Bran, Meera, Jojen, Hodor and Summer arrive at an abandoned village near a lake with a tall tower on an island in it.
Bran: Oh, I know all about this place. Ol’ Nan told me stories about it. All the land here fifty leagues out to the Wall was gifted to the Night’s Watch and is called the “New Gift.” But it’s all uninhabited now because all the Wildling raids that happen around here. It just wasn’t worth it. So these towns and villages are mostly abandoned and look like Detroit.
Jojen: Whoa, far out. But I… like… sense a storm coming, dude.
Bran: You can sense storms coming? Are you a pothead or an old man on the porch in a rocking chair?
Hodor: Hahaha! A wondrous literary allusion to a common stock character found within many pieces of fine literature! Why I can think of numerous examples of—
Meera: I think Jojen is right. Rain is coming. But all the roofs of the builing in this village are rotted out. We’ll be out in the rain and we’ll get soaked.
Bran: Not if we go over to that tower in the middle of the lake.
Meera: How do you expect us to get to the middle of the lake? We don’t have a boat!
Bran: Haha, that’s another story Old Nan told me about. There is a secret causeway hiddenunder the water that will allow us to cross the island safely.
Meera: Oh. Cool. Then let’s do that.
They cross the secret causeway to the tower on the island in the lake. Everyone except for Summer.
Summer: *woof* [Translation: Nah, I ain’t getting near that water. I want to go hunt].
As they cross, Hodor almost slips on the causeway twice.
Hodor: WHOA! That was indeed quite perilous! The moss that has grown upon the limestone blocks submerged within the water have created quite a lubricious and unctuous texture upon the stone!
When they get to the tower, they find that the doorway to enter is high up in the air, and out of reach (a way of protecting the tower from invading forces). But Hodor holds Bran up high and he is able to pull the grating away from a murder hole in the ceiling. After that, they stack a bunch of rocks up so that Hodor can climb on them and pull himself into the tower. He helps bring the others up, and they all go up to the top of the tower.
Bran: Wow! Look at the views from here! You can see for miles all around! I’m surprised you can’t see the Wall from here too. I thought we were getting close.
Jojen: We’re, like, not that close. Dude. And I’m in no hurry. Those Night’s Watch dudes are like cops. They’re probably going to try to seize my weed.
Bran: What are we going to do when we get to the Wall anyway? We should probably just go to Castle Black and find my half-brother Jon and my uncle Benjen. Benjen was missing the last time I heard about him… but that was two books ago. Surely he’s been found by now!
Jojen: No way, man. The Night’s Watch is made out of a bunch of criminals and rapists who were sent there to become petty, weed-stealing narcs. We can’t trust them. They’ll sell us out to the Boltons or the Ironmen in a minute flat. We’ve got to find one of the old, abandoned castles that the Nights Watch used to man… but is now empty.
Bran: Oh, cool. I had to memorize all the names of those empty and abandoned castles. There are 19 of them total… although even when the Night’s Watch was fully manned, there were only 17 of them active at one time. I recited the names of them all to Benjen the last time he vistited Winterfell when King Robert came. He said that I knew the towers better than him! Although I assume he was just being patronizing to me, since he was the leader of the Watch’s Rangers that patrol the wall. Would you like me to recite the names of all the castles along the wall for you?
Everyone Else: NO.
Bran: Damnit.
Meera: HEY WAIT! What’s that?
They look and see a rider in the distance. The rider eventually takes shelter in the abandoned town that they were previously in.
Bran: Hey! That guy is in the town! We should—
Meera: ---SHHH!!! Don’t be loud of that guy could hear us. We can’t trust anybody.
It starts to get colder. They see smoke rise from the village.
Bran: It is SO COLD. We should start a fire to keep warm just like that guy in the village. Plus we can cook this leftover duck!
Jojen: No way, dude. It’s too dangerous. We’ll be seen. We just gotta eat cold duck.
Darkness falls, and the rain that Jojen and Meera predicted finally comes. It’s not just a little rain either. It’s a HUGE rain storm. With thunder and lighting and shit.
Hodor: AGHHH! I HATE THUNDER AND LIGHTNING! IT SCARES ME SO MUCH! AGHHH! AGHH!!!!
Bran: Shh! Calm down, Hodor!
Hodor: AGGGH!!! AGH!!! SO EERIE AND INTIMIDATING! THE FULMINATION OF ELECTRICITY STRIKES IN THE SKY FILLS MY HEART WITH DEEP TERROR! I AM ESPECIALLY CONCERNED ABOUT HOW THE SOUND AND THE SIGHT OF THE LIGHTNING DOES NOT MATCH UP! THE LIGHT FLASHES FIRST… BUT THEN THE SOUND COMES SEVERAL SECOND LATER! IT MAKES NO SENSE, GIVEN THAT WE ARE A PRIMITIVE SOCIETY THAT DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE SPEED OF LIGHT WAVES AND SOUND WAVES!
