Arianne Martell arrives at Shandystone, ruins of an old holdfast in Dorne. It makes Arianne very contemplative, as she thinks back upon her childhood.
Arianne: Ah, I remember I came here as a child with uncle Red Viper and two of my cousins – Tyene and SARELLA. YES. THAT’S RIGHT. SARELLA. A seemingly unimportant character that I am namedropping yet again and who hasn’t been featured yet. OR HAS SHE?
Anyway, it’s nearly nightfall and she makes camp here with a group of her most trusted companions – which includes Garin of Greenblood, Andrey “Dr. Drey” Dalt, and Sylva “Obviously Somehow Related to Aron” Santagar. Gerold “Darkstar” Dayne is there too, but Arianne wouldn’t really consider him one of her most “trusted” companions. I mean his nickname is “Darkstar,” after all.
Darkstar: Hi, I’m a cousin of Arthur Dayne, the late Sword of the Morning. But I’m not from the Daynes of Starfall. I’m from a cadet house that rules at High Hermitage.
Arianne: Ugh. Why did I even bring you with me? You’re one of my ex-es.
Darkstar: Haha, yes I am. Because I am so very handsome. You probably want to fuck around with your old boyfriend. It’s cool. I’m up for it.
Arianne: Damn you with your sexy, sexy face. Those purple eyes. That silver-white hair with that streak of black in it!
Darkstar: Haha, yes… I have a physical description that very much matches only Targaryens or the other ancient families of Valyria, although the streak of black is a wildcard. Too bad the books haven’t gone further into my origins to explain who exactly I am or what my parentage may be. Needless to say, it will probably pay off later.
Person on Internet: I THINK HE MIGHT BE THE SON OF LYANNA AND RHAEGAR! JON SNOW IS A FALSE FLAG! THIS GUY LOOKS LIKE A TARGARYEN WITH A STREAK OF STARK-BLACK HAIR!
Darkstar: Well, I’m in my late 20’s and the kid of Lyanna and Rhaegar would be a teenager. So… no.
Person in Internet: OH, NEVER MIND.
Darkstar: Anyway, whatever. I need to go pee.
He leaves to pee.
Drey: Hey, did you hear about that crazy shit over in Essos?
Garin: Yeah. Apparently the Golden Company broke its contract with Myr. The Golden Company NEVER breaks their contracts. I wonder what’s going on in Essos.
Arianne: Yes. Indeed. The mysteries of Essos are intriguing. Perhaps a book will come out, set at the same time as this book, but also including POV chapters from other characters in other locations, that will better explain what’s happening. But anyway, my brother Quentyn was sent off to Essos on some SECRET MISSION. My dad sent him to be fostered and Yronwood, but then he was sighted at Planky Town seeking passage across the narrow sea. Could he be the one who has hired the Golden Company away from Myr with the wealth of Dorne? And if so… why? Does he mean to bring the company here to contest Dorne? Even if he has gotten the Golden Company behind him for some tricky-ass plan, he’ll never be able to challenge my right to be heir to Dorne! The oldest child always takes over, regardless of sex! And soon, when we make Myrcella the Queen of Westeros – that policy will go throughout the Seven Kingdoms.
Garin: Well… I’m a little orphan boy, and remember how I got one of my orphan friends to sneak into Quentyn’s belongings and he found a bunch of scrolls sealed with the sun and spear of Dorne? Too bad my friend couldn’t read what those scrolls said without breaking the seals and exposing that we were spying on him.
Arianne: Indeed. If those scrolls are legitimate and signed by my father, he is up to some sort of tricky deal with someone in Essos that he didn’t want to tell me, his heir, about.
Darkstar: Hey, I’m back from urinating! Which means I was just holding my penis, so I bet Arianne wants to smell my hand now because she’s so totally into me still. So, what are you assholes talking about?
Arianne: *rolls eyes*
Sylva: We were just talking about our plan for today. To escape with Princess Myrcella and crown her.
