Arya, the Hound, and the Hound's horse (Stranger) reach a river.
Arya: Oh, this must be the Blackwater because you're obviously a shitty Lannister-loyalist and you want to take me back to Cersei and Joffrey.
Hound: God you're stupid. Please just shut up.
The Hound looks at the river. It's overflowing. It's perilous. No way can the Hound cross it. Not by caulking. Not by fording. Not by paying an Indian guide. Not by--
Arya: I thought we said there would be no more of this Oregon Trail stuff?
I lied. There is.
Hound: I guess that means the only option left is finding a ferry. Now we just got to find one.
As the Hound is distracted, Arya attempts to murder him. About 14 different times.
Hound: Please stop that. I will beat you if you do it again!
Arya does it again. Several more times.
Hound: *sigh* STOP TRYING TO KILL ME!
Arya: Whatever. Beric will catch you soon and you'll be dead.
Hound: Whatever.
And so they keep heading down the flooded, crazy river. Finally they reach a place called Harroway town. There is a ferry there.
Hound: Oh shit. Is this ferry still running?
Ferryman: It will cost you three gold dragons.
Hound: THREE GOLD DRAGONS?! WTF?! That's outrageous! This is price gouging!
Ferryman: Yeah, well... it is. All the other ferries are down. We sort of have a monopoly. So we can do stuff like that.
Hound: Fine. I'll pay you. WHEN WE GET ACROSS.
Ferryman: No way. You pay up front.
The Ferryman snaps his fingers. A bunch of his co-workers come out, armed with weapons.
Hound: You see how big I am, right? I'll kill several of them before I die.
Ferryman: Yeah, but you'll still die.
Hound: How about we just avoid the killing thing all together? I'll pay you on the other side. Knight's honor.
The Ferrymen gives an untrusting look.
Ferryman: Knight's honor, huh? Well... I suppose...
And so he nods his head. His co-workers drop their weapons and they all head on to the ferry. The other men man the ferry and help guide it through the river.
Arya: I'd rather drown than be taken back to King's Landing. Forget this.
Arya is about to risk her life and jump into the torrent of the river, when suddenly--
Ferryman: --OH CRAP! LOOK OUT!
A giant tree has been knocked down in all the heavy rain and is pushed down the river. It's about to run into the ferry and capsize the whole thing. The ferrymen all manage to steer and push away the tree trunk in time, but not before...
Guy: *slip*
He falls into river and is washed away instantly into the currents.
Arya: Well, he can probably just swim to safety, right?
Ferryman: In that water? Hahaha, no. He's dead.
Arya: Oh.
And so Arya decides against jumping into the river to escape.
They finally reach the other side.
Ferryman: FUCK THAT. That will be SIX DRAGONS now.
Hound: What the hell? You said THREE before!
Ferryman: Well... one of my men DIED getting you across. He's worth three dragons.
Arya: Yikes. The value of a human life is apparently equal to that of a single ferry trip?
Hound: It took you long enough to figure out that narrative point, Arya. Yes. Here in war time human lives are given almost no value. People are seen as expendable pawns.
The Hound hands a piece of paper to the ferryman.
Hound: Here you go. This is worth nine thousand dragons.
The Ferryman looks at it. It's a piece of paper that says "nine thousand dragons" in crayon, with a cute little dragon drawn on it.
Ferryman: WHAT?! PAPER MONEY?! THIS IS WORTHLESS! You promised on your "knight's honor."
Hound: Haha, dumbass. Knights have no honor. Looks like YOU just learned a valuable life lesson too. Hey Arya, still think Beric and those shitheads are going to catch me now? They better be pretty good swimmers!
Arya: Grrrrrr!!! Joffrey Baratheon,Chiswyck, Gregor Clegane, Dunsen, Queen Cersei, Amory Lorch, Ilyn Payne, Polliver, Raff, The Tickler, Meryn Trant, Weese, Sandor Clegane, Sandor Clegane, Sandor Clegane, Sandor Clegane, Sandor Clegane.
Hound: Why do you keep saying my na--
Arya: --SANDOR CLEGANE!
And so they keep going, now on the other side of the river. Arya starts to get the chills. The Hound stops to make a fire, but he can't because it's so wet. He still tries feeding Arya. She doesn't want to eat though.
Hound: Quit being a little bitch, girl. You know, I'm not as bad as you think. I never even beat your sister like all the rest of the Kingsguard did. But I will beat you if you keep trying to kill me.
