The scene... Castle Darry. After four days of searching for Arya, Ned's steward Vayon Poole comes up to Ned.
Vayon: Ser, they've found your girl, safe! She's in the castle audience chamber now.
Ned: Oh, thank the gods!
Ned is relieved. The entire crew heading down south to King's Landing had to stop at a nearbye castle and wait until Arya was found before they kept going. Needless to say, this pissed off Raymun Darry, the lord of Castle Darry. You see, he stuck with the Targaryens to the bitter end back in the days of the wars... and was thus no fan of all these Baratheons, Starks and Lannisters hanging around his castle.
Ned runs to the audience chamber and is surprised to find a large group staring at him and his daughter. It includes the King, Cersei, Renly... pretty much everyone. Except Jaime and the Hound. Arya runs up to Ned and they hug.
Arya: I'm so sorry, daddy! Sorry that Joffrey is a little shitface, that is.
Ned stands up angrily.
Ned: Why was my daughter not brought to me first rather than placed here?
King Robert shrugs. He barely has any idea what's going on because he's a pretty shitty, inept ruler.
Cersei: Watch your tongue, Stark!
Robert is now interested. Simply because he wants to disagree with his wife, who he hates.
Robert: No, you watch your tongue, wench. Look Ned, we just wanted to get this thing over with quick and be on our way. This has taken up enough of my time.
Cersei: How can you side with Stark? His stupid girl and that boy attacked Joffrey! They snuck up on him and clubbed him while he wasn't paying attention and then had that wolf attack him!
Robert: Silence! Let's hear this girl's side.
Arya tells her side, which is the truth. I don't need to recount it here. Go read the last chapter. Renly begins to lose his shit.
Renly: Oh... HAHAHAHA! That little nine year old girl beat the shit out of Joffrey. Ah-HAHAHAHA! This is too good. This is amazing. I am going to remind you of that every day for the rest of your life, you pathetic little shit.
Robert: Okay, now let's hear Joffrey's side.
Joffrey lies.
Arya: Oh, you fucking little liar!
Robert: Well shit. He says one thing and she says another. How the fuck am I supposed to figure out who to believe?
Cersei: Uhh... you're supposed to side with your son.
Ned: My other daughter, Sansa. She was there and saw everything. Perhaps she can say what happened.
Sansa: Oh shit dad, why the hell did you have to bring me into this?
Robert: Well, speak up girl! What happened?
Sansa is torn. One the one hand, Arya is telling the truth and is her sister. On the other, she hates her sister and doesn't want Joffrey to be upset with her.
Sansa: Uh, I cannot recall.
Robert: SHIT GIRL! You can't recall? Are you a fifteen year old girl or a Republican Attorney General? Look. This is bullshit. Arya and Joffrey are both children acting chidish. How about this? I punish Joff for being a little dick and you punish Arya?
Ned: Deal.
Cersei: WHAT THE FUCK?! And what about the wolf, huh? It attacked our son! I say 100 gold dragons to whoever gives me the skin of that direwolf.
Joffrey: What? 100 gold dragons for a stinking wolf? But I only offered 80 silver dragons for... uhh... never mind. I'll be quiet now.
Robert: Yeah, well we don't know where that other wolf is. We've been looking for it.
Cersei: There's a wolf right there.
She points at Lady.
Robert: Meh. Close enough. Ser Illyn!
Sansa: WAIT! STOP!! What are you doing? Not Lady! Don't hurt Lady! Lady didn't do anything. She's a good wolf.
Ned: Stop this! You can't mean to seriously just kill the other wolf.
Robert: She'd be happier with a Tamagotchi anyway.
Ned: No... if it must be so... not Ser Illyn then. I won't let my daughter's direwolf be butchered! If it must be done, I will do it myself. If my wolf if sentenced to death, then I must also be the one to do the deed. We roll hard from Winterfell. *beats fist against chest*
Ned is handed Ice.
Sansa: No. Please! Please!
After the deed is done (no need to talk more about killing wolves, right?), Ned orders Lady's body to be taken back to Winterfell and to make sure Cersei never gets it. As he walks back from that, he runs into The Hound, who is coming back from the woods carrying a large, bloody bag.
Hound: Hahaha, looks like we found Arya's pet hiding out in the woods!
The Hound throws the bag on the ground.
Ned: Oh great. I just killed Lady for no reason because it looks like you found and killed Nymeria.
Ned opens the bag and looks in. It's the butcher's boy, Mycah. He's essentially been cut in half.
Ned: HOLY FUCKING SHIT! YOU SICK, MURDERING BASTARD! Also.. you specifically said "Arya's pet."
Hound: I was taking poetic license.