Darkstar: Oh. Well, I’m glad that Arianne wanted to be around me enough to include me in this plan. But honestly… I don’t think it’s going to work. It will never actually put Myrcella on the throne, and I don’t even think it will start the war with the Lannisters that Arianne thinks it will. Her dad will just say that Arianne did it on her own without permission, which is the truth, and I doubt the Lannisters will send their armies down here to die in this hot dessert where they are ill-prepared to fight an army on its home turf.
Arianne: Oh REALLY? So you have a better plan to start a war with the Lannisters, Darkstar?
Darkstar: Well… I mean… yeah. So, like, if we just KILLED Myrcella then the Lannisters would definitely go to war with us. Right?
Arianne: WHAT?! NO! We’re not killing this little girl! That’s a terrible idea! Right everyone, right?
She looks at all her trusted buddies and they tepidly agree with her.
Sylva: Of course.
Drey: Uhh… yeah. I guess.
Garin: Well, actually killing Myrcella would probably work really well if we… uhh… I mean… WOW… that is an EVIL EYE, you are giving me, Arianne. So I’m going to agree with you now and say it is a TERRIBLE idea.
Darkstar: What? REALLY? We could kill Myrcella AND Aerys Oakheart too. The Princess and sister of the King! A member of the Kingsguard. Murdered here in Dorne! They will go to war with us SO FAST.
Arianne: NO! Enough of that. I am not a child murderer! Myrcella is under my protection.
Darkstar: Whatever. Just know that this plan will never work. It will only work if every single person involved in the plan is totally part of the plan and won’t snitch. And there is ALWAYS a snitch.
Arianne looks at him with contempt.
Not long after, a rider comes. It is Ser Arys Oakheat himself, riding with Myrcella.
Myrcella: Oh! Arianne! Hi! What… what is going on here? I’m so very confused. Ser Arys grabbed me and told me I had to come with him. Has… has something happened to Tommen?
Arianne: Yes, something has happened to Tommen, my dear sweet girl. But it’s not what you think. He’s still alive and well, but he’s fallen under the influence of evil, evil men who have conspired to take the throne from you!
Myrcella: Uhh… take the throne from me? I’m confused.
Arianne: Well, you ARE older than Tommen, so that means you should have become the Queen after Joffrey died. I am my companions are here to serve you, my Queen! May I introduce Dr. Drey, Spotted Sylva, Garin, and the Darkstar.
Myrcella: Oh cool! Darkstar! I’ve heard of you. Aren’t you Arthur Dayne’s cousin?
Darkstar: Ugh. Why is it always Arthur everyone talks about? He’s been dead for a decade and a half now! Like my entire life is defined as being that other guy’s cousin. Just a family member to someone more famous. Why do I always have to be the Solange of the Daynes? Why can’t I be the Beyonce for once?
Ser Arys then pulls Arianne aside to have a private conversation with her.
Arys: Oh, my beautiful love! How I adore you so and have missed seeing your beauty!
Arianne: Oh. Yes. Right. My love. Because I love you a lot too and am not just manipulating you for my plans. So, what’s up?
Arys: Have you heard the news?
Arianne: In the Soho Tribune?
Arys: What?
Arianne: Nothing. Never mind. What were you going to tell me?
Arys: Tywin Lannister is DEAD!
Arianne: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
Arys: Murdered by the Imp! Queen Cersei is now regent of Westeros.
Arianne: Oh wow. That’s crazy. But… then again… Cersei might be a bit more receptive to the idea of Myrcella being in power than Tywin would have ever been. So maybe this will pan out to be a good thing later. I think she’s sort of a feminist.
Arys: I mean… she does support women having power so long as that woman is her. So it’s… you know… sort of a feminist value. A little.
Arianne: Anyway, we must ensure that Myrcella’s disappearance is kept a secret… at least for a few days! We need to get a head start before my father’s armies pursue us.
