Davos is imprisoned by Lord Manderly, but he has found his imprisonment somewhat… interesting.
Butler: Ah, Lord Hand Seaworth. A pleasant evening to you! For tonight’s dinner options, we will have a filet mignon, served in a butter-herb sauce, sided with a plate of blanched wild vegetables. However, if you would prefer the fish option, I have a whole tilapia that’s cooked in a quite delicious and spicy tamarind chile sauce, along with marinated onions and peppers cooked in the same sauce and served with brown rice. For drinks we have all the standard beers, wines and liquors. If you’d like to do a fancy cocktail, I’d have to check on what mixing ingredients we have because, alas, these are tough days in the north and our supplies are dwindling. We ran out of grenadine some time ago.
Davos: Uhh… excuse me… what the hell is this? I thought I am supposed to be imprisoned.
Butler: Yes. This is a prison.
Davos: Why do my towels all say “Four Seasons White Harbor” on them? And why is my room a master suite that overlooks the bay?
Butler: Oh, it’s because we’re imprisoning you in the Four Seasons.
Davos: This is very confusing.
There is a knock at the door. The butler answers it.
Robett Glover: Oh, hi there!
Davos: WOW! It’s Robett Glover, as played by Tim McInnery on the TV show! Dude, I loved you in Black Adder.
Robett: Yes, yes, yes. Everybody loved me in Black Adder. Can we get on with it?
Davos: What are you doing here?
Robett: Oh, I’m here to tell you what your King, Stannis, has been doing while you’ve been away on your mission. He’s made his invasion south from the wall to begin liberating the people from the tyanny of the Iron Isles. My own house’s ancestral home, Deepwood Motte, has just been liberated away from that Iron Bitch Asha Greyjoy by King Stannis. He’s pretty much a hero in the North now. Oh, and also the plan is to eventually march on Winterfell. Word from Winterfell is that Ramsay Bolton, the son of Lord Bolton, plays to marry Arya Stark.
Davos: Well, this is all great stuff to hear. Awesome, in fact. I guess I won’t be alive for any of it though, what with Lord Manderly about to execute me. I’m surprised he even let you come here to tell me all of that.
Robett: Oh, he’s letting me do that and much more. Come with me!
Robett gets up and leaves the room.
Davos: I’m… confused. So, so confused.
Davos looks at the butler, who just shrugs and waves him to go out the door.
They head through the hallways of the Four Seasons White Harbor and go into a secret passage. At the end of the secret passage is…
Lord Wyman Manderly: HEY! It’s ME!!!!!
Davos: DAFUQ?
Manderly: Ser Davos, I apologize for the harsh way I treated you.
Davos: I mean it wasn’t that harsh. I was in a Four Seasons.
Manderly: Still, it’s no Ritz Carlton.
Davos: I’m used to smuggling onions and sleeping in ships and caves. This is all luxury to me.
Manderly: I mean I apologize for the way I treated you in front of the Freys. It was all a show to convince them that I was loyal. My son Wylis has finally been returned, and we are throwing a huge, celebratory feast for his return. There is all sorts of Eel Pie being served up there. Mmm mmm, so much eel pie. I told everyone that I had to take a huuuuuuuge dump and excused myself from all the festivities and eel pie. Which isn't a total lie, because I do have to take one, and I can tell it's going to be a giant steamer. Anyway, this is my only chance to sneak out and see you before you go.
Davos: Huh? Go? Go where? You’re not going to kill me?
Manderly: Kill you? My dear Ser Davos, you died ages ago. If you look at the tower over the gates of White Harbor, you can see the head of a man who does not look too dissimilar to you on a pike, as well as a set of hands… one of which is cut off at the knuckles. As far as the Freys know… Davos Seaworth was executed like a day of two after they last saw you. And they have surely also told their Lannister masters.
Davos: Who did you kill in my place?
Manderly: Eh, some prisoner. You need not worry about him too much.
Davos: What was he in for?
