Arya, under the new pseudonym of “Salty,” is on the Titan’s Daughter as it approaches Braavos. They go under the legs of the Titan of Braavos, a giant statue that is pretty much just the Colossus of Rhodes.
Arya: Old Nan used to say that the statue eats young highborn girls as sacrifices. But that was just to scare me because I was a young highborn girl. I don’t think that… oh man… why does the statue have to be anatomically correct under it’s little warrior kilt thing?! I don’t need to see those giant iron balls.
Denyo, the Captain’s Son: Hello Salty! Wanna learn all about the religion of Braavos?
Arya: Not particularly, but I feel like you’re going to tell me anyway.
Denyo: Something something, Many Faced God.
Arya: Oh, that was shorter than I expected.
Arya then reflects on her new, shortened kill list.
Arya: Ser Gregor, Dunsen, Raff the Sweetling, Ser Ilyn, Ser Meryn, and Queen Cersei.
As they pass under the statue’s legs and finally see the city of Braavos itself, she’s surprised to see that it has no city walls. In Westeros, every city has walls to protect it!
Denyo: Hahaha, the War Galleys are the walls! The ships protect Braavos.
The ship sails up, and comes close to the city.
Arya: I’m not sure I want to get off here. I mean I guess Braavos could be cool. Syrio and Jaqen are both from Braavos and those are my too favorite people. But it’s also kind of cool on this ship. Maybe I could stay here forever.
Arya looks over towards the Captain.
Captain Ternesio Terys: Get the fuck out of here, girl.
Arya: Well then.
The Captain’s other son, Yorko, then takes Arya onto a little boat to navigate the small canals that the big Titan’s Daughter can’t navigate.
Arya: Wow, look at all the shrines dedicated to all these gods! Also, how many sons does the Captain have working on his ship?
Yorko: Oh, we’re like all his sons. That dude gets around. Literally. He’s a ship captain. Ah… here we are!
Yorko pulls up to the dock at a grey, windowless temple of stone. The front doors to it are half white and half black, with carved moons on them. Arya gets off the boat and stares at the doors.
Arya: Wow! Those are some pretty nifty doors, huh Yorko? I dunno. But are we sure this boring ass building is where I’m supposed to go when I showed the coin to your dad? I’m not sure that I—
Arya turns around to look at Yorko, but the little boat has sailed off and Yorko is 40 feet away now.
Arya: Ah. Well, I guess I’m here now.
She walks up to the door. She knocks but nobody answers. She looks for a doorbell or a doorknob or something. But there is none.
Arya: Dafuq? What am I supposed to do? Hold out this coin and chant “Valar morghulis” or some shit?
The door opens.
Arya: Ah, I was being sarcastic there. But whatever.
She steps inside and the door closes behind her. For a moment, she is blind.
Arya: AHAHAHAHA. OH YEAH! DOES THE BOOK REALLY SAY THAT?! OH MY – THAT’S QUITE THE FORESHADOWING THERE!
Indeed.
Arya goes in further, and soon she finds herself in front of the statues of many strange gods with many faces.
Arya: I suppose that’s also supposed to be symbolic? Like the many faces I have had over time? Arya. Horseface. Lumpyhead. Arry. Stickboy. Weasel. Nymeria. Keyser Söze. Nan. Squab. Squirrel Girl. Wolf Girl. Madam Butterfly. Captain Crunch. Salty. The Red Baron. Uhh… some others that I’m sure I forgot.
She walks to a man who is weeping beside a pool, and who dips his fingers into the pool and sucks the water from them.
Arya: Oh, this guy must be thirsty, and yet lacking in the knowledge of how to make a cup shape with his hands. It’s cool, because I brought some Dixie cups with me. Let me help him out.
She pulls out her trusty stack of Dixie cups and fills one up, handing it to the man.
Man: Valar morghulis.
Arya: Uhhh… how am I supposed to reply? Oh right… “Valar dohaeris!” I’m not sure what that means, but there you go.
