Arya wishes that she could be asleep all the time. At least when she’s asleep she’s warging with Nymeria. When she’s Nymeria, she’s leading a pack of wolves. She’s free. She’s roaming the Riverlands and eating whatever she wants.
A splash of water from the Hound wakes Arya up though. She’s back to being herself. She’s back to being Arya Stark with every single human being in her family that she loves being dead.
Arya: Yeah, they’re all dead. Except for Sansa. But I don’t love her, so whatever.
The Hound: Get out of bed, sleepy head.
Arya: I’m going to kill you!
Hound: Yeah, yeah. You tell me that EVERY day and it never happens. I’m really starting to get tired of hearing it. Blah blah. You’re going to kill me when I’m asleep. Blah blah. You’re going to escape when I’m not looking. Well go on. DO IT.
Arya just bites her lip.
Hound: Yeah, that’s what I thought.
She wouldn’t know where to go or what to do if she did escape. Arya has no one anymore. She’s not like Nymeria. She doesn’t have a pack. Gendry? Hot Pie? They never cared for her. They discarded her as soon as they had the chance.
Arya: Where are we going?
Hound: None of your beeswax.
Arya: I mean I’m PRETTY SURE that counts as my business.
Hound: Just shut up and be glad that I knocked you out with that axe rather than letting you go into the Twins to be killed by the Freys, just like your brother and mother were killed.
And so they continue on. They don’t take the main roads around here, because the Freys are still riding around and searching for any men loyal to the Starks. You know… to kill.
As Arya and the Hound sneak along, they run into one such unlucky soldier, who wears a banner of the House Tully. He’s the sole survivor of a massacre that has just occurred. But he doesn’t look like he’ll be a survivor for much longer.
Man: Water… water… please.
Hound: Girl, go get this guy some water.
Arya: OH COOL! So that we can give him some water before we mercy kill him? Sweet! You know… I also did that to some prisoners a while back by the Stoney Sept. Those were good times.
Hound: Ugh. I wish you wouldn’t talk.
They give the man some water. The Hound then sticks his dagger in him. He dies quickly.
Hound: Let’s check his wallet! Dibs on cash.
Arya: I wanted the money! No fair!
Hound: Here. You can have his dagger.
Arya: Lame. Whatever.
Hound: Stop being such a whiner. It’s annoying.
Arya: And why WOULDN’T I be annoying? My entire family is dead and I have no idea where you’re taking me.
Hound: Well, your entire immediate family isn't dead. You still have an aunt.
Arya: Huh?
Hound: Lysa Arryn. In the Vale.
Arya: Oh right. I don’t even know that bitch. I’m not sure if I’ve ever even met her. This seems like a bad idea. You should have just let me go into the Twins. I bet my mom and brother are still alive. You didn’t see them dead, did you?
Hound: God, you’re such a dipshit. I ought to just cut your tongue out now so I don’t have to hear any of the dumb stuff that comes out your mouth anymore.
And Arya goes to sleep that night, dreaming of being Nymeria again. And by “dreaming of being Nymeria” I, of course, mean that she is actually warging into Nymeria and experiencing actual things that Nymeria experiences that are not dreams… but… in fact… real world occurrences that are actually happening.
NymArya: *sniff*sniff* HOWL! [Translation: Wow, I think I smell my mom. And by that I mean Arya’s mom. I could recognize that smell anywhere. HEY LOOK! There she is!]
NymArya sees Lady Cat’s dead body floating in the Trident River. She jumps in and her gang of wolf followers jump in with her. She swims to Cat’s body and gives it a good bite. Secure in her mouth, she brings the body back to shore.
NymArya: Woof? [Translation: Ughh… what do I do now?]
Just then, NymArya hears some people coming on horseback.
NymArya: *yip* [Translation: Okay everyone, humans! Time to get out of here].
They bolt and run into the woods. Arya wakes up.
Arya: AGHH!!! Man. What a trippy dream.
Hound: More noise. What now, girl?
Arya: Oh. Well. Don’t worry about it. It’s just that I know that my mom is dead for sure now. You see, I had this dream where—
Hound: --don’t care.
And so they ride on in silence.
Eventually they come to a village.
Hound: Hey there, village people.
Villager: You know, we hate being called that. If one more passing person starts singing YMCA at us, why I’m gonna—
Hound: —We’re hungry. We need food, provisions and shelter for our journey on to the Vale.
