Queen Dany is furious about the huge blockade of ships which surrounds the bay outside. Her admiral gives her an update.
Admiral Groleo: Queen, I beg you! You should use your dragons on the blockade out there. It’s the only way we can stop it.
Dany: Use my dragons? To attack ships at sea? No! What if the fleet has a big ass crossbow and they shoot Rhaegal?
Groleo: *blinks*
Dany: Anyway, attacking the blocade would be useful and logical, so I will refuse to do it for "reasons." If we’re trapped her and blockaded… then so be it. Barristan, how much supplies do we have to last?
Barristan Selmy: Our stores are plentiful. For now.
Next up is Skahaz.
Skahaz: My spies report that Hizdahr zo Loraq has visited eleven of the pyramids of the families, and of course you know there have been no murders for twenty-six days.
Dany: This is obviously good news. Hizdahr met with the old families of Meereen and the murders have stopped. He must have convinced the Sons of the Harpy to put down their arms.
Skahaz: Convinced them? Perhaps TOO WELL. If you ask me, he is probably their ringleader. He is the Harpy! He has asked that these murders temporarily stop until he gets to marry you. Then he will become King of Meereen and he will do as he pleases.
Dany: Oh, you really think that the Sons of the Harpy are actually an organized group led by a single person who is the actual Harpy? I figured they were more of a disorganized, grass roots movement kind of a deal. Like al-Qaeda. Only idiots thought that killing Bin Laden would destroy al-Qaeda, since it’s less of an organization run by someone and more of an “idea.” A movement.
Skahaz: Uhhh. Whatever.
Dany: Go on, Skahaz. Do you have anything else to tell me?
Skahaz: YES! I have an idea! We know what ships are blockading us. We can see them clearly. And we know that several of the ships are owned by the family members of the families in this city. I say we take those family members hostage and order the blockading ships to leave… or else we kill their family members!
Dany: No! I will not do that either. Sending my soldiers to the pyramids to take those families hostage would lead to open war in the city. We have had peace and no murders for nearly a month. I will not take any action that will start the killings again.
Skahaz: *sigh* You never listen to any of my great “murder people” advice.
He leaves. Next up is Grey Worm, who comes along with the “Green Grace” Galazza Galare and three “Blue Graces,” a group of healers.
Grey Worm: Yo Dany, whattup? You seen Missandei? I had a terrible dream that she was beheaded.
Missandei: No. I'm here.
Grey Worm: Oh, good. Anyway, uhh… I have some bad news for you from these healer ladies. This messenger came riding in from Astapor, telling us that the city was on fire. But when he showed up he was sick as hell. He had an arrow wound in him, so we figured that he had some infection from the wound. But the Graces here now think it was something else… a “bloody flux.”
Dany: You mean like diarrhea?
Grey Worm: Well yeah, but if you say “dysentery” it sounds better. The messenger is dead now.
The Green Grace: This is bad, Queen! BAD! A harbinger of ruin!
Dany: I mean yeah, I guess it’s sad that he died, but it’s not like he brought an unstoppable plague that will kill us all.
Grey Worm: Errrm… about that…
Dany: Huh?
Green Grace: FOR THE MESSENGER RODE IN ON A PALE HORSE!
Dany: What does that mean?
Green Grace: When the Lamb broke the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature saying, “Come.” I looked, and behold, a pale horse, and he who sat upon it had the name Death.
Dany: Revelations 6? Wait… what religion do you all follow in Meereen anyway? If only Quaith had warned me about thi----ohhhhhh wait, she did. Damn it! SOMEONE… send for all my armies to retreat back to the city and return to me. I don’t want them dying of this unstoppable plague that’s out there now. ESPECIALLY DAARIO.
But now that the prophecy of this plague by Quaithe has come true… Dany wonders about that OTHER prophecy. The one about being betrayed three times. Will Daario betray her?
The first to return is Brown Ben Plumm. But that’s 8 days later.
