Cat: Where the hell is Ned? Oh right, the godswood. He always like to go hang out with that freaky tree with the face on it after he executes someone. People in the north are crazy with their weird-ass old gods and their magic trees. I can't believe I married this guy.
She walks to the godswood and finds him polishing his sword, which is surprisingly not a metaphor for masturbating.
Eddard: Oh hey babe, just showing Ice some love here. How are the kids doing?
Cat: Oh great, just great. It's fan-fucking-tastic that our children, which range in age to as young as three years old in the case of Rickon, now have six wild wolves running around the castle with them. Wolves which will grow up to become giant. Seems super safe.
Eddard: Oh, I'm so glad you agree! It was a good idea, wasn't it?
Cat: *sigh*
Eddard: Anyway. This desertion stuff at the Night's Watch is getting crazy, huh? That's like the fourth guy I've had to behead this year. This guy was loco though. Talking about the walking dead and shit. Nobody has even watched that since they killed Glenn. If it keeps going at this rate the Night's Watch won't have enough men and I'll have to lead an army north of the wall to help defeat Mance Rayder and all those Wildling dudes myself.
Cat: Oh, I see. So the fact that this guy says that the frozen dead are walking means that you actually want to go NORTH further?
Eddard: Please Cat, "the Others" have been extinct for like 8,000 years. If they ever existed. They probably never did. There is nothing to worry about.
Cat: Oh, you mean just like how direwolves haven't been seen for 200 years and a lot of people claimed they never existed. Until today.
Eddard: You know what, instead of addressing that head on I'm going to go ahead and change the subject. You didn't come out here to talk about direwolf puppies, did you?
Cat: Oh no, you're right. I almost forgot. A message came from King Robert.
Eddard: A message from Robert? OH BOY! He's, like, my best friend! What's the message say?
Cat: Your mentor, foster dad and one of the other closest friends you have ever had, Jon Arryn, is dead.
Eddard: WHAT THE HELL?! Way to just drop that on me.
Cat: Sorry.
Eddard: I'm... I'm in shock.
Cat: I can tell.
Eddard: Well, how are you doing? He's your brother-in-law, right? You must feel pretty bad about this too, right?
Cat: Meh.
Eddard: But your sister Lysa was married to him and...
Cat: Oh yeah, she and their son are going back to the Eyrie. Not sure why. Total shithole. Oh... and I also forgot to tell you the rest of the message.
Eddard: There's more?
Cat: Yeah, Robert's coming.
Eddard: WHAT?! The King is coming here? Like, with his whole crew and everything?
Cat: Indeed. All those Lannisters too.
Eddard: Ugh, I hate Lannisters.
Cat: Everyone hates Lannisters.
Eddard: Well, I guess we better begin preparing for my old friend's arrival!
Cat: Okay, but before that let's talk about something. King Robert Baratheon. Of the House Baratheon. Whose symbol is a stag.
Eddard: Uh huh. Keep going.
Cat: Is coming. Now. To Winterfell. Home of the Starks. Whose symbol is a direwolf.
Eddard: Yep. I'm following. Continue.
Cat: And we learned this today. The same day that we find a direwolf. Dead. In the woods. Stabbed in the neck. By a stag.
Eddard: Okay, now I don't follow anymore. I don't see how these things are related at all.
Cat: You're not seeing any foreshadowing here?
Eddard: I mean there is a little bit of a shadow. We're under a tree after all.
Cat: I swear I fucking hate all you northerners.
Eddard: Well anyway, we've got to get ready. Robert is coming. Oh yeah, and also... WINTER--
Cat: --Please, don't say it!
Eddard: ...IS COMING!
She walks to the godswood and finds him polishing his sword, which is surprisingly not a metaphor for masturbating.
Eddard: Oh hey babe, just showing Ice some love here. How are the kids doing?
Cat: Oh great, just great. It's fan-fucking-tastic that our children, which range in age to as young as three years old in the case of Rickon, now have six wild wolves running around the castle with them. Wolves which will grow up to become giant. Seems super safe.
Eddard: Oh, I'm so glad you agree! It was a good idea, wasn't it?
Cat: *sigh*
Eddard: Anyway. This desertion stuff at the Night's Watch is getting crazy, huh? That's like the fourth guy I've had to behead this year. This guy was loco though. Talking about the walking dead and shit. Nobody has even watched that since they killed Glenn. If it keeps going at this rate the Night's Watch won't have enough men and I'll have to lead an army north of the wall to help defeat Mance Rayder and all those Wildling dudes myself.
Cat: Oh, I see. So the fact that this guy says that the frozen dead are walking means that you actually want to go NORTH further?
Eddard: Please Cat, "the Others" have been extinct for like 8,000 years. If they ever existed. They probably never did. There is nothing to worry about.
Cat: Oh, you mean just like how direwolves haven't been seen for 200 years and a lot of people claimed they never existed. Until today.
Eddard: You know what, instead of addressing that head on I'm going to go ahead and change the subject. You didn't come out here to talk about direwolf puppies, did you?
Cat: Oh no, you're right. I almost forgot. A message came from King Robert.
Eddard: A message from Robert? OH BOY! He's, like, my best friend! What's the message say?
Cat: Your mentor, foster dad and one of the other closest friends you have ever had, Jon Arryn, is dead.
Eddard: WHAT THE HELL?! Way to just drop that on me.
Cat: Sorry.
Eddard: I'm... I'm in shock.
Cat: I can tell.
Eddard: Well, how are you doing? He's your brother-in-law, right? You must feel pretty bad about this too, right?
Cat: Meh.
Eddard: But your sister Lysa was married to him and...
Cat: Oh yeah, she and their son are going back to the Eyrie. Not sure why. Total shithole. Oh... and I also forgot to tell you the rest of the message.
Eddard: There's more?
Cat: Yeah, Robert's coming.
Eddard: WHAT?! The King is coming here? Like, with his whole crew and everything?
Cat: Indeed. All those Lannisters too.
Eddard: Ugh, I hate Lannisters.
Cat: Everyone hates Lannisters.
Eddard: Well, I guess we better begin preparing for my old friend's arrival!
Cat: Okay, but before that let's talk about something. King Robert Baratheon. Of the House Baratheon. Whose symbol is a stag.
Eddard: Uh huh. Keep going.
Cat: Is coming. Now. To Winterfell. Home of the Starks. Whose symbol is a direwolf.
Eddard: Yep. I'm following. Continue.
Cat: And we learned this today. The same day that we find a direwolf. Dead. In the woods. Stabbed in the neck. By a stag.
Eddard: Okay, now I don't follow anymore. I don't see how these things are related at all.
Cat: You're not seeing any foreshadowing here?
Eddard: I mean there is a little bit of a shadow. We're under a tree after all.
Cat: I swear I fucking hate all you northerners.
Eddard: Well anyway, we've got to get ready. Robert is coming. Oh yeah, and also... WINTER--
Cat: --Please, don't say it!
Eddard: ...IS COMING!
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