So some time has passed since we last saw Dany buy all those slaves, free them, and have them kill their former masters. Since then, they’ve travelled to a new city – Yunkai.
This city is also ruled by a bunch of slave masters. Crazy, huh? Needless to say, the slave masters of Yunkai are not particularly looking forward to Dany and her freed slaves coming.
Dany: So what do you think… they have 5000 soldiers protecting the city?
Jorah: Yes, all slave soldiers. But they are not the equal to your Unsullied. Trust me. I know. I’m an expert on slaves and slavery.
Dany: Obviously. I know that, Jorah. What I also know is that even though my forces ate better and will win… it will not be without cost. Many of my brave men will die… and so soon after gaining their freedom. I would like to avoid that.
Jorah: In addition to the 5000 slave solders, Yunkai is also protected by two mercenary armies that Yunkai has hired – the Stormcrows and the Second Sons.
Dany: We should meet with the leaders of them all. The Stormcrows, Second Sons, and the Slave Masters of Yunkai, But we should meet with them SEPARATELY. In that order. Not together.
Jorah: As you command, I will send out word that you wish to meet with them.
As that’s being taken care of, Dany goes over to talk with the person who has emerged as the “commander” of her freed Unsullied soldiers.
Dany: Hey, what’s your name?
Grey Worm: I am Grey Worm.
Dany: What a terrible name. You must hate your parents.
Grey Worm: No, don’t you know how the Unsullied Slave Naming System works? In order to further destroy our identities and convince us that we are not real men… the Masters had us randomly draw names out of a bag every day. Our names changed every day.
Dany: Ah, well you’re free now. So you don’t have to keep using that terrible name. You can go back to whatever your original name was.
Grey Worm: Aloysius?
Dany: Yikes. Really? On second thought, maybe not.
Grey Worm: No, just kidding. That’s not my name. But I don’t care about my original name. My original name was unlucky. That’s the name I was given when I was taken to be a slave. Grey Worm is the name I pulled out of the bag the morning that you gave me my freedom. It is a lucky name. From this day forward, I will be Grey Worm.
Dany: Awww, that’s so sweet! But anyway, we might have a giant fight ahead where a lot of your men die.
Grey Worm: Yep, well… that’s sort of what being a soldier is all about.
Dany: But hopefully we can avoid all that. Anyway… if you see any of the slave soldiers on the other side who surrender… let them surrender. Do not fight them.
Grey Worm: As you command, Dany.
Dany: Wow. When you were a slave you had to risk your life and die for your masters and obey all their commands. Now you’re doing the exact same thing for me. I’m not quite sure how it’s much different.
Grey Worm: I suppose that’s a fair point. But the moral justification we’ll go with here is that previously we didn’t have the choice to make that decision. We HAD to obey because we were slaves. Now we CHOOSE to obey, because we are free.
Dany: Still though. You were kidnapped and trained to be soldiers by slave masters when you were children. You were brainwashed to do it. It’s all you know how to do. It’s been your entire life. So I come along and say “you’re free now, and you can do whatever you want.” I mean what do you think you’re going to do? Of COURSE you’re going to keep on being a soldier for me. You don’t know how to do anything else. So really… I’m not sure if you DO have a choice. You’re sort of forced into this option because it’s all you know. Like in post-Civil War society when the freed slaves continued to live on the farms of their former masters and continued to do the same hard, manual labor except they were “paid”… although in actual practice not really and they were all subject to ludicrous “debts” and conditions that still bonded them to their former masters.
Grey Worm: Well, if you’re going to go down that road… we might as well as ask if ANY of us are free to do what we want. Does free will exist? Are you free to make your own decisions or have the circumstances of your birth and upraising provided you with a predetermined path that you are unable to veer from?
Dany: Geez, this conversation is getting a lot deeper than I expected. Never mind. Moving on…
She leaves and glances at the other men and women following her. Many citizens of Astapor followed her because they were “free” to do so. These people aren’t soliders though. They’re boys, women’s, the weak, etc. Those who feared to stay in Astapor and who wanted to follow her instead. It’s almost like these people didn’t place a great amount of trust in the weak, pseudo-government she left behind upon departing with all of her military forces.
Hrmm. I wonder how that will play out in the long run.
Soon, Jorah returns.
Jorah: I bring you the leaders of the Stormcrows - Prendahl na Ghezn, Sallor the Bald, and Daario Naharis.
Dany: Oh hey! Grey Worm AND Daario are both introduced for the first time in this chapter? Sweet! Looks like I have some new major characters being added. But I’ve already got so many!