Arys: Yes, I set up an elaborate plan where I pretended that Myrcella was getting sick with redspots, so that she has to be quarantined in her room. Fortunately and by TOTAL COINCIDENCE there is also a girl who LOOKS A LOT LIKE MYRCELLA… again… BY TOTAL AND FORTUNATE COINCIDENCE… that has taken her spot. Hopefully with this AGAIN, INCREDIBLY FORTUNATE FOR PLOT PURPOSES DOPPELGANGER replacing Myrcella in her place and quarantined away, the guards at the palace might not realize it’s not her for a couple days.
Arianne: I love coincidences where CONVENIENT UNRELATED DOPPELGANGERS make themselves available. Perhaps if this kingdom were not at war, we could have had a funny anecdote about the two girls switching places to confuse their own, respective, single parents and then reveal that they are the other girl to hook up the two parents with each other, who fall in love.
Arys: Indeed. But let’s not talk about that. Let’s talk about our plans going forward now that Myrcella is with us.
Arianne: Oh, you want me to discuss my plans with you like I actually trust and love you! That’s so cute!
She kisses him and rubs his crotch to completely distract him from his train of thought about her telling him her plans. It works.
When the night falls for good and it’s nice and dark, they set out.
Arianne: Yes! We’re going to take Myrcella to the river Greenblood and eventually lead Myrcella to Hellholt, where we will crown her and announce it to the world. Then we will free the Sand Snakes and all of Dorne will join us in the uprising! Huzzah!
And so they travel all night, and then through the day as well. They’re in the blistering, hot sands of the deserts of Dorne. But the beating sun can’t stop them! They must keep up their pace and never stop! If anyone has sold them out… or if Arys’s AMAZING AND FORTUNATE DOPPELGANGER is detected too quickly… the armies of her father, Prince Doran, will soon be upon her.
Arys: *gasp*gasp* So… fucking… hot!
Arianne: Dude. Why are you dressed up in the cloak of a night of Westeros? You’re in the desert! Take your damn armor and cloak off.
Arys: No! I am a Kingsguard and must dress like one!
Arianne: Fucking idiot.
Arys: What was that?
Arianne: Nothing, I said “I love you,” pookey bunny!
Finally, they approach the River Greenblood, where a boat is waiting for them.
Arianne: At last! Our escape is here!
Garin (he’s from Greenblood, so he set this whole boat thing up) jumps up and goes into the boat, and calls out for his friends.
Garin: Hey guys! Where are you? We’re here! Hello? Hello?
Areo Hotah: Oh HAI THAR!
Area Hotah and a dozen soldiers of Dorne pop out of the boat. They pull out swords and crossbows.
Arianne: OH SHIIIIIIIIITTTTT!!!!!
Areo: ARIANNE! Surrender now. Your father gives orders that everyone except for you and Myrcella will be killed if you resist. Their lives will be spared if you give up.
Garin and Dr. Drey immediately throw their arms up into the air and get on their knees, surrendering.
Arys: NO! NO! This cannot be! Our beautiful plan, Arianne! When Myrcella is Queen, she will make a waiver, releasing me from my vows as a Kingsguard so that I might marry you! We cannot let this plan fail! WE MUST FIGHT!
Arianne: Uh… dude. There are TWELVE of them. They have crossbows.
Arys: ATTACK!!!!!
Arys rides into battle, charging at Areo and the guards. By himself.
Arys: NO MAN SHALL TAKE MYRCELLA WHILE I DRAW BREATH!
Areo: Oh, okay. I can work with that.
Areo gives the signal to his crossbowmen, who light up Ser Arys Oakheart of the Kingsguard with two dozen fucking bolts into his lungs.
Arys: *GASP*GASP*NO!... still… barely… breathing… still…
He slowly continues forward in the direction of Aero as more crossbow bolts light him up. One of the crossbowmen turns to look at Areo and gives him a face that’s like, “Hey, what’s up with this crazy guy?”
