Arya watches as the Brotherhood without Banners is attacking a group of Brave Companions / Bloody mummers near a sept.
Arya: Oh wow, another in media res chapter. It’s been a while since we had one of these.
The battle is short, with the forces of Beric and the Brotherhood being victorious. They spare a few of the Mummers, so that they can flee back to Harrenhal to inform Lord Bolton and Vargo Hoat. They also take a few hostages.
Thoros: Well look who we have here, Septon Utt!
Septon Utt: Please forgive me! I’ve done some horrible, horrible things to kids!
Thoros: So wait… are you a septon of the Faith of the Seven… or are you a Catholic priest?
Utt: Those are pretty much the same thing.
Thoros: Well, we better give you a fair trial for your crimes then.
Utt: Okay.
Thoros: Guilty.
Utt: What was that?
Thoros: That was your trial. And the verdict.
Utt: But I—
--They hang Septon Utt and most of the rest of the hostages. They were all found guilty too.
Arya: Why do you kill them… but let the Hound go free? That’s no fair!
That’s right! Since this chapter started in media res… we now FLASH BACK to fill in the gaps between what happened at the end of the fight between Beric and the Hound until now. Essentially they heal up the Hound’s wounds, steal all his gold, and then let him go. So there. We don’t need to get into all that.
That night, the Brotherhood has a meal in a brewhouse that is next to the sept where they fought earlier.
Thoros: Okay, let us pray to R’hollor to enjoy this meal.
Septon: HEY! Are you guys those Red God people? You know this is a SEPT of the FAITH OF THE SEVEN, right? Get that shit out of here!
Lem Lemoncloak: Hey man, FUCK YOU! We can do what we want!
Beric: Now, now, Lem. This is their sept’s brewhouse and their rules. We should follow their rules while we are here.
Beric’s jaw then falls off, and he quickly tries to put it back on, pretending that nothing happened.
Arya: Dude, are you fucking dead or something?
Lem: Hahaha, oh! Sweet girl! *nervous sweat* So young and innocent! You don’t know any better! Of course not. You just thought you saw something that you didn’t.
Arya: I totally saw Beric get murdered by the Hound. He got SO KILLED.
Lem: No! Wounded! That’s all! Wounded and then Thoros made him all better.
Beric gives Lem that “Tommy Lee Jones reading the newspaper” look.
Beric: Lem, get out of here.
Lem: Ugh. Okay. Whatever.
Lem leaves.
Beric: You’re smart, girl. Thoros… how many times is it that you’ve brought be back from the dead now?
Thoros: Six.
Arya: Wow. That’s a lot of times. It’s cool that Thoros can bring people back from the dead though. Looks like we’ve just found a cure to death and everything is going to be a-okay in the future.
Thoros: Ah, it’s not that easy, Arya. You see, every time I bring him back there is a… cost.
Arya: OH SHIT! You mean every time you bring him back somewhat has to die? Like some sort of ying-yang thing?
Thoros: No, it’s not quite like that, Arya. But the process is both difficult and painful. Both for me, and for Lord Beric. And he doesn’t quite come back… well… full…
Arya: Huh?
Beric: It’s true. Every time Thoros brings me back, I’m a little bit less of the man I used to be. You see I continue to have all of these injuries. It’s not like they heal and go away. And I remember less of my life every time I come back. Every time I return… it’s like a little more of my soul is gone and I’m more of a thing than a man.
Arya: Yikes. So how does this freaky magic trick work?
Thoros: It’s not magic, Arya. It’s simply a prayer. A perfectly normal prayer for the dead that we who follow the Red God often give over a dead body. Yet when I gave this prayer for Lord Beric the first time he died… it was R’hollor who brought him back. Not me. And he can continued to do so the next five times as well.
Arya: Creepy. So this only works for Beric, huh?
Thoros: I’m not sure.
Arya: I mean could it be transferred to anyone else? Then… like… Beric will die forever, but he can pass his immortality over to a new person who recently died?
Beric: That’s a cryptic and yet oddly specific question. And for some reason it makes me think about your mother. So let’s talk about your mother.
Arya: Why does it make you think about my mom?
Beric: No reason. But let’s talk about her anyway. I would truly wish to return you to your mother without a ransom. Alas, we are poor and need the money. So that is what we must do. But I swear upon my honor as a knight that I will bring you to your mother.
Later that night, the group is preparing to head out and leave for the next place. They’re slowly making their way north, back towards Riverrun so that Arya can be delivered to her mom.
Beric: Well, we’re just going to get you two to Riverrun safely, collect our ransom, and…
Gendry: --Why do you think I want to stay at Riverrun?
Beric: Well, you two came together. You and Arya. I just figured you were besties and you’d stay together.
Gendry: Huh? Nah. I mean… sure… we hung out for a while. But I don’t want to live at Riverrun. I want to keep hanging out with you guys. You guys are cool.
