In the House of Black & White…
Kind Old Man: Who are you?
Arya: No One.
Kind Old Man: Liar. Who are you?
Arya: No One.
Kind Old Man: Liar. Who are you?
Arya: No One.
And so on and so on. You get the picture.
Kind Old Man: So you got a list of people you want dead or anything?
Arya: YES! Joffrey, Chiswyck, Ser Gregor Clegane, Sandor Clegane, Dunsen, Queen Cersei, Ser Amory Lorch, Ser Ilyn Payne, Polliver, Raff the Sweetling, The Tickler, Ser Meryn Trant and Weese is the fullest extent of my list. But a good number of those people are dead now. So it’s a lot shorter. Also I took Sandor off my list. But then I let him die anyway. I think he’s dead. I mean… I’m pretty sure. Either that or he’s a gravedigger now. Anyway, now it’s just Ser Gregor, Dunsen, Raff the Sweetling, Ser Ilyn, Ser Meryn, and Queen Cersei.
Kind Old Man: Arya Stark wishes these people to be dead. No one should have no list. If a girl wishes to be be no one, a girl will have no list. The servants of the Many-Faced God do not get to say who lives and dies, but do only his bidding.
Arya: Oh.
Kind Old Man: Now, a girl shall do some chores.
And so Arya goes to help in the kitchens. She did this before in Harrenhal so she has experience, but this time it’s a lot better because it’s warm and nobody beats her when she eats food. Over time, she learns the ground rules of this place. The Kind Old Man never says his name, nor does the Waif. She is not allowed in the third level of the temple where the priests all go and treat the bodies. Also, people come here all the time to drink from the fountain and die. It’s sort of a thing.
Arya: I wonder what happens to all the bodies. Any how come everyone who comes here drinks from the fountain to die like it ain’t no big thang? In Westeros, everyone is scared of death. Here it’s like everyone embraces it.
Kind Old Man: Death is a gift. An end to pain and strife. And the candles here in the temple release soothing scents that relax them.
Arya: Are they weed candles or something? Because I have yet to see any weed candles from the Yankee Candle company. Although I’m sure it’s coming soon.
Kind Old Man: Take a breath and smell. What is it that you smell?
Arya takes a big sniff. She smells home and Winterfell. But she’s not supposed to smell Winterfell. So she doesn’t say that.
Arya: I smell… uh… Red Apple Wreath?
Kind Old Man: A girl lies. A girl smells home because she yearns to go home. A girl may go home whenever she wishes.
The Kind Old Man quickly hides the candle, which would have proved it was all a trick and the scent was called "Winterfell Musk."
Arya: I don’t want to leave.
Kind Old Man: A girl must choose to serve, or she must leave.
Arya: I’m choosing to serve!
Kind Old Man: Then a girl must no longer be Arya Stark.
Arya: Okay, that’s cool. I’m not still her then. I’m No One.
Kind Old Man: A girl still has Arya Stark’s things.
Arya: Oh? Like these clothes and these coins and stuff? Cool, I can throw all that crap away.
Kind Old Man: And what of Arya Stark’s sword?
Arya: Needle? NEEDLE?! You want me to throw away NEEDLE?!
Kind Old Man: The sword belongs to Arya of House Stark, and we have no place for Arya Stark here. Very few have the strength to serve the Many-Faced God, and even fewer women. I do not think that Arya Stark has the strength.
Arya: I DO TOO! Uh… I mean… uhm… a girl does too! I mean… uh… No One does too! You get what I’m going with here, right dude?
He shakes his head and walks away.
That night, Arya gathers up all her things and sneaks out of the House of the Black & White. She starts to throw all her things in the water.
Arya: Goodbye fidget spinner! Goodbye Backstreet Boys poster! Goodbye creepy pictures of dead bodies collection that I have! Goodbye Need—uhh…
But she stops her arm before she throws Needle into the water.
