Arys Oakheat of the Kingsguard rides through sunspear, somewhat embarrassed of the fact that he is wearing a Dornish outfit rather than his proud, Kingguard cloaks of white. However, he knows if he wears the white of the Kingsguard that he’ll be attacked and killed by all the people of Dorne. What with Dorne being somewhat angry at the King and the Lannisters for, you know, having the awesome Red Viper killed.
The people of Dorne want revenge! They want an uprising! But with the Sand Snakes imprisoned by order of Prince Doran Martell, now they won’t get that either.
Arys: These silly Dorne people. I can’t trust any of them. Well, I can’t trust any of them… except for HER!
Oooh! A mysterious her! Has Arys become smitten a lady down here? And, if so, with who?
Princess Arianne Martell, Daughter to Doran: Hey, it’s me!
Oh, well that wasn’t that hard to figure out.
Arys: Oh, Arianne! I’m glad you can meet me here. But we must meet each other in disguise, so nobody can see us together. You are a Princess of Dorne, and I am a Knight of the Kingsguard, sworn to chastity. No one must know of our secret love!
Arianne: Love? What are you talking abo-uuhhh, oh yeah. Right. Love. I’m totally in love with you. Madly! *bats eyes*
Arys: I’m somewhat worried about leaving Princess Myrcella alone. I am supposed to be guarding her!
Arianne: Oh come on, she’ll be safe. She has a tons of Dornish guards around her, and she’s bestest friends with her betrothed, my little brother Prince Trystane. It was an arranged marriage deal… but for once the two generally seem to like each other and are inseperable. Always playing games and stuff.
Arys: At any rate, she’ll be safe enough soon! Your father plans for us all to head back to the Water Gardens soon. Myrcella will be much safer here than around these crazy Dornish zealots who want blood. Although it somewhat worries me that your father had asked that we not inform Kings Landing of the change of Myrcella’s location. I am supposed to be loyal to Kings Landing, not to Prince Doran. But then again, the fewer people that know where the Princess is… the safer she will be! So I guess it makes sense.
Arianne: Oh. You’re still narrating to yourself about Myrcella? Have you not noticed yet that I’m standing here completely naked for you?
Arys: Oh. Yeah. Right!
They have hot, hot sex.
Afterwards, Arys is ashamed. He loves Arianne, but he is full of guilt for breaking his oath of chastity, which is a really strange rule for the Kingsguard to have since every single Member of the Kingsguard seems to constantly break that oath.
Arys: My dear… I… I… love you. But this has to be our last time together! Ever!
Arianne: You’ve said that before. And yet you always come crawling back.
Arys: This time I mean it!
Arianne: Do you?
Arys: Yes!
They then have sex again.
Arys: DAMNIT! Okay, that time was ABSOLUTELY the last. I have to leave you now, but only because I truly love you.
Arianne: If you truly love me, then you will never leave me!
Arys: All other Kingsguard who broke their oath have been punished!
Arianne: All the ones that have been caught, you mean.
Arys: They’re all caught in the end.
Arianne: Are they now? Are they? Have you heard of my great uncle, Prince Lewyn?
Arys: Of course I have! He was a great knight of the Kingsguard, who fought heroically and was killed at the Battle of the Trident! One of the best!
Arianne: He totally had a mistress.
Arys: What? Really?
Arianne: They all do, Arys. Don’t act like you’re the first.
Arys: It brings be dishonor!
Arianne: Look, my point is the sword in your hand is the one that proves if you’re a true knight, not the one between your legs. If you’re a good person, then you’re a good knight, regardless of whether you get a little coochie now and then. The only thing dishonorable is serving wicked rulers and doing wicked things.
Arys: I… I have done that too. Joffrey! I served him and I obeyed him when he told me to hit that Sansa girl.
Arianne: Well, Joffrey is dead and buried now. It’s time to think of how to you can serve a new ruler.
Arys: Yes, King Tommen!
