Ghost and Jon are now separated, and Jon has finally reached the Wall with Magnar and Jarl. But they are nowhere around castle black. Instead, they are in a remote area far from civilization.
Magnar: Okay men, spread out and keep watch for Crows. Jarl and his team of raiders will scale the wall.
Jarl: That’s right! Me and my men get to scale the wall first. Because I’m a super important character!
Magnar: Sure, if you say so.
They begin to climb the Wall. Jon is starting to get anxious.
Jon: Oh man, this is getting crazy. Soon we’ll be over the Wall. And once we’re over the Wall, I’m supposed to prove my loyalty to the Wildlings by going around and killing people south of the Wall. But I can’t do that. I know I’m on a secret assignment, given to me by the Halfhand, to infiltrate the Free Folk and gain their trust. And to be successful in that secret assignment I have to break my vows. Breaking my vows by having sex with Ygritte is one thing. But killing innocent people? That’s too far. Maybe I should run and flee. Have I learned enough about the Free Folk and their plans? Probably. Right? Or maybe not. Because wasn't I supposed to find out more about this whole Horn of Jaromír Jágr... or whatever it was? Also… if I run away and flee, then they’ll probably kill Ygritte. So should I try to take Ygritte with me? She probably won’t go. And even if she did go… what would happen to her? I can’t bring her back to Castle Black. There are no women allowed there!
Magnar: Wait… are you soliloquy-ing to yourself, Jon?
Jon: Uhhh…. Yes. Don’t worry about it.
And they continue to watch as Jarl and his men ascend.
Jon: They are moving up pretty fast. Why do I get the feeling that this isn’t the first time they’ve done this?
Magnar: Well, I don’t see any patrols. I think we’ll be safe. We should probably head up now.
Ygritte: Yes, I too was just thinking about how safe this whole thing is.
Then a giant chunk of wall breaks apart, right where Jarl and his men are ascending. They all fall to their deaths.
Jarl: AGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE IMPORTA—
*splash*
Ygritte: Yikes. Nasty. Just to be clear, that splash was not them landing safely in water. It was their bodies hitting the ground and exploding into piles of bloody goo and bones.
Jon: So you think that piles of bones and goo can come back as Wights?
Magnar: I’m not sure. Let’s burn them just in case. Also, because I hate Jarl. So out of spite I also want to burn his corpse.
And so the remaining part of the party gather up the dead bodies and set them on fire.
Ygritte: That wall is made of blood, I tell you!
Jon: No, it’s made of ice.
Ygritte: You know nothing, Jon Snow!
Jon: Actually, this time I’m quite aware of what I’m talking about. Ice is, by definition, frozen water. Sure, it can have different minerals or compounds in it, but it is the water (H2O) itself which freezes and—
Ygritte: --I WAS SPEAKING METAPHORICALLY.
Jon: Oh. Well okay then. What do we do now? Looks like it’s too dangerous to climb the Wall, what with it falling apart and killing everyone. What a shame! Now we can’t cross it and go murder all those innocent townfolk south of the Wall.
Magnar: No. We’re still going to climb it anyway.
Jon & Ygritte together: WHAT?!
And so another crew of teams begin to ascend the wall. Jon, Ygritte and the others join them. Jon thinks about how he previously had to climb that mountainside with the Halfhand. But at least that mountain had an angle and was made from solid rock. This slippery, fragile ice is much, much worse.
Jon: Oh man! This is terrible! Remember how an entire book ago I was talking about how the Wall "weeps" in the autumn and gets all slippery and fragile? Well that was all just a long-game setup for this chapter. Fuck! We’re going to die for sure!
No you’re not. You’re a main character.
Jon: Oh right.
They reach the top of the wall.
Jon: *gasp*gasp*… I can’t believe we made it.
Ygritte starts crying.
Jon: Oh babe, what’s wrong?
Ygritte: I hate this stupid wall! It’s the worst! All of those guys died trying to climb it. And that was exhausting! What a waste! And plus we never found that Horn of Winter!
Jon: Say what now? One of the missions I was secretly tasked to do by the Watch was find out more about the Horn of Winter, AKA Horn of Jaromír Jágr – this legendary horn that could bring down the Wall.
Ygritte: You mean Horn of Joramun?
Jon: Whatever. I found a horn once. An unrelated horn, probably. I have it to Sam. Why am I mentioning that?
Ygritte: Well, we never found it. We looked through all these graves and all these other places but never found it.
Jon: Hrm. Interesting. Now that we’ve climbed the Wall we’ve finally reached a point in time where I’d now have to start killing innocent free folk on the other side if I were to stay with you all, continuing my infiltration mission. However, now that I’ve learned that the Wildlings have not found the Horn of Joramun, I feel like a large part of my infiltration mission has been achieved. Which makes me fleeing all of you an easier thing to do.
Magnar: Is the soliloquy-ing to himself again?