Manderly: Jaywalking. That’s not the point. The point is that I dare not defy Kings Landing while my son was the captive of the Freys. But now that I have him back, my plans can move forward.
Davos: And what are your plans?
Manderly: My plans are for JUSTICE. Justice against the Freys. Justice for the murder of my other son. Justice for the Red Wedding. Tell me, Davos. Can your King Stannis give me that justice?
Davos: He can, Lord Manderly. My King means to liberate the north from all these traitors – be it the Ironborn from the Isles, or the Freys, Boltons and Lannisters who murdered your son.
Robett: Stannis is not the King of the North though.
Davos: Aye, but the King of the North was Robb Stark, and he is dead.
Manderly: True, but Robb Stark was not the ONLY son of Lord Eddard Stark. Behold!
A boy comes out. A boy who is clearly not a Stark.
Davos: Uh, that’s not a Stark at all.
Manderly: No, he’s not. His name is Wex, and he’s an ironborn mute. But more importantly, he used to be Theon Greyjoy’s squire. He told me that—
Davos: --Wait, how did he tell you if he’s a mute?
Manderly: Shut up, smartass. He signed to me, which is a FORM OF TELLING, that he was at Winterfell when it was sacked and destroyed. He escaped by hiding up a weirwood tree in the godswood. He knows many things. For one, he knows that Theon Greyjoy is not dead. Instead, he is Ramsay Bolton’s captive. It was not Theon who sacked and destroyed Winterfell as everyone assumes – it was Ramsay! He is a cruel monster. They say he hunts humans for sport. They say he married Lady Hornwood to claim her house and then tortured and starved her. They made her eat her own fingers off for food. Anyway, he’s a pretty terrible human.
Davos: Yeah, he sounds like he’s the worst.
Manderly: The Freys are no better. Both Frey and Boltons are monsters, and yet I must still play along and pretend to be obedient to them. I have been summoned to go to Winterfell to attend the wedding of Ramsay and Arya Stark. I am supposed to bring the Freys with me here along with me. Despite that… I am willing to pledge all my assets to STANNIS on ONE CONDITION.
Davos: What condition is that? Tell me!
Manderly: Well, remember how I told you that this Wex boy survived by hiding in the godswood? Well, he saw something in the godswood when he was there. Six people and two wolves leaving – three boys, two girls, a giant and two direwolves. The boys could only have been Brandon and Rickon Stark – the two younger brothers of King Robb. Wex sexretly followed one of them. Find him for me, Davos. Find this Stark boy and bring him and his direwolf back, and you have my pledge that I will be for Stannis!
Davos: Why do you need me? I’m an old captain and smuggler. Can’t you find someone else to track the boy?
Manderly: I need you because the boy went to… well… show him, Wex.
Wex pulls out a dagger and thows it at a map on the wall. It lands in the middle of the Shivering Sea.
Manderly: Okay, okay. Bad throw, Wex. I’ll give you a do-over. The boy is obviously not in the middle of the Shivering Sea. Try again.
Wex nods, pulls the dagger out, and throws the dagger once more. This time it lands at Hardhome.
Everyone gasps.
Manderly: No, no. That’s not right either. Better and closer though, Wex. But not right. Here. I’ll just do it.
Manderly takes the dagger out and just puts it on top of Skagos.
Everyone gasps again.
Davos: Well, Skagos isn’t that bad. It’s the land of unicorns.
Manderly: Yeah, unicorns AND CANNIBALS.
Davos: Shut up about the cannibal part. I damn well know that, but I’m trying to ignore it and just think about the unicorn part. I'm trying to psyche myself up that I’m not going to have my flesh eaten by cannibals.
Manderly: Well speaking of eating, time to get back to that eel pie! MmmmMmm. Eel pie. I snuck you down a piece of it to try, Davos. But I ate it before you showed up.
Davos: That’s okay, my appetite is totally gone with this cannibal talk. Still though. Unicorns!