Jhogo, Aggo, Rakharo, Irri and Jhiqui: Well, it looks like our characters will barely ever be seen or heard from again. It was nice while it lasted! It is known.
Prendahl: Salutations, you filthy horselord’s whore!
Dany: Wow. Usually people just go with “hello” when they meet for the first time. But I guess you can go in that direction.
Prendahl: Do not think that the Stormcrows are afraid of you. Yunkai will not fall as easily and quickly as Astapor did. Especially not with the Stormcrows protecting them!
Dany: Well, I have 10,000 Unsullied. There are only about 500 Stormcrows.
Prendahl: Hahaha, bitch please. Those 10,000 slaves are infantry. My men are horsed. Do you know what happens when cavalry and infantry meet?
Dany: I saw “Braveheart,” and I remember that scene where the infantry used all those pikes to go right through the horses. So I’m still going to say I have the advantage.
Prendahl: UGH! Don’t take battle strategies from Braveheart, idiot! The battle of Sterling BRIDGE wasn’t even set on a BRIDGE in that movie! But if you still want to face us… be my guest.
Dany: I do. But you’ll be facing more than just us. Just like I’m meeting with you, I’m also meeting with the Second Sons. I bet they’ll flip and join team Dany.
Prendahl: Doubt it. And after we’ve defeated you, horse girl, I’ll breed you with my stallion.
Dany: Eww. Really. It’s not that you want the horse to have sex with me simply to be violent, demeaning and sexist. You specifically want to “breed” your horse with me. You’re trying to make a Centaur or something?
Prendahl: What the hell is a Centaur?
Dany: It’s a half-horse, half-human you dumbass. Geez. Look, I’m willing to forgive your egotistical ass threatening to horse rape me. If you turn and join my side against Yunkai, I’m even willing to have your Stormcrows share in the plunder we win. Take the offer, it’s a good deal.
Prendahl: Nah.
Dany: Why are you the only one speaking for this group? What about these other two guys? Sallor and Daario?
Prendahl: We speak with one voice. And our answer is “no.”
Dany: Well, the offer stands until TOMORROW. Why don’t you sleep on it over night and ponder it?
And so the three leaders of the Stormcrows exit. As they do so, one of the quiet ones turns around and winks at her.
Daario: *wink* Hey gurl.
He then leaves.
An hour or so later, it’s now the turn of the Second Sons to talk with Dany. Their Captain, Mero AKA Titan’s Bastard, comes in. However, in the hour between the two meetings, a giant truckload of Busch Light pulls up.
Dany: I gotta say I really love the nickname “Titan’s Bastard.”
Titan’s Bastard: Yeah, it’s pretty cool, huh? Now how about you let me dig one of your eyes out with a spoon so that I can then fuck you in the eyeball?
Dany: OH WOW! LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A BADASS HERE! It appears that this book series has now introduced the 700th different douchebag character who makes sexist, crude and violent sexual comments about me. You should win a prize or something for that. There should be balloons and graffiti. Or is the 700th different character to do this not momentous enough for that? Should I wait until the 1,000th character?
Titan’s Bastard: Okay, fair enough. Can you get to your point?
Dany: My point is that you have three options. Option 1 is that you stay allied with Yunkai. In that option you will be crushed and killed. The slaves of the Yunkai will defect and join the Unsullied when they learn that they can be free. The Stormcrows will betray you as well. Option 2 is you run and flee. We will not chase you. We will not pursue you. You can keep whatever gold and supplied you have and leave. We will have no quarrel with you at all. This is a good option if you want to stay alive. Option 3 is that you join us. That option is the option where you become rich beyond your wildest dreams and win battles with me. You and your men travel from city to city as part of the newest, greatest army in the history of Essos. The army of Dany.
Titan’s Bastard: Heh, way to upsell Option 3, huh? You should sell mattresses. Mattresses that I will have sex with you on. HAHAHA! YEAH! Hey, look bitch. I already made a promise to Yunkai that I’d be on their side. So what kind of a person would I be if I betrayed them after taking their money?
Dany: You would be a douchebag. Which we have already established that you are.
Titan’s Bastard: Hey look, maybe if you get down on your knees and blow me I might think it over a bit.
Jorah: GRRR! How dare this man talk to you this way! I ought to—
Dany: No! Calm yourself, Jorah. Let him go. I will let him take the offer back to his men to consider it.
Titan’s Bastard: Hahaha. Whatever. I bet my men will… hey… wait… is that a TRUCKLOAD of Busch Light?