The man stands up, and she notices that he’s been stabbed and is bleeding out.
Arya: DUDE! Why are you drinking water? You need to get to a hospital.
Man: Nah, it’s okay. Let me just go over to this alcove and lay down. You know, and die.
Arya: Oh. I get it now.
She turns around and sees another man and a young waif with him. They both wear half-black, half-white robes. The cloaks hide their faces though.
Cloaked Man: Welcome to the House of Black and White!
Arya: Is this where you make those cookies?
Cloaked Man: No.
Arya: ...
Cloaked Man: You are quite young, little girl, to come here and seek the favor of the Many-Faced God. That favor being death, I mean. That’s why people come here. To die.
Arya: Yeah, I just picked up on that. I thought that maybe you did the cookie things too. But I didn’t come here to die. Or for cookies. I came here looking for Jaqen H’ghar.
Cloaked Man: I have not heard of this man.
Arya: Are you sure? Because in the TV show – you are him. You pull off that cloak and I see you’re him.
Cloaked Man: Well, I’m not him here in the books. He’s still in Westeros, attempting to blend in at Oldtown. And it’s a shame that plot isn’t being carried out in the TV show too, because I’d really like to know what the fuck he is up to.
Arya: I guess you an just wait for the books to be completed to find out.
Cloaked Man: HAHAHAHA. Like that will ever happen.
Arya: Well, anyway… Jaqen gave me this coin. Check it out.
She shows it.
Cloaked Man: Who are you?
Arya: I’m Salty.
Cloaked Man: Bullshit. Give me your real name.
Arya: Nymeria.
Cloaked Man: Nope. Keep going.
Arya: Arry?
Cloaked Man: Getting closer, but no.
Arya: Okay fine. I’m Arya Stark of Winterfell.
Cloaked Man: This is the truth, I can see it on your face. And yet the House of Black and White is no place of Arya Stark of Winterfell.
Arya: But I have no place to go!
Cloaked Man: And how the fuck is that my problem?
Arya: *shrug*
Cloaked Man: Tell me, Arya Stark of Winterfell. Do you fear death?
Arya: Do I fear death? Do I, Arya Stark, fear death? Bitch, I am death. Death is my middle name. I threw away my Colgate years ago and now exclusively brush my teeth with death, three times a day. I even floss with it. The last sandwich I ordered was a BLD… bacon, lettuce and death. I told the guy behind the counter to hold the bacon and lettuce. Then I told him that I was just fucking with him and that of course I still wanted the bacon. Extra bacon, in fact. Along with extra death. I slit the throats of innocent castle guards who are just following orders and I feel nothing. I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
Cloaked Man: Hahaha, cool. If you’re not scared of death, do you wanna see who I am in the books instead of being Jaqen?
Arya: Yeah, let’s do this shit.
The Cloaked Man pulls his cloak back and shows of his face – it’s just a floating, yellowed skull.
Arya: OH SHIT! SKELETOR! Does that mean the Waif is Evil-Lyn?
Skeletor: ETERNIA WILL ME MINE, HE-MAN! Now give Uncle Skeletor a kiss, little girl!
Ol’ Skullface leans down to Arya.
Arya: Hahaha, you think that shit scares me? Nah, son.
She kisses him right on his big nose hole and then sees a worm crawling inside the skull. She grabs the worm.
Arya: I ain’t scared of nothin’, shorty. Watch this.
She goes to put the worm in her mouth, but it vanishes to dust.
At the same time, the man’s skull face vanishes to dust too, and is replaced with the face of a kind-looking old man.
Kind Old Man: Oh wow. That’s some hardcore shit there, girl. Nobody has tried to eat the face worm before when I do my Skeletor illusion. You hungry or something? You were talking about cookies before.
Arya: Oh yeah, I’m hungry. But not for food!
Kind Old Man: …
Waif: …
Arya: …
Kind Old Man: …
Arya: Murder. I’m hungry for murder.
