Cat: Oh man, it fills like a thousand years ago that me and baby Robb first left Riverrun to head to our forever home, Winterfell. But I know it can't be that long or else I'd be super old. And I'm even younger in the books than the show. Now here I am, heading back to Riverrun after all this time. Only this time, Robb is a grown ass warrior in armor. He's still a kid though. He keeps calling that damn direwolf "Doggo."
Robb: Come here, Lil' Pupper!!!
Grey Wolf comes up and nuzzles Robb.
Cat: I stand corrected that time, I guess.
And so they all approach Riverrun via the river. It's Cat, Robb, and Theon Greyjoy in one boat, and in the next boat its Blackfish, Greatjon Umber, and Rickard Karstark.
The men on the walls of Riverrun begin cheering loudly as they approach, and hang up the Tully banners. But Cat isn't celebrating. She is dead on the inside ever since the news that Ned was beheaded.
They pass through the water gate and are greeted by her brother, Ser Edmure, and Lord Tytos Blackwood.
Edmure Tully: SISTER! GIMMIE A HUG! Oh, and hey... sorry about that whole "dead husband" thing. I swear on our father's grave that we will have our revenge!
Cat: WHAT?! Father is dead?!
Edmure: Oh, sorry. Not in the books yet, I guess. But he's about to me.
Cat: I must see him at once!
And so she's escorted up to his solar, which is a fancy term that means upstairs living quarters. You know how it is with these fancy medieval castles. I have no idea why they named it "solar" though.
Cat: Why did you not tell me he was in such dire health?
Edmure: Uh, he told me not to. If word got out that he was sick - surely the Lannisters would have seen Riverrun as even more vulnerable and redoubled their efforts to attack it. You know... after you essentially started this whole war by kidnapping Tyrion.
Cat: Gee, thanks for reminding me that this whole thing is my fault.
Edmure: Yes. The war. Your husband being executed. All of it. Your. Fault.
Cat and Edmure stare each other down. They then awkwardly continue on to father's solar.
Lord Hoster Tully: Oh shit! Lil' Cat! I'm so glad you're here before I died.
Cat: Damn. You look so old and frail. And you're speaking so weakly! Geez, you should have told me you were this sick!
Hoster: Bitch, didn't you just have this conversation with Edmure coming up here?
Cat: Wow, you've still got good hearing though, apparently. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that your grandson, Robb, is here. Also, Jaime Lannister is in chains. But not like a hip hop guy wearing a bunch of chains. I mean he's in shackles. Riverrun is free again!
Hoster: Oh yeah, I was enjoying watching the battles afar from my big ass window. You know this room has a big ass window, right? It gets a lot of sunlight in. Hence why they call it a "solar."
Ah, so that's why they call the room a solar! It all makes sense now!
Hoster: So was it Robb who won the battle?
Cat: You bet your ass it was. But, you know, Blackfish was also really key to the fighting too.
Lord Hoster immediately gets sour. He fucking hates his brother, Blackfish.
Hoster: Hrm. His ass is here too, huh? Did your sister, Lysa come from the Vale as well?
Cat: Nah. Dat crazy bitch ain't ever leaving.
Hoster: Oh, well I guess I'll never see her again before I die. That sucks. But at least I can see Robb!
Cat: And Blackfish too, right?
Hoster: *grumble*
Cat: COME ON! He's your brother!
Hoster: Did that asshole get married yet? I told him to get married! You know, I bet that girl I tried to set him up with, Bethany Redwyne, is still single. I arranged this sweet blind date for them and fucking Blackfish no-showed. It was going to be elaborate AF. As soon as she walked in the restaurant, that UB40 song "Red Red Wine" was going to start playing. Get it? Because she's--
Cat: --Dad, Bethany Redwyne married Lord Mathis Rowan like twenty years ago and has a bunch of filthy, ugly kids. I can't believe you're holding this grudge with your brother after all these years because he wouldn't date a girl you tried to set him up with.
Hoster: Oh, it wasn't just one girl. I tried to set him up with some Braken girls too. And some Frey girls. Any of those Frey girls, there are a million of them. Any time I tried to set him up with a hot chick he was like, "Nah son."
Cat: Honestly... have you considered the idea that Blackfish might be gay? Like Rock Hudson.
Hoster: WHAT?! No! Noooooooooooo.
Cat: I mean I think it's a perfectly good fan theory as to why he always refused your demands for him to get married.
Edmure: Yeah, dad. Then there is also the other fan theory that Blackfish was secretly in love with your own wife, our mother, Minisa.
