Sansa: Oh hey look, Cersei has commissioned a new, beautiful gown for me because I’ve outgrown my old clothes.
Chris Hansen of “To Catch a Predator”: Just to be clear, GRRM – a dirty old man – by saying "outgrown," is referring to a teenage girl developing breasts here? Just to be clear.
Sansa: That is correct.
Chris Hansen: Hrm.
Sansa: Beyond my new bosoms, I wonder what this gown is supposed to be for. It’s sooooo beautiful. This must be for the upcoming wedding! Cersei must want me to have a nice gown to wear as a guest to Joffrey and Margaery’s wedding. Although it is odd that the gown is white. Shouldn’t the bride’s gown be white? I’m just a guest at the wedding. That doesn’t make sense. Anyway, weird. Cersei is so evil and stuff. Why would she ever do anything kind for me? I think maybe Margaery Tyrell must be behind this somehow. Margaery is the best! I can’t wait until the Tyrells save me and take me away to Highgarden. I’ll be so glad to get out of Kings Landing.
Later, Sansa goes hawking with Margaery.
Sansa: Jewelry! Authentic jewelry for sale! Who wants to buy some totally real jewelry here from my shady stand in the middle of this market? 10 crowns for these authentic diamonds! For you… 8! 8 crowns! A special deal. Limited time only! I’m practically losing money on this deal!
Margaery: No, not hawking like “hawking goods” at a street market. The other type of hawking.
Sansa: Oh. Right. Right. *ahem*… For perturbations of stationary black holes, the change of energy is related to change of area, angular momentum, and electric charge by dE = (k / 8π) dA + ΩdJ + ΦdQ, wherein E is energy, k is the horizon area, J is the angular momentum, Φ is the electrostatic potential, and Q is the electric charge.
Margaery: What? You lost me there.
Sansa: It’s the first law of black hole mechanics, analogous to the laws of thermodynamics.
Margaery: I’m still not following.
Sansa: You know, like Steven Hawking.
Margaery: Ah, I see. No. Wrong “hawking” still. I’m simply referring to us going out and hunting animals with trained hawks. You know. Like falconry and stuff.
Sansa: Oh. Gross. Does using birds of prey to kill baby animals really seem like something that my character would be interested in doing?
Margaery: I suppose not, my dear sister.
Sansa: OMG, you called me SISTER! You’re the best, Margaery! I wish you were my real sister instead of Arya. I’m so lucky to have a friend like you now. I beg you not to marry Joffrey! He’s a cruel monster! He’ll beat you!
Margaery: Oh, don’t worry, Sansa. My brother, Loras, will be a member of the Kingsguard. My father insisted on it. He’ll always be close by to protect me.
Sansa: Hrm. Good point. Loras is a skilled fighter and Joffrey is a punk bitch. Loras would kick his ass. He might even become the SECOND Kingslayer if Joffrey steps out of line,
Margaery: Okay, that’s taking it a bit far.
Later that night, Sansa goes to the godswood and finds Ser Dontos.
Sansa: Oh, hey drunk clown guy who shoots off a super rape-ey vibe. Remember your plan to sneak me out of King’s Landing after Joffrey’s wedding? Well, I don’t need it anymore. The Tyrells got me hooked up. I’m going to marry Willas Tyrell and then I’ll move to Highgarden. So I don’t need you.
Dontos: WHAT?! NOOOO! You can’t do it! The Tyrells can’t be trusted! They are just Lannisters with flowers.
Sansa: Says an alcoholic clown.
Dontos: You must go through with our plan to sneak you out at the Wedding! The Tyrells don’t care about you. All they care about is your claim to Winterfell.
Dontos grabs onto her and tries to hold her. She breaks free from him and backs away.
Sansa: Well, YEAH. I’m a female in a medieval society. That’s pretty much a given.
Sansa heads back to her room and goes to bed. She knows Dontos is full of crap. Besides… Robb is the King of Winterfell. There is no way that the Tyrells could claim it through her.
Sansa imagines life with Willas. Maybe she’ll actually grow to love him. Probably not. But maybe he looks enough like his brother Loras that she could pretend it was him. Yeah. She can just close her eyes during sex and imagine. That will work, right?
Chris Hansen of “To Catch a Predator”: Just to be clear, GRRM – a dirty old man – by saying "outgrown," is referring to a teenage girl developing breasts here? Just to be clear.
Sansa: That is correct.
Chris Hansen: Hrm.
Sansa: Beyond my new bosoms, I wonder what this gown is supposed to be for. It’s sooooo beautiful. This must be for the upcoming wedding! Cersei must want me to have a nice gown to wear as a guest to Joffrey and Margaery’s wedding. Although it is odd that the gown is white. Shouldn’t the bride’s gown be white? I’m just a guest at the wedding. That doesn’t make sense. Anyway, weird. Cersei is so evil and stuff. Why would she ever do anything kind for me? I think maybe Margaery Tyrell must be behind this somehow. Margaery is the best! I can’t wait until the Tyrells save me and take me away to Highgarden. I’ll be so glad to get out of Kings Landing.
Later, Sansa goes hawking with Margaery.
Sansa: Jewelry! Authentic jewelry for sale! Who wants to buy some totally real jewelry here from my shady stand in the middle of this market? 10 crowns for these authentic diamonds! For you… 8! 8 crowns! A special deal. Limited time only! I’m practically losing money on this deal!
Margaery: No, not hawking like “hawking goods” at a street market. The other type of hawking.
Sansa: Oh. Right. Right. *ahem*… For perturbations of stationary black holes, the change of energy is related to change of area, angular momentum, and electric charge by dE = (k / 8π) dA + ΩdJ + ΦdQ, wherein E is energy, k is the horizon area, J is the angular momentum, Φ is the electrostatic potential, and Q is the electric charge.
Margaery: What? You lost me there.
Sansa: It’s the first law of black hole mechanics, analogous to the laws of thermodynamics.
Margaery: I’m still not following.
Sansa: You know, like Steven Hawking.
Margaery: Ah, I see. No. Wrong “hawking” still. I’m simply referring to us going out and hunting animals with trained hawks. You know. Like falconry and stuff.
Sansa: Oh. Gross. Does using birds of prey to kill baby animals really seem like something that my character would be interested in doing?
Margaery: I suppose not, my dear sister.
Sansa: OMG, you called me SISTER! You’re the best, Margaery! I wish you were my real sister instead of Arya. I’m so lucky to have a friend like you now. I beg you not to marry Joffrey! He’s a cruel monster! He’ll beat you!
Margaery: Oh, don’t worry, Sansa. My brother, Loras, will be a member of the Kingsguard. My father insisted on it. He’ll always be close by to protect me.
Sansa: Hrm. Good point. Loras is a skilled fighter and Joffrey is a punk bitch. Loras would kick his ass. He might even become the SECOND Kingslayer if Joffrey steps out of line,
Margaery: Okay, that’s taking it a bit far.
Later that night, Sansa goes to the godswood and finds Ser Dontos.
Sansa: Oh, hey drunk clown guy who shoots off a super rape-ey vibe. Remember your plan to sneak me out of King’s Landing after Joffrey’s wedding? Well, I don’t need it anymore. The Tyrells got me hooked up. I’m going to marry Willas Tyrell and then I’ll move to Highgarden. So I don’t need you.
Dontos: WHAT?! NOOOO! You can’t do it! The Tyrells can’t be trusted! They are just Lannisters with flowers.
Sansa: Says an alcoholic clown.
Dontos: You must go through with our plan to sneak you out at the Wedding! The Tyrells don’t care about you. All they care about is your claim to Winterfell.
Dontos grabs onto her and tries to hold her. She breaks free from him and backs away.
Sansa: Well, YEAH. I’m a female in a medieval society. That’s pretty much a given.
Sansa heads back to her room and goes to bed. She knows Dontos is full of crap. Besides… Robb is the King of Winterfell. There is no way that the Tyrells could claim it through her.
Sansa imagines life with Willas. Maybe she’ll actually grow to love him. Probably not. But maybe he looks enough like his brother Loras that she could pretend it was him. Yeah. She can just close her eyes during sex and imagine. That will work, right?
No comments:
Post a Comment