Arya: WHAT?! NO! DON’T LEAVE ME, YOU ASSHOLE!
Beric: Why the hell would you want to stay with us? We’re outlaws. We’re wanted men. There are bounties out on your head.
Gendry: Well… it’s like you were explaining in the other chapters. Who looks out for the little people? Nobody except for you guys. I respect that. I also liked what you said about being King’s Men. It seems like everyone in this world fights for themselves. You all fight for something better. Take the Hound for example. You gave him a fair trial. He won the trial. And then you honored the results of the trial and let him go, rather than just killing him anyway. You guys are doing the right thing. I want to stay on your team.
Arya: NOOOO!!!!
Gendry: Look, I’m a blacksmith’s apprentice. You guys have weapon and armor. It’s in rough shape. It’s badly damaged. It’s often stolen from the bodies of dead men. You need someone like me.
Thoros: It’s true, we do. But a good blacksmith is needed everywhere. You could make some good money if you went to a town.
Gendry: I don’t want to make money in some town. I want to be part of the Brotherhood without Banners. So long as you promise not to go against character and fucking sell me to any Red Witch or anything.
Beric: No. That will not happen. We will not illogically sell you to any Red Witch in a plot development that goes completely against the nature of our characters in order to condense two separate book characters into one TV show character. We have already seen the last Davos chapter with Edric Storm’s blood and the leeches. So you’re safe with us.
Gendry: Cool.
Beric: Get down on your knees, Gendry.
Gendry does so. Beric unsheathes his sword and lays it on Gendry’s shoulder.
Beric: And arise… SER GENDRY! I anoint you as knight in the Brotherhood without Banners.
Then all of a sudden, they hear a giant, roaring laugh from the distance.
Thoros: What the…?
The Hound: AHHAHAHAHAHA! GENDRY?! YOU GUYS JUST MADE GENDRY A FUCKING KNIGHT?!
Lem: Clegane! When did you get here?
Hound: You guys are passing around knighthoods like candy! Hey, while you’re at it… why don’t you knight my horse? He doesn’t shit in the hall and has barely kicked that many people’s heads in. He deserves to be a knight too.
Harwin: Actually, it does sound like that’s a pretty good horse. Maybe we should knight—
Hound: --I WAS BEING SARCASTIC!
Lem: I suggest you get on that horse of yours and leave, Clegane. Why are you even here?
Hound: I WANT MY GOLD BACK! You stole it from me.
Beric: That gold is already gone, Beric. It was sent off to buy grain and seed for the starving villages of the countryside.
Hound: Sure it was, Sally Struthers. Sure. And that’s exactly what I planned to do with the gold too. Donate it to charities for puppies and starving African children. SO GIVE IT BACK.
Lem: Give it back or what? What if we don’t? I don’t see how you plan to fight us all.
Hound: You lot? I’m not fucking scared of you. You’ll probably knight that little girl next!
Arya: HEY! I’d be a GREAT knight! I’ll kill you! AND I’ll kill your brother too!
Hound: Hahaha, good luck with that you little shit. You know… you assholes like to think you’re something better than you are. You like to pretend that you’re some courageous fighters looking out for the little people. But you know what you are? A bunch of fucking common thieves.
The Hound then gets on his horse and departs, knowing that he can’t actually take them all.
Lem: Wow. The Hound must have been desperate to try to come back to us.
Thoros: Clegane has not lost just his old, but his master and kennel too. The Lannisters will not take him back and there is no way the Starks will take him in. He is a man with no place.
Lem: Where did he get all that gold from anyway?
Thoros: He won the Hand’s Tournament two books ago.
Beric: Right. We were both in that, weren’t we? Ah, good times before I was a zombie. Anyway. We should all go get some sleep. But we need to keep an eye out for the Hound. He’s likely to come back again to steal that gold.
Arya tries to go to bed… but she’s too pissed off. Why? About Gendry.
Arya: Now that asshole is leaving me too! Why? Damnit! Everybody leaves me! Even my dad! Although that wasn't really his fault. But it also kind of was.
She takes out her coin from Jaqen and begins to recite the names of all the people she wants to kill. But I already re-named all these people a few Arya chapters ago… so you don’t need me to go through that list again, do you? Finally, she falls asleep. She wakes up the next morning and Gendry is there.
Gendry: Hey Arya, I just wanted to say that—
Arya: --NO! SCREW YOU, ASSBLANKET! YOU GO BE SOME STUPID OUTLAW NIGHT! I HATE YOU! I WISH THAT THEY JUST SELL YOU TO A RED WITCH!
She runs off. They never sell him to a Red Witch.
Arya: Oh wow, another in media res chapter. It’s been a while since we had one of these.