Arya: You're WRONG! You're THE WORST! Nobody is worse than you.
Hound: Really? What about my brother? He once killed a man for snoring. One of his own men.
Arya: Oh yeah, good point. I know, he's such a dick... right?
Hound: Yeah, you're lucky you never had to meet him.
Arya: Never had to meet him? Of course I've met him. The Mountain caught me and my friends in a villiage and took us hostage. He started killing all the villagers one by one. He's a sadistic fucking murderer.
Hound: HAHAHAHA... OH... OH... HOLY SHIT! The Mountain CAUGHT you? OH MAN! He must have never realised who you were! OH GOD! THIS IS TOO GOOD! WHAT A GIANT FUCK UP! I'm going to tell him one day! Right before I fucking kill him.
Arya: Wait... why would you want to kill your own brother?
Hound: Duh. Come on now, girl. You're a sadistic little murderer. Surely you have to be able to relate to that. I bet you wanted to kill your sister, right?
Arya: Uhm.... *shifty eyes*... no.
Hound: Hey look, bitch. Maybe I am a monster for killing that butcher's boy. But I also saved your sister from a mob. She was going to get gang raped and murdered and I ran into the crowd and saved her. What do you think about that?
Arya: Uhmm...
Hound: You're suck a fuckwit, girl. You REALLY think I'm going back to the Lannisters? THE HELL with the Lannisters! I'm done with them. You think this is the Blackwater? No, dumbass. This is the Trident. I'm taking you back to your mother at the Twins for this stupid wedding she's going to.
Arya: Wait... so... Beric was planning to take me back to my mother at the Twins until you kidnapped me so that you could... take me back to my mother at the Twins?
Hound: Well, yeah. Because there is reward money in it. I want to get the reward money instead of Beric getting it. He stole my money. Hahaha, I suppose you're probably worth TWICE AS MUCH as what Beric stole though. In the end, I might turn a nice profit. Maybe your stupid King brother will even take me in and make you one of his knights as thanks for returning you.
Arya: That will NEVER happen.
Hound: No, I suppose not. So how about you just SHUT UP, stop trying to kill me, and let me take you to this bloody wedding!
Arya: Wait... why did you say bloody wedding?
Hound: I don't know. It's simply an expletive intensifier in British English.
Arya: Still though.
Arya: Oh, this must be the Blackwater because you're obviously a shitty Lannister-loyalist and you want to take me back to Cersei and Joffrey.
Hound: God you're stupid. Please just shut up.
The Hound looks at the river. It's overflowing. It's perilous. No way can the Hound cross it. Not by caulking. Not by fording. Not by paying an Indian guide. Not by--
Arya: I thought we said there would be no more of this Oregon Trail stuff?
I lied. There is.
Hound: I guess that means the only option left is finding a ferry. Now we just got to find one.
As the Hound is distracted, Arya attempts to murder him. About 14 different times.
Hound: Please stop that. I will beat you if you do it again!
Arya does it again. Several more times.
Hound: *sigh* STOP TRYING TO KILL ME!
Arya: Whatever. Beric will catch you soon and you'll be dead.
Hound: Whatever.
And so they keep heading down the flooded, crazy river. Finally they reach a place called Harroway town. There is a ferry there.
Hound: Oh shit. Is this ferry still running?
Ferryman: It will cost you three gold dragons.
Hound: THREE GOLD DRAGONS?! WTF?! That's outrageous! This is price gouging!
Ferryman: Yeah, well... it is. All the other ferries are down. We sort of have a monopoly. So we can do stuff like that.
Hound: Fine. I'll pay you. WHEN WE GET ACROSS.
Ferryman: No way. You pay up front.
The Ferryman snaps his fingers. A bunch of his co-workers come out, armed with weapons.
Hound: You see how big I am, right? I'll kill several of them before I die.
Ferryman: Yeah, but you'll still die.
Hound: How about we just avoid the killing thing all together? I'll pay you on the other side. Knight's honor.
The Ferrymen gives an untrusting look.
Ferryman: Knight's honor, huh? Well... I suppose...
And so he nods his head. His co-workers drop their weapons and they all head on to the ferry. The other men man the ferry and help guide it through the river.
Arya: I'd rather drown than be taken back to King's Landing. Forget this.