Jojen: HEY EVERYONE! Seriously… SHUT THE FUCK UP! LOOK! More men have arrived at that village!
Everyone, except for Hodor who is still spazzing out, goes over to look at the village across the lake.
They see a bunch of armed (but unmounted) soldiers. It’s too many to count.
Meera: Oh crap! You think they’re going to come here for shelter like we did?
Bran: No way! This place is, like, a secret. Nobody knows about the causeway.
Hodor: AGHHH!!! AGHH!!!! Lighing is my personal bête noire and I continue to be greatly agitated by its continuance! AGHHH!!!!
Jojen: SHUT UP, HODOR! The soldiers out there don’t have any reason to come over to this tower… unless they hear us! And you’re going to make them hear us!
Hodor: AGHHH!!!
Bran: SHUT UP, HODOR!
Hodor: AGHHH!!!
Bran: I SAID, “SHUT THE FUCK UP, HOD—”
Bran then Wargs into Hodor’s body and takes control of him. Hodor sits down, crosses his legs, and starts to do a New York Times crossword puzzle. Bran then leaves Hodor.
Meera: HOLY SHIT, Bran. What was that? Did you just WARG INTO A PERSON?
Bran: I… uhm… I mean… I didn’t mean to.
Hodor looks up. He can tell what just happened. He knows Bran took him over. And it freaked him out. Hodor sits silently, completely shell-shocked.
Jojen: SHH!!! SHHHHH! I think I saw one of those dudes just point at the tower!
Bran: Just for my interest, what did the person pointing at the tower look like?
Jojen: I dunno. Some mopey, brooding-looking guy that was talking to a redheaded girl. Why do you ask?
Bran: Eh, no reason. It doesn’t matter. I told you, we’re safe. They have no way to cross the causeway since they don’t know about it. And they wouldn’t be able to see it in all this storming anyway.
Jojen: Yeah, but what about tomorrow morning?
Bran: Hrm. If only there was some way I could find out more about these soldiers who just arrived. Like, for instance, if Summer had coincidentally stayed behind and was still over there near the soldiers. Oh wait, that’s exactly what happened…
Bran wargs into Summer… ready to INVESTIGATE, WOLF-STYLE!
Bran: Oh, I know all about this place. Ol’ Nan told me stories about it. All the land here fifty leagues out to the Wall was gifted to the Night’s Watch and is called the “New Gift.” But it’s all uninhabited now because all the Wildling raids that happen around here. It just wasn’t worth it. So these towns and villages are mostly abandoned and look like Detroit.
Jojen: Whoa, far out. But I… like… sense a storm coming, dude.
Bran: You can sense storms coming? Are you a pothead or an old man on the porch in a rocking chair?
Hodor: Hahaha! A wondrous literary allusion to a common stock character found within many pieces of fine literature! Why I can think of numerous examples of—
Meera: I think Jojen is right. Rain is coming. But all the roofs of the builing in this village are rotted out. We’ll be out in the rain and we’ll get soaked.
Bran: Not if we go over to that tower in the middle of the lake.
Meera: How do you expect us to get to the middle of the lake? We don’t have a boat!
Bran: Haha, that’s another story Old Nan told me about. There is a secret causeway hiddenunder the water that will allow us to cross the island safely.
Meera: Oh. Cool. Then let’s do that.
They cross the secret causeway to the tower on the island in the lake. Everyone except for Summer.
Summer: *woof* [Translation: Nah, I ain’t getting near that water. I want to go hunt].
As they cross, Hodor almost slips on the causeway twice.
Hodor: WHOA! That was indeed quite perilous! The moss that has grown upon the limestone blocks submerged within the water have created quite a lubricious and unctuous texture upon the stone!
When they get to the tower, they find that the doorway to enter is high up in the air, and out of reach (a way of protecting the tower from invading forces). But Hodor holds Bran up high and he is able to pull the grating away from a murder hole in the ceiling. After that, they stack a bunch of rocks up so that Hodor can climb on them and pull himself into the tower. He helps bring the others up, and they all go up to the top of the tower.
Bran: Wow! Look at the views from here! You can see for miles all around! I’m surprised you can’t see the Wall from here too. I thought we were getting close.
Jojen: We’re, like, not that close. Dude. And I’m in no hurry. Those Night’s Watch dudes are like cops. They’re probably going to try to seize my weed.
Bran: What are we going to do when we get to the Wall anyway? We should probably just go to Castle Black and find my half-brother Jon and my uncle Benjen. Benjen was missing the last time I heard about him… but that was two books ago. Surely he’s been found by now!