Hoster: No! NO! I'm sure he's just one of those playboy "bachelor for life" kind of guys. Look, I don't want to think about any of that and I especially don't want to think about him banging my dead wife. Will you shut up about that if I agree to see him later? I don't have the energy to fight with him now. In fact, I'm quite tired.
Cat: Sure, dad. I promise you I'll make sure that--
Hoster: --ZZZzzzz.
Cat: Oh. That was really quick after announcing that he was tired. Okay. I guess we'll leave.
She leaves, and goes to find Robb. But first she runs into her Uncle. She tells him about the encounter.
Blackfish: Hahaha, oh yeah. Yeah, that's my shit brother. He'll still be chiding me abut that Bethany Redwyne shit as I set fire to his funeral pyre. And by that, I mean I PLAN TO BURN HIM ALIVE BECAUSE I HATE HIM.
Cat: Haha, oh. Awkward. Say, where can I find my son?
Blackfish: He's hanging out in the halls or something.
Cat: Cool beans.
And so she goes to the halls, which is a fancy term that means halls. You know how it is with these fancy medieval castles.
Theon: So check this shit out. We were all fighting and Grey Wind tore this Lannister dude's arm straight off! It was brutal! Then he started fucking with their horses! They wen't crazy and--
Cat: --What the hell is this?! THEON?! Where is Robb?! Is this chapter just going to be me wondering around, looking for my son and instead finding other characters?
Theon: I think he went to the godswood.
Cat: I swear to the gods he better be in there! I need to interact with my son to move the story forward!
And yes... Cat finds that indeed Robb is there, praying to the trees with a bunch of other northern followers of the old gods (like Umber, Karstark, Lady Maege Mormont, Galbart Glover, and Lord Tytos Blackwood).
Tytos Blackwood: Technically that statement is inaccurate. Although I am indeed a follower of the old gods, I'm actually a bannerman to the Tullys, and the Blackwoods hail from Raventree Hall in the Riverlands. The Riverlands fell under the King of the Isles and the Rivers in the old Seven Kingdoms, making it a distinct political and geographic entity from "the North."
Shut up, Tytos. Nobody cares.
Cat: Oh great! Now I've found my son, but I still can' talk to him because I'd be disturbing his tree prayers. I better just wander off now and reflectively think about growing up here and doing stuff like sneaking off to kiss Littlefinger in the woods. Maybe a little heavy petting, but I'd rather not get into that.
Robb: OH, HEY MOM! Thanks for disturbing my tree prayers with that fucked up story about handjobbing Baelish.
Cat: DAMNIT! I mean... Oh... hey son. You need to see your sick ass grandfather before he dies.
Robb: Yeah, yeah, sure. That creepy old man who smells like mothballs can wait. I need to call a War Council now!
Cat: Hell... why?
Robb: Because the news that RENLY BARATHEON has pronounced himself KING!
Cat: Oh.
Robb: TO THE GREAT HALL!
And so they go to the Great Hall, which is a fancy term that means a hall, but a greater hall than the previously mentioned halls which were just regular halls. You know how it is with these fancy medieval castles.
Four long tables are all set up to discuss the war effort. In addition to all the previously mentioned people like Edmure, Blackfish, Theon and those guys praying with Robb, they are now also joined with Lord Jonos Bracken, Lord Jason Mallister, Ser Marq Piper, Ser Stevron Frey, Lord Karyl Vance, and Lord Lyman Darry.
Robb: I bet you're all wondering why I called this meeting.
Lord Mallister: Is it to discuss how Renly has pronounced himself a king? And is it also an opportunity for all of us Lords and Bannermen to argue for hours about battle strategies for the war, and discuss recent updates such as the facts that Roose Bolton has reformed our other host at the mouth of the causeway... or that Lord Tywin Lannister has crossed the Trident and is making for Harrenhal?
Robb: Yep. Good guess, Jason.
Greatjon: Let's march to attack Tywin at Harrenhal!
Karstark: HELL YEAH!
Lord Piper: No! We should march to Casterly Rock and attack that now!
Lord Mallister: I saw we instead just continue attacking Tywin's supply lines!
Lord Bracken: Nah, let's join up with Renly and pledge him as our king! Then we'll double our forces and the Lannisters stand no chance.
Robb: What? Renly? RENLY? No, Renly is no king.
Glover: Pffft! Surely you can't think that Joffrey is still king after he murdered your father?