Davos pulls out a picture and caresses it.
Butler: Ah, Lord Hand Seaworth. A pleasant evening to you! For tonight’s dinner options, we will have a filet mignon, served in a butter-herb sauce, sided with a plate of blanched wild vegetables. However, if you would prefer the fish option, I have a whole tilapia that’s cooked in a quite delicious and spicy tamarind chile sauce, along with marinated onions and peppers cooked in the same sauce and served with brown rice. For drinks we have all the standard beers, wines and liquors. If you’d like to do a fancy cocktail, I’d have to check on what mixing ingredients we have because, alas, these are tough days in the north and our supplies are dwindling. We ran out of grenadine some time ago.
Davos: Uhh… excuse me… what the hell is this? I thought I am supposed to be imprisoned.
Butler: Yes. This is a prison.
Davos: Why do my towels all say “Four Seasons White Harbor” on them? And why is my room a master suite that overlooks the bay?
Butler: Oh, it’s because we’re imprisoning you in the Four Seasons.
Davos: This is very confusing.
There is a knock at the door. The butler answers it.
Robett Glover: Oh, hi there!
Davos: WOW! It’s Robett Glover, as played by Tim McInnery on the TV show! Dude, I loved you in Black Adder.
Robett: Yes, yes, yes. Everybody loved me in Black Adder. Can we get on with it?
Davos: What are you doing here?
Robett: Oh, I’m here to tell you what your King, Stannis, has been doing while you’ve been away on your mission. He’s made his invasion south from the wall to begin liberating the people from the tyanny of the Iron Isles. My own house’s ancestral home, Deepwood Motte, has just been liberated away from that Iron Bitch Asha Greyjoy by King Stannis. He’s pretty much a hero in the North now. Oh, and also the plan is to eventually march on Winterfell. Word from Winterfell is that Ramsay Bolton, the son of Lord Bolton, plays to marry Arya Stark.
Davos: Well, this is all great stuff to hear. Awesome, in fact. I guess I won’t be alive for any of it though, what with Lord Manderly about to execute me. I’m surprised he even let you come here to tell me all of that.
Robett: Oh, he’s letting me do that and much more. Come with me!
Robett gets up and leaves the room.
Davos: I’m… confused. So, so confused.
Davos looks at the butler, who just shrugs and waves him to go out the door.
They head through the hallways of the Four Seasons White Harbor and go into a secret passage. At the end of the secret passage is…
Lord Wyman Manderly: HEY! It’s ME!!!!!
Davos: DAFUQ?
Manderly: Ser Davos, I apologize for the harsh way I treated you.
Davos: I mean it wasn’t that harsh. I was in a Four Seasons.
Manderly: Still, it’s no Ritz Carlton.
Davos: I’m used to smuggling onions and sleeping in ships and caves. This is all luxury to me.
Manderly: I mean I apologize for the way I treated you in front of the Freys. It was all a show to convince them that I was loyal. My son Wylis has finally been returned, and we are throwing a huge, celebratory feast for his return. There is all sorts of Eel Pie being served up there. Mmm mmm, so much eel pie. I told everyone that I had to take a huuuuuuuge dump and excused myself from all the festivities and eel pie. Which isn't a total lie, because I do have to take one, and I can tell it's going to be a giant steamer. Anyway, this is my only chance to sneak out and see you before you go.
Davos: Huh? Go? Go where? You’re not going to kill me?
Manderly: Kill you? My dear Ser Davos, you died ages ago. If you look at the tower over the gates of White Harbor, you can see the head of a man who does not look too dissimilar to you on a pike, as well as a set of hands… one of which is cut off at the knuckles. As far as the Freys know… Davos Seaworth was executed like a day of two after they last saw you. And they have surely also told their Lannister masters.
Davos: Who did you kill in my place?
Manderly: Eh, some prisoner. You need not worry about him too much.
Davos: What was he in for?