Dany: Yeah. I don’t know why it’s even here. It must have been mis-delivered or something. We didn’t even order it. I think something must be wrong with my Amazon Prime account or something. Do you want it?
Titan’s Bastard: Do I want it? HELL YEAH I WANT IT, BITCH!
Dany: Oh right, RIGHT. Of course you would want it. You are a doucbebag after all. Well, how about you and your men have it as a gift from me. Promise to think on my offer further though.
And so Mero the Titan’s Bastard leaves with his truck of Busch Light. After he’s gone…
Not Barritsan: You can’t trust him.
Jorah: You know how much I HATE agreeing with Not Barristan, Dany. But this time I agree with him. And the Stormcrows are not to be trusted either!
Finally, the last meeting of the night occurs. The Yunkai delegation arrives, led by a man named Grazdan mo Eraz.
Dany: Oh shit. ANOTHER “Grazdan?” Is every single slaver named Grazdan?
Grazdan mo Eraz: Greetings from the Wise Masters of Yunkai.
Dany: Wise Masters?
Grazdan: Yeah. We call ourselves the Wise Masters here. Every town of slavers has a different adjective for their masters. In Astapor it was, as you know, the “Good Masters.” Here it is the “Wise Masters.” In nearby Meereen, they go by “Great Masters.”
Dany: Hrm. Meereen, you say? Okay. I’ll add them as next on my list.
Grazdan: We saw what kind of shit you pulled with Atsapor. Not cool. We will not fall for the same trickery and scheming that you did there. That’s why we are the WISE Masters. You and your army will be defeated. After that, we will turn all the Unsullied back into slaves and you will become a slave as well. I will personally put you in one of our pleasure houses so that you can service the—
Dany: --701.
Grazdan: Huh?
Dany: 701. We’re working our way to 1,000.
Grazdan: I don’t follow.
Dany: Don’t worry about it. Just go on with what you were saying.
Grazdan: Well now I lost my train of thought!
Dany: Ugh. JUST GET TO YOUR POINT.
Grazdan: My point is...
Dany: ..
Grazdan: --JUST KIDDING! CLIFFHANGER!!!
Dany: WHAT?! In the middle of a conversation?!
Yeah, sorry. This chapter is taking too long. I'm cutting it in half.
This city is also ruled by a bunch of slave masters. Crazy, huh? Needless to say, the slave masters of Yunkai are not particularly looking forward to Dany and her freed slaves coming.
Dany: So what do you think… they have 5000 soldiers protecting the city?
Jorah: Yes, all slave soldiers. But they are not the equal to your Unsullied. Trust me. I know. I’m an expert on slaves and slavery.
Dany: Obviously. I know that, Jorah. What I also know is that even though my forces ate better and will win… it will not be without cost. Many of my brave men will die… and so soon after gaining their freedom. I would like to avoid that.
Jorah: In addition to the 5000 slave solders, Yunkai is also protected by two mercenary armies that Yunkai has hired – the Stormcrows and the Second Sons.
Dany: We should meet with the leaders of them all. The Stormcrows, Second Sons, and the Slave Masters of Yunkai, But we should meet with them SEPARATELY. In that order. Not together.
Jorah: As you command, I will send out word that you wish to meet with them.
As that’s being taken care of, Dany goes over to talk with the person who has emerged as the “commander” of her freed Unsullied soldiers.
Dany: Hey, what’s your name?
Grey Worm: I am Grey Worm.
Dany: What a terrible name. You must hate your parents.
Grey Worm: No, don’t you know how the Unsullied Slave Naming System works? In order to further destroy our identities and convince us that we are not real men… the Masters had us randomly draw names out of a bag every day. Our names changed every day.
Dany: Ah, well you’re free now. So you don’t have to keep using that terrible name. You can go back to whatever your original name was.
Grey Worm: Aloysius?
Dany: Yikes. Really? On second thought, maybe not.
Grey Worm: No, just kidding. That’s not my name. But I don’t care about my original name. My original name was unlucky. That’s the name I was given when I was taken to be a slave. Grey Worm is the name I pulled out of the bag the morning that you gave me my freedom. It is a lucky name. From this day forward, I will be Grey Worm.
Dany: Awww, that’s so sweet! But anyway, we might have a giant fight ahead where a lot of your men die.
Grey Worm: Yep, well… that’s sort of what being a soldier is all about.
Dany: But hopefully we can avoid all that. Anyway… if you see any of the slave soldiers on the other side who surrender… let them surrender. Do not fight them.
