee: Anyway, I hear this she-wolf snatched a baby from a woman's arms and ate it whole.

Arya: Hahaha, CLASSIC NYMERIA! You know, up at Winterfell when I was with my family I--

Yoren: --SHHHHH! Get out of here, ARRY, you BOY and STOP REVEALING YOUR IDENTITY!

And so Arya goes outside to mope.  Also outside is the cart of prisoners in the wagon who are too dangerous to be let out. 

Jaqen H’ghar: Boy! Boy! A man would like another beer. A man would also like a shower. A boy could use a friend and a man could be a boy's friend.

Arya: Oh wow, that sounds really gross. Why exactly are you a prisoner again? Were you arrested for having some white van that used to park outside of elementary schools?

Rorge: Screw you, boy! Get over here and give me another beer! BEER! BEER!

Biter: *biting roises*

Jaqen H’ghar: Apologies for a man's companions, boy.

Arya: You talk a little like this guy I used to know named "Syrio Forel." He was from Braavos.

Jaqen H’ghar: A man is named Jaqen H’ghar and he is from Lorath. Lorath is one of the nine Free Cities of Essos. It is very close to Braavos.

Arya: How close? Can I see another map?

Jaqen H’ghar: No. One embedded map is enough for this chapter. If a boy would like to see the approximate relationship between Lorath and Braavos, then a boy should just click this hyperlink.

Rorge: BEEERRRR!!!

Rorge throws his empty beer tankard at Arya, but she dodges it. She then pulls her sword wooden out. She can't show any fear.

Biter lunges at her through the bars of the cart and Arya knocks him on the head with the butt of her sword. 

Jaqen H’ghar: A boy has more courage than common sense.

Arya: FEAR CUTS DEEPER THAN SWORDS.

She feels a hand land on her shoulder from behind then. She spins quickly, ready to attack, but--

Gendry: --Hey Arry! GEEZ! You almost smacked the shit out of me. What's going on here?

Arya: Oh, hi Gendry. I was just messing around with these crazy people here.

Gendry: Don't do that. They're dangerous. That's why they're all chained and caged up.

Arya: I don't care. I'm not scared. FEAR CUTS DEEPER THAN SWORDS.

Gendry: If you're not scared then you're stupid. Even I'm scared of these guys. Come on, let's get out of here.

They walk off. But Arya is all pumped with adrenaline from facing off with the caged trio. 

Arya: Wanna fight?

Gendry: WHAT?

Arya: You heard me. Let's fight. But, you know, just for fun and stuff.

Gendry: I'm nearly twice as old as you and twice your size. Look how buff I am from working in a blacksmith shop. I will mess you up.

Arya: But I'm faster.

Gendry draws his new sword that he got from dead Praed earlier. Arya pulls out needle.

Arya: Okay, here we g--

Just then, six gold cloak soldiers ride up and surround the inn.

Gold Cloak: BY ORDER OF QUEEN CERSEI, WE COME WITH A WARRANT AND DEMAND TO SEE THE LEADER OF THE PARTY FROM THE KNIGHT'S WATCH!

Gendry and Arya, at the Same Time: Oh shit! They're looking for me! Hide!

They then look at each other, and wonder why they both said the exact same thing. They then hide behind some bushes.

Yoren walks out of the inn. 

Yoren: Just what the fuck is going on here?

Gold Cloak: Here is a warrant from Queen Cersei. You shall now turn over to us the individual we are looking for. We have information that this person is with your party.

Arya: Oh wow, that was oddly specific phrasing that carefully still didn't answer the question of who they were looking for. It even remained gender neutral by saying "person."

Yoren: Fuck off.

Gold Cloak: I have four men with me! We'll cut you down.

Yoren: And I have thirty men with me! Boys!

Out come Tarber, Cutjack, Kurz, Koss, Reysen, Dobber, Hot Pie, and others. Do you have to remember most of these characters? No.  They all carry weapons and point them at the Gold Cloaks. 

Arya: Wow, I can't believe that even fucking Hot Pie is standing up to protect me. I hate Hot Pie.  I can't let these guys risk thier lives for me.

Arya gets out from the bushes and walks to the Gold Cloaks. 

Arya: Here I am! Don't hurt my friends.

Gold Cloak: Get the fuck out of our face, little girl.

Arya: Uhhh... GIRL? I'm... uhh... a boy... I mean... errmm...

Gendry then walks up. 

Gendry: I'm the one they want, Arry. Stand aside.

Gold Cloak: Yep! That's the one! Take him.

Yoren unsheaths his sword. 

Yoren: You're not taking either one of them. You're taking nobody. You're turning around and going back home with jack shit.

Yoren pulls a quick-ass ninja move and spins around. Soon his sword is up to the throat of one of the Gold Cloaks, pressing into his jugular.

Gold Cloak: You know what? I think I want to turn around and go back home with jack shit.

The Gold Cloaks ride away.

Hot Pie: YEAH! Woo-hoo! We kicked ass!

Yoren: Shut your stupid ass up, fatty. You didn't do nothing. As for you, Gendry... DAMN. I didn't realize that the queen wanted you THAT bad.

Arya: Why the hell does the queen want lame as GENDRY? Just who is this guy? Shouldn't she be looking for me? After all, I'm Ar--

Yoren puts his hand over her mouth.

Yoren: --Arry, an annoying idiot BOY who talks too much.  Now let's keep riding and get the hell out of here before they decide to come back with more men. 

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