Arya: I… like… had to go through a lot to get this sword back. It got stolen from me and I got it back. It was a gift from Jon. I can’t… no… I can’t just throw it into the water. It’s more than a sword. It’s everything that is Arya Stark. Everything Arya Stark ever loved and believed in. Can I really toss it into the water? No. This Many-Faced God may wish for me to serve him, but the Old Gods of the North brought the sword back to me for a reason.
She turns around and looks at a bunch of stones that are around her. She kicks them and finds one that is sort of loose. She pulls it up and places Needle under the stone. She then puts the stone back in place.
Arya: THERE! No one will ever find it!
She heads back to the House of the Black & White.
The next morning, Arya runs into the Kind Old Man again.
Kind Old Man: A man sees that a girl no longer has her things.
Arya: Yeppers.
Kind Old Man: A girl shows strength. A man will tell you more about the Faceless Men.
Arya: Oh good! BACKSTORY DROPPING TIME!
Kind Old Man: The Faceless Men were initially slaves in the mines of Valyria.
Arya: Oh cool. So I bet they rose up to kill their evil slave masters, huh?
Kind Old Man: A girl will shut up when a man is telling his story.
Arya: Sorry.
Kind Old Man: And NO. The first man to receive the gift of death was another slave, not a master.
Arya: WHAAAAAAAAA?
Kind Old Man: The gift of death freed the poor slave from the suffering of his slavery. But the gift of death would soon come to the masters as well.
Arya: Oh, that’s cool. So tell me more!
Kind Old Man: Well, it’s really a fairly short backstory. That's about it. We used to be slaves.
Arya: Oh.
Kind Old Man: If a girl wishes to be no one, she must learn to hide her feelings. She must learn to hide when she lies. A man can see when a girl lies. She shows it on her face.
Arya: Yes! Teach me! Teach me how to hide my facial expressions!
Waif: And I will teach you how to speak the Braavosi language.
Arya: Oh, I was wondering when this little girl would actually show up and have some dialogue.
Waif: Little girl? I’m 36.
Arya: WHAT WHAT WHAT? Girl, you must have some great genes. You must get carded in the bars all the time. And even after you show that card saying that you’re 36, I bet they still think it’s a fake ID and throw you out.
Waif: Thanks! *blushes*
The Waif then its Arya in the face with a stick, because that’s something that Faye Marsay would do on the TV show.
After spending a little time learning to hide her facial expressions and getting language skills, the Kind Old Man has a first mission for her.
Kind Old Man: A girl will leave the House of the Black and White to live with the people and continue to learn the language. She will sell shellfish for a man named Brusco.
Arya: “Sell Shellfish?” Oh man, that’s a tongue-twister there. I know I’m going to mess that up.
Kind Old Man: Who is a girl?
Arya: Uhh… No One?
Kind Old Man: Usually a good answer, but no. While a girl must be No One inside the House of Black & White, a girl must have an identity on the outside.
Arya: Oh cool. Maybe I can be “Cat?”
Kind Old Man: Wow. Naming yourself after your dead mother? Uhh… okay. Well. Weird, a man guesses. But I guess we’ll go with that.
Arya: Yeah, I’m Cat and I’m an orphan of Kings Landing. My father used to be a bread-maker but he beat me and I ran away. No wait! An even better story! Sometimes he touched me. So I pulled a “Jaine’s Got a Gun” and killed him. Then for a while I used to sell crystal meth in Flea Bottom. That is until I got all mixed up with a heroin dealer named “Marc” with a "c" who wanted to—
Kind Old Man: --A girl’s backstory is too complex and she needs not think about it that much. Men will not ask a girl that much about her backstory. A girl should be “Cat, an Orphan from Kings Landing.”
That night, Arya gets dressed up in filthy rags and is sent out into Braavos. She looks for Brusco’s place but quickly gets lost. There she breaths heavily to herself and thinks.
Arya: Ser Gregor. Dunsen. Raff the Sweetling. Ser Ilyn. Ser Meryn. Queen Cersei. Valar Morghulis. Valar Morghulis. Valar Fucking Morghulis.