Robb: Joffrey murdering my dad makes him an evil little bitch who I'm going to kill... but it doesn't change the fact that he's Robert Baratheon's son. And anyway, even if there was no Joffrey... Renly is the YOUNGER brother to Stannis. Surely Stannis's claim is better.
And the room breaks into debate again, as a lot of people can't stand Stannis's stupid ass.
Stevron Frey: Hey man, I'm a Frey so I'm always up to some sneaky, manipulative shit. I say let them fight each other. Joffrey. Renly. Let them kill each other and get weaker and weaker. Then we simply ally with the winner! Let the two kings play their game of thrones. When they are done, we--
--Alarms start flashing and horns sound. Chairry, Magic Screen, Pterri, Mr. Window, Clockey, Conky 2000 and all the others start shouting wildly and flailing their arms/wings/seat cushions/whatever they have around. The text "Game of Thrones" flashes again and again.
Robb: What the hell?
Cat: Yeah, I've heard about this, son. Just suffer through it.
Cowboy Curtis: He just said the Secret Word!
Pee-Wee: HEH-HEH!!
And as quickly as they all appeared, they all vanish right back into the waters of Riverrun.
Cat: Well, now that THAT shit is over with, I say we make peace.
Robb: PEACE?! Do you forget already that the Lannisters murdered your husband? I will not have peace with them!
Robb angrily and dramatically throws his sword on a table. Greatjon Umber looks on, nodding and smiling as an idea forms in his brain.
Cat: Son, this war started to free Ned and protect the Riverlands. Well, now Ned's dead, baby. And the Riverlands are safe. No amount of vengeance will bring Ned back!
Robb: What about a crazy lamb witch from Essos that sacrifices a horse, an unborn child, and several random characters in order to bring him back as some sort of braindead zombie?
Cat: I mean I GUESS that could work, but anyone who is stupid enough to make that kind of deal will probably be tricked somehow. After all, witches are notoriously conniving.
Robb: Can we sacrifice Sansa? Nobody likes Sansa.
Cat: ROBB, NO!!! I love my daughters and we need to get them back. That is our priority now. If we need to make a deal with the Lannisters, then be it so. I want them back in Winterfell. And I want you back in Winterfell... I want you all safe!
Blackfish: I doubt any terms of peace with the Lannisters will last long. Sure they would settle for peace to get Jaime back. But then what after? What prevents them from breaking that peace and marching right back up?
Karstark: Yeah, FUCK that. Think about all the sacrifices we've already made. Think about the dead men. Our murdered boys. It's all worth nothing if peace is made!
Tytos Blackwood: Yeah, and what does making peace with Joffrey do anyway? It makes us an enemy of Renly... and then we're STILL at war.
People nod with Tytos Blackwood, and others start arguing. Nobody can figure out what the hell to do. That is until Greatjon Umber stomps his foot really loud and steps forward.
Greatjon: Joffrey? FUCK HIM. Renly? FUCK HIM TOO. Those kings? I will never be loyal to those kings. Why should some asshole sitting on some flower-covered throne in the south rule over us in the north when they don't know JACK SHIT about the north? Even their fucking gods are wrong.
Edmund: Hey! Whoa-whoa-whoa! There are a ton of Riverlands bannermen here and we all follow the sev--
Tytos Blackwood: --Not me, as previously established. I follow--
Greatjon: --SHUT UP! I'm on a roll here. Why should we not rule ourselves again? Yes, Torrhen Stark bent the knee. But he bent the knee to those dragon kings. The dragons are all dead.
Greatjon pulls out his giant greatsword and points it at Robb.
Greatjon: There is only one man I king bend the knee too... and that king is Robb Fucking Stark... THE KING IN THE NORTH!!!
He kneels with his sword before Robb. A quiet murmur begins to spread.
Stevron Frey: *whisper* I didn't know his middle name was "Fucking."
Karstark: Hells to the fuckin' yeah, boys!!! I'll have peace on those terms the Greatjon is speaking about. They can keep that shitty throne of swords too. I mean it's totally impractical. Wouldn't a LoveSac beanbag be much more satisfying? Look, I'm bad with words. What I'm trying to say is... THE KING IN THE NORTH!
Karstark kneels too.
Tytos Blackwood: THE KING IN THE NORTH!
Bracken: THE KING IN THE NORTH!
Mallister: THE KING IN THE NORTH!
Maege Mormont: THE KING OF WINTER!
Galbart Glover: Ugh, you always have to be fucking different, don't you Maege?