Villager: Well, first things first… we’re not going to GIVE you any of that. You’re going to need to work for it. And there is plenty of labor to do around here. Hard labor. A big man like you looks like you’d be up for it. Now… the second thing… don’t go to the Vale. That’s a big mistake. The road there is full of Shadowcats and Burned Men. You and your daughter will never make it there alive. You’ll either be eaten by giant black panthers or you’ll be murdered by Macho Man Randy Savage and his ilk.
Arya: Eww. I’m not his daugh—
Hound: —Shhh! Yes, we can work for food. That’s fine with me.
And so the Hound joins this group of villagers to do hard labor and help them out.
Arya: I hope Lem Lemoncloak doesn’t come to murder this entire village while you’re away cutting wood.
Hound: No. That’s TV show only… and it’s a pretty loose adaption of this scene. It doesn’t happen anything like that in the books.
They stick around for a few days and build a big house or something like that. A palisade? I dunno. What is a palisade?
Villager: Well, thanks for all your help, Hound. Now you can fuck off!
Hound: HEY! You know who I am! I never told you who I was! We were supposed to be this incognito father and daughter couple who just wandered into town.
Villager: Well, you’re a gigantic dude with a half-burned face. It’s pretty obvious who you are.
Hound: I guess. We were promised food and provisions for helping out though!
Villager: Yes, and you ate plenty of food while you were here with us. That’s payment enough.
Hound: SONOFA…
Villager: I suppose I could also give you this though…
The villager hands him a rusty old sword and some ale.
Hound: Damnit.
They leave. Clegane drinks the ale.
Arya: Hey! Is this the way to the Vale?
Hound: No. You heard the villager. We’ll never make it there. I need to find somewhere new to take you. Maybe your great uncle, the Blackfish, will want you. I’m taking you to Riverrun.
Arya: Riverrun?! That’s where I was heading for IN THE FIRST PLACE! And then every time I tried to go there… someone turned me around and took me in another direction. That happened like three times already! I an so fucking over Riverrun. And I have never met the Blackfish either. Would he even want me? Forget about that. I say we go to the Wall instead. My brother, Jon, is up there. He’s my bestest friend. He’ll want to see me!
Hound: The Wall is, like, a bajillion freaking miles away. And there are two different wars happening between us and the Wall. No way.
Arya: What’s wrong? Scared of a little war or two? You a coward or something?
Hound: SHUT THE HELL UP! I’m not taking you to your stupid brother! BROTHERS SUCK!
Arya: Well that’s just you projecting your own personal problems with the Mountain, man.
A splash of water from the Hound wakes Arya up though. She’s back to being herself. She’s back to being Arya Stark with every single human being in her family that she loves being dead.
Arya: Yeah, they’re all dead. Except for Sansa. But I don’t love her, so whatever.
The Hound: Get out of bed, sleepy head.
Arya: I’m going to kill you!
Hound: Yeah, yeah. You tell me that EVERY day and it never happens. I’m really starting to get tired of hearing it. Blah blah. You’re going to kill me when I’m asleep. Blah blah. You’re going to escape when I’m not looking. Well go on. DO IT.
Arya just bites her lip.
Hound: Yeah, that’s what I thought.
She wouldn’t know where to go or what to do if she did escape. Arya has no one anymore. She’s not like Nymeria. She doesn’t have a pack. Gendry? Hot Pie? They never cared for her. They discarded her as soon as they had the chance.
Arya: Where are we going?
Hound: None of your beeswax.
Arya: I mean I’m PRETTY SURE that counts as my business.
Hound: Just shut up and be glad that I knocked you out with that axe rather than letting you go into the Twins to be killed by the Freys, just like your brother and mother were killed.
And so they continue on. They don’t take the main roads around here, because the Freys are still riding around and searching for any men loyal to the Starks. You know… to kill.
As Arya and the Hound sneak along, they run into one such unlucky soldier, who wears a banner of the House Tully. He’s the sole survivor of a massacre that has just occurred. But he doesn’t look like he’ll be a survivor for much longer.
Man: Water… water… please.
Hound: Girl, go get this guy some water.
Arya: OH COOL! So that we can give him some water before we mercy kill him? Sweet! You know… I also did that to some prisoners a while back by the Stoney Sept. Those were good times.
Hound: Ugh. I wish you wouldn’t talk.
They give the man some water. The Hound then sticks his dagger in him. He dies quickly.
Hound: Let’s check his wallet! Dibs on cash.
Arya: I wanted the money! No fair!
Hound: Here. You can have his dagger.
Arya: Lame. Whatever.
Hound: Stop being such a whiner. It’s annoying.
Arya: And why WOULDN’T I be annoying? My entire family is dead and I have no idea where you’re taking me.
