Jon: Hey, wow. That was really quick. Another Jon Snow chapter, super close to the last one? I guess we’re entering that “exciting” part of the book where everything speeds up!
Qhorin: Yeah, the last time that happened it was your dad having all those back-to-back chapters, right? You know, right before they executed him.
Jon: Stop being such a debby downer, man.
Jon: So anyway, where are we now?
Qhorin: Still on the Skirling pass. We’re stealthily sneaking through, trying to avoid detection by Mance’s army.
Jon: Oh right. By the way, I didn’t kill that Ygritte girl. I let her go.
Qhorin: Yeah, I know.
Jon: WHAT?! Then why didn’t you say anything?
Qhorin: I told you to do what needed to be done. And you did what you needed to do. It was in your nature to let her go, and so you did.
Jon: This is super confusing.
Qhorin: Look, I’m leading a bunch of men here, including you. To led men, you have to know them. And now today I know more about you than I did before.
Jon: *whew* I’m so grateful that you’re not sore about that whole, “I let one of our enemies go who will go warn Mance and ruin all of our plans” thing. That’s reassuring. Now let me tell you this story about Bael the Bard that Ygritte told me for some particular reason.
He tells Qhorin the story. I don’t need to repeat it here. Go back two chapters if you feel like you need to be reminded.
Qhorin: Oh yeah, I know that story. Mance used to sing it when he was a ranger.
Jon: Oh WOW, that’s right. Mance Rayder used to be in the Night’s Watch. I forgot that old people like you would remember him. You even used to be friends with him or something, huh?
Qhorin: Yep. Boy, he sure did love that story about pretending to be a singer and sneaking into Winterfell. He. Sure. Did. Love. That. Story.
Jon: Okay, we get it. He loved that story/song.
Qhorin: He loved that story a lot. I MEAN REALLY. It was his favorite song to sing. Deeply embedded into his psyche. Just be aware of that. For future reference. For instance, if in a later book, that very type of situation might also come up where Mance Rayder himself, the King-Beyond-the-Wall, also wishes to dress himself up and pretend to be a bard while infiltrating Winterfell.
Jon: Okay. NOTED. Although that sounds like the type of thing that would get cut from the TV show. Anyway, so why did Mance leave the watch?
Qhorin: That's the answer to the riddle. Because that's what an 8000 pound mako thinks about. About freedom. About the deep blue sea.
Jon: Wait… what?
Qhorin: Like Ygritte was telling you. You northerners are half-Wilding. Mance’s wildling was too strong to resist. He just wanted to be free. Like the sharks in Deep Blue Sea.
Jon: Can we stop talking about Deep Blue Sea? Thinking about that movie always gives me creepy, strange nightmares.
That night, Jon has creepy, strange nightmares.
Jon: See?
But not about bioengineered sharks. Nor about Saffron Burrows stripping her tight, rubber wet suit off and standing on it to protect herself from electricity.
Jon: Damn it! Dreaming about Saffron Burrows taking her tight wet suit off would at least be a good dream. Boy, they really had to force that plot point in order to make her strip down for no particular good reason. Although they still provided more of a valid explanation than when Alice Eve stripped off in that Stark Trek movie. That one still makes no sense at all. She just met Kirk like five minutes before and starts stripping in front of him. What the hell?!
ANYWAY, Jon dreams about direwolves. In fact, he IS a direwolf. But instead of there being six wolves like there used to be, now there are only five. They are scatted and lonely when they should be together. He howls and hears someone calling his name. He turns and sees an old weirwood tree, with his brother’s face (but with three eyes).
Jon: OH SHIT! Hi Bran! In the books I have greenseer powers too? That is awesome. Why did they leave this out of the show? All the Starks should have these minor greenseer powers! This is sweet. I smell death and darkness!
Bran / Tree / Three Eyed Crow: Yes, the darkness. Now… open your eyes!
Bran touches him and Jon is magically transported into the mountains. He’s with Ghost… or maybe he IS GHOST! They can see the Wildling camp. They see thousands of Wildlings gathered. He sees giants and mammoths as part of their army. And then Ghost is attached by an Eagle.
Jon: AGHH!!!!
Jon is now awake again, and freaking out.
Qhorin: SHH!!!! Calm down. We’re supposed to be quietly sneaking through this valley.
Jon: GHOST! GHOST! Where are you?
Ebben: Stop being loud, man. You’re waking us all up. And worse, you’ll wake up the Wildlings!
Jon: No seriously. I just had this dream. It was so real. I was with Ghost. Or maybe I was Ghost. And I saw the Wildling army. I saw exactly where they were. And this eagle attacked us.
Dalbridge: Haha, your dreams are lame, Jon Snow. I always dream about Saffron Burrows stripping naked.
Jon: I WANT THAT DREAM!
Qhorin: No… wait… Jon. Tell me more about this dream of yours.
Dalbridge: What? Why? Do you actually BELIEVE that nonsense? You’re taking it seriously?
Qhorin: Yes.
And so Jon recounts the dream.
Ebben: A SKINCHANGER!
Jon: Huh? What’s that now? Skinchanger? What does that mean?