Brown Ben: Hi! It’s me. Good ol' trustworthy Brown Ben!
Dany: Odd that you’d phrase your introduction like that.
Brown Ben: Queen, I have some refugees from Astapor here with me. They have some stuff to tell you.
The refugees tell her some horror stories from Astapor. And the city… just whoa… it was rough. Disease, starvation, rioting, armies outside their walls. And who are the refugees blaming? Her, of course. For not coming to save them.
Dany: Screw all of you guys. If I marched for Astapor to save it, I would have lost Meereen.
Brown Ben: There are more refugees on their way, many of them sick with the plague. They should be barred from the city, lest they bring their sickness in here and kill us all.
Reznak: I totally agree. And in addition to that, you should marry Hizdahr at once!
Dany: Hrm. Should I listen to you. The Pale Horse prophecy thing came true. Are you the perfumed seneschal I should worry about?
Reznak: I say use dragons.
Brown Ben: Yeah! DRAGONS!
Dany: NO, DAMNIT! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL PEOPLE THAT I’M NOT JUST GOING TO WANTONLY START BURNING PEOPLE ALIVE WITH MY DRAGONS!
Reznak: It would be so cool though. I mean just imagine it. Like burning up the Lannister army with your dragon. It would, like, probably be the best episode of Season 7.
Dany: I SAID NO!!!!
Brown Ben: Ugh, if you refuse to use your dragons, then they should just sell Meereen back to Yunkai and leave for your Seven Kingdoms. What’s the point?
Barristan: I say we take on the invading forces on the field. Letting them siege us would be dumb.
Skahaz: No! I say we stay behind the walls. Why die out there when we are safe inside of these walls.
Dany: Ugh. Brown Ben, I need you to go out again and scout our enemies. Determine their numbers. That will allow me to get a better idea of how we should proceed.
Brown Ben: Of course. And maybe you should send out me, extremely trustworthy and loyal Brown Benn Plumm, out with a huge ton of gold. You know, so I can bribe our enemies and recruit them to our side. You know, because they’re a bunch of sellswords like you who will easily flip sides.
Dany: Yes, yes. That’s a really good idea. I’ll send you out with a huge stockpile of gold after you just acknowledged that you’re a sellsword who flips sides. So let it be done!
Thus Brown Ben leaves with a lot of Meereen’s savings. Which is a super smart strategy.
Dany: And of these refugees from Astapor… I say we let them in.
Barristan: No! They have the plague, my queen. We must not. I have seen the bloody flux take down entire armies. Shitting blood until they die. It’s terrible.
Dany: *sigh* Can we at least let them set up camp outside of the city walls? Then we could go out occasionally to provide them food and stuff.
Barristan: Sure. I guess so. But remember what I said before about our stock? That was to feed the people here. Not to feed scores of refugees outside of our city walls, fleeing from war.
Dany: Barristan, can I speak with you in private?
Barristan: Sure.
They head off to a side room.
Dany: Seriously though, what do you think our chances are?
Barristan: We have 99 problems, Dany. I’m not going to name them all, but just to start… we have too many enemies WITHIN the city to withstand a siege. Hence why I wanted to take our battle to the outside.
Dany: But if my Unsullied and other knights in training are outside of the city… only Skahaz’s Brazen Beasts will remain to hold Meereen. I cannot fight two enemies – the enemy outside and the enemy within. I need some way to get out of this… I need… I need… shit… I need Hizdahr zo Loraq.
Barristan: Wait... so you're willing to engage in a marriage pact with someone you don't love which involves the two of you co-ruling, in order to find peace?
Dany: Of course. I'm not an idiot.
Barristan: Then why aren't you willing to co-rule with Jon Snow, a man you actually love, in season 8?
Game of Throne Writers: *shrug* Whatever, we don't even care anymore.We're basically just a parody show now that references past good seasons. HEY! Let's work in a scene where Bran AGAIN quotes a much more famous quote from an earlier season.