Kind Old Man: Oh, we got it, Arya. You didn’t have to explain that.
Arya: Old Nan used to say that the statue eats young highborn girls as sacrifices. But that was just to scare me because I was a young highborn girl. I don’t think that… oh man… why does the statue have to be anatomically correct under it’s little warrior kilt thing?! I don’t need to see those giant iron balls.
Denyo, the Captain’s Son: Hello Salty! Wanna learn all about the religion of Braavos?
Arya: Not particularly, but I feel like you’re going to tell me anyway.
Denyo: Something something, Many Faced God.
Arya: Oh, that was shorter than I expected.
Arya then reflects on her new, shortened kill list.
Arya: Ser Gregor, Dunsen, Raff the Sweetling, Ser Ilyn, Ser Meryn, and Queen Cersei.
As they pass under the statue’s legs and finally see the city of Braavos itself, she’s surprised to see that it has no city walls. In Westeros, every city has walls to protect it!
Denyo: Hahaha, the War Galleys are the walls! The ships protect Braavos.
The ship sails up, and comes close to the city.
Arya: I’m not sure I want to get off here. I mean I guess Braavos could be cool. Syrio and Jaqen are both from Braavos and those are my too favorite people. But it’s also kind of cool on this ship. Maybe I could stay here forever.
Arya looks over towards the Captain.
Captain Ternesio Terys: Get the fuck out of here, girl.
Arya: Well then.
The Captain’s other son, Yorko, then takes Arya onto a little boat to navigate the small canals that the big Titan’s Daughter can’t navigate.
Arya: Wow, look at all the shrines dedicated to all these gods! Also, how many sons does the Captain have working on his ship?
Yorko: Oh, we’re like all his sons. That dude gets around. Literally. He’s a ship captain. Ah… here we are!
Yorko pulls up to the dock at a grey, windowless temple of stone. The front doors to it are half white and half black, with carved moons on them. Arya gets off the boat and stares at the doors.
Arya: Wow! Those are some pretty nifty doors, huh Yorko? I dunno. But are we sure this boring ass building is where I’m supposed to go when I showed the coin to your dad? I’m not sure that I—
Arya turns around to look at Yorko, but the little boat has sailed off and Yorko is 40 feet away now.
Arya: Ah. Well, I guess I’m here now.
She walks up to the door. She knocks but nobody answers. She looks for a doorbell or a doorknob or something. But there is none.
Arya: Dafuq? What am I supposed to do? Hold out this coin and chant “Valar morghulis” or some shit?
The door opens.
Arya: Ah, I was being sarcastic there. But whatever.
She steps inside and the door closes behind her. For a moment, she is blind.
Arya: AHAHAHAHA. OH YEAH! DOES THE BOOK REALLY SAY THAT?! OH MY – THAT’S QUITE THE FORESHADOWING THERE!
Indeed.
Arya goes in further, and soon she finds herself in front of the statues of many strange gods with many faces.
Arya: I suppose that’s also supposed to be symbolic? Like the many faces I have had over time? Arya. Horseface. Lumpyhead. Arry. Stickboy. Weasel. Nymeria. Keyser Söze. Nan. Squab. Squirrel Girl. Wolf Girl. Madam Butterfly. Captain Crunch. Salty. The Red Baron. Uhh… some others that I’m sure I forgot.
She walks to a man who is weeping beside a pool, and who dips his fingers into the pool and sucks the water from them.
Arya: Oh, this guy must be thirsty, and yet lacking in the knowledge of how to make a cup shape with his hands. It’s cool, because I brought some Dixie cups with me. Let me help him out.
She pulls out her trusty stack of Dixie cups and fills one up, handing it to the man.
Man: Valar morghulis.
Arya: Uhhh… how am I supposed to reply? Oh right… “Valar dohaeris!” I’m not sure what that means, but there you go.
The man stands up, and she notices that he’s been stabbed and is bleeding out.