Jojen: No way, man. The Night’s Watch is made out of a bunch of criminals and rapists who were sent there to become petty, weed-stealing narcs. We can’t trust them. They’ll sell us out to the Boltons or the Ironmen in a minute flat. We’ve got to find one of the old, abandoned castles that the Nights Watch used to man… but is now empty.
Bran: Oh, cool. I had to memorize all the names of those empty and abandoned castles. There are 19 of them total… although even when the Night’s Watch was fully manned, there were only 17 of them active at one time. I recited the names of them all to Benjen the last time he vistited Winterfell when King Robert came. He said that I knew the towers better than him! Although I assume he was just being patronizing to me, since he was the leader of the Watch’s Rangers that patrol the wall. Would you like me to recite the names of all the castles along the wall for you?
Everyone Else: NO.
Bran: Damnit.
Meera: HEY WAIT! What’s that?
They look and see a rider in the distance. The rider eventually takes shelter in the abandoned town that they were previously in.
Bran: Hey! That guy is in the town! We should—
Meera: ---SHHH!!! Don’t be loud of that guy could hear us. We can’t trust anybody.
It starts to get colder. They see smoke rise from the village.
Bran: It is SO COLD. We should start a fire to keep warm just like that guy in the village. Plus we can cook this leftover duck!
Jojen: No way, dude. It’s too dangerous. We’ll be seen. We just gotta eat cold duck.
Darkness falls, and the rain that Jojen and Meera predicted finally comes. It’s not just a little rain either. It’s a HUGE rain storm. With thunder and lighting and shit.
Hodor: AGHHH! I HATE THUNDER AND LIGHTNING! IT SCARES ME SO MUCH! AGHHH! AGHH!!!!
Bran: Shh! Calm down, Hodor!
Hodor: AGGGH!!! AGH!!! SO EERIE AND INTIMIDATING! THE FULMINATION OF ELECTRICITY STRIKES IN THE SKY FILLS MY HEART WITH DEEP TERROR! I AM ESPECIALLY CONCERNED ABOUT HOW THE SOUND AND THE SIGHT OF THE LIGHTNING DOES NOT MATCH UP! THE LIGHT FLASHES FIRST… BUT THEN THE SOUND COMES SEVERAL SECOND LATER! IT MAKES NO SENSE, GIVEN THAT WE ARE A PRIMITIVE SOCIETY THAT DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE SPEED OF LIGHT WAVES AND SOUND WAVES!
Jojen: HEY EVERYONE! Seriously… SHUT THE FUCK UP! LOOK! More men have arrived at that village!
Everyone, except for Hodor who is still spazzing out, goes over to look at the village across the lake.
They see a bunch of armed (but unmounted) soldiers. It’s too many to count.
Meera: Oh crap! You think they’re going to come here for shelter like we did?
Bran: No way! This place is, like, a secret. Nobody knows about the causeway.
Hodor: AGHHH!!! AGHH!!!! Lighing is my personal bête noire and I continue to be greatly agitated by its continuance! AGHHH!!!!
Jojen: SHUT UP, HODOR! The soldiers out there don’t have any reason to come over to this tower… unless they hear us! And you’re going to make them hear us!
Hodor: AGHHH!!!
Bran: SHUT UP, HODOR!
Hodor: AGHHH!!!
Bran: I SAID, “SHUT THE FUCK UP, HOD—”
Bran then Wargs into Hodor’s body and takes control of him. Hodor sits down, crosses his legs, and starts to do a New York Times crossword puzzle. Bran then leaves Hodor.
Meera: HOLY SHIT, Bran. What was that? Did you just WARG INTO A PERSON?
Bran: I… uhm… I mean… I didn’t mean to.
Hodor looks up. He can tell what just happened. He knows Bran took him over. And it freaked him out. Hodor sits silently, completely shell-shocked.
Jojen: SHH!!! SHHHHH! I think I saw one of those dudes just point at the tower!
Bran: Just for my interest, what did the person pointing at the tower look like?
Jojen: I dunno. Some mopey, brooding-looking guy that was talking to a redheaded girl. Why do you ask?
Bran: Eh, no reason. It doesn’t matter. I told you, we’re safe. They have no way to cross the causeway since they don’t know about it. And they wouldn’t be able to see it in all this storming anyway.
Jojen: Yeah, but what about tomorrow morning?
Bran: Hrm. If only there was some way I could find out more about these soldiers who just arrived. Like, for instance, if Summer had coincidentally stayed behind and was still over there near the soldiers. Oh wait, that’s exactly what happened…
Bran wargs into Summer… ready to INVESTIGATE, WOLF-STYLE!
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