The battle is short, with the forces of Beric and the Brotherhood being victorious. They spare a few of the Mummers, so that they can flee back to Harrenhal to inform Lord Bolton and Vargo Hoat. They also take a few hostages.
Thoros: Well look who we have here, Septon Utt!
Septon Utt: Please forgive me! I’ve done some horrible, horrible things to kids!
Thoros: So wait… are you a septon of the Faith of the Seven… or are you a Catholic priest?
Utt: Those are pretty much the same thing.
Thoros: Well, we better give you a fair trial for your crimes then.
Utt: Okay.
Thoros: Guilty.
Utt: What was that?
Thoros: That was your trial. And the verdict.
Utt: But I—
--They hang Septon Utt and most of the rest of the hostages. They were all found guilty too.
Arya: Why do you kill them… but let the Hound go free? That’s no fair!
That’s right! Since this chapter started in media res… we now FLASH BACK to fill in the gaps between what happened at the end of the fight between Beric and the Hound until now. Essentially they heal up the Hound’s wounds, steal all his gold, and then let him go. So there. We don’t need to get into all that.
That night, the Brotherhood has a meal in a brewhouse that is next to the sept where they fought earlier.
Thoros: Okay, let us pray to R’hollor to enjoy this meal.
Septon: HEY! Are you guys those Red God people? You know this is a SEPT of the FAITH OF THE SEVEN, right? Get that shit out of here!
Lem Lemoncloak: Hey man, FUCK YOU! We can do what we want!
Beric: Now, now, Lem. This is their sept’s brewhouse and their rules. We should follow their rules while we are here.
Beric’s jaw then falls off, and he quickly tries to put it back on, pretending that nothing happened.
Arya: Dude, are you fucking dead or something?
Lem: Hahaha, oh! Sweet girl! *nervous sweat* So young and innocent! You don’t know any better! Of course not. You just thought you saw something that you didn’t.
Arya: I totally saw Beric get murdered by the Hound. He got SO KILLED.
Lem: No! Wounded! That’s all! Wounded and then Thoros made him all better.
Beric gives Lem that “Tommy Lee Jones reading the newspaper” look.
Beric: Lem, get out of here.
Lem: Ugh. Okay. Whatever.
Lem leaves.
Beric: You’re smart, girl. Thoros… how many times is it that you’ve brought be back from the dead now?
Thoros: Six.
- Impaled on a lance by Ser Gregor Clegane.
- Smashed with a mace on the side of the head by Ser Burton Crakehall.
- Hanged at Rushing Falls by Ser Amory Lorch.
- Stabbed in the eye with a dirk by Ser Gregor Clegane.
- Killed by Vargo Hoat of the Brave Companions.
- Killed in Trial by Combat by Sandor Clegane.
Arya: Wow. That’s a lot of times. It’s cool that Thoros can bring people back from the dead though. Looks like we’ve just found a cure to death and everything is going to be a-okay in the future.
Thoros: Ah, it’s not that easy, Arya. You see, every time I bring him back there is a… cost.
Arya: OH SHIT! You mean every time you bring him back somewhat has to die? Like some sort of ying-yang thing?
Thoros: No, it’s not quite like that, Arya. But the process is both difficult and painful. Both for me, and for Lord Beric. And he doesn’t quite come back… well… full…
Arya: Huh?
Beric: It’s true. Every time Thoros brings me back, I’m a little bit less of the man I used to be. You see I continue to have all of these injuries. It’s not like they heal and go away. And I remember less of my life every time I come back. Every time I return… it’s like a little more of my soul is gone and I’m more of a thing than a man.
Arya: Yikes. So how does this freaky magic trick work?
Thoros: It’s not magic, Arya. It’s simply a prayer. A perfectly normal prayer for the dead that we who follow the Red God often give over a dead body. Yet when I gave this prayer for Lord Beric the first time he died… it was R’hollor who brought him back. Not me. And he can continued to do so the next five times as well.
Arya: Creepy. So this only works for Beric, huh?
Thoros: I’m not sure.
Arya: I mean could it be transferred to anyone else? Then… like… Beric will die forever, but he can pass his immortality over to a new person who recently died?
Beric: That’s a cryptic and yet oddly specific question. And for some reason it makes me think about your mother. So let’s talk about your mother.
Arya: Why does it make you think about my mom?
Beric: No reason. But let’s talk about her anyway. I would truly wish to return you to your mother without a ransom. Alas, we are poor and need the money. So that is what we must do. But I swear upon my honor as a knight that I will bring you to your mother.
Later that night, the group is preparing to head out and leave for the next place. They’re slowly making their way north, back towards Riverrun so that Arya can be delivered to her mom.
Beric: Well, we’re just going to get you two to Riverrun safely, collect our ransom, and…
Gendry: --Why do you think I want to stay at Riverrun?
Beric: Well, you two came together. You and Arya. I just figured you were besties and you’d stay together.