Everyone begins kneeling before Robb and shouting the words.
Robb: Oh, so that's why there was all that foreshadowing about how there used to be kings in the north. It all makes sense now. This should end really well for me.
Robb: Come here, Lil' Pupper!!!
Grey Wolf comes up and nuzzles Robb.
Cat: I stand corrected that time, I guess.
And so they all approach Riverrun via the river. It's Cat, Robb, and Theon Greyjoy in one boat, and in the next boat its Blackfish, Greatjon Umber, and Rickard Karstark.
The men on the walls of Riverrun begin cheering loudly as they approach, and hang up the Tully banners. But Cat isn't celebrating. She is dead on the inside ever since the news that Ned was beheaded.
They pass through the water gate and are greeted by her brother, Ser Edmure, and Lord Tytos Blackwood.
Edmure Tully: SISTER! GIMMIE A HUG! Oh, and hey... sorry about that whole "dead husband" thing. I swear on our father's grave that we will have our revenge!
Cat: WHAT?! Father is dead?!
Edmure: Oh, sorry. Not in the books yet, I guess. But he's about to me.
Cat: I must see him at once!
And so she's escorted up to his solar, which is a fancy term that means upstairs living quarters. You know how it is with these fancy medieval castles. I have no idea why they named it "solar" though.
Cat: Why did you not tell me he was in such dire health?
Edmure: Uh, he told me not to. If word got out that he was sick - surely the Lannisters would have seen Riverrun as even more vulnerable and redoubled their efforts to attack it. You know... after you essentially started this whole war by kidnapping Tyrion.
Cat: Gee, thanks for reminding me that this whole thing is my fault.
Edmure: Yes. The war. Your husband being executed. All of it. Your. Fault.
Cat and Edmure stare each other down. They then awkwardly continue on to father's solar.
Lord Hoster Tully: Oh shit! Lil' Cat! I'm so glad you're here before I died.
Cat: Damn. You look so old and frail. And you're speaking so weakly! Geez, you should have told me you were this sick!
Hoster: Bitch, didn't you just have this conversation with Edmure coming up here?
Cat: Wow, you've still got good hearing though, apparently. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that your grandson, Robb, is here. Also, Jaime Lannister is in chains. But not like a hip hop guy wearing a bunch of chains. I mean he's in shackles. Riverrun is free again!
Hoster: Oh yeah, I was enjoying watching the battles afar from my big ass window. You know this room has a big ass window, right? It gets a lot of sunlight in. Hence why they call it a "solar."
Ah, so that's why they call the room a solar! It all makes sense now!
Hoster: So was it Robb who won the battle?
Cat: You bet your ass it was. But, you know, Blackfish was also really key to the fighting too.
Lord Hoster immediately gets sour. He fucking hates his brother, Blackfish.
Hoster: Hrm. His ass is here too, huh? Did your sister, Lysa come from the Vale as well?
Cat: Nah. Dat crazy bitch ain't ever leaving.
Hoster: Oh, well I guess I'll never see her again before I die. That sucks. But at least I can see Robb!
Cat: And Blackfish too, right?
Hoster: *grumble*
Cat: COME ON! He's your brother!
Hoster: Did that asshole get married yet? I told him to get married! You know, I bet that girl I tried to set him up with, Bethany Redwyne, is still single. I arranged this sweet blind date for them and fucking Blackfish no-showed. It was going to be elaborate AF. As soon as she walked in the restaurant, that UB40 song "Red Red Wine" was going to start playing. Get it? Because she's--
Cat: --Dad, Bethany Redwyne married Lord Mathis Rowan like twenty years ago and has a bunch of filthy, ugly kids. I can't believe you're holding this grudge with your brother after all these years because he wouldn't date a girl you tried to set him up with.
Hoster: Oh, it wasn't just one girl. I tried to set him up with some Braken girls too. And some Frey girls. Any of those Frey girls, there are a million of them. Any time I tried to set him up with a hot chick he was like, "Nah son."
Cat: Honestly... have you considered the idea that Blackfish might be gay? Like Rock Hudson.
Hoster: WHAT?! No! Noooooooooooo.
Cat: I mean I think it's a perfectly good fan theory as to why he always refused your demands for him to get married.
Edmure: Yeah, dad. Then there is also the other fan theory that Blackfish was secretly in love with your own wife, our mother, Minisa.