Ebben: You know. Like a person that can jump his consciousness into another being's mind.
Jon: Like in Quantum Leap?
Ebben: I suppose. Although I'm talking about jumping into an animal's mind, rather than into a human's mind in the past when an important and world-changing decision needed to be made.
Dalbridge: Does free will exist? What if all the important decisions I made in my life were really just made by Scott Bakula?
Jon: So wait… by "skinchanger," are you talking about ME jumping my consciousness into Ghost’s mind? Or are you talking about how there is somewhere else out there that jumped into the Eagle’s mind?
Ebben: Probably both.
And so they set out again. Soon, they find an eagle circling them. Jon also finds Ghost laying in the snow. He’s wounded and bleeding, with cuts from the eagle’s talons.
Jon: OH NO, GHOST! And this proves my dream was real, people. Dalbridge, you owe me five bucks.
Jon helps fix up Ghost. Fortunately the wounds aren’t that bad.
Jon: Also, this makes me feel better about this whole “letting Ygritte go” thing. Because now instead of blaming me for the Wildlings finding us since I let her go… we can just blame this magical eagle skinchanger guy. That goodness we can blame our enemies using magic to detect us. That way I get to avoid accepting any personal responsibility for my own actions that endangered us all because I had a hard-on for a ginger.
Qhorin: Well, Mance knows we’re here. We have to turn back now and flee. Or else we’re goners.
Dalbridge: I will go up to that mountain top where Jon and Stonesnake killed the Wildlings the other night. Give me as man arrows as you can, and I will hold off Mance’s army and slow them down.
Jon: BY GAWD, that’s a suicide mission, Dalbridge. You’ll never make it out alive!
Dalbridge: I… I know!
Dramatic music plays, like what happens in every movie where one person is left behind to die in order to ensure that the others get out alive.
Jon: But I guess you’re a minor character anyway, so we won’t really miss you. I mean I’m not sure if you were ever really mentioned before this chapter. I suppose since you’ll die and we’ll never see or hear from you again, now is your chance to let us know any important backstory or other items we should know about you.
Dalbridge: Well, I’m obviously a veteran ranger, posted at the Shadow Tower. I’m renowned as a great archer. Perhaps the greatest in the kingdom with the best eyesight. I’m nicknamed “Squire Dalbridge” because as a young man I was a squire for King Jaehaerys II Targaryen.
Jon: So you’re like an old version of Hawkeye from Marvel, huh?
Dalbridge: Yeah, I suppose.
A hunting horn in the distance sounds from Mance Rayder’s men.
Qhorin: They’re coming.
Jon: Okay, bye Dalbridge!
They leave Dalbridge behind.
Qhorin: Yeah, the last time that happened it was your dad having all those back-to-back chapters, right? You know, right before they executed him.
Jon: Stop being such a debby downer, man.
Jon: So anyway, where are we now?
Qhorin: Still on the Skirling pass. We’re stealthily sneaking through, trying to avoid detection by Mance’s army.
Jon: Oh right. By the way, I didn’t kill that Ygritte girl. I let her go.
Qhorin: Yeah, I know.
Jon: WHAT?! Then why didn’t you say anything?
Qhorin: I told you to do what needed to be done. And you did what you needed to do. It was in your nature to let her go, and so you did.
Jon: This is super confusing.
Qhorin: Look, I’m leading a bunch of men here, including you. To led men, you have to know them. And now today I know more about you than I did before.
Jon: *whew* I’m so grateful that you’re not sore about that whole, “I let one of our enemies go who will go warn Mance and ruin all of our plans” thing. That’s reassuring. Now let me tell you this story about Bael the Bard that Ygritte told me for some particular reason.
He tells Qhorin the story. I don’t need to repeat it here. Go back two chapters if you feel like you need to be reminded.
Qhorin: Oh yeah, I know that story. Mance used to sing it when he was a ranger.
Jon: Oh WOW, that’s right. Mance Rayder used to be in the Night’s Watch. I forgot that old people like you would remember him. You even used to be friends with him or something, huh?
Qhorin: Yep. Boy, he sure did love that story about pretending to be a singer and sneaking into Winterfell. He. Sure. Did. Love. That. Story.
Jon: Okay, we get it. He loved that story/song.
Qhorin: He loved that story a lot. I MEAN REALLY. It was his favorite song to sing. Deeply embedded into his psyche. Just be aware of that. For future reference. For instance, if in a later book, that very type of situation might also come up where Mance Rayder himself, the King-Beyond-the-Wall, also wishes to dress himself up and pretend to be a bard while infiltrating Winterfell.
Jon: Okay. NOTED. Although that sounds like the type of thing that would get cut from the TV show. Anyway, so why did Mance leave the watch?
Qhorin: That's the answer to the riddle. Because that's what an 8000 pound mako thinks about. About freedom. About the deep blue sea.
Jon: Wait… what?
Qhorin: Like Ygritte was telling you. You northerners are half-Wilding. Mance’s wildling was too strong to resist. He just wanted to be free. Like the sharks in Deep Blue Sea.
Jon: Can we stop talking about Deep Blue Sea? Thinking about that movie always gives me creepy, strange nightmares.
