Bran is chilling by himself. Most everyone went away on some crazy wild boar hunt with that fat ass king. But Bran got left behind with Jon, Rickon and the girls. But he didn't want to hang out with any of them. The girls are girls, Rickon is too young, and Jon is always angry about shit.
Bran: Why's Jon so angry? He gets to go to the Wall and join the Night's Watch! That's so sweet. That wall is so cool. I would love to climb it one day. I love climbing.
But Bran remembers that going to King's Landing. That will be cool too. Old Nan told him all sorts of stories about it. About how it's haunted. There are ghosts and dragon skulls and dungeons. Spooky as hell! But his dad would be there to protect him as Hand of the King if it got too scary, so it would all be good.
Bran: I guess since I'm leaving forever tomorrow I should say goodbye to everyone here. Like Old Nan and Hodor and shit. And my old pony. Who needs an pony anymore? I'm going to be a knight and I get a real horse! Which I'll barely use because I like walking so much... so why even bother riding a horse when I can walk instead?
But just then, Bran starts to tear up and get sad thinking about leaving behind his pony. He loves that pony and he loves Winterfell. It's the only place he's ever known. Instead of saying goodbye to anyone, he runs off with his still-unnamed direwolf into the godswood to teach him how to play catch.
Direwolf: *woof* [Translation: I'm getting real tired of not having a name, Bran. Everyone else has named their wolves. Jon has Ghost. Arya has Nymeria. Robb named his Grey Wind. Sansa named hers Lady. And Rickon... well... let's not talk about Rickon. I swear, if you give me a crappy name like "Shaggydog," then I will eat your face while you sleep].
Bran: Here you are boy! Get it! Get it!
Bran throws a stick.
Direwolf: *looks at Bran Cross-Eyed* [Translation: What the hell? You threw the stick... you pick it up! I'm not your servant. Do I look like some kind of golden retriever? I am a damn direwolf. Best remember that, son. Now maybe if you throw a STEAK I'll go get it. Don't expect me to bring it back though.]
Bran: Oh, you're no fun! As much as I enjoyed walking around with you, since I like walking and throwing sticks using all my amazing spinal strength... all my thinking about how awesome the Wall is reminds me how much I love climbing as well! I think I'm going to start climbing right now!
Bran climbs up a tree and then leaps over to the top of the armory roof.
Direwolf: *HOWL* [Translation: Oh shit Bran, this is a really bad idea. Get your ass back down here.]
Bran: Shhh! Calm down! I'm the best at climbing! Climbing is so fun! They always try to stop me from climbing by telling me I'll fall, but I never fall because I'm so good at it. Luwin said I'd die in a fall. Old Nan said I'd get my eyes pecked out by crows. All a bunch of malarkey! I think I'm going to climb over to that Broken Tower because it's so high. I'll feed some crows up there. Crows are great. I hope one day I get a cool nickname with "Crow" in it.
He begins climbing to the Broken Tower, but then hears some voices coming from the First Keep.
Bran: Oh wow, some voices. I thought everyone was gone on the hunt. I better check this out.
Female Voice: My husband the King is such an idiot. I hate him. And I don't like the fact that he's going to make Ned Stark the Hand of the King. It should have been you, dear brother.
Male Voice: Please, we have nothing to worry about with Ned Stark. These Northerners are like the white trash of Westeros. They're no schemers.
Female Voice: I'm worried about this Lysa Arryn thing though. What if Ned starts nosing around too hard? I saw him with that CSI notebook in his hand. He's obsessed with it.
Male Voice: Don't worry dear sister, we have nothing to fear. Now let me smack dat ayass.
*smacking sound*
Male Voice: Now let me turn on the radio here and play some sexy music.
"The Things We Do for Love" by 10cc starts to play.
Bran: Oh wow, I wonder who these two are. It's a total mystery to me. What female voice would be talking about being married to the King and then talking to someone that she refers to as her brother? And I think they're talking about my dad too! What with them saying his name several times. I better get even closer!
Bran, having no subtlety whatsoever, crawls right into the window to the First Keep and watches.
Bran: Oh crazy, this guy is hurting that girl. I can tell because he's on top of her and she's moaning. He's all pulling her hair and stuff. Why isn't she trying to push him off? So strange. And hey! What is he doing with that pee pee thing of his?
Cersei: AGHH!!! WHAT THE FUCK?! CREEPER!
Bran: Oh shit!
Bran starts to lose his balance after getting caught watching. Jaime catches him and pulls him up.
Jamie: Whoa there, kiddo. What the hell are you doing here?
Bran: Uh, just climbing. I love climbing. Hey! Why were you hurting your sister like that?
Jamie: Well, uhhm... sometimes when a boy likes a girl and the girl just happens to be his sister even though she's married to the King... uhm... he... and... err...
