AGoT: Appendix

House Baratheon

Robert, a dead fatass who got killed by bacon.

• His wife Cersei, who kicked ass in The Sarah Connor Chronicles
• Children that are most definitely not his: 
• Joffrey, a sadistic shithead
• Myrcella, who has two beautiful ears that she hopes to keep forever
• Tommen, a bit slow
• His brothers:
• Stannis, a guy who hasn't even appeared yet
• Renly, who is much more "on the down low" in the books
• His small council:
• Grand Maester Julian Glover, a brilliant character actor
• Littlefinger, Cash Rules Everything Around Him
• Stannis again
• Renly again
• Varys, a guy they call "Spider" but who can't websling at all.  J. Jonah Jameson is never trying to take pictures of him.
• His court:
• Ilyn "House of" Payne, Ned should have been a little nicer to him
• The Hound, who will win no beauty pageants
• Janos Slynt, who has a "Make Westeros Great Again" bumper sticker on his wagon
• Other bullshit characters you can disregard
• The Kingsguard
• Barrsitan Selmy, but not really anymore
• Jaime Lannister, called the kingslayer, but he's really slaying the king's wife, if you know what I mean. With his penis. That's his sister too, by the way. 
• Mandy Moore
• Arys Oakheart, who isn't relevant for another three books
• Other characters who will never be important

House Stark

Ned, an avid fan of CSI and who recently became about a foot shorter.

• His wife Cat, who is completely to blame for everything that went wrong
• Their kids: 
• Robb, now in charge of the house despite the fact that he talks like a baby
• Sansa, annoying
• Arya, sociopathic serial killer in training
• Bran, who used to enjoy bipedal motion but now talks to birds about corn a lot
• Rickon, literally a throwaway character
• His nephew bastard Jon Snow
• Theon Greyjoy, a hostage with Stockholm syndrome
• His dead siblings
• Dead brother Brandon
• Dead sister Lyanna, who he keeps dreaming cryptically about
• Her husband, Rhaegar Targaryen
• Their son, Jon Snow
• Benjen, dead or probably Coldhalds (despite numerous GRRM denials)
• His household
• Maester Luwin, who is just there to give Bran someone to talk to
• Vayon Poole and his daughter Jeyne who will have a fucked up future
• Jory Cassel, dead
• Rodrick Cassel, who was just there to give Cat someone to talk to for a bit
• Septa Mordane, dead and surprisingly not via Arya
• Septon Chayle, who really wants you assholes to just return his library books
• Old Nan, who is just there to drop backstory about legends that will become very important in future books
• Hodor, an erudite Englishman who speaks verbosely about a number of subjects of great intellectual significance
• Other easily forgettable characters
• His Robb's Lords and Bannermen: 
• Rickard Karstark, who sort of just exists
• Greatjon Umber, enjoys shouting and having wolves eat his fingers
• Roose Bolton, a very trustworthy guy who is not at all creepy
• House Glover, no relation to Julian Glover
• Wyman Manderly, a lamprey-eating fatso with an unquenchable goal in life to create the "ultimate pie" 
• Maege Mormont, the type of gal who it seems like will just disappear with Robb's will for several books... sans explanation 

House Lannister 

Tywin Lannister, Lord of Casterly Rock, Shield of Lannisport, Warden of the West, Head of House Lannister, Defender of the Faith, the Last of the Mohicans, the Bard of Avon, the King of Rock and Roll, and the Fresh Prince of Bel Air

• Dead wife
• Kids: 
• Guy previously mentioned above who bangs his sister
• Sister previously mentioned about who bangs her brother
• Uncle Dwarfy, a main POV character buried really down deep in this list
• Kevan Lannister, of low to moderate importance in the books
• A bunch of other unimportant characters
• The Mountain, who works for them and is really good at killing people

House Arryn

Led by a guy named Jon who was dead even before this book began. 

• Lysa, his completely batshit insane wife 
• Their son, Robert, a grown ass boy who still sucks his momma titty
• FUCKING BLACKFISH, YEAHHHHH!!!!
• Mya Stone, a bastard whose hair color is a plot point... for some reason
• Maestor Colemon... maybe Zendaya's father or something?
• More people you can instantly forget about
• A moon door

House Tully 

Hoster Tully, still hanging in there but will be dead very soon

• Another dead wife
• His kids: 
• Cat, who married Ned Stark. Hopefully you know who this is since she's a main character and was already mentioned above 
• Lysa, the same crazy bitch we just talked about
• Edmure, the heir because who would let a woman run shit... am I right? This ain't Dorne! Hahaha! Come on, pound my fist, bro!
• His brother, THE FUCKING BLACKFISH! THERE ARE SO MANY REPEATS HERE!
• Lords and Bannermen:
• Walder Frey, the creepy old man who gropes young women and people just let it slide
• Other fodder for future wars

Houses Tyrell, Greyjoy, and Martell

• The Knight of Flowers, a fuckboi
• Fucking Theon
• Don't get ahead of yourselves, none of these other characters or houses matter quite yet

House Targaryen

• Viserys - got his face melted off. It was bad ass
• Dany - An exploited jailbait girl, now protected by dragons
• Other dead people who died, like, 15 years before this books
• Young Griff (oops, too early)
• Jon Snow