Arya: DUDE! Why are you drinking water? You need to get to a hospital.
Man: Nah, it’s okay. Let me just go over to this alcove and lay down. You know, and die.
Arya: Oh. I get it now.
She turns around and sees another man and a young waif with him. They both wear half-black, half-white robes. The cloaks hide their faces though.
Cloaked Man: Welcome to the House of Black and White!
Arya: Is this where you make those cookies?
Cloaked Man: No.
Arya: ...
Cloaked Man: You are quite young, little girl, to come here and seek the favor of the Many-Faced God. That favor being death, I mean. That’s why people come here. To die.
Arya: Yeah, I just picked up on that. I thought that maybe you did the cookie things too. But I didn’t come here to die. Or for cookies. I came here looking for Jaqen H’ghar.
Cloaked Man: I have not heard of this man.
Arya: Are you sure? Because in the TV show – you are him. You pull off that cloak and I see you’re him.
Cloaked Man: Well, I’m not him here in the books. He’s still in Westeros, attempting to blend in at Oldtown. And it’s a shame that plot isn’t being carried out in the TV show too, because I’d really like to know what the fuck he is up to.
Arya: I guess you an just wait for the books to be completed to find out.
Cloaked Man: HAHAHAHA. Like that will ever happen.
Arya: Well, anyway… Jaqen gave me this coin. Check it out.
She shows it.
Cloaked Man: Who are you?
Arya: I’m Salty.
Cloaked Man: Bullshit. Give me your real name.
Arya: Nymeria.
Cloaked Man: Nope. Keep going.
Arya: Arry?
Cloaked Man: Getting closer, but no.
Arya: Okay fine. I’m Arya Stark of Winterfell.
Cloaked Man: This is the truth, I can see it on your face. And yet the House of Black and White is no place of Arya Stark of Winterfell.
Arya: But I have no place to go!
Cloaked Man: And how the fuck is that my problem?
Arya: *shrug*
Cloaked Man: Tell me, Arya Stark of Winterfell. Do you fear death?
Arya: Do I fear death? Do I, Arya Stark, fear death? Bitch, I am death. Death is my middle name. I threw away my Colgate years ago and now exclusively brush my teeth with death, three times a day. I even floss with it. The last sandwich I ordered was a BLD… bacon, lettuce and death. I told the guy behind the counter to hold the bacon and lettuce. Then I told him that I was just fucking with him and that of course I still wanted the bacon. Extra bacon, in fact. Along with extra death. I slit the throats of innocent castle guards who are just following orders and I feel nothing. I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
Cloaked Man: Hahaha, cool. If you’re not scared of death, do you wanna see who I am in the books instead of being Jaqen?
Arya: Yeah, let’s do this shit.
The Cloaked Man pulls his cloak back and shows of his face – it’s just a floating, yellowed skull.
Arya: OH SHIT! SKELETOR! Does that mean the Waif is Evil-Lyn?
Skeletor: ETERNIA WILL ME MINE, HE-MAN! Now give Uncle Skeletor a kiss, little girl!
Ol’ Skullface leans down to Arya.
Arya: Hahaha, you think that shit scares me? Nah, son.
She kisses him right on his big nose hole and then sees a worm crawling inside the skull. She grabs the worm.
Arya: I ain’t scared of nothin’, shorty. Watch this.
She goes to put the worm in her mouth, but it vanishes to dust.
At the same time, the man’s skull face vanishes to dust too, and is replaced with the face of a kind-looking old man.
Kind Old Man: Oh wow. That’s some hardcore shit there, girl. Nobody has tried to eat the face worm before when I do my Skeletor illusion. You hungry or something? You were talking about cookies before.
Arya: Oh yeah, I’m hungry. But not for food!
Kind Old Man: …
Waif: …
Arya: …
Kind Old Man: …
Arya: Murder. I’m hungry for murder.
Kind Old Man: Oh, we got it, Arya. You didn’t have to explain that.
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