Areo: Oh, for fucks sake. Just die already.
Areo walks forward with his GIANT, SIX-FOOT LONG AXE and decapitates Arys Oakhart.
Arys: …
Areo: There. Did that do it? Are you still drawing breath? You gonna make a fucking “tis but a scratch joke” now, Oakheart?
Arys: …
Areo: No. I thought not.
Arianne: NOOOOOOO!!!!!! And I mean that not in that I actually loved him, but that this ruins all of my well-crafted plans. I… I… ugh… and watching that beheading is not sitting with with me… I’m… ugh.. ugh…
She vomits and falls off of her horse. But as she falls, she hears--
Myrcella: AGGHHH!!!!! AGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
She dizzily picks herself up, confused and nauseous and unsure of what the hell is going on. Suddenly, she sees that Myrcella is bleeding and clutching her head.
Arianne: What the hell?! Myrcella?! Did one of you idiots SHOOT MYRCELLA?!
Areo: AFTER HIM! AFTER HIM! DO NOT LET HIM ESCAPE!!!
Arianne: Huh? What? Who? Don’t let who escape? You already fucking beheaded my boyfriend, I don’t think that he's going to get up and…
But she turns around to see Darkstar sheathing his bloody sword, jumping up on a horse, and riding off. Areo’s men mount up and give chase. Where did their horses come from? I’m not sure. Let’s say that they were hidden on the boat too. Or that they’re just taking some horses from Arianne’s party. Because if the soldiers had a bunch of their horses outside of the boat then you’d think Arianne and crew would have noticed before they were ambushed. Whatever.
Arianne: What… what the hell is happening?
Areo: Darkstar tried to kill Myrcella. He missed though, and only sliced off an ear.
Arianne: Ah. Yeah. I guess he did say that killing Myrcella was his preferred plan. How… how did you find me?
Areo: Someone snitched, Arianne. Someone ALWAYS snitches.
Darkstar (in the distance): I TOLD YOU!
Arianne: Ah, I remember I came here as a child with uncle Red Viper and two of my cousins – Tyene and SARELLA. YES. THAT’S RIGHT. SARELLA. A seemingly unimportant character that I am namedropping yet again and who hasn’t been featured yet. OR HAS SHE?
Anyway, it’s nearly nightfall and she makes camp here with a group of her most trusted companions – which includes Garin of Greenblood, Andrey “Dr. Drey” Dalt, and Sylva “Obviously Somehow Related to Aron” Santagar. Gerold “Darkstar” Dayne is there too, but Arianne wouldn’t really consider him one of her most “trusted” companions. I mean his nickname is “Darkstar,” after all.
Darkstar: Hi, I’m a cousin of Arthur Dayne, the late Sword of the Morning. But I’m not from the Daynes of Starfall. I’m from a cadet house that rules at High Hermitage.
Arianne: Ugh. Why did I even bring you with me? You’re one of my ex-es.
Darkstar: Haha, yes I am. Because I am so very handsome. You probably want to fuck around with your old boyfriend. It’s cool. I’m up for it.
Arianne: Damn you with your sexy, sexy face. Those purple eyes. That silver-white hair with that streak of black in it!
Darkstar: Haha, yes… I have a physical description that very much matches only Targaryens or the other ancient families of Valyria, although the streak of black is a wildcard. Too bad the books haven’t gone further into my origins to explain who exactly I am or what my parentage may be. Needless to say, it will probably pay off later.
Person on Internet: I THINK HE MIGHT BE THE SON OF LYANNA AND RHAEGAR! JON SNOW IS A FALSE FLAG! THIS GUY LOOKS LIKE A TARGARYEN WITH A STREAK OF STARK-BLACK HAIR!
Darkstar: Well, I’m in my late 20’s and the kid of Lyanna and Rhaegar would be a teenager. So… no.