He looks back at Cersei, trying to think of some good way to explain it. She shrugs.
Jamie: Ah, fuck it.
He pushes Bran out of the window.
Bran: Why's Jon so angry? He gets to go to the Wall and join the Night's Watch! That's so sweet. That wall is so cool. I would love to climb it one day. I love climbing.
But Bran remembers that going to King's Landing. That will be cool too. Old Nan told him all sorts of stories about it. About how it's haunted. There are ghosts and dragon skulls and dungeons. Spooky as hell! But his dad would be there to protect him as Hand of the King if it got too scary, so it would all be good.
Bran: I guess since I'm leaving forever tomorrow I should say goodbye to everyone here. Like Old Nan and Hodor and shit. And my old pony. Who needs an pony anymore? I'm going to be a knight and I get a real horse! Which I'll barely use because I like walking so much... so why even bother riding a horse when I can walk instead?
But just then, Bran starts to tear up and get sad thinking about leaving behind his pony. He loves that pony and he loves Winterfell. It's the only place he's ever known. Instead of saying goodbye to anyone, he runs off with his still-unnamed direwolf into the godswood to teach him how to play catch.
Direwolf: *woof* [Translation: I'm getting real tired of not having a name, Bran. Everyone else has named their wolves. Jon has Ghost. Arya has Nymeria. Robb named his Grey Wind. Sansa named hers Lady. And Rickon... well... let's not talk about Rickon. I swear, if you give me a crappy name like "Shaggydog," then I will eat your face while you sleep].
Bran: Here you are boy! Get it! Get it!
Bran throws a stick.
Direwolf: *looks at Bran Cross-Eyed* [Translation: What the hell? You threw the stick... you pick it up! I'm not your servant. Do I look like some kind of golden retriever? I am a damn direwolf. Best remember that, son. Now maybe if you throw a STEAK I'll go get it. Don't expect me to bring it back though.]
Bran: Oh, you're no fun! As much as I enjoyed walking around with you, since I like walking and throwing sticks using all my amazing spinal strength... all my thinking about how awesome the Wall is reminds me how much I love climbing as well! I think I'm going to start climbing right now!
Bran climbs up a tree and then leaps over to the top of the armory roof.
Direwolf: *HOWL* [Translation: Oh shit Bran, this is a really bad idea. Get your ass back down here.]
Bran: Shhh! Calm down! I'm the best at climbing! Climbing is so fun! They always try to stop me from climbing by telling me I'll fall, but I never fall because I'm so good at it. Luwin said I'd die in a fall. Old Nan said I'd get my eyes pecked out by crows. All a bunch of malarkey! I think I'm going to climb over to that Broken Tower because it's so high. I'll feed some crows up there. Crows are great. I hope one day I get a cool nickname with "Crow" in it.
He begins climbing to the Broken Tower, but then hears some voices coming from the First Keep.
Bran: Oh wow, some voices. I thought everyone was gone on the hunt. I better check this out.
Female Voice: My husband the King is such an idiot. I hate him. And I don't like the fact that he's going to make Ned Stark the Hand of the King. It should have been you, dear brother.
Male Voice: Please, we have nothing to worry about with Ned Stark. These Northerners are like the white trash of Westeros. They're no schemers.
Female Voice: I'm worried about this Lysa Arryn thing though. What if Ned starts nosing around too hard? I saw him with that CSI notebook in his hand. He's obsessed with it.
Male Voice: Don't worry dear sister, we have nothing to fear. Now let me smack dat ayass.
*smacking sound*
Male Voice: Now let me turn on the radio here and play some sexy music.
"The Things We Do for Love" by 10cc starts to play.
Bran: Oh wow, I wonder who these two are. It's a total mystery to me. What female voice would be talking about being married to the King and then talking to someone that she refers to as her brother? And I think they're talking about my dad too! What with them saying his name several times. I better get even closer!
Bran, having no subtlety whatsoever, crawls right into the window to the First Keep and watches.
Bran: Oh crazy, this guy is hurting that girl. I can tell because he's on top of her and she's moaning. He's all pulling her hair and stuff. Why isn't she trying to push him off? So strange. And hey! What is he doing with that pee pee thing of his?
Cersei: AGHH!!! WHAT THE FUCK?! CREEPER!
Bran: Oh shit!
Bran starts to lose his balance after getting caught watching. Jaime catches him and pulls him up.
Jamie: Whoa there, kiddo. What the hell are you doing here?
Bran: Uh, just climbing. I love climbing. Hey! Why were you hurting your sister like that?
Jamie: Well, uhhm... sometimes when a boy likes a girl and the girl just happens to be his sister even though she's married to the King... uhm... he... and... err...
He looks back at Cersei, trying to think of some good way to explain it. She shrugs.
Jamie: Ah, fuck it.
He pushes Bran out of the window.
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