Bran is falling through the sky to his death. In the distance, a crow approaches.
Bran: AGGHHHHHH!!!!
Crow: Corn!
Bran: What? Did you say something about porn?
Crow: No, corn damnit. CORN. Christ, why would you be interested in porn? Are you even old enough for your balls to drop?
Bran: Sorry, it's just with this "falling through the sky to my death" thing there is a little wind on my ears and also HOLY SHIT, I'M TALKING TO A CROW!
Crow: Yep.
Bran: This must be a dream or something. That would explain why I'm falling. Because I never fall in real life. Since I'm such a good climber. So no way am I going to hit the ground. I'll wake up first.
Crow: And what if you don't?
Bran: Oh shit. I don't know what then.
Crow: I'll tell you what then. Then you should probably learn to fly.
Bran: I don't know how to!
Crow: Have you ever tried?
By the way, Bran is still falling to his death. just in case you forgot.
Bran: Okay, I'm starting to wonder... are you even really a crow?
Crow: Are you even really falling?
Bran can't handle this deep metaphorical bullshit and starts crying.
Crow: I said "FLY," not "CRY."
Bran: Oh yeah, easy for you to say, Mr. Crow. What with your wings and all.
Crow: Maybe you have wings too.
Bran: Pretty sure I would have noticed them by now.
Crow: Maybe they're, like, a DIFFERENT kind of wings.
Bran: Yeah, I can see why they cut this from the TV show. A little too trippy. Plus I'm talking to an animal like some Disney movie. This would have wrecked that whole "serious drama" thing right from Season 1.
Crow: Such bullshit. I disagree completely. This would have been awesome as hell.
Bran: What exactly is the point of all this again?
Crow: Dumbass, I'm teaching you to fly. Look! Just look down!
Bran looks. And as he looks, he sees all of Winterfell below him. Every inch, nook and cranny. But he can see beyond Winterfell.
Bran: Oh shit! There's my mom! She's on some ship staring at a knife! And there's my dad and sisters at a castle near the Trident arguing with the King! Oh wait... now my visions are getting a little less literal and a little more metaphorical for some reason. I see shadows. A shadow with the face of a hound. And another shadow with a beautiful golden face. And a third shadow bigger than the other two... but, like, wearing armor and when he removes his visor there's nothing behind it but darkness. So... uhh... the Hound and Jaime. Those are easy. But this third one? Shit... uhm... I guess the Mountain, right? But only after he dies. Which hasn't happened yet. Wait. How do I know that? How do I know about the future? OH SHIT... can I have visions of the future too? This is fucking awesome!
Crow: I know. Cool, right?
Bran: Now I see Asshai, which I believe is some type of Japanese beer. No wait, it's something to do with dragons. And now I'm looking north to the Wall. I see Jon Snow! His skin is getting pale and all warmth leaves his body. OH SHIT! Did George R.R. write about Jon Snow dying this early? All the way up in Chapter 17 of A Game of Thrones? Holy shit! Man, this dude had been assembling the puzzle pieces for this epic story for years. No way was he just making it up as he went along like those fuckers who did LOST.
Crow: Yeah, FUCK LOST!
Bran: Now I'm looking beyond the wall. And I'm going off the map here. It's so cold. Winter... I see the heart of winter.
Crow: Yes. Now you see why you must not die. Because... WINTER IS COMING!
Bran looks down once more, but all he sees are giant pointy columns of ice about to impale him.
Bran: AGHH!
Crow: Fly or die, son. It's time for you to figure that shit out.
Bran: I can't fly! All I can do is fall!
Crow: Every flight begins with a fall.
Bran closes his eyes and clenches his teeth. He then spreads his arms and...
Bran: OH SHIT! I CAN FLY! WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I'm actually doing it!I belieeeeve I can flyyyyyy! I believe I can--
Crow: --Very good, Bran. Now here is my reward to you for such a good training session.
The crow starts to peck Bran's eyes out of his face, blinding him.
Bran: AGH! WHAT THE FUCK? You're a shitty teacher!
Brunette Lady: Uhh, excuse me?
Bran: I said you're a shit-- oh.
Bran looks. It's a serving girl. He's back in Winterfell, laying in a bed.
The girl drops everything and runs out of the room.
Brunette Lady: He's awake! He's awake!
Bran's Unnamed Direwolf is excited as fuck and jumps up on Bran's legs.
Bran's Unnamed Direwolf: *bark* [Translation: Can you feel that? Can you feel that? I'm on your legs! I'm scratching the fuck out of them! Really clawing in deep! No? Nothing? I don't see any reaction from your face. So I'm guessing you're still paralyzed from the waist down, huh? Damn, that sucks kid. I tried though.]
Robb runs into the room.
Robb: Bran, you're awake!
Bran looks at Robb and then looks to his direwolf and smiles.
Bran: His name is "Summer."
Summer: *bark* [Translation: OH YAAAAAAAS! I'VE GOT A NAME!!!!]