Person in Internet: OH, NEVER MIND.
Darkstar: Anyway, whatever. I need to go pee.
He leaves to pee.
Drey: Hey, did you hear about that crazy shit over in Essos?
Garin: Yeah. Apparently the Golden Company broke its contract with Myr. The Golden Company NEVER breaks their contracts. I wonder what’s going on in Essos.
Arianne: Yes. Indeed. The mysteries of Essos are intriguing. Perhaps a book will come out, set at the same time as this book, but also including POV chapters from other characters in other locations, that will better explain what’s happening. But anyway, my brother Quentyn was sent off to Essos on some SECRET MISSION. My dad sent him to be fostered and Yronwood, but then he was sighted at Planky Town seeking passage across the narrow sea. Could he be the one who has hired the Golden Company away from Myr with the wealth of Dorne? And if so… why? Does he mean to bring the company here to contest Dorne? Even if he has gotten the Golden Company behind him for some tricky-ass plan, he’ll never be able to challenge my right to be heir to Dorne! The oldest child always takes over, regardless of sex! And soon, when we make Myrcella the Queen of Westeros – that policy will go throughout the Seven Kingdoms.
Garin: Well… I’m a little orphan boy, and remember how I got one of my orphan friends to sneak into Quentyn’s belongings and he found a bunch of scrolls sealed with the sun and spear of Dorne? Too bad my friend couldn’t read what those scrolls said without breaking the seals and exposing that we were spying on him.
Arianne: Indeed. If those scrolls are legitimate and signed by my father, he is up to some sort of tricky deal with someone in Essos that he didn’t want to tell me, his heir, about.
Darkstar: Hey, I’m back from urinating! Which means I was just holding my penis, so I bet Arianne wants to smell my hand now because she’s so totally into me still. So, what are you assholes talking about?
Arianne: *rolls eyes*
Sylva: We were just talking about our plan for today. To escape with Princess Myrcella and crown her.
Darkstar: Oh. Well, I’m glad that Arianne wanted to be around me enough to include me in this plan. But honestly… I don’t think it’s going to work. It will never actually put Myrcella on the throne, and I don’t even think it will start the war with the Lannisters that Arianne thinks it will. Her dad will just say that Arianne did it on her own without permission, which is the truth, and I doubt the Lannisters will send their armies down here to die in this hot dessert where they are ill-prepared to fight an army on its home turf.
Arianne: Oh REALLY? So you have a better plan to start a war with the Lannisters, Darkstar?
Darkstar: Well… I mean… yeah. So, like, if we just KILLED Myrcella then the Lannisters would definitely go to war with us. Right?
Arianne: WHAT?! NO! We’re not killing this little girl! That’s a terrible idea! Right everyone, right?
She looks at all her trusted buddies and they tepidly agree with her.
Sylva: Of course.
Drey: Uhh… yeah. I guess.
Garin: Well, actually killing Myrcella would probably work really well if we… uhh… I mean… WOW… that is an EVIL EYE, you are giving me, Arianne. So I’m going to agree with you now and say it is a TERRIBLE idea.
Darkstar: What? REALLY? We could kill Myrcella AND Aerys Oakheart too. The Princess and sister of the King! A member of the Kingsguard. Murdered here in Dorne! They will go to war with us SO FAST.
Arianne: NO! Enough of that. I am not a child murderer! Myrcella is under my protection.
Darkstar: Whatever. Just know that this plan will never work. It will only work if every single person involved in the plan is totally part of the plan and won’t snitch. And there is ALWAYS a snitch.
Arianne looks at him with contempt.
Not long after, a rider comes. It is Ser Arys Oakheat himself, riding with Myrcella.
Myrcella: Oh! Arianne! Hi! What… what is going on here? I’m so very confused. Ser Arys grabbed me and told me I had to come with him. Has… has something happened to Tommen?