Kind Old Man: Who are you?
Arya: No One.
Kind Old Man: Liar. Who are you?
Arya: No One.
Kind Old Man: Liar. Who are you?
Arya: No One.
And so on and so on. You get the picture.
Kind Old Man: So you got a list of people you want dead or anything?
Arya: YES! Joffrey, Chiswyck, Ser Gregor Clegane, Sandor Clegane, Dunsen, Queen Cersei, Ser Amory Lorch, Ser Ilyn Payne, Polliver, Raff the Sweetling, The Tickler, Ser Meryn Trant and Weese is the fullest extent of my list. But a good number of those people are dead now. So it’s a lot shorter. Also I took Sandor off my list. But then I let him die anyway. I think he’s dead. I mean… I’m pretty sure. Either that or he’s a gravedigger now. Anyway, now it’s just Ser Gregor, Dunsen, Raff the Sweetling, Ser Ilyn, Ser Meryn, and Queen Cersei.
Kind Old Man: Arya Stark wishes these people to be dead. No one should have no list. If a girl wishes to be be no one, a girl will have no list. The servants of the Many-Faced God do not get to say who lives and dies, but do only his bidding.
Arya: Oh.
Kind Old Man: Now, a girl shall do some chores.
And so Arya goes to help in the kitchens. She did this before in Harrenhal so she has experience, but this time it’s a lot better because it’s warm and nobody beats her when she eats food. Over time, she learns the ground rules of this place. The Kind Old Man never says his name, nor does the Waif. She is not allowed in the third level of the temple where the priests all go and treat the bodies. Also, people come here all the time to drink from the fountain and die. It’s sort of a thing.
Arya: I wonder what happens to all the bodies. Any how come everyone who comes here drinks from the fountain to die like it ain’t no big thang? In Westeros, everyone is scared of death. Here it’s like everyone embraces it.
Kind Old Man: Death is a gift. An end to pain and strife. And the candles here in the temple release soothing scents that relax them.
Arya: Are they weed candles or something? Because I have yet to see any weed candles from the Yankee Candle company. Although I’m sure it’s coming soon.
Kind Old Man: Take a breath and smell. What is it that you smell?
Arya takes a big sniff. She smells home and Winterfell. But she’s not supposed to smell Winterfell. So she doesn’t say that.
Arya: I smell… uh… Red Apple Wreath?
Kind Old Man: A girl lies. A girl smells home because she yearns to go home. A girl may go home whenever she wishes.
The Kind Old Man quickly hides the candle, which would have proved it was all a trick and the scent was called "Winterfell Musk."
Arya: I don’t want to leave.
Kind Old Man: A girl must choose to serve, or she must leave.
Arya: I’m choosing to serve!
Kind Old Man: Then a girl must no longer be Arya Stark.
Arya: Okay, that’s cool. I’m not still her then. I’m No One.
Kind Old Man: A girl still has Arya Stark’s things.
Arya: Oh? Like these clothes and these coins and stuff? Cool, I can throw all that crap away.
Kind Old Man: And what of Arya Stark’s sword?
Arya: Needle? NEEDLE?! You want me to throw away NEEDLE?!
Kind Old Man: The sword belongs to Arya of House Stark, and we have no place for Arya Stark here. Very few have the strength to serve the Many-Faced God, and even fewer women. I do not think that Arya Stark has the strength.
Arya: I DO TOO! Uh… I mean… uhm… a girl does too! I mean… uh… No One does too! You get what I’m going with here, right dude?
He shakes his head and walks away.
That night, Arya gathers up all her things and sneaks out of the House of the Black & White. She starts to throw all her things in the water.
Arya: Goodbye fidget spinner! Goodbye Backstreet Boys poster! Goodbye creepy pictures of dead bodies collection that I have! Goodbye Need—uhh…
But she stops her arm before she throws Needle into the water.