Manderly: Jaywalking. That’s not the point. The point is that I dare not defy Kings Landing while my son was the captive of the Freys. But now that I have him back, my plans can move forward.
Davos: And what are your plans?
Manderly: My plans are for JUSTICE. Justice against the Freys. Justice for the murder of my other son. Justice for the Red Wedding. Tell me, Davos. Can your King Stannis give me that justice?
Davos: He can, Lord Manderly. My King means to liberate the north from all these traitors – be it the Ironborn from the Isles, or the Freys, Boltons and Lannisters who murdered your son.
Robett: Stannis is not the King of the North though.
Davos: Aye, but the King of the North was Robb Stark, and he is dead.
Manderly: True, but Robb Stark was not the ONLY son of Lord Eddard Stark. Behold!
A boy comes out. A boy who is clearly not a Stark.
Davos: Uh, that’s not a Stark at all.
Manderly: No, he’s not. His name is Wex, and he’s an ironborn mute. But more importantly, he used to be Theon Greyjoy’s squire. He told me that—
Davos: --Wait, how did he tell you if he’s a mute?
Manderly: Shut up, smartass. He signed to me, which is a FORM OF TELLING, that he was at Winterfell when it was sacked and destroyed. He escaped by hiding up a weirwood tree in the godswood. He knows many things. For one, he knows that Theon Greyjoy is not dead. Instead, he is Ramsay Bolton’s captive. It was not Theon who sacked and destroyed Winterfell as everyone assumes – it was Ramsay! He is a cruel monster. They say he hunts humans for sport. They say he married Lady Hornwood to claim her house and then tortured and starved her. They made her eat her own fingers off for food. Anyway, he’s a pretty terrible human.
Davos: Yeah, he sounds like he’s the worst.
Manderly: The Freys are no better. Both Frey and Boltons are monsters, and yet I must still play along and pretend to be obedient to them. I have been summoned to go to Winterfell to attend the wedding of Ramsay and Arya Stark. I am supposed to bring the Freys with me here along with me. Despite that… I am willing to pledge all my assets to STANNIS on ONE CONDITION.
Davos: What condition is that? Tell me!
Manderly: Well, remember how I told you that this Wex boy survived by hiding in the godswood? Well, he saw something in the godswood when he was there. Six people and two wolves leaving – three boys, two girls, a giant and two direwolves. The boys could only have been Brandon and Rickon Stark – the two younger brothers of King Robb. Wex sexretly followed one of them. Find him for me, Davos. Find this Stark boy and bring him and his direwolf back, and you have my pledge that I will be for Stannis!
Davos: Why do you need me? I’m an old captain and smuggler. Can’t you find someone else to track the boy?
Manderly: I need you because the boy went to… well… show him, Wex.
Wex pulls out a dagger and thows it at a map on the wall. It lands in the middle of the Shivering Sea.
Manderly: Okay, okay. Bad throw, Wex. I’ll give you a do-over. The boy is obviously not in the middle of the Shivering Sea. Try again.
Wex nods, pulls the dagger out, and throws the dagger once more. This time it lands at Hardhome.
Everyone gasps.
Manderly: No, no. That’s not right either. Better and closer though, Wex. But not right. Here. I’ll just do it.
Manderly takes the dagger out and just puts it on top of Skagos.
Everyone gasps again.
Davos: Well, Skagos isn’t that bad. It’s the land of unicorns.
Manderly: Yeah, unicorns AND CANNIBALS.
Davos: Shut up about the cannibal part. I damn well know that, but I’m trying to ignore it and just think about the unicorn part. I'm trying to psyche myself up that I’m not going to have my flesh eaten by cannibals.
Manderly: Well speaking of eating, time to get back to that eel pie! MmmmMmm. Eel pie. I snuck you down a piece of it to try, Davos. But I ate it before you showed up.
Davos: That’s okay, my appetite is totally gone with this cannibal talk. Still though. Unicorns!
Davos pulls out a picture and caresses it.
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