Arianne: Well… I was… thinking of someone else.
Arys: *GASP*… Are you speaking of treason?! No, my lady! No! I love you, but…
Arianne: --No, lemme stop you right there, sugar plumb. I’m not talking about treason. I’m talking about making sure that the right and legitimate heir sits on the throne. And have no doubt, that person is indeed the heir to the House Baratheon. But it is not Tommen. It is Myrcella.
Arys: Huh? I’m… confused.
Arianne: Who is older? Tommen or Myrcella?
Arys: Myrcella. But… but… she’s a girl.
Arianne: Wow, smooth talker – aren’t you? You really now how to make the ladies swoon on your modern, progressive politics. Listen honey bunny, here in Dorne women have always been in the line of succession, regardless of if there is a male born. If the oldest child is a daughter… then the heir is the daughter!
Arys: Well, okay. Point taken my love. But Kings Landing is not Dorne.
Arianne: You know Myrcella, right? You have spent time with her.
Arys: Of course! She is a strong and brave young girl!
Arianne: Right. And Tommen is a little 8 year old who still pees himself. You really think he’s a better ruler than Myrcella?
Arys: No… but… in time, perhaps… when Tommen comes of age…
Arianne: --Do you remember the story of the first King Viserys? He wanted his daughter to succeed him, but it was the Lord Commander of his Kingsguard, Ser Criston Cole, who essentially led a coup that made Aegon the heir instead. He pitted Drgaon against Dragon.
Arys: Indeed. The Targaryen civil war, known as the Dance of the Dragons.
Arianne: And so the rule of only males being heirs to the Iron Throne was not set in place by some natural order of things. The rule was created by a member of the Kingsguard. A devious plotter, not worthy of his white cloaks. Not a noble and honest and true and handsome and sexy true knight like you. You should set right was the Kingsguard set wrong so long ago. Help me! Help me make Myrcella the Queen!
Arys: My love! For you are proposing something that your father already fears. He has heard these rumors about crowning Myrcella. And although I told you that she is being moved to the Water Gardens for her safety… that is only half true. Your father also wants to prevent her from being crowned.
Arianne: Why? Why deprive her of her birthright! She will rule much better than Tommen. And think about it. You have been her protector this entire time here. She truly trusts and likes you. As a reward for your loyalty and protection, it is very likely that Queen Myrcella will make an exception to the rules of the Kingsguard and allow you to marry me!
Arys: *GASP* Marry you?! I… I… YES! YES! I love you so much! I never even thought it possible we could marry. Oh, do you think Myrcella would truly allow it? Do you really wish to marry me?
Arianne: Of course I doo, pookie! You know I love you more than anything in the world! Why else would I risk so much to be with you like this? What other motive could I have?!
Arys: To manipulate me into doing your bidding and supporting your plots? No! NO! That’s silly! The only thing that makes sense is that YOU LOVE ME AND WE SHALL BE MARRIED! YES! I MUST DO IT!
Arianne: Of course, we’d have to take action right now! You know how my father is! I’m so scared! His guards have been so mean to me, and I’m pretty sure he plans to lock me up, just like he locked up the Sand Snakes. Then I’ll never get to see you again! *sobs*
Arianne: No! It is! It is true! I found a letter about my brother, Prince Quentyn! In the letter, my father said that he wanted to make it so that Quentyn becomes his heir to Sunspear, not me. My father hates me and wants to put me in jail for the rest of my life.
Arys: There, there, my love. That can’t possibly be true! And hey… where is this Quentyn guy anyway?
Arianne: Oh, across the sea in Essos on some SECRET MISSION. I’m not sure what. Something to do with the Golden Company breaking its contract with Myr, I think.
Arys gets down on one knee before Princess Arianna.
Arys: My lady, I love you so. I will do anything for you to protect you and make you happy! Just let me know. Tell me whatever you want from me, and it is yours!
Arianne: Oh, truly Arys? Truly?