Arya is about to risk her life and jump into the torrent of the river, when suddenly--
Ferryman: --OH CRAP! LOOK OUT!
A giant tree has been knocked down in all the heavy rain and is pushed down the river. It's about to run into the ferry and capsize the whole thing. The ferrymen all manage to steer and push away the tree trunk in time, but not before...
Guy: *slip*
He falls into river and is washed away instantly into the currents.
Arya: Well, he can probably just swim to safety, right?
Ferryman: In that water? Hahaha, no. He's dead.
Arya: Oh.
And so Arya decides against jumping into the river to escape.
They finally reach the other side.
Ferryman: FUCK THAT. That will be SIX DRAGONS now.
Hound: What the hell? You said THREE before!
Ferryman: Well... one of my men DIED getting you across. He's worth three dragons.
Arya: Yikes. The value of a human life is apparently equal to that of a single ferry trip?
Hound: It took you long enough to figure out that narrative point, Arya. Yes. Here in war time human lives are given almost no value. People are seen as expendable pawns.
The Hound hands a piece of paper to the ferryman.
Hound: Here you go. This is worth nine thousand dragons.
The Ferryman looks at it. It's a piece of paper that says "nine thousand dragons" in crayon, with a cute little dragon drawn on it.
Ferryman: WHAT?! PAPER MONEY?! THIS IS WORTHLESS! You promised on your "knight's honor."
Hound: Haha, dumbass. Knights have no honor. Looks like YOU just learned a valuable life lesson too. Hey Arya, still think Beric and those shitheads are going to catch me now? They better be pretty good swimmers!
Arya: Grrrrrr!!! Joffrey Baratheon,
Hound: Why do you keep saying my na--
Arya: --SANDOR CLEGANE!
And so they keep going, now on the other side of the river. Arya starts to get the chills. The Hound stops to make a fire, but he can't because it's so wet. He still tries feeding Arya. She doesn't want to eat though.
Hound: Quit being a little bitch, girl. You know, I'm not as bad as you think. I never even beat your sister like all the rest of the Kingsguard did. But I will beat you if you keep trying to kill me.
Arya: You're WRONG! You're THE WORST! Nobody is worse than you.
Hound: Really? What about my brother? He once killed a man for snoring. One of his own men.
Arya: Oh yeah, good point. I know, he's such a dick... right?
Hound: Yeah, you're lucky you never had to meet him.
Arya: Never had to meet him? Of course I've met him. The Mountain caught me and my friends in a villiage and took us hostage. He started killing all the villagers one by one. He's a sadistic fucking murderer.
Hound: HAHAHAHA... OH... OH... HOLY SHIT! The Mountain CAUGHT you? OH MAN! He must have never realised who you were! OH GOD! THIS IS TOO GOOD! WHAT A GIANT FUCK UP! I'm going to tell him one day! Right before I fucking kill him.
Arya: Wait... why would you want to kill your own brother?
Hound: Duh. Come on now, girl. You're a sadistic little murderer. Surely you have to be able to relate to that. I bet you wanted to kill your sister, right?
Arya: Uhm.... *shifty eyes*... no.
Hound: Hey look, bitch. Maybe I am a monster for killing that butcher's boy. But I also saved your sister from a mob. She was going to get gang raped and murdered and I ran into the crowd and saved her. What do you think about that?
Arya: Uhmm...
Hound: You're suck a fuckwit, girl. You REALLY think I'm going back to the Lannisters? THE HELL with the Lannisters! I'm done with them. You think this is the Blackwater? No, dumbass. This is the Trident. I'm taking you back to your mother at the Twins for this stupid wedding she's going to.
Arya: Wait... so... Beric was planning to take me back to my mother at the Twins until you kidnapped me so that you could... take me back to my mother at the Twins?
Hound: Well, yeah. Because there is reward money in it. I want to get the reward money instead of Beric getting it. He stole my money. Hahaha, I suppose you're probably worth TWICE AS MUCH as what Beric stole though. In the end, I might turn a nice profit. Maybe your stupid King brother will even take me in and make you one of his knights as thanks for returning you.
Arya: That will NEVER happen.
Hound: No, I suppose not. So how about you just SHUT UP, stop trying to kill me, and let me take you to this bloody wedding!
Arya: Wait... why did you say bloody wedding?
Hound: I don't know. It's simply an expletive intensifier in British English.
Arya: Still though.
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