Arianne: Yes, something has happened to Tommen, my dear sweet girl. But it’s not what you think. He’s still alive and well, but he’s fallen under the influence of evil, evil men who have conspired to take the throne from you!
Myrcella: Uhh… take the throne from me? I’m confused.
Arianne: Well, you ARE older than Tommen, so that means you should have become the Queen after Joffrey died. I am my companions are here to serve you, my Queen! May I introduce Dr. Drey, Spotted Sylva, Garin, and the Darkstar.
Myrcella: Oh cool! Darkstar! I’ve heard of you. Aren’t you Arthur Dayne’s cousin?
Darkstar: Ugh. Why is it always Arthur everyone talks about? He’s been dead for a decade and a half now! Like my entire life is defined as being that other guy’s cousin. Just a family member to someone more famous. Why do I always have to be the Solange of the Daynes? Why can’t I be the Beyonce for once?
Ser Arys then pulls Arianne aside to have a private conversation with her.
Arys: Oh, my beautiful love! How I adore you so and have missed seeing your beauty!
Arianne: Oh. Yes. Right. My love. Because I love you a lot too and am not just manipulating you for my plans. So, what’s up?
Arys: Have you heard the news?
Arianne: In the Soho Tribune?
Arys: What?
Arianne: Nothing. Never mind. What were you going to tell me?
Arys: Tywin Lannister is DEAD!
Arianne: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
Arys: Murdered by the Imp! Queen Cersei is now regent of Westeros.
Arianne: Oh wow. That’s crazy. But… then again… Cersei might be a bit more receptive to the idea of Myrcella being in power than Tywin would have ever been. So maybe this will pan out to be a good thing later. I think she’s sort of a feminist.
Arys: I mean… she does support women having power so long as that woman is her. So it’s… you know… sort of a feminist value. A little.
Arianne: Anyway, we must ensure that Myrcella’s disappearance is kept a secret… at least for a few days! We need to get a head start before my father’s armies pursue us.
Arys: Yes, I set up an elaborate plan where I pretended that Myrcella was getting sick with redspots, so that she has to be quarantined in her room. Fortunately and by TOTAL COINCIDENCE there is also a girl who LOOKS A LOT LIKE MYRCELLA… again… BY TOTAL AND FORTUNATE COINCIDENCE… that has taken her spot. Hopefully with this AGAIN, INCREDIBLY FORTUNATE FOR PLOT PURPOSES DOPPELGANGER replacing Myrcella in her place and quarantined away, the guards at the palace might not realize it’s not her for a couple days.
Arianne: I love coincidences where CONVENIENT UNRELATED DOPPELGANGERS make themselves available. Perhaps if this kingdom were not at war, we could have had a funny anecdote about the two girls switching places to confuse their own, respective, single parents and then reveal that they are the other girl to hook up the two parents with each other, who fall in love.
Arys: Indeed. But let’s not talk about that. Let’s talk about our plans going forward now that Myrcella is with us.
Arianne: Oh, you want me to discuss my plans with you like I actually trust and love you! That’s so cute!
She kisses him and rubs his crotch to completely distract him from his train of thought about her telling him her plans. It works.
When the night falls for good and it’s nice and dark, they set out.
Arianne: Yes! We’re going to take Myrcella to the river Greenblood and eventually lead Myrcella to Hellholt, where we will crown her and announce it to the world. Then we will free the Sand Snakes and all of Dorne will join us in the uprising! Huzzah!
And so they travel all night, and then through the day as well. They’re in the blistering, hot sands of the deserts of Dorne. But the beating sun can’t stop them! They must keep up their pace and never stop! If anyone has sold them out… or if Arys’s AMAZING AND FORTUNATE DOPPELGANGER is detected too quickly… the armies of her father, Prince Doran, will soon be upon her.
Arys: *gasp*gasp* So… fucking… hot!
Arianne: Dude. Why are you dressed up in the cloak of a night of Westeros? You’re in the desert! Take your damn armor and cloak off.