Arys: Yes, my love!
Arianne: Well all I could ever want from you is your love! That’s all!
Arys: You have it!
Arianne: Also, you could bring me Myrcella? That, ahhhhh… that would be nice too.
The people of Dorne want revenge! They want an uprising! But with the Sand Snakes imprisoned by order of Prince Doran Martell, now they won’t get that either.
Arys: These silly Dorne people. I can’t trust any of them. Well, I can’t trust any of them… except for HER!
Oooh! A mysterious her! Has Arys become smitten a lady down here? And, if so, with who?
Princess Arianne Martell, Daughter to Doran: Hey, it’s me!
Oh, well that wasn’t that hard to figure out.
Arys: Oh, Arianne! I’m glad you can meet me here. But we must meet each other in disguise, so nobody can see us together. You are a Princess of Dorne, and I am a Knight of the Kingsguard, sworn to chastity. No one must know of our secret love!
Arianne: Love? What are you talking abo-uuhhh, oh yeah. Right. Love. I’m totally in love with you. Madly! *bats eyes*
Arys: I’m somewhat worried about leaving Princess Myrcella alone. I am supposed to be guarding her!
Arianne: Oh come on, she’ll be safe. She has a tons of Dornish guards around her, and she’s bestest friends with her betrothed, my little brother Prince Trystane. It was an arranged marriage deal… but for once the two generally seem to like each other and are inseperable. Always playing games and stuff.
Arys: At any rate, she’ll be safe enough soon! Your father plans for us all to head back to the Water Gardens soon. Myrcella will be much safer here than around these crazy Dornish zealots who want blood. Although it somewhat worries me that your father had asked that we not inform Kings Landing of the change of Myrcella’s location. I am supposed to be loyal to Kings Landing, not to Prince Doran. But then again, the fewer people that know where the Princess is… the safer she will be! So I guess it makes sense.
Arianne: Oh. You’re still narrating to yourself about Myrcella? Have you not noticed yet that I’m standing here completely naked for you?
Arys: Oh. Yeah. Right!
They have hot, hot sex.
Afterwards, Arys is ashamed. He loves Arianne, but he is full of guilt for breaking his oath of chastity, which is a really strange rule for the Kingsguard to have since every single Member of the Kingsguard seems to constantly break that oath.
Arys: My dear… I… I… love you. But this has to be our last time together! Ever!
Arianne: You’ve said that before. And yet you always come crawling back.
Arys: This time I mean it!
Arianne: Do you?
Arys: Yes!
They then have sex again.
Arys: DAMNIT! Okay, that time was ABSOLUTELY the last. I have to leave you now, but only because I truly love you.
Arianne: If you truly love me, then you will never leave me!
Arys: All other Kingsguard who broke their oath have been punished!
Arianne: All the ones that have been caught, you mean.
Arys: They’re all caught in the end.
Arianne: Are they now? Are they? Have you heard of my great uncle, Prince Lewyn?
Arys: Of course I have! He was a great knight of the Kingsguard, who fought heroically and was killed at the Battle of the Trident! One of the best!
Arianne: He totally had a mistress.
Arys: What? Really?
Arianne: They all do, Arys. Don’t act like you’re the first.
Arys: It brings be dishonor!
Arianne: Look, my point is the sword in your hand is the one that proves if you’re a true knight, not the one between your legs. If you’re a good person, then you’re a good knight, regardless of whether you get a little coochie now and then. The only thing dishonorable is serving wicked rulers and doing wicked things.
Arys: I… I have done that too. Joffrey! I served him and I obeyed him when he told me to hit that Sansa girl.
Arianne: Well, Joffrey is dead and buried now. It’s time to think of how to you can serve a new ruler.
Arys: Yes, King Tommen!
Arianne: Well… I was… thinking of someone else.
