Harwin leads Arya, Gendry and a party of bandits including Lem (aka the Brotherhood without Banners) southward.
Arya: HEY WAIT! We’re going south? That’s the wrong way. Riverrun is North!
Gendry: Whatever. We’re probably just using some sort of secret way that only these bandits know.
Arya: Hey. Where is Hot Pie?
Gendry: Oh, he’s been written out of the story. He’s gone now. He stayed behind at the Inn of the Kneeling Man to make food there. Presumably hot pies.
Arya: Oh, wow. That was a rather abrupt character departure for somone who has been with us for the last two books. And Harwin… I can’t remember whether I told you or not… I watched your father die.
Harwin: Yeah, you weren’t that specific. But I figured.
Arya: So what’s been up with you?
Harwin: Well, I now travel with Lord Beric Dondarrion. We were ambushed at the Mummer’s Ford by the Mountain. Lord Beric was killed. But then he got better.
Arya: Wait. What? Repeat that agai—
Harwin: --Anyway, it was a great battle against the Mountain’s men. And we promised that for every one of our men killed, we would avenge them tenfold.
Arya: Are you sure you don’t mean “Avenged Sevenfold?”
Harwin: No, why?
Arya: Just asking.
Harwin: Anyway, when we heard that King Robert died… and then after that Lord Stark… Lord Beric decided that we would keep on fighting against the Lannister forces. We made a vow to defend the countryside and prevent the pillaging. But with Robert dead and Joffrey on the throne – that now made us outlaws rather than men of the King as we had been with Robert. Still, we wear that new status as a badge of honor.
Arya: Yeah, you’re an honorable gang of outlaws that are just trying to do the right thing, huh? Sort of like Robin Hood and his men.
Harwin: Yeah, sure, I guess. Sort of.
That evening as they ride further South, they pass a village.
Villager: Oh, hey there Harwin!
Harwin: Sup?
Villager: Did you hear? Some men from Riverrun came through here recently. They were looking for the Kingslayer. Apparently he escaped for something.
Lem: Oh man. Jaime Lannister has escaped? We’ve got to make sure Thoros knows about this. And Beric would LOVE to be the guy to capture the Kingslayer. We could hang him. That would be so sweet.
The next morning, after stopping to rest for the night, they head out again. Once more, they go south.
Arya: WHAT THE HELL?! This is no secret way to Riverrun! I told you guys yesterday… this is the wrong way! Look at the side of the trees that the moss is growing!
Lem: Bitch, we’re not going to Riverrun.
Arya: Huh? But I’m Arya Stark! And Harwin serves the Starks! You’ve got to do what I say!
Harwin: Did you not pay attention to anything I said? I don’t serve the Starks now. I serve Beric.
Arya: THIS SUCKS! Hey you! Yeah, YOU! New character!
Guy: Me?
Arya: Yeah, you. What’s your name?
Guy: Greenbeard.
Arya: Take me to Riverrun. I’ll give you a reward.
Greenbeard: Nah. I’m taking you to Beric. He’ll know what to do with you.
Arya: Shiiiiiiit!
Tom o’ Sevens: Don’ worry, Arya. Beric will treat you well. He’ll even likely send you back to your mother, just like you want. But he’s the one who needs to make the decision. Not us.
Anguy: Yeah. He makes the decisions about all our captives.
Arya: Captive? CAPTIVE?! THE HELL I AM!
Arya then darts and makes a run for it. Her horse breaks away and charges off.
Arya: Hahaha, suckers! EAT MY DUST!
The outlaws give chase but Arya’s too fast. She escapes to freedom and--- hahaha, no. Just kidding. They easily catch her.
Harwin: Well, that was a pretty good effort, Arya. You really are your father’s daughter, huh? Too bad he’s dead and I serve the Lightning Lord now.
Arya: Lightning Lord?
Harwin: Yeah, that’s Lord Beric’s nickname.
Arya: Really? Because it sort of sounds like a shitty comic book villain.
Harwin: I guess it does. A little.
Arya: Like a B-Team villain to a B-Team superhero. Like someone from The Flash’s Rogue’s Gallery.
Harwin: No, I get it. You don’t have to explain further. I agree completely.
Arya: What the hell is wrong with you, man? I know my father is dead. But now you should be serving my brother, Robb. He’s the King in the North!
Harwin: I mean no harm to your brother. But why should I fight for him? He already has thousands of men who fight for him. He has an army. But who fights for the little people? Who fights for these smallfolk in the countryside? Their villages have been burned down. Their men murdered. Their women raped. Their children starved. Us. That’s who fights for them! The Brotherhood without Banners! Because no one else will. Now are you going to try to escape again? Because if so, I’m going to tie your annoying ass up.
Arya: Ugh. I guess not. For now.
Harwin: What was that last bit?