Gendry: Huh? Nah. I mean… sure… we hung out for a while. But I don’t want to live at Riverrun. I want to keep hanging out with you guys. You guys are cool.
Arya: WHAT?! NO! DON’T LEAVE ME, YOU ASSHOLE!
Beric: Why the hell would you want to stay with us? We’re outlaws. We’re wanted men. There are bounties out on your head.
Gendry: Well… it’s like you were explaining in the other chapters. Who looks out for the little people? Nobody except for you guys. I respect that. I also liked what you said about being King’s Men. It seems like everyone in this world fights for themselves. You all fight for something better. Take the Hound for example. You gave him a fair trial. He won the trial. And then you honored the results of the trial and let him go, rather than just killing him anyway. You guys are doing the right thing. I want to stay on your team.
Arya: NOOOO!!!!
Gendry: Look, I’m a blacksmith’s apprentice. You guys have weapon and armor. It’s in rough shape. It’s badly damaged. It’s often stolen from the bodies of dead men. You need someone like me.
Thoros: It’s true, we do. But a good blacksmith is needed everywhere. You could make some good money if you went to a town.
Gendry: I don’t want to make money in some town. I want to be part of the Brotherhood without Banners. So long as you promise not to go against character and fucking sell me to any Red Witch or anything.
Beric: No. That will not happen. We will not illogically sell you to any Red Witch in a plot development that goes completely against the nature of our characters in order to condense two separate book characters into one TV show character. We have already seen the last Davos chapter with Edric Storm’s blood and the leeches. So you’re safe with us.
Gendry: Cool.
Beric: Get down on your knees, Gendry.
Gendry does so. Beric unsheathes his sword and lays it on Gendry’s shoulder.
Beric: And arise… SER GENDRY! I anoint you as knight in the Brotherhood without Banners.
Then all of a sudden, they hear a giant, roaring laugh from the distance.
Thoros: What the…?
The Hound: AHHAHAHAHAHA! GENDRY?! YOU GUYS JUST MADE GENDRY A FUCKING KNIGHT?!
Lem: Clegane! When did you get here?
Hound: You guys are passing around knighthoods like candy! Hey, while you’re at it… why don’t you knight my horse? He doesn’t shit in the hall and has barely kicked that many people’s heads in. He deserves to be a knight too.
Harwin: Actually, it does sound like that’s a pretty good horse. Maybe we should knight—
Hound: --I WAS BEING SARCASTIC!
Lem: I suggest you get on that horse of yours and leave, Clegane. Why are you even here?
Hound: I WANT MY GOLD BACK! You stole it from me.
Beric: That gold is already gone, Beric. It was sent off to buy grain and seed for the starving villages of the countryside.
Hound: Sure it was, Sally Struthers. Sure. And that’s exactly what I planned to do with the gold too. Donate it to charities for puppies and starving African children. SO GIVE IT BACK.
Lem: Give it back or what? What if we don’t? I don’t see how you plan to fight us all.
Hound: You lot? I’m not fucking scared of you. You’ll probably knight that little girl next!
Arya: HEY! I’d be a GREAT knight! I’ll kill you! AND I’ll kill your brother too!
Hound: Hahaha, good luck with that you little shit. You know… you assholes like to think you’re something better than you are. You like to pretend that you’re some courageous fighters looking out for the little people. But you know what you are? A bunch of fucking common thieves.
The Hound then gets on his horse and departs, knowing that he can’t actually take them all.
Lem: Wow. The Hound must have been desperate to try to come back to us.
Thoros: Clegane has not lost just his old, but his master and kennel too. The Lannisters will not take him back and there is no way the Starks will take him in. He is a man with no place.
Lem: Where did he get all that gold from anyway?
Thoros: He won the Hand’s Tournament two books ago.
Beric: Right. We were both in that, weren’t we? Ah, good times before I was a zombie. Anyway. We should all go get some sleep. But we need to keep an eye out for the Hound. He’s likely to come back again to steal that gold.
Arya tries to go to bed… but she’s too pissed off. Why? About Gendry.
Arya: Now that asshole is leaving me too! Why? Damnit! Everybody leaves me! Even my dad! Although that wasn't really his fault. But it also kind of was.
She takes out her coin from Jaqen and begins to recite the names of all the people she wants to kill. But I already re-named all these people a few Arya chapters ago… so you don’t need me to go through that list again, do you? Finally, she falls asleep. She wakes up the next morning and Gendry is there.
Gendry: Hey Arya, I just wanted to say that—
Arya: --NO! SCREW YOU, ASSBLANKET! YOU GO BE SOME STUPID OUTLAW NIGHT! I HATE YOU! I WISH THAT THEY JUST SELL YOU TO A RED WITCH!
She runs off. They never sell him to a Red Witch.
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