Arya: I… like… had to go through a lot to get this sword back. It got stolen from me and I got it back. It was a gift from Jon. I can’t… no… I can’t just throw it into the water. It’s more than a sword. It’s everything that is Arya Stark. Everything Arya Stark ever loved and believed in. Can I really toss it into the water? No. This Many-Faced God may wish for me to serve him, but the Old Gods of the North brought the sword back to me for a reason.
She turns around and looks at a bunch of stones that are around her. She kicks them and finds one that is sort of loose. She pulls it up and places Needle under the stone. She then puts the stone back in place.
Arya: THERE! No one will ever find it!
She heads back to the House of the Black & White.
The next morning, Arya runs into the Kind Old Man again.
Kind Old Man: A man sees that a girl no longer has her things.
Arya: Yeppers.
Kind Old Man: A girl shows strength. A man will tell you more about the Faceless Men.
Arya: Oh good! BACKSTORY DROPPING TIME!
Kind Old Man: The Faceless Men were initially slaves in the mines of Valyria.
Arya: Oh cool. So I bet they rose up to kill their evil slave masters, huh?
Kind Old Man: A girl will shut up when a man is telling his story.
Arya: Sorry.
Kind Old Man: And NO. The first man to receive the gift of death was another slave, not a master.
Arya: WHAAAAAAAAA?
Kind Old Man: The gift of death freed the poor slave from the suffering of his slavery. But the gift of death would soon come to the masters as well.
Arya: Oh, that’s cool. So tell me more!
Kind Old Man: Well, it’s really a fairly short backstory. That's about it. We used to be slaves.
Arya: Oh.
Kind Old Man: If a girl wishes to be no one, she must learn to hide her feelings. She must learn to hide when she lies. A man can see when a girl lies. She shows it on her face.
Arya: Yes! Teach me! Teach me how to hide my facial expressions!
Waif: And I will teach you how to speak the Braavosi language.
Arya: Oh, I was wondering when this little girl would actually show up and have some dialogue.
Waif: Little girl? I’m 36.
Arya: WHAT WHAT WHAT? Girl, you must have some great genes. You must get carded in the bars all the time. And even after you show that card saying that you’re 36, I bet they still think it’s a fake ID and throw you out.
Waif: Thanks! *blushes*
The Waif then its Arya in the face with a stick, because that’s something that Faye Marsay would do on the TV show.
After spending a little time learning to hide her facial expressions and getting language skills, the Kind Old Man has a first mission for her.
Kind Old Man: A girl will leave the House of the Black and White to live with the people and continue to learn the language. She will sell shellfish for a man named Brusco.
Arya: “Sell Shellfish?” Oh man, that’s a tongue-twister there. I know I’m going to mess that up.
Kind Old Man: Who is a girl?
Arya: Uhh… No One?
Kind Old Man: Usually a good answer, but no. While a girl must be No One inside the House of Black & White, a girl must have an identity on the outside.
Arya: Oh cool. Maybe I can be “Cat?”
Kind Old Man: Wow. Naming yourself after your dead mother? Uhh… okay. Well. Weird, a man guesses. But I guess we’ll go with that.
Arya: Yeah, I’m Cat and I’m an orphan of Kings Landing. My father used to be a bread-maker but he beat me and I ran away. No wait! An even better story! Sometimes he touched me. So I pulled a “Jaine’s Got a Gun” and killed him. Then for a while I used to sell crystal meth in Flea Bottom. That is until I got all mixed up with a heroin dealer named “Marc” with a "c" who wanted to—
Kind Old Man: --A girl’s backstory is too complex and she needs not think about it that much. Men will not ask a girl that much about her backstory. A girl should be “Cat, an Orphan from Kings Landing.”
That night, Arya gets dressed up in filthy rags and is sent out into Braavos. She looks for Brusco’s place but quickly gets lost. There she breaths heavily to herself and thinks.
Arya: Ser Gregor. Dunsen. Raff the Sweetling. Ser Ilyn. Ser Meryn. Queen Cersei. Valar Morghulis. Valar Morghulis. Valar Fucking Morghulis.
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