Grey Worm: As you command, Dany.
Dany: Wow. When you were a slave you had to risk your life and die for your masters and obey all their commands. Now you’re doing the exact same thing for me. I’m not quite sure how it’s much different.
Grey Worm: I suppose that’s a fair point. But the moral justification we’ll go with here is that previously we didn’t have the choice to make that decision. We HAD to obey because we were slaves. Now we CHOOSE to obey, because we are free.
Dany: Still though. You were kidnapped and trained to be soldiers by slave masters when you were children. You were brainwashed to do it. It’s all you know how to do. It’s been your entire life. So I come along and say “you’re free now, and you can do whatever you want.” I mean what do you think you’re going to do? Of COURSE you’re going to keep on being a soldier for me. You don’t know how to do anything else. So really… I’m not sure if you DO have a choice. You’re sort of forced into this option because it’s all you know. Like in post-Civil War society when the freed slaves continued to live on the farms of their former masters and continued to do the same hard, manual labor except they were “paid”… although in actual practice not really and they were all subject to ludicrous “debts” and conditions that still bonded them to their former masters.
Grey Worm: Well, if you’re going to go down that road… we might as well as ask if ANY of us are free to do what we want. Does free will exist? Are you free to make your own decisions or have the circumstances of your birth and upraising provided you with a predetermined path that you are unable to veer from?
Dany: Geez, this conversation is getting a lot deeper than I expected. Never mind. Moving on…
She leaves and glances at the other men and women following her. Many citizens of Astapor followed her because they were “free” to do so. These people aren’t soliders though. They’re boys, women’s, the weak, etc. Those who feared to stay in Astapor and who wanted to follow her instead. It’s almost like these people didn’t place a great amount of trust in the weak, pseudo-government she left behind upon departing with all of her military forces.
Hrmm. I wonder how that will play out in the long run.
Soon, Jorah returns.
Jorah: I bring you the leaders of the Stormcrows - Prendahl na Ghezn, Sallor the Bald, and Daario Naharis.
Dany: Oh hey! Grey Worm AND Daario are both introduced for the first time in this chapter? Sweet! Looks like I have some new major characters being added. But I’ve already got so many!
Jhogo, Aggo, Rakharo, Irri and Jhiqui: Well, it looks like our characters will barely ever be seen or heard from again. It was nice while it lasted! It is known.
Prendahl: Salutations, you filthy horselord’s whore!
Dany: Wow. Usually people just go with “hello” when they meet for the first time. But I guess you can go in that direction.
Prendahl: Do not think that the Stormcrows are afraid of you. Yunkai will not fall as easily and quickly as Astapor did. Especially not with the Stormcrows protecting them!
Dany: Well, I have 10,000 Unsullied. There are only about 500 Stormcrows.
Prendahl: Hahaha, bitch please. Those 10,000 slaves are infantry. My men are horsed. Do you know what happens when cavalry and infantry meet?
Dany: I saw “Braveheart,” and I remember that scene where the infantry used all those pikes to go right through the horses. So I’m still going to say I have the advantage.
Prendahl: UGH! Don’t take battle strategies from Braveheart, idiot! The battle of Sterling BRIDGE wasn’t even set on a BRIDGE in that movie! But if you still want to face us… be my guest.
Dany: I do. But you’ll be facing more than just us. Just like I’m meeting with you, I’m also meeting with the Second Sons. I bet they’ll flip and join team Dany.
Prendahl: Doubt it. And after we’ve defeated you, horse girl, I’ll breed you with my stallion.
Dany: Eww. Really. It’s not that you want the horse to have sex with me simply to be violent, demeaning and sexist. You specifically want to “breed” your horse with me. You’re trying to make a Centaur or something?
Prendahl: What the hell is a Centaur?
Dany: It’s a half-horse, half-human you dumbass. Geez. Look, I’m willing to forgive your egotistical ass threatening to horse rape me. If you turn and join my side against Yunkai, I’m even willing to have your Stormcrows share in the plunder we win. Take the offer, it’s a good deal.
Prendahl: Nah.
Dany: Why are you the only one speaking for this group? What about these other two guys? Sallor and Daario?
Prendahl: We speak with one voice. And our answer is “no.”
Dany: Well, the offer stands until TOMORROW. Why don’t you sleep on it over night and ponder it?
And so the three leaders of the Stormcrows exit. As they do so, one of the quiet ones turns around and winks at her.