Admiral Groleo: Queen, I beg you! You should use your dragons on the blockade out there. It’s the only way we can stop it.
Dany: Use my dragons? To attack ships at sea? No! What if the fleet has a big ass crossbow and they shoot Rhaegal?
Groleo: *blinks*
Dany: Anyway, attacking the blocade would be useful and logical, so I will refuse to do it for "reasons." If we’re trapped her and blockaded… then so be it. Barristan, how much supplies do we have to last?
Barristan Selmy: Our stores are plentiful. For now.
Next up is Skahaz.
Skahaz: My spies report that Hizdahr zo Loraq has visited eleven of the pyramids of the families, and of course you know there have been no murders for twenty-six days.
Dany: This is obviously good news. Hizdahr met with the old families of Meereen and the murders have stopped. He must have convinced the Sons of the Harpy to put down their arms.
Skahaz: Convinced them? Perhaps TOO WELL. If you ask me, he is probably their ringleader. He is the Harpy! He has asked that these murders temporarily stop until he gets to marry you. Then he will become King of Meereen and he will do as he pleases.
Dany: Oh, you really think that the Sons of the Harpy are actually an organized group led by a single person who is the actual Harpy? I figured they were more of a disorganized, grass roots movement kind of a deal. Like al-Qaeda. Only idiots thought that killing Bin Laden would destroy al-Qaeda, since it’s less of an organization run by someone and more of an “idea.” A movement.
Skahaz: Uhhh. Whatever.
Dany: Go on, Skahaz. Do you have anything else to tell me?
Skahaz: YES! I have an idea! We know what ships are blockading us. We can see them clearly. And we know that several of the ships are owned by the family members of the families in this city. I say we take those family members hostage and order the blockading ships to leave… or else we kill their family members!
Dany: No! I will not do that either. Sending my soldiers to the pyramids to take those families hostage would lead to open war in the city. We have had peace and no murders for nearly a month. I will not take any action that will start the killings again.
Skahaz: *sigh* You never listen to any of my great “murder people” advice.
He leaves. Next up is Grey Worm, who comes along with the “Green Grace” Galazza Galare and three “Blue Graces,” a group of healers.
Grey Worm: Yo Dany, whattup? You seen Missandei? I had a terrible dream that she was beheaded.
Missandei: No. I'm here.
Grey Worm: Oh, good. Anyway, uhh… I have some bad news for you from these healer ladies. This messenger came riding in from Astapor, telling us that the city was on fire. But when he showed up he was sick as hell. He had an arrow wound in him, so we figured that he had some infection from the wound. But the Graces here now think it was something else… a “bloody flux.”
Dany: You mean like diarrhea?
Grey Worm: Well yeah, but if you say “dysentery” it sounds better. The messenger is dead now.
The Green Grace: This is bad, Queen! BAD! A harbinger of ruin!
Dany: I mean yeah, I guess it’s sad that he died, but it’s not like he brought an unstoppable plague that will kill us all.
Grey Worm: Errrm… about that…
Dany: Huh?
Green Grace: FOR THE MESSENGER RODE IN ON A PALE HORSE!
Dany: What does that mean?
Green Grace: When the Lamb broke the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature saying, “Come.” I looked, and behold, a pale horse, and he who sat upon it had the name Death.
Dany: Revelations 6? Wait… what religion do you all follow in Meereen anyway? If only Quaith had warned me about thi----ohhhhhh wait, she did. Damn it! SOMEONE… send for all my armies to retreat back to the city and return to me. I don’t want them dying of this unstoppable plague that’s out there now. ESPECIALLY DAARIO.
But now that the prophecy of this plague by Quaithe has come true… Dany wonders about that OTHER prophecy. The one about being betrayed three times. Will Daario betray her?
The first to return is Brown Ben Plumm. But that’s 8 days later.