Arys: *GASP*… Are you speaking of treason?! No, my lady! No! I love you, but…
Arianne: --No, lemme stop you right there, sugar plumb. I’m not talking about treason. I’m talking about making sure that the right and legitimate heir sits on the throne. And have no doubt, that person is indeed the heir to the House Baratheon. But it is not Tommen. It is Myrcella.
Arys: Huh? I’m… confused.
Arianne: Who is older? Tommen or Myrcella?
Arys: Myrcella. But… but… she’s a girl.
Arianne: Wow, smooth talker – aren’t you? You really now how to make the ladies swoon on your modern, progressive politics. Listen honey bunny, here in Dorne women have always been in the line of succession, regardless of if there is a male born. If the oldest child is a daughter… then the heir is the daughter!
Arys: Well, okay. Point taken my love. But Kings Landing is not Dorne.
Arianne: You know Myrcella, right? You have spent time with her.
Arys: Of course! She is a strong and brave young girl!
Arianne: Right. And Tommen is a little 8 year old who still pees himself. You really think he’s a better ruler than Myrcella?
Arys: No… but… in time, perhaps… when Tommen comes of age…
Arianne: --Do you remember the story of the first King Viserys? He wanted his daughter to succeed him, but it was the Lord Commander of his Kingsguard, Ser Criston Cole, who essentially led a coup that made Aegon the heir instead. He pitted Drgaon against Dragon.
Arys: Indeed. The Targaryen civil war, known as the Dance of the Dragons.
Arianne: And so the rule of only males being heirs to the Iron Throne was not set in place by some natural order of things. The rule was created by a member of the Kingsguard. A devious plotter, not worthy of his white cloaks. Not a noble and honest and true and handsome and sexy true knight like you. You should set right was the Kingsguard set wrong so long ago. Help me! Help me make Myrcella the Queen!
Arys: My love! For you are proposing something that your father already fears. He has heard these rumors about crowning Myrcella. And although I told you that she is being moved to the Water Gardens for her safety… that is only half true. Your father also wants to prevent her from being crowned.
Arianne: Why? Why deprive her of her birthright! She will rule much better than Tommen. And think about it. You have been her protector this entire time here. She truly trusts and likes you. As a reward for your loyalty and protection, it is very likely that Queen Myrcella will make an exception to the rules of the Kingsguard and allow you to marry me!
Arys: *GASP* Marry you?! I… I… YES! YES! I love you so much! I never even thought it possible we could marry. Oh, do you think Myrcella would truly allow it? Do you really wish to marry me?
Arianne: Of course I doo, pookie! You know I love you more than anything in the world! Why else would I risk so much to be with you like this? What other motive could I have?!
Arys: To manipulate me into doing your bidding and supporting your plots? No! NO! That’s silly! The only thing that makes sense is that YOU LOVE ME AND WE SHALL BE MARRIED! YES! I MUST DO IT!
Arianne: Of course, we’d have to take action right now! You know how my father is! I’m so scared! His guards have been so mean to me, and I’m pretty sure he plans to lock me up, just like he locked up the Sand Snakes. Then I’ll never get to see you again! *sobs*
Arianne: No! It is! It is true! I found a letter about my brother, Prince Quentyn! In the letter, my father said that he wanted to make it so that Quentyn becomes his heir to Sunspear, not me. My father hates me and wants to put me in jail for the rest of my life.
Arys: There, there, my love. That can’t possibly be true! And hey… where is this Quentyn guy anyway?
Arianne: Oh, across the sea in Essos on some SECRET MISSION. I’m not sure what. Something to do with the Golden Company breaking its contract with Myr, I think.
Arys gets down on one knee before Princess Arianna.
Arys: My lady, I love you so. I will do anything for you to protect you and make you happy! Just let me know. Tell me whatever you want from me, and it is yours!
Arianne: Oh, truly Arys? Truly?
Arys: Yes, my love!
Arianne: Well all I could ever want from you is your love! That’s all!
Arys: You have it!
Arianne: Also, you could bring me Myrcella? That, ahhhhh… that would be nice too.
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