Cat Stark and Rodrick Cassel are aboard the ship Storm Dancer, now very close to pulling into King's Landing.
Cat: I see you've shaved, Rodrick.
Rodrick: Yes, well, I've been puking on myself all voyage long. So I figured I'd get rid of my puke-crusted facial hair. However, this also coincidentally has the benefit of me now looking slightly different. It will be very important that we go unnoticed in town, lest Lannister henchmen detect our arrival.
The ship's captain, Moreo, walks up.
Moreo: Ah, I hope the voyage has been to your liking.
Rodrick: To my liking? Wasn't I just talking about how I was puking the whole time? Bumpy ass ship.
Cat: Yes, Captain. The ride was very swift. I thank you for it. As a reward for their hard work, I'd like to give each member of your crew a coin as a bonus
Moreo: Or best you just hand that bag of coins to me, and then I'll distribute them.
Cat: You really think I'm falling for that shit?
Moreo: Ah, you know how these men are! They'll go spend it on whores and gambling while they're in town. Best I hold onto it and give it to them when they're back home.
Cat: Bitch, does it look how I care how your men spend it?
Cat goes and personally pays every crew member herself.
Moreo: *grumble*grumble*
Cat: Now Rodrick, how do you propose we investigate this daggar while we are in town? I think it would be good to talk to Ser Aron Santagar, the Red Keep's Master-at-Arms. If this weapon is from King's Landing then surely he will know who owns it.
Rodrick: A fair idea, my lady. However remember that your face is recognized here in this city by many.
Cat nods, reflecting on that. She immediately thinks of Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish. Apparently her little brother Edmere gave Baelish that name but it's not that creative because his family came from the littlest "finger" of a set of fingers - a number of small peninsulas north of the Eyrie. Whatever.
Littlefinger had been raised at Riverrun as a ward of Hoster Tulley, Cat's father. Belish developed a huge crush on Cat and challenged the man who Cat was betrothed to - Brandon Stark. Brandon Stark beat the shit out of Petyr though. But then after that Brandon Stark got executed by the Mad King and Cat married his younger brother Ned instead. She hadn't seen Littlefinger in years - but in those years he'd risen high in rank to become the Master of Coin at King's Landing. So anyway, that's who and what she's thinking about now because it will obviously be important later in the chapter.
Rodrick: It would be best if I investigate and ask questions instead of you. What with my removal of facial hair making me totally unrecognizable now.
Random Seaman: Hey! Who is that guy right there on this ship? He wasn't here before!
Rodrick: I'm Rodrick Cassel. You might not recognize me because I used to have facial hair.
Random Seaman: BY THE GODS! What a clever disguise! I didn't recognize you at all.
Rodrick: See, Cat?
Cat: Hrm, I suppose. Now Moreo... please tell us where a good place for us to stay would be. Somewhere discreet and where we won't be noticed. Somewhere that no self-respecting Lords or Ladies would usually be found. A real shithole, if you will.
Moreo: Uhm, I'm going to go ahead and say the Ramada.
And so they go to the Ramada.
Cat tries to get some sleep after the long ship ride, but is awoken after a few hours by a knock at the door.
Cat: Who dat?
Cat opens the door and sees someone from the King's Landing City Watch.
Cat: SHIT! I've been found already? That bitch Moreo sold me out.
The City Watch solider hands her a wax seal with a mocking bird on it.
Cat: Oh fuck, have I been selected for the Hunger Games? No... no, that's not right. This is the symbol of Baelish!
Cat is escorted by the Watch to a tower where she finds Petyr.
Littlefinger: Dayum girl, you still looking fine after all these years.
Cat: Ugh. How did you find me?
Littlefinger: Oh, I didn't find you. It was the Spider. He has eyes everywhere. Little birds that talk to him.
Cat: Oh, that creepy ass bald eunuch dude Varys?
Littlefinger: That's the one. And despite the fact that Varys did know you were in town... he did not know why you were in town. Care to enlighten me?
Cat: Can a woman not yearn for her husband and want to see him?
Littlefinger: Pfffft, not if that husband is Ned Grumpypants Stark. Please, whatever it is you need assistance with here in King's Landing, let me help you. I am clearly a very trustworthy character.
Cat: You're about as trustworthy as that ugly bald fuck Varys. He gives me the heebie-geebies. What a straight up disgusting freak. Just thinking about him makes me want to pu--
While she was speaking, Baelish started motioning for her to chill with the Varys shit.
Cat: Oh crap, he's right behind me, isn't he?
Varys: *ahem*
Cat: Oh heeeeeeey, whattup man? So pleased to meet you!
Varys: Well, now that I am here you might as well show me the dagger.
Cat: DAYUM, this boy truly is the spy master and knows all his shit.
Cat takes the dagger out.
Littlefinger: Dafuq? You obviously know more than me, Varys. I thought we were on the same page here.
Varys: Well, when Lady Stark's Master-at-Arms goes around King's Landing asking people about this dagger, it becomes quite obvious why she came here.
Cat: Yes. This dagger was used by an assassin in an attempt to kill my son Bran. I want to know who it belongs to.
Littlefinger: Oh, I could have saved you the trouble.
Baelish picks it up and swings it around in his hand. He's very comfortable with it. He then throws it across the room and it embeds itself into some wood.
Littlefinger: The dagger belongs to me.
Cat: Oh shit, you better have some explaining before I slide your fucking throat.