Brown Ben: Hi! It’s me. Good ol' trustworthy Brown Ben!
Dany: Odd that you’d phrase your introduction like that.
Brown Ben: Queen, I have some refugees from Astapor here with me. They have some stuff to tell you.
The refugees tell her some horror stories from Astapor. And the city… just whoa… it was rough. Disease, starvation, rioting, armies outside their walls. And who are the refugees blaming? Her, of course. For not coming to save them.
Dany: Screw all of you guys. If I marched for Astapor to save it, I would have lost Meereen.
Brown Ben: There are more refugees on their way, many of them sick with the plague. They should be barred from the city, lest they bring their sickness in here and kill us all.
Reznak: I totally agree. And in addition to that, you should marry Hizdahr at once!
Dany: Hrm. Should I listen to you. The Pale Horse prophecy thing came true. Are you the perfumed seneschal I should worry about?
Reznak: I say use dragons.
Brown Ben: Yeah! DRAGONS!
Dany: NO, DAMNIT! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL PEOPLE THAT I’M NOT JUST GOING TO WANTONLY START BURNING PEOPLE ALIVE WITH MY DRAGONS!
Reznak: It would be so cool though. I mean just imagine it. Like burning up the Lannister army with your dragon. It would, like, probably be the best episode of Season 7.
Dany: I SAID NO!!!!
Brown Ben: Ugh, if you refuse to use your dragons, then they should just sell Meereen back to Yunkai and leave for your Seven Kingdoms. What’s the point?
Barristan: I say we take on the invading forces on the field. Letting them siege us would be dumb.
Skahaz: No! I say we stay behind the walls. Why die out there when we are safe inside of these walls.
Dany: Ugh. Brown Ben, I need you to go out again and scout our enemies. Determine their numbers. That will allow me to get a better idea of how we should proceed.
Brown Ben: Of course. And maybe you should send out me, extremely trustworthy and loyal Brown Benn Plumm, out with a huge ton of gold. You know, so I can bribe our enemies and recruit them to our side. You know, because they’re a bunch of sellswords like you who will easily flip sides.
Dany: Yes, yes. That’s a really good idea. I’ll send you out with a huge stockpile of gold after you just acknowledged that you’re a sellsword who flips sides. So let it be done!
Thus Brown Ben leaves with a lot of Meereen’s savings. Which is a super smart strategy.
Dany: And of these refugees from Astapor… I say we let them in.
Barristan: No! They have the plague, my queen. We must not. I have seen the bloody flux take down entire armies. Shitting blood until they die. It’s terrible.
Dany: *sigh* Can we at least let them set up camp outside of the city walls? Then we could go out occasionally to provide them food and stuff.
Barristan: Sure. I guess so. But remember what I said before about our stock? That was to feed the people here. Not to feed scores of refugees outside of our city walls, fleeing from war.
Dany: Barristan, can I speak with you in private?
Barristan: Sure.
They head off to a side room.
Dany: Seriously though, what do you think our chances are?
Barristan: We have 99 problems, Dany. I’m not going to name them all, but just to start… we have too many enemies WITHIN the city to withstand a siege. Hence why I wanted to take our battle to the outside.
Dany: But if my Unsullied and other knights in training are outside of the city… only Skahaz’s Brazen Beasts will remain to hold Meereen. I cannot fight two enemies – the enemy outside and the enemy within. I need some way to get out of this… I need… I need… shit… I need Hizdahr zo Loraq.
Barristan: Wait... so you're willing to engage in a marriage pact with someone you don't love which involves the two of you co-ruling, in order to find peace?
Dany: Of course. I'm not an idiot.
Barristan: Then why aren't you willing to co-rule with Jon Snow, a man you actually love, in season 8?
Game of Throne Writers: *shrug* Whatever, we don't even care anymore.We're basically just a parody show now that references past good seasons. HEY! Let's work in a scene where Bran AGAIN quotes a much more famous quote from an earlier season.
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