Arys: No! I am a Kingsguard and must dress like one!
Arianne: Fucking idiot.
Arys: What was that?
Arianne: Nothing, I said “I love you,” pookey bunny!
Finally, they approach the River Greenblood, where a boat is waiting for them.
Arianne: At last! Our escape is here!
Garin (he’s from Greenblood, so he set this whole boat thing up) jumps up and goes into the boat, and calls out for his friends.
Garin: Hey guys! Where are you? We’re here! Hello? Hello?
Areo Hotah: Oh HAI THAR!
Area Hotah and a dozen soldiers of Dorne pop out of the boat. They pull out swords and crossbows.
Arianne: OH SHIIIIIIIIITTTTT!!!!!
Areo: ARIANNE! Surrender now. Your father gives orders that everyone except for you and Myrcella will be killed if you resist. Their lives will be spared if you give up.
Garin and Dr. Drey immediately throw their arms up into the air and get on their knees, surrendering.
Arys: NO! NO! This cannot be! Our beautiful plan, Arianne! When Myrcella is Queen, she will make a waiver, releasing me from my vows as a Kingsguard so that I might marry you! We cannot let this plan fail! WE MUST FIGHT!
Arianne: Uh… dude. There are TWELVE of them. They have crossbows.
Arys: ATTACK!!!!!
Arys rides into battle, charging at Areo and the guards. By himself.
Arys: NO MAN SHALL TAKE MYRCELLA WHILE I DRAW BREATH!
Areo: Oh, okay. I can work with that.
Areo gives the signal to his crossbowmen, who light up Ser Arys Oakheart of the Kingsguard with two dozen fucking bolts into his lungs.
Arys: *GASP*GASP*NO!... still… barely… breathing… still…
He slowly continues forward in the direction of Aero as more crossbow bolts light him up. One of the crossbowmen turns to look at Areo and gives him a face that’s like, “Hey, what’s up with this crazy guy?”
Areo: Oh, for fucks sake. Just die already.
Areo walks forward with his GIANT, SIX-FOOT LONG AXE and decapitates Arys Oakhart.
Arys: …
Areo: There. Did that do it? Are you still drawing breath? You gonna make a fucking “tis but a scratch joke” now, Oakheart?
Arys: …
Areo: No. I thought not.
Arianne: NOOOOOOO!!!!!! And I mean that not in that I actually loved him, but that this ruins all of my well-crafted plans. I… I… ugh… and watching that beheading is not sitting with with me… I’m… ugh.. ugh…
She vomits and falls off of her horse. But as she falls, she hears--
Myrcella: AGGHHH!!!!! AGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
She dizzily picks herself up, confused and nauseous and unsure of what the hell is going on. Suddenly, she sees that Myrcella is bleeding and clutching her head.
Arianne: What the hell?! Myrcella?! Did one of you idiots SHOOT MYRCELLA?!
Areo: AFTER HIM! AFTER HIM! DO NOT LET HIM ESCAPE!!!
Arianne: Huh? What? Who? Don’t let who escape? You already fucking beheaded my boyfriend, I don’t think that he's going to get up and…
But she turns around to see Darkstar sheathing his bloody sword, jumping up on a horse, and riding off. Areo’s men mount up and give chase. Where did their horses come from? I’m not sure. Let’s say that they were hidden on the boat too. Or that they’re just taking some horses from Arianne’s party. Because if the soldiers had a bunch of their horses outside of the boat then you’d think Arianne and crew would have noticed before they were ambushed. Whatever.
Arianne: What… what the hell is happening?
Areo: Darkstar tried to kill Myrcella. He missed though, and only sliced off an ear.
Arianne: Ah. Yeah. I guess he did say that killing Myrcella was his preferred plan. How… how did you find me?
Areo: Someone snitched, Arianne. Someone ALWAYS snitches.
Darkstar (in the distance): I TOLD YOU!
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