Hoster: No! NO! I'm sure he's just one of those playboy "bachelor for life" kind of guys. Look, I don't want to think about any of that and I especially don't want to think about him banging my dead wife. Will you shut up about that if I agree to see him later? I don't have the energy to fight with him now. In fact, I'm quite tired.
Cat: Sure, dad. I promise you I'll make sure that--
Hoster: --ZZZzzzz.
Cat: Oh. That was really quick after announcing that he was tired. Okay. I guess we'll leave.
She leaves, and goes to find Robb. But first she runs into her Uncle. She tells him about the encounter.
Blackfish: Hahaha, oh yeah. Yeah, that's my shit brother. He'll still be chiding me abut that Bethany Redwyne shit as I set fire to his funeral pyre. And by that, I mean I PLAN TO BURN HIM ALIVE BECAUSE I HATE HIM.
Cat: Haha, oh. Awkward. Say, where can I find my son?
Blackfish: He's hanging out in the halls or something.
Cat: Cool beans.
And so she goes to the halls, which is a fancy term that means halls. You know how it is with these fancy medieval castles.
Theon: So check this shit out. We were all fighting and Grey Wind tore this Lannister dude's arm straight off! It was brutal! Then he started fucking with their horses! They wen't crazy and--
Cat: --What the hell is this?! THEON?! Where is Robb?! Is this chapter just going to be me wondering around, looking for my son and instead finding other characters?
Theon: I think he went to the godswood.
Cat: I swear to the gods he better be in there! I need to interact with my son to move the story forward!
And yes... Cat finds that indeed Robb is there, praying to the trees with a bunch of other northern followers of the old gods (like Umber, Karstark, Lady Maege Mormont, Galbart Glover, and Lord Tytos Blackwood).
Tytos Blackwood: Technically that statement is inaccurate. Although I am indeed a follower of the old gods, I'm actually a bannerman to the Tullys, and the Blackwoods hail from Raventree Hall in the Riverlands. The Riverlands fell under the King of the Isles and the Rivers in the old Seven Kingdoms, making it a distinct political and geographic entity from "the North."
Shut up, Tytos. Nobody cares.
Cat: Oh great! Now I've found my son, but I still can' talk to him because I'd be disturbing his tree prayers. I better just wander off now and reflectively think about growing up here and doing stuff like sneaking off to kiss Littlefinger in the woods. Maybe a little heavy petting, but I'd rather not get into that.
Robb: OH, HEY MOM! Thanks for disturbing my tree prayers with that fucked up story about handjobbing Baelish.
Cat: DAMNIT! I mean... Oh... hey son. You need to see your sick ass grandfather before he dies.
Robb: Yeah, yeah, sure. That creepy old man who smells like mothballs can wait. I need to call a War Council now!
Cat: Hell... why?
Robb: Because the news that RENLY BARATHEON has pronounced himself KING!
Cat: Oh.
Robb: TO THE GREAT HALL!
And so they go to the Great Hall, which is a fancy term that means a hall, but a greater hall than the previously mentioned halls which were just regular halls. You know how it is with these fancy medieval castles.
Four long tables are all set up to discuss the war effort. In addition to all the previously mentioned people like Edmure, Blackfish, Theon and those guys praying with Robb, they are now also joined with Lord Jonos Bracken, Lord Jason Mallister, Ser Marq Piper, Ser Stevron Frey, Lord Karyl Vance, and Lord Lyman Darry.
Robb: I bet you're all wondering why I called this meeting.
Lord Mallister: Is it to discuss how Renly has pronounced himself a king? And is it also an opportunity for all of us Lords and Bannermen to argue for hours about battle strategies for the war, and discuss recent updates such as the facts that Roose Bolton has reformed our other host at the mouth of the causeway... or that Lord Tywin Lannister has crossed the Trident and is making for Harrenhal?
Robb: Yep. Good guess, Jason.
Greatjon: Let's march to attack Tywin at Harrenhal!
Karstark: HELL YEAH!
Lord Piper: No! We should march to Casterly Rock and attack that now!
Lord Mallister: I saw we instead just continue attacking Tywin's supply lines!
Lord Bracken: Nah, let's join up with Renly and pledge him as our king! Then we'll double our forces and the Lannisters stand no chance.
Robb: What? Renly? RENLY? No, Renly is no king.
Glover: Pffft! Surely you can't think that Joffrey is still king after he murdered your father?
Robb: Joffrey murdering my dad makes him an evil little bitch who I'm going to kill... but it doesn't change the fact that he's Robert Baratheon's son. And anyway, even if there was no Joffrey... Renly is the YOUNGER brother to Stannis. Surely Stannis's claim is better.