Ygritte: Yes
Magnar: UGH. I HATE WHEN HE DOES THAT.
Magnar: Okay men, spread out and keep watch for Crows. Jarl and his team of raiders will scale the wall.
Jarl: That’s right! Me and my men get to scale the wall first. Because I’m a super important character!
Magnar: Sure, if you say so.
They begin to climb the Wall. Jon is starting to get anxious.
Jon: Oh man, this is getting crazy. Soon we’ll be over the Wall. And once we’re over the Wall, I’m supposed to prove my loyalty to the Wildlings by going around and killing people south of the Wall. But I can’t do that. I know I’m on a secret assignment, given to me by the Halfhand, to infiltrate the Free Folk and gain their trust. And to be successful in that secret assignment I have to break my vows. Breaking my vows by having sex with Ygritte is one thing. But killing innocent people? That’s too far. Maybe I should run and flee. Have I learned enough about the Free Folk and their plans? Probably. Right? Or maybe not. Because wasn't I supposed to find out more about this whole Horn of Jaromír Jágr... or whatever it was? Also… if I run away and flee, then they’ll probably kill Ygritte. So should I try to take Ygritte with me? She probably won’t go. And even if she did go… what would happen to her? I can’t bring her back to Castle Black. There are no women allowed there!
Magnar: Wait… are you soliloquy-ing to yourself, Jon?
Jon: Uhhh…. Yes. Don’t worry about it.
And they continue to watch as Jarl and his men ascend.
Jon: They are moving up pretty fast. Why do I get the feeling that this isn’t the first time they’ve done this?
Magnar: Well, I don’t see any patrols. I think we’ll be safe. We should probably head up now.
Ygritte: Yes, I too was just thinking about how safe this whole thing is.
Then a giant chunk of wall breaks apart, right where Jarl and his men are ascending. They all fall to their deaths.
Jarl: AGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE IMPORTA—
*splash*
Ygritte: Yikes. Nasty. Just to be clear, that splash was not them landing safely in water. It was their bodies hitting the ground and exploding into piles of bloody goo and bones.
Jon: So you think that piles of bones and goo can come back as Wights?
Magnar: I’m not sure. Let’s burn them just in case. Also, because I hate Jarl. So out of spite I also want to burn his corpse.
And so the remaining part of the party gather up the dead bodies and set them on fire.
Ygritte: That wall is made of blood, I tell you!
Jon: No, it’s made of ice.
Ygritte: You know nothing, Jon Snow!
Jon: Actually, this time I’m quite aware of what I’m talking about. Ice is, by definition, frozen water. Sure, it can have different minerals or compounds in it, but it is the water (H2O) itself which freezes and—
Ygritte: --I WAS SPEAKING METAPHORICALLY.
Jon: Oh. Well okay then. What do we do now? Looks like it’s too dangerous to climb the Wall, what with it falling apart and killing everyone. What a shame! Now we can’t cross it and go murder all those innocent townfolk south of the Wall.
Magnar: No. We’re still going to climb it anyway.
Jon & Ygritte together: WHAT?!
And so another crew of teams begin to ascend the wall. Jon, Ygritte and the others join them. Jon thinks about how he previously had to climb that mountainside with the Halfhand. But at least that mountain had an angle and was made from solid rock. This slippery, fragile ice is much, much worse.
Jon: Oh man! This is terrible! Remember how an entire book ago I was talking about how the Wall "weeps" in the autumn and gets all slippery and fragile? Well that was all just a long-game setup for this chapter. Fuck! We’re going to die for sure!
No you’re not. You’re a main character.
Jon: Oh right.
They reach the top of the wall.
Jon: *gasp*gasp*… I can’t believe we made it.
Ygritte starts crying.
Jon: Oh babe, what’s wrong?
Ygritte: I hate this stupid wall! It’s the worst! All of those guys died trying to climb it. And that was exhausting! What a waste! And plus we never found that Horn of Winter!
Jon: Say what now? One of the missions I was secretly tasked to do by the Watch was find out more about the Horn of Winter, AKA Horn of Jaromír Jágr – this legendary horn that could bring down the Wall.
Ygritte: You mean Horn of Joramun?
Jon: Whatever. I found a horn once. An unrelated horn, probably. I have it to Sam. Why am I mentioning that?
Ygritte: Well, we never found it. We looked through all these graves and all these other places but never found it.
Jon: Hrm. Interesting. Now that we’ve climbed the Wall we’ve finally reached a point in time where I’d now have to start killing innocent free folk on the other side if I were to stay with you all, continuing my infiltration mission. However, now that I’ve learned that the Wildlings have not found the Horn of Joramun, I feel like a large part of my infiltration mission has been achieved. Which makes me fleeing all of you an easier thing to do.
Magnar: Is the soliloquy-ing to himself again?
Ygritte: Yes
Magnar: UGH. I HATE WHEN HE DOES THAT.
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