That night, Jon has creepy, strange nightmares.
Jon: See?
But not about bioengineered sharks. Nor about Saffron Burrows stripping her tight, rubber wet suit off and standing on it to protect herself from electricity.
Jon: Damn it! Dreaming about Saffron Burrows taking her tight wet suit off would at least be a good dream. Boy, they really had to force that plot point in order to make her strip down for no particular good reason. Although they still provided more of a valid explanation than when Alice Eve stripped off in that Stark Trek movie. That one still makes no sense at all. She just met Kirk like five minutes before and starts stripping in front of him. What the hell?!
ANYWAY, Jon dreams about direwolves. In fact, he IS a direwolf. But instead of there being six wolves like there used to be, now there are only five. They are scatted and lonely when they should be together. He howls and hears someone calling his name. He turns and sees an old weirwood tree, with his brother’s face (but with three eyes).
Jon: OH SHIT! Hi Bran! In the books I have greenseer powers too? That is awesome. Why did they leave this out of the show? All the Starks should have these minor greenseer powers! This is sweet. I smell death and darkness!
Bran / Tree / Three Eyed Crow: Yes, the darkness. Now… open your eyes!
Bran touches him and Jon is magically transported into the mountains. He’s with Ghost… or maybe he IS GHOST! They can see the Wildling camp. They see thousands of Wildlings gathered. He sees giants and mammoths as part of their army. And then Ghost is attached by an Eagle.
Jon: AGHH!!!!
Jon is now awake again, and freaking out.
Qhorin: SHH!!!! Calm down. We’re supposed to be quietly sneaking through this valley.
Jon: GHOST! GHOST! Where are you?
Ebben: Stop being loud, man. You’re waking us all up. And worse, you’ll wake up the Wildlings!
Jon: No seriously. I just had this dream. It was so real. I was with Ghost. Or maybe I was Ghost. And I saw the Wildling army. I saw exactly where they were. And this eagle attacked us.
Dalbridge: Haha, your dreams are lame, Jon Snow. I always dream about Saffron Burrows stripping naked.
Jon: I WANT THAT DREAM!
Qhorin: No… wait… Jon. Tell me more about this dream of yours.
Dalbridge: What? Why? Do you actually BELIEVE that nonsense? You’re taking it seriously?
Qhorin: Yes.
And so Jon recounts the dream.
Ebben: A SKINCHANGER!
Jon: Huh? What’s that now? Skinchanger? What does that mean?
Ebben: You know. Like a person that can jump his consciousness into another being's mind.
Jon: Like in Quantum Leap?
Ebben: I suppose. Although I'm talking about jumping into an animal's mind, rather than into a human's mind in the past when an important and world-changing decision needed to be made.
Dalbridge: Does free will exist? What if all the important decisions I made in my life were really just made by Scott Bakula?
Jon: So wait… by "skinchanger," are you talking about ME jumping my consciousness into Ghost’s mind? Or are you talking about how there is somewhere else out there that jumped into the Eagle’s mind?
Ebben: Probably both.
And so they set out again. Soon, they find an eagle circling them. Jon also finds Ghost laying in the snow. He’s wounded and bleeding, with cuts from the eagle’s talons.
Jon: OH NO, GHOST! And this proves my dream was real, people. Dalbridge, you owe me five bucks.
Jon helps fix up Ghost. Fortunately the wounds aren’t that bad.
Jon: Also, this makes me feel better about this whole “letting Ygritte go” thing. Because now instead of blaming me for the Wildlings finding us since I let her go… we can just blame this magical eagle skinchanger guy. That goodness we can blame our enemies using magic to detect us. That way I get to avoid accepting any personal responsibility for my own actions that endangered us all because I had a hard-on for a ginger.
Qhorin: Well, Mance knows we’re here. We have to turn back now and flee. Or else we’re goners.
Dalbridge: I will go up to that mountain top where Jon and Stonesnake killed the Wildlings the other night. Give me as man arrows as you can, and I will hold off Mance’s army and slow them down.
Jon: BY GAWD, that’s a suicide mission, Dalbridge. You’ll never make it out alive!
Dalbridge: I… I know!
Dramatic music plays, like what happens in every movie where one person is left behind to die in order to ensure that the others get out alive.
Jon: But I guess you’re a minor character anyway, so we won’t really miss you. I mean I’m not sure if you were ever really mentioned before this chapter. I suppose since you’ll die and we’ll never see or hear from you again, now is your chance to let us know any important backstory or other items we should know about you.
Dalbridge: Well, I’m obviously a veteran ranger, posted at the Shadow Tower. I’m renowned as a great archer. Perhaps the greatest in the kingdom with the best eyesight. I’m nicknamed “Squire Dalbridge” because as a young man I was a squire for King Jaehaerys II Targaryen.
Jon: So you’re like an old version of Hawkeye from Marvel, huh?
Dalbridge: Yeah, I suppose.
A hunting horn in the distance sounds from Mance Rayder’s men.
Qhorin: They’re coming.
Jon: Okay, bye Dalbridge!
They leave Dalbridge behind.
RIP Dalbridge 254 AC(ish?) – 299 AC.
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