And the room breaks into debate again, as a lot of people can't stand Stannis's stupid ass.
Stevron Frey: Hey man, I'm a Frey so I'm always up to some sneaky, manipulative shit. I say let them fight each other. Joffrey. Renly. Let them kill each other and get weaker and weaker. Then we simply ally with the winner! Let the two kings play their game of thrones. When they are done, we--
--Alarms start flashing and horns sound. Chairry, Magic Screen, Pterri, Mr. Window, Clockey, Conky 2000 and all the others start shouting wildly and flailing their arms/wings/seat cushions/whatever they have around. The text "Game of Thrones" flashes again and again.
Robb: What the hell?
Cat: Yeah, I've heard about this, son. Just suffer through it.
Cowboy Curtis: He just said the Secret Word!
Pee-Wee: HEH-HEH!!
And as quickly as they all appeared, they all vanish right back into the waters of Riverrun.
Cat: Well, now that THAT shit is over with, I say we make peace.
Robb: PEACE?! Do you forget already that the Lannisters murdered your husband? I will not have peace with them!
Robb angrily and dramatically throws his sword on a table. Greatjon Umber looks on, nodding and smiling as an idea forms in his brain.
Cat: Son, this war started to free Ned and protect the Riverlands. Well, now Ned's dead, baby. And the Riverlands are safe. No amount of vengeance will bring Ned back!
Robb: What about a crazy lamb witch from Essos that sacrifices a horse, an unborn child, and several random characters in order to bring him back as some sort of braindead zombie?
Cat: I mean I GUESS that could work, but anyone who is stupid enough to make that kind of deal will probably be tricked somehow. After all, witches are notoriously conniving.
Robb: Can we sacrifice Sansa? Nobody likes Sansa.
Cat: ROBB, NO!!! I love my daughters and we need to get them back. That is our priority now. If we need to make a deal with the Lannisters, then be it so. I want them back in Winterfell. And I want you back in Winterfell... I want you all safe!
Blackfish: I doubt any terms of peace with the Lannisters will last long. Sure they would settle for peace to get Jaime back. But then what after? What prevents them from breaking that peace and marching right back up?
Karstark: Yeah, FUCK that. Think about all the sacrifices we've already made. Think about the dead men. Our murdered boys. It's all worth nothing if peace is made!
Tytos Blackwood: Yeah, and what does making peace with Joffrey do anyway? It makes us an enemy of Renly... and then we're STILL at war.
People nod with Tytos Blackwood, and others start arguing. Nobody can figure out what the hell to do. That is until Greatjon Umber stomps his foot really loud and steps forward.
Greatjon: Joffrey? FUCK HIM. Renly? FUCK HIM TOO. Those kings? I will never be loyal to those kings. Why should some asshole sitting on some flower-covered throne in the south rule over us in the north when they don't know JACK SHIT about the north? Even their fucking gods are wrong.
Edmund: Hey! Whoa-whoa-whoa! There are a ton of Riverlands bannermen here and we all follow the sev--
Tytos Blackwood: --Not me, as previously established. I follow--
Greatjon: --SHUT UP! I'm on a roll here. Why should we not rule ourselves again? Yes, Torrhen Stark bent the knee. But he bent the knee to those dragon kings. The dragons are all dead.
Greatjon pulls out his giant greatsword and points it at Robb.
Greatjon: There is only one man I king bend the knee too... and that king is Robb Fucking Stark... THE KING IN THE NORTH!!!
He kneels with his sword before Robb. A quiet murmur begins to spread.
Stevron Frey: *whisper* I didn't know his middle name was "Fucking."
Karstark: Hells to the fuckin' yeah, boys!!! I'll have peace on those terms the Greatjon is speaking about. They can keep that shitty throne of swords too. I mean it's totally impractical. Wouldn't a LoveSac beanbag be much more satisfying? Look, I'm bad with words. What I'm trying to say is... THE KING IN THE NORTH!
Karstark kneels too.
Tytos Blackwood: THE KING IN THE NORTH!
Bracken: THE KING IN THE NORTH!
Mallister: THE KING IN THE NORTH!
Maege Mormont: THE KING OF WINTER!
Galbart Glover: Ugh, you always have to be fucking different, don't you Maege?
Everyone begins kneeling before Robb and shouting the words.
Robb: Oh, so that's why there was all that foreshadowing about how there used to be kings in the north. It all makes sense now. This should end really well for me.
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