Littlefinger: At least it USED to belong to me. I lost it in a bet though. To Tyrion Lannister.
Cat: I see you've shaved, Rodrick.
Rodrick: Yes, well, I've been puking on myself all voyage long. So I figured I'd get rid of my puke-crusted facial hair. However, this also coincidentally has the benefit of me now looking slightly different. It will be very important that we go unnoticed in town, lest Lannister henchmen detect our arrival.
The ship's captain, Moreo, walks up.
Moreo: Ah, I hope the voyage has been to your liking.
Rodrick: To my liking? Wasn't I just talking about how I was puking the whole time? Bumpy ass ship.
Cat: Yes, Captain. The ride was very swift. I thank you for it. As a reward for their hard work, I'd like to give each member of your crew a coin as a bonus
Moreo: Or best you just hand that bag of coins to me, and then I'll distribute them.
Cat: You really think I'm falling for that shit?
Moreo: Ah, you know how these men are! They'll go spend it on whores and gambling while they're in town. Best I hold onto it and give it to them when they're back home.
Cat: Bitch, does it look how I care how your men spend it?
Cat goes and personally pays every crew member herself.
Moreo: *grumble*grumble*
Cat: Now Rodrick, how do you propose we investigate this daggar while we are in town? I think it would be good to talk to Ser Aron Santagar, the Red Keep's Master-at-Arms. If this weapon is from King's Landing then surely he will know who owns it.
Rodrick: A fair idea, my lady. However remember that your face is recognized here in this city by many.
Cat nods, reflecting on that. She immediately thinks of Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish. Apparently her little brother Edmere gave Baelish that name but it's not that creative because his family came from the littlest "finger" of a set of fingers - a number of small peninsulas north of the Eyrie. Whatever.
Littlefinger had been raised at Riverrun as a ward of Hoster Tulley, Cat's father. Belish developed a huge crush on Cat and challenged the man who Cat was betrothed to - Brandon Stark. Brandon Stark beat the shit out of Petyr though. But then after that Brandon Stark got executed by the Mad King and Cat married his younger brother Ned instead. She hadn't seen Littlefinger in years - but in those years he'd risen high in rank to become the Master of Coin at King's Landing. So anyway, that's who and what she's thinking about now because it will obviously be important later in the chapter.
Rodrick: It would be best if I investigate and ask questions instead of you. What with my removal of facial hair making me totally unrecognizable now.
Random Seaman: Hey! Who is that guy right there on this ship? He wasn't here before!
Rodrick: I'm Rodrick Cassel. You might not recognize me because I used to have facial hair.
Random Seaman: BY THE GODS! What a clever disguise! I didn't recognize you at all.
Rodrick: See, Cat?
Cat: Hrm, I suppose. Now Moreo... please tell us where a good place for us to stay would be. Somewhere discreet and where we won't be noticed. Somewhere that no self-respecting Lords or Ladies would usually be found. A real shithole, if you will.
Moreo: Uhm, I'm going to go ahead and say the Ramada.
And so they go to the Ramada.
Cat tries to get some sleep after the long ship ride, but is awoken after a few hours by a knock at the door.
Cat: Who dat?
Cat opens the door and sees someone from the King's Landing City Watch.
Cat: SHIT! I've been found already? That bitch Moreo sold me out.
The City Watch solider hands her a wax seal with a mocking bird on it.
Cat: Oh fuck, have I been selected for the Hunger Games? No... no, that's not right. This is the symbol of Baelish!
Cat is escorted by the Watch to a tower where she finds Petyr.
Littlefinger: Dayum girl, you still looking fine after all these years.
Cat: Ugh. How did you find me?
Littlefinger: Oh, I didn't find you. It was the Spider. He has eyes everywhere. Little birds that talk to him.
Cat: Oh, that creepy ass bald eunuch dude Varys?
Littlefinger: That's the one. And despite the fact that Varys did know you were in town... he did not know why you were in town. Care to enlighten me?
Cat: Can a woman not yearn for her husband and want to see him?
Littlefinger: Pfffft, not if that husband is Ned Grumpypants Stark. Please, whatever it is you need assistance with here in King's Landing, let me help you. I am clearly a very trustworthy character.
Cat: You're about as trustworthy as that ugly bald fuck Varys. He gives me the heebie-geebies. What a straight up disgusting freak. Just thinking about him makes me want to pu--
While she was speaking, Baelish started motioning for her to chill with the Varys shit.
Cat: Oh crap, he's right behind me, isn't he?
Varys: *ahem*
Cat: Oh heeeeeeey, whattup man? So pleased to meet you!
Varys: Well, now that I am here you might as well show me the dagger.
Cat: DAYUM, this boy truly is the spy master and knows all his shit.
Cat takes the dagger out.
Littlefinger: Dafuq? You obviously know more than me, Varys. I thought we were on the same page here.
Varys: Well, when Lady Stark's Master-at-Arms goes around King's Landing asking people about this dagger, it becomes quite obvious why she came here.
Cat: Yes. This dagger was used by an assassin in an attempt to kill my son Bran. I want to know who it belongs to.
Littlefinger: Oh, I could have saved you the trouble.
Baelish picks it up and swings it around in his hand. He's very comfortable with it. He then throws it across the room and it embeds itself into some wood.
Littlefinger: The dagger belongs to me.
Cat: Oh shit, you better have some explaining before I slide your fucking throat.
Littlefinger: At least it USED to belong to me. I lost it in a bet though. To Tyrion Lannister.
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