Bran: AGGHHHHHH!!!!
Crow: Corn!
Bran: What? Did you say something about porn?
Crow: No, corn damnit. CORN. Christ, why would you be interested in porn? Are you even old enough for your balls to drop?
Bran: Sorry, it's just with this "falling through the sky to my death" thing there is a little wind on my ears and also HOLY SHIT, I'M TALKING TO A CROW!
Crow: Yep.
Bran: This must be a dream or something. That would explain why I'm falling. Because I never fall in real life. Since I'm such a good climber. So no way am I going to hit the ground. I'll wake up first.
Crow: And what if you don't?
Bran: Oh shit. I don't know what then.
Crow: I'll tell you what then. Then you should probably learn to fly.
Bran: I don't know how to!
Crow: Have you ever tried?
By the way, Bran is still falling to his death. just in case you forgot.
Bran: Okay, I'm starting to wonder... are you even really a crow?
Crow: Are you even really falling?
Bran can't handle this deep metaphorical bullshit and starts crying.
Crow: I said "FLY," not "CRY."
Bran: Oh yeah, easy for you to say, Mr. Crow. What with your wings and all.
Crow: Maybe you have wings too.
Bran: Pretty sure I would have noticed them by now.
Crow: Maybe they're, like, a DIFFERENT kind of wings.
Bran: Yeah, I can see why they cut this from the TV show. A little too trippy. Plus I'm talking to an animal like some Disney movie. This would have wrecked that whole "serious drama" thing right from Season 1.
Crow: Such bullshit. I disagree completely. This would have been awesome as hell.
Bran: What exactly is the point of all this again?
Crow: Dumbass, I'm teaching you to fly. Look! Just look down!
Bran looks. And as he looks, he sees all of Winterfell below him. Every inch, nook and cranny. But he can see beyond Winterfell.
Bran: Oh shit! There's my mom! She's on some ship staring at a knife! And there's my dad and sisters at a castle near the Trident arguing with the King! Oh wait... now my visions are getting a little less literal and a little more metaphorical for some reason. I see shadows. A shadow with the face of a hound. And another shadow with a beautiful golden face. And a third shadow bigger than the other two... but, like, wearing armor and when he removes his visor there's nothing behind it but darkness. So... uhh... the Hound and Jaime. Those are easy. But this third one? Shit... uhm... I guess the Mountain, right? But only after he dies. Which hasn't happened yet. Wait. How do I know that? How do I know about the future? OH SHIT... can I have visions of the future too? This is fucking awesome!
Crow: I know. Cool, right?
Bran: Now I see Asshai, which I believe is some type of Japanese beer. No wait, it's something to do with dragons. And now I'm looking north to the Wall. I see Jon Snow! His skin is getting pale and all warmth leaves his body. OH SHIT! Did George R.R. write about Jon Snow dying this early? All the way up in Chapter 17 of A Game of Thrones? Holy shit! Man, this dude had been assembling the puzzle pieces for this epic story for years. No way was he just making it up as he went along like those fuckers who did LOST.
Crow: Yeah, FUCK LOST!
Bran: Now I'm looking beyond the wall. And I'm going off the map here. It's so cold. Winter... I see the heart of winter.
Crow: Yes. Now you see why you must not die. Because... WINTER IS COMING!
Bran looks down once more, but all he sees are giant pointy columns of ice about to impale him.
Bran: AGHH!
Crow: Fly or die, son. It's time for you to figure that shit out.
Bran: I can't fly! All I can do is fall!
Crow: Every flight begins with a fall.
Bran closes his eyes and clenches his teeth. He then spreads his arms and...
Bran: OH SHIT! I CAN FLY! WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I'm actually doing it!I belieeeeve I can flyyyyyy! I believe I can--
Crow: --Very good, Bran. Now here is my reward to you for such a good training session.
The crow starts to peck Bran's eyes out of his face, blinding him.
Bran: AGH! WHAT THE FUCK? You're a shitty teacher!
Brunette Lady: Uhh, excuse me?
Bran: I said you're a shit-- oh.
Bran looks. It's a serving girl. He's back in Winterfell, laying in a bed.
The girl drops everything and runs out of the room.
Brunette Lady: He's awake! He's awake!
Bran's Unnamed Direwolf is excited as fuck and jumps up on Bran's legs.
Bran's Unnamed Direwolf: *bark* [Translation: Can you feel that? Can you feel that? I'm on your legs! I'm scratching the fuck out of them! Really clawing in deep! No? Nothing? I don't see any reaction from your face. So I'm guessing you're still paralyzed from the waist down, huh? Damn, that sucks kid. I tried though.]
Robb runs into the room.
Robb: Bran, you're awake!
Bran looks at Robb and then looks to his direwolf and smiles.
Bran: His name is "Summer."
Summer: *bark* [Translation: OH YAAAAAAAS! I'VE GOT A NAME!!!!]
No comments:
Post a Comment