Ned: That was intentionally misleading.
Vayon: Ser, they've found your girl, safe! She's in the castle audience chamber now.
Ned: Oh, thank the gods!
Ned is relieved. The entire crew heading down south to King's Landing had to stop at a nearbye castle and wait until Arya was found before they kept going. Needless to say, this pissed off Raymun Darry, the lord of Castle Darry. You see, he stuck with the Targaryens to the bitter end back in the days of the wars... and was thus no fan of all these Baratheons, Starks and Lannisters hanging around his castle.
Ned runs to the audience chamber and is surprised to find a large group staring at him and his daughter. It includes the King, Cersei, Renly... pretty much everyone. Except Jaime and the Hound. Arya runs up to Ned and they hug.
Arya: I'm so sorry, daddy! Sorry that Joffrey is a little shitface, that is.
Ned stands up angrily.
Ned: Why was my daughter not brought to me first rather than placed here?
King Robert shrugs. He barely has any idea what's going on because he's a pretty shitty, inept ruler.
Cersei: Watch your tongue, Stark!
Robert is now interested. Simply because he wants to disagree with his wife, who he hates.
Robert: No, you watch your tongue, wench. Look Ned, we just wanted to get this thing over with quick and be on our way. This has taken up enough of my time.
Cersei: How can you side with Stark? His stupid girl and that boy attacked Joffrey! They snuck up on him and clubbed him while he wasn't paying attention and then had that wolf attack him!
Robert: Silence! Let's hear this girl's side.
Arya tells her side, which is the truth. I don't need to recount it here. Go read the last chapter. Renly begins to lose his shit.
Renly: Oh... HAHAHAHA! That little nine year old girl beat the shit out of Joffrey. Ah-HAHAHAHA! This is too good. This is amazing. I am going to remind you of that every day for the rest of your life, you pathetic little shit.
Robert: Okay, now let's hear Joffrey's side.
Joffrey lies.
Arya: Oh, you fucking little liar!
Robert: Well shit. He says one thing and she says another. How the fuck am I supposed to figure out who to believe?
Cersei: Uhh... you're supposed to side with your son.
Ned: My other daughter, Sansa. She was there and saw everything. Perhaps she can say what happened.
Sansa: Oh shit dad, why the hell did you have to bring me into this?
Robert: Well, speak up girl! What happened?
Sansa is torn. One the one hand, Arya is telling the truth and is her sister. On the other, she hates her sister and doesn't want Joffrey to be upset with her.
Sansa: Uh, I cannot recall.
Robert: SHIT GIRL! You can't recall? Are you a fifteen year old girl or a Republican Attorney General? Look. This is bullshit. Arya and Joffrey are both children acting chidish. How about this? I punish Joff for being a little dick and you punish Arya?
Ned: Deal.
Cersei: WHAT THE FUCK?! And what about the wolf, huh? It attacked our son! I say 100 gold dragons to whoever gives me the skin of that direwolf.
Joffrey: What? 100 gold dragons for a stinking wolf? But I only offered 80 silver dragons for... uhh... never mind. I'll be quiet now.
Robert: Yeah, well we don't know where that other wolf is. We've been looking for it.
Cersei: There's a wolf right there.
She points at Lady.
Robert: Meh. Close enough. Ser Illyn!
Sansa: WAIT! STOP!! What are you doing? Not Lady! Don't hurt Lady! Lady didn't do anything. She's a good wolf.
Ned: Stop this! You can't mean to seriously just kill the other wolf.
Robert: She'd be happier with a Tamagotchi anyway.
Ned: No... if it must be so... not Ser Illyn then. I won't let my daughter's direwolf be butchered! If it must be done, I will do it myself. If my wolf if sentenced to death, then I must also be the one to do the deed. We roll hard from Winterfell. *beats fist against chest*
Ned is handed Ice.
Sansa: No. Please! Please!
After the deed is done (no need to talk more about killing wolves, right?), Ned orders Lady's body to be taken back to Winterfell and to make sure Cersei never gets it. As he walks back from that, he runs into The Hound, who is coming back from the woods carrying a large, bloody bag.
Hound: Hahaha, looks like we found Arya's pet hiding out in the woods!
The Hound throws the bag on the ground.
Ned: Oh great. I just killed Lady for no reason because it looks like you found and killed Nymeria.
Ned opens the bag and looks in. It's the butcher's boy, Mycah. He's essentially been cut in half.
Ned: HOLY FUCKING SHIT! YOU SICK, MURDERING BASTARD! Also.. you specifically said "Arya's pet."
Hound: I was taking poetic license.
Ned: That was intentionally misleading.
No comments:
Post a Comment