Daario: *wink* Hey gurl.
He then leaves.
An hour or so later, it’s now the turn of the Second Sons to talk with Dany. Their Captain, Mero AKA Titan’s Bastard, comes in. However, in the hour between the two meetings, a giant truckload of Busch Light pulls up.
Dany: I gotta say I really love the nickname “Titan’s Bastard.”
Titan’s Bastard: Yeah, it’s pretty cool, huh? Now how about you let me dig one of your eyes out with a spoon so that I can then fuck you in the eyeball?
Dany: OH WOW! LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A BADASS HERE! It appears that this book series has now introduced the 700th different douchebag character who makes sexist, crude and violent sexual comments about me. You should win a prize or something for that. There should be balloons and graffiti. Or is the 700th different character to do this not momentous enough for that? Should I wait until the 1,000th character?
Titan’s Bastard: Okay, fair enough. Can you get to your point?
Dany: My point is that you have three options. Option 1 is that you stay allied with Yunkai. In that option you will be crushed and killed. The slaves of the Yunkai will defect and join the Unsullied when they learn that they can be free. The Stormcrows will betray you as well. Option 2 is you run and flee. We will not chase you. We will not pursue you. You can keep whatever gold and supplied you have and leave. We will have no quarrel with you at all. This is a good option if you want to stay alive. Option 3 is that you join us. That option is the option where you become rich beyond your wildest dreams and win battles with me. You and your men travel from city to city as part of the newest, greatest army in the history of Essos. The army of Dany.
Titan’s Bastard: Heh, way to upsell Option 3, huh? You should sell mattresses. Mattresses that I will have sex with you on. HAHAHA! YEAH! Hey, look bitch. I already made a promise to Yunkai that I’d be on their side. So what kind of a person would I be if I betrayed them after taking their money?
Dany: You would be a douchebag. Which we have already established that you are.
Titan’s Bastard: Hey look, maybe if you get down on your knees and blow me I might think it over a bit.
Jorah: GRRR! How dare this man talk to you this way! I ought to—
Dany: No! Calm yourself, Jorah. Let him go. I will let him take the offer back to his men to consider it.
Titan’s Bastard: Hahaha. Whatever. I bet my men will… hey… wait… is that a TRUCKLOAD of Busch Light?
Dany: Yeah. I don’t know why it’s even here. It must have been mis-delivered or something. We didn’t even order it. I think something must be wrong with my Amazon Prime account or something. Do you want it?
Titan’s Bastard: Do I want it? HELL YEAH I WANT IT, BITCH!
Dany: Oh right, RIGHT. Of course you would want it. You are a doucbebag after all. Well, how about you and your men have it as a gift from me. Promise to think on my offer further though.
And so Mero the Titan’s Bastard leaves with his truck of Busch Light. After he’s gone…
Not Barritsan: You can’t trust him.
Jorah: You know how much I HATE agreeing with Not Barristan, Dany. But this time I agree with him. And the Stormcrows are not to be trusted either!
Finally, the last meeting of the night occurs. The Yunkai delegation arrives, led by a man named Grazdan mo Eraz.
Dany: Oh shit. ANOTHER “Grazdan?” Is every single slaver named Grazdan?
Grazdan mo Eraz: Greetings from the Wise Masters of Yunkai.
Dany: Wise Masters?
Grazdan: Yeah. We call ourselves the Wise Masters here. Every town of slavers has a different adjective for their masters. In Astapor it was, as you know, the “Good Masters.” Here it is the “Wise Masters.” In nearby Meereen, they go by “Great Masters.”
Dany: Hrm. Meereen, you say? Okay. I’ll add them as next on my list.
Grazdan: We saw what kind of shit you pulled with Atsapor. Not cool. We will not fall for the same trickery and scheming that you did there. That’s why we are the WISE Masters. You and your army will be defeated. After that, we will turn all the Unsullied back into slaves and you will become a slave as well. I will personally put you in one of our pleasure houses so that you can service the—
Dany: --701.
Grazdan: Huh?
Dany: 701. We’re working our way to 1,000.
Grazdan: I don’t follow.
Dany: Don’t worry about it. Just go on with what you were saying.
Grazdan: Well now I lost my train of thought!
Dany: Ugh. JUST GET TO YOUR POINT.
Grazdan: My point is...
Dany: ..
Grazdan: --JUST KIDDING! CLIFFHANGER!!!
Dany: WHAT?! In the middle of a conversation?!
Yeah, sorry. This chapter is taking too long. I'm cutting it in half.
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