Hound: Well, your entire immediate family isn't dead. You still have an aunt.
Arya: Huh?
Hound: Lysa Arryn. In the Vale.
Arya: Oh right. I don’t even know that bitch. I’m not sure if I’ve ever even met her. This seems like a bad idea. You should have just let me go into the Twins. I bet my mom and brother are still alive. You didn’t see them dead, did you?
Hound: God, you’re such a dipshit. I ought to just cut your tongue out now so I don’t have to hear any of the dumb stuff that comes out your mouth anymore.
And Arya goes to sleep that night, dreaming of being Nymeria again. And by “dreaming of being Nymeria” I, of course, mean that she is actually warging into Nymeria and experiencing actual things that Nymeria experiences that are not dreams… but… in fact… real world occurrences that are actually happening.
NymArya: *sniff*sniff* HOWL! [Translation: Wow, I think I smell my mom. And by that I mean Arya’s mom. I could recognize that smell anywhere. HEY LOOK! There she is!]
NymArya sees Lady Cat’s dead body floating in the Trident River. She jumps in and her gang of wolf followers jump in with her. She swims to Cat’s body and gives it a good bite. Secure in her mouth, she brings the body back to shore.
NymArya: Woof? [Translation: Ughh… what do I do now?]
Just then, NymArya hears some people coming on horseback.
NymArya: *yip* [Translation: Okay everyone, humans! Time to get out of here].
They bolt and run into the woods. Arya wakes up.
Arya: AGHH!!! Man. What a trippy dream.
Hound: More noise. What now, girl?
Arya: Oh. Well. Don’t worry about it. It’s just that I know that my mom is dead for sure now. You see, I had this dream where—
Hound: --don’t care.
And so they ride on in silence.
Eventually they come to a village.
Hound: Hey there, village people.
Villager: You know, we hate being called that. If one more passing person starts singing YMCA at us, why I’m gonna—
Hound: —We’re hungry. We need food, provisions and shelter for our journey on to the Vale.
Villager: Well, first things first… we’re not going to GIVE you any of that. You’re going to need to work for it. And there is plenty of labor to do around here. Hard labor. A big man like you looks like you’d be up for it. Now… the second thing… don’t go to the Vale. That’s a big mistake. The road there is full of Shadowcats and Burned Men. You and your daughter will never make it there alive. You’ll either be eaten by giant black panthers or you’ll be murdered by Macho Man Randy Savage and his ilk.
Arya: Eww. I’m not his daugh—
Hound: —Shhh! Yes, we can work for food. That’s fine with me.
And so the Hound joins this group of villagers to do hard labor and help them out.
Arya: I hope Lem Lemoncloak doesn’t come to murder this entire village while you’re away cutting wood.
Hound: No. That’s TV show only… and it’s a pretty loose adaption of this scene. It doesn’t happen anything like that in the books.
They stick around for a few days and build a big house or something like that. A palisade? I dunno. What is a palisade?
Villager: Well, thanks for all your help, Hound. Now you can fuck off!
Hound: HEY! You know who I am! I never told you who I was! We were supposed to be this incognito father and daughter couple who just wandered into town.
Villager: Well, you’re a gigantic dude with a half-burned face. It’s pretty obvious who you are.
Hound: I guess. We were promised food and provisions for helping out though!
Villager: Yes, and you ate plenty of food while you were here with us. That’s payment enough.
Hound: SONOFA…
Villager: I suppose I could also give you this though…
The villager hands him a rusty old sword and some ale.
Hound: Damnit.
They leave. Clegane drinks the ale.
Arya: Hey! Is this the way to the Vale?
Hound: No. You heard the villager. We’ll never make it there. I need to find somewhere new to take you. Maybe your great uncle, the Blackfish, will want you. I’m taking you to Riverrun.
Arya: Riverrun?! That’s where I was heading for IN THE FIRST PLACE! And then every time I tried to go there… someone turned me around and took me in another direction. That happened like three times already! I an so fucking over Riverrun. And I have never met the Blackfish either. Would he even want me? Forget about that. I say we go to the Wall instead. My brother, Jon, is up there. He’s my bestest friend. He’ll want to see me!
Hound: The Wall is, like, a bajillion freaking miles away. And there are two different wars happening between us and the Wall. No way.
Arya: What’s wrong? Scared of a little war or two? You a coward or something?
Hound: SHUT THE HELL UP! I’m not taking you to your stupid brother! BROTHERS SUCK!
Arya: Well that’s just you projecting your own personal problems with the Mountain, man.
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