Arya: Nothing. I said nothing.
Arya: HEY WAIT! We’re going south? That’s the wrong way. Riverrun is North!
Gendry: Whatever. We’re probably just using some sort of secret way that only these bandits know.
Arya: Hey. Where is Hot Pie?
Gendry: Oh, he’s been written out of the story. He’s gone now. He stayed behind at the Inn of the Kneeling Man to make food there. Presumably hot pies.
Arya: Oh, wow. That was a rather abrupt character departure for somone who has been with us for the last two books. And Harwin… I can’t remember whether I told you or not… I watched your father die.
Harwin: Yeah, you weren’t that specific. But I figured.
Arya: So what’s been up with you?
Harwin: Well, I now travel with Lord Beric Dondarrion. We were ambushed at the Mummer’s Ford by the Mountain. Lord Beric was killed. But then he got better.
Arya: Wait. What? Repeat that agai—
Harwin: --Anyway, it was a great battle against the Mountain’s men. And we promised that for every one of our men killed, we would avenge them tenfold.
Arya: Are you sure you don’t mean “Avenged Sevenfold?”
Harwin: No, why?
Arya: Just asking.
Harwin: Anyway, when we heard that King Robert died… and then after that Lord Stark… Lord Beric decided that we would keep on fighting against the Lannister forces. We made a vow to defend the countryside and prevent the pillaging. But with Robert dead and Joffrey on the throne – that now made us outlaws rather than men of the King as we had been with Robert. Still, we wear that new status as a badge of honor.
Arya: Yeah, you’re an honorable gang of outlaws that are just trying to do the right thing, huh? Sort of like Robin Hood and his men.
Harwin: Yeah, sure, I guess. Sort of.
That evening as they ride further South, they pass a village.
Villager: Oh, hey there Harwin!
Harwin: Sup?
Villager: Did you hear? Some men from Riverrun came through here recently. They were looking for the Kingslayer. Apparently he escaped for something.
Lem: Oh man. Jaime Lannister has escaped? We’ve got to make sure Thoros knows about this. And Beric would LOVE to be the guy to capture the Kingslayer. We could hang him. That would be so sweet.
The next morning, after stopping to rest for the night, they head out again. Once more, they go south.
Arya: WHAT THE HELL?! This is no secret way to Riverrun! I told you guys yesterday… this is the wrong way! Look at the side of the trees that the moss is growing!
Lem: Bitch, we’re not going to Riverrun.
Arya: Huh? But I’m Arya Stark! And Harwin serves the Starks! You’ve got to do what I say!
Harwin: Did you not pay attention to anything I said? I don’t serve the Starks now. I serve Beric.
Arya: THIS SUCKS! Hey you! Yeah, YOU! New character!
Guy: Me?
Arya: Yeah, you. What’s your name?
Guy: Greenbeard.
Arya: Take me to Riverrun. I’ll give you a reward.
Greenbeard: Nah. I’m taking you to Beric. He’ll know what to do with you.
Arya: Shiiiiiiit!
Tom o’ Sevens: Don’ worry, Arya. Beric will treat you well. He’ll even likely send you back to your mother, just like you want. But he’s the one who needs to make the decision. Not us.
Anguy: Yeah. He makes the decisions about all our captives.
Arya: Captive? CAPTIVE?! THE HELL I AM!
Arya then darts and makes a run for it. Her horse breaks away and charges off.
Arya: Hahaha, suckers! EAT MY DUST!
The outlaws give chase but Arya’s too fast. She escapes to freedom and--- hahaha, no. Just kidding. They easily catch her.
Harwin: Well, that was a pretty good effort, Arya. You really are your father’s daughter, huh? Too bad he’s dead and I serve the Lightning Lord now.
Arya: Lightning Lord?
Harwin: Yeah, that’s Lord Beric’s nickname.
Arya: Really? Because it sort of sounds like a shitty comic book villain.
Harwin: I guess it does. A little.
Arya: Like a B-Team villain to a B-Team superhero. Like someone from The Flash’s Rogue’s Gallery.
Harwin: No, I get it. You don’t have to explain further. I agree completely.
Arya: What the hell is wrong with you, man? I know my father is dead. But now you should be serving my brother, Robb. He’s the King in the North!
Harwin: I mean no harm to your brother. But why should I fight for him? He already has thousands of men who fight for him. He has an army. But who fights for the little people? Who fights for these smallfolk in the countryside? Their villages have been burned down. Their men murdered. Their women raped. Their children starved. Us. That’s who fights for them! The Brotherhood without Banners! Because no one else will. Now are you going to try to escape again? Because if so, I’m going to tie your annoying ass up.
Arya: Ugh. I guess not. For now.
Harwin: What was that last bit